To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"

Five a.m., walkin' doggie

But my pant-legs are soggy

Any walk is too long

'Cause it's horribly wrong

To be walkin' in a winter thunderstorm.

I am wet, and it's frightnin'

To be dodging bolts of lightnin'

I'm cold and I'm scared

I wasn't prepared

To be walkin' in a winter thunderstorm.

In the neighbor's yard we stop to potty,

Doggie takes a squat so he can poop,

I'm thinkin' this behavior's kind of naughty,

Because I didn't bring a pooper scoop.

On the mailbox he's peein'

While my wet feet are freezin',

There's thunder o'erhead

I miss my warm bed

Walkin' in a winter thunderstorm.

The doggie thinks that this is kinda funny

'Cause the weather doesn't bother him.

I've got the sniffles, nose is kinda runny

And I'm tired of dodging falling limbs.

Dog's behavin' kinda bratty

Wants to chase the neighbor's cattie (I know, I really stretched for a rhyme there, sorry)

He just wants to roam

But I'm draggin' him home

Tired of walkin' in a winter thunderstorm.

OK, I need to clarify that I do not listen to country music.  Oh, I'll admit that there are occasionally songs I do enjoy, much in the same way I occasionally have strange cravings for bologna.  Don't know why, and thankfully neither compulsion rears its head too often.  

However, every once in a while a country song comes along that is so very, very country that it's simply hilarious.  The song that's been stuck in my head now for a couple of days is just such a song.  It's "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks.  Basically, it's about a woman who gets abused by her husband and decides to kill him off.  Not normally something I would consider funny by any stretch of the imagination, but the way they approach the song is with a significant measure of silliness, and the video is a riot.  A number of well-known actors and actresses contributed to it: Dennis Franz of NYPD Blue fame, Jane Krakowski from Ally McBeal, Lauren Holly from NCIS, and Adrian Pasdar from Heroes.  This song just tickles me, in the same way I'm horrifically entertained by "Pickup Man" by Joe Diffie.  It's just so very, very country.  (Note: Both of these songs are not particularly recent, which is another way you can tell I don't often listen to country.  When I do, it's usually older country, like Kenny Rogers and Alabama.)

Anyway, since the stupid song is stuck in my head, I figured I'd share it around.

First Thanksgiving without my mom. I know this cartoon was actually written about Johnny Hart, who drew B.C. for years, but somehow it was very fitting for me.

There's something about the Christmas season that brings out the best in people, and something about the Christmas SHOPPING season that brings out the worst in people. Every year you see the footage on the news of the men and women wrestling in the Walmart aisles over some random toy that has been promoted as THE toy to have that year. I remember as a kid hearing about people being trampled in shopping malls as they scrambled for Cabbage Patch Kids. (Note: My parents did not participate in such nonsense. Christmas 1983 was the year of the Cabbage Patch Kid; I didn't get mine until my birthday, in October of 1984. While I was disappointed that I didn't get the Cabbage Patch Kid for Christmas, I don't think I have any lasting scars from such deprivation. I think.)

Anyway, we don't have kids, so we have never really gotten to participate in the upper level Christmas shopping craziness. We've never gone for any really trendy gifts for our nieces (the trendiest was the Chicken Dance Elmo, a gift I think my sister-in-law and her husband still hold against us).

However, this year we've rubbed elbows with the insanity. We decided (far too late in the season, apparently) that a good gift for my sister-in-law's family would be a Nintendo Wii. One of my best friends has one, and she said her kids love it, and her parents and grandmother even play with them. It's more of a family console than either the PS3 or the Xbox. It has (from what I've heard) a pretty easy learning curve, and it's even a bit healthier than traditional consoles because of the "wiimote" that requires much more physical movement.

So, we haven't really had a chance to do any shopping yet. We waited until yesterday to go out and start looking. Yeah, we probably waited a few weeks too long. Walmart? Nothing. Circuit City? Nothing. Game Stop? Nothing. Sam's Club? Nothing. Best Buy? Nothing. Oh sure, look online then. Uh, no. Nobody has one. Well, I take that back. Amazon's marketplace (kind of like e-bay) has a few, but they are priced much higher than the actual cost of the console. E-bay also has some, a few edging towards the $500+ range. This is absolutely ridiculous. Circuit City's clerk said they'd put some more out this morning when they opened at ten. A circular came out in this morning's paper advertising them. So what did we see when we drove by Circuit City on our way to the gym? Dozens of cars in their parking lot and a mob of people at the doors, waiting for ten o'clock. Did we stop and join the crowd? Oh, HELL no. We just drove on by.

How is it that a console that has been out for over a year (this is not it's first holiday season) is in such demand? I mean, it isn't even a new toy. So what's the deal?

A clue to this mystery came from the clerk at Game Stop. He said they did have some in stock, but they weren't putting them out until "Black Friday" (the uber-shopping day after Thanksgiving when all the stores have their megasales). And then, each Game Stop in the country was only to put out SIX on Black Friday. And suddenly this all becomes clear. It isn't the toy ITSELF that is creating the hype; it's the manufacturer and the stores that are doing it. The manufacturer holds some back to create a slight shortage. The retailers do the same. And then they advertise advertise advertise the product, getting kids excited about the product and making parents interested in the product. But when they find that the product is hard to get, it creates even more interest and drama. I mean, if you heard that a product was "selling like hotcakes", wouldn't you be curious as to why? Wouldn't it make you wonder, at least a little, how good that product really was? That's exactly what they are doing. And while the product in question, this year the Wii, is pretty cool from all accounts, this artificial hype is inflating the shopping mania surrounding it.

So will we end up getting a Wii for my sister-in-law's family? Probably not this year, unless we happen to stumble across one randomly somewhere. Maybe we can save it for Easter. So what will we get for the kids this year? I don't know. Anybody know some poorly promoted, lead-paint-coated toys we can get for cheap?

OK, just finishing up watching Hot Fuzz. and I must say, it is one of the funniest and stupidest movies I think I've ever seen. Shaun of the Dead too. Great, but really, really stupid.

Dammit. My brother decided to tag me. The rules:
A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog...

Seven random things:

1. Do all seven tattoos count as my seven random things? They're all in different (inoffensive and non-scandalous) places, and were all gotten at different times...
2. I've gotten thirteen tickets over the years, most of speeding and one for a right-turn-on-red. These tickets have been earned in Utah, California, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, and Tennessee.
3. My favorite book of all time is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. My least favorite book of all time is The Pearl by John Steinbeck.
4. I'm a member of the "White Car Club of the South" (or, I would be if there were such a thing).
5. The last five songs that came up at random on my iTunes were "Raise the Roof" by Carbon Leaf, "Lost in Love" by Air Supply, "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by Guns 'N' Roses, "Heart of Rock and Roll" by Huey Lewis and the News, and "100 Games of Solitaire" by Concrete Blonde.
6. My brother got snowed in at Wamsutter, WY on his way back home after my 21st birthday, a weekend I pretty much do not remember.
7. My favorite candy bar is a Milky Way. Or possibly a Snickers. Or maybe Rollos. Or potentially KitKats. Perhaps this is why I have trouble with my weight.

Here's the problem I have with the whole "seven random people". I don't really know seven people who have blogs. I don't really know seven people with Facebook or MySpace profiles either. And while I could actually hit up seven totally random people by just clicking through blogs, that tends to annoy people. So if anyone who reads this would like to contribute, just post your seven random facts as comments.


On to other thoughts.

I narrowly avoided my nemesis twice this week. No, not food or anything like that. I'm talking about the one song that reduces me to a quivering pile of protoplasm: "The Christmas Shoes".

Even before my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I couldn't listen to the darn song. Someone labeled it a Christmas song (I've got news for you, just because a song gets played around Christmas does not mean it's a Christmas song). The first time I ever heard it, on the radio station we have that plays Christmas music nonstop during the holiday season (they just started this week), I had to pull over because I was crying so hard. While I understand the general point of the song is positive (learning the true meaning of Christmas and all that), the fact that the point of the song stems from the horrible tragedy of a young child losing his mother to a terminal illness just seems cruel and not Christmas-like at all.

Of course, when we found out my mom had cancer, the song took on a whole new, much more personal meaning. Certainly listening to a song about a child whose mother was dying was not going to be high on my list of Christmas tunes.

I even told Mom about it last Christmas (and got teary just trying). She had never heard it before. A day or two after I told her about it, she happened to catch the song on the radio, and it made her cry too. It's a horrible, horrible song.

Now that Mom is gone and my first Christmas without her is approaching, "The Christmas Shoes" is pretty much the last song on earth I want to hear. I mean, give me the Spice Girls singing "O Holy Night" or something. Seriously.

So imagine how happy I was to hear that not one but two girls had chosen "The Christmas Shoes" to do their explication projects (the kids got to pick songs and treat them like poems, breaking them down into their literary elements like similes and allusions and then making powerpoints to show their classmates while playing the song). And the girls taking vocal music as a class are singing the very same song at their Christmas concert coming up, so they all wanted to sing along with the music while it played.

What did I do? Did I suck it up and listen to the song, confronting my personal feelings? Hell, no. I put my headphones on and listened to "Take On Me" by Ah-ha and "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC instead.

If this postpones my emotional growth, so be it. At least it kept me from breaking down in front of 20+ freshmen. Twice.

My brother complains that I don't post often enough. He's right; I don't post very often, certainly not often enough to make for an interesting regular destination for anyone. But nothing very interesting happens to me anyway.

My last post had to do with some new goals that I'm working on. After a week, here's where I stand;

Goal #1: Work out at least once per day.

Well, I haven't quite gotten there yet. I worked out Monday morning, not at all on Tuesday, Wednesday morning, not at all on Thursday, and Friday morning and afternoon. Nothing yesterday or today. Eh. I'll start adding workouts this week.

Goal #2: Make at least three morning workouts per week.

Yep. I actually did I. Again, I think I'll try to add at least one more morning this week.

Goal #3: Get caught up and stay caught up on grading.

Making progress here. I have one or two classes with one or two homework assignments left to grade. I've graded all their tests from last week. All I'll have from now until the end of the semester are weekly quizzes, perhaps a few writing assignments, and their poetry projects (they did explications of songs as though they were poems, and they must present their explications to the class. They actually love this assignment. My only problem--I have at least two students who chose to explicate "The Christmas Shoes", a song I couldn't even listen to BEFORE my mom was diagnosed with cancer; now that the first Christmas without her is approaching, I can guarantee I'll have to put headphones on and listen to a different song while the girls play the song for the class). I can grade the explications as they do their presentations, so that means just a few, maybe 4-10 each day. Won't be too bad. Better than 86 a day, anyway...

Goal #4: Be under 180 lbs by Christmas.

So far, little to no progress here. I weighed in this morning at 190. I think as I add workouts the weight will start to drop, but it's pretty frustrating right now.

Goal #5: Keep the house in better shape.

Yeah, haven't done much here either. I will get some dishes and laundry done today, though. Maybe...


On to other random weekend thoughts. We got to discussing this morning the best "gotcha" movies. You know, the movies where someone puts something over on someone else. Here's the list we discussed, plus a few I thought of while walking the dog, in no particular order:

The Shawshank Redemption

Not only just a fantastic movie with terrific acting, but the way in which Tim Robbins' character outfoxes the prison warden using a Bible and posters of attractive women is awesome.

Malice

Not a fabulous movie overall, but the plot twist at the end where the little boy who is supposedly the witness turns out to be blind is great, and Alec Baldwin's monologue about being God is probably one of the best speeches ever written.

The Thomas Crown Affair--the one with Pierce Brosnan; I know this is a remake

Not particularly realistic: I seriously doubt that there are many art insurance agents who look and dress like Rene Russo, but the scene where Crown returns the painting is classic.

The Bourne Trilogy, especially The Bourne Supremacy

All three of these movies are wonderful; they really make me appreciate the talent of Matt Damon. Rarely do I find movies based on books where I like the movies better, but this is definitely the case with these movies. The only fault I had with the series was the camera work in the third movie; they used hand-held cameras to try to capture the chaos of the chase, but all it really did was give me a bit of a headache. It's like they didn't trust Damon to be able to carry it off. They should've had faith in him. But the lines in the second movie alone make the whole series a keeper. When he tells the FBI agent at the end that she should get some rest because she looks tired and she realizes he can see her, it just gives you shivers. Good stuff.

The Usual Suspects

This is probably the best of all the "gotcha" movies. Kevin Spacey spins the tale of Keyser Soze brilliantly. When he walks out of the police station, turns the corner, and then suddenly straightens out his limp, interspersed with the detective inside suddenly putting the pieces together...man, that might be the best scene in cinema. Ever.

The Saint

Not a particularly great movie; no one has ever said that either Elisabeth Shue or Val Kilmer deserve Oscars for anything, but Val Kilmer pulls off the cleverness of the master-of-disguise Simon Templar very well. He actually does a pretty good job with the accents, too.

The Italian Job--the remake with Mark Walberg

A fun way to put one over on a bad guy. Plus, a truly great car chase, albeit one using wussy little Minis. Still cool.

Ocean's Eleven--again, the remake with George Clooney

I'm not a huge Clooney fan. However, the talent assembled in the movie is good, the story is great, and they do carry it off well. I've seen Ocean's Twelve but don't remember much about it because I was on the phone with someone for most of it. Never saw Ocean's Thirteen but I've been told by a number of people that Eleven was the best of the three.

Diggstown

I don't know how many people have seen this Lou Gossett Jr. and James Wood movie about boxing. I do know it's one of the few movies my father-in-law will admit to liking. in this one, Gossett is an over-the-hill boxer who, with the help of more-than-slightly-crooked Wood, has to fight and defeat ten boxers in 24 hours. Just when it looks like the bad guy, Bruce Dern, has pulled one over, Gossett and Wood return the favor and win the bet.

The Sting

Of course, this is the classic, the one that started it all as far as great con movies. How can you turn down Paul Newman and Robert Redford? And all set to the music of Scott Joplin? Truly magical.

If we think of any more, we'll add them to the list. Anyone think of any others?

Erk. OK, 104 weeks ago this week (Wednesday, specifically), I set out to lose some weight. I decided that 218.4 lbs was way too heavy for someone 5'7" with a medium bone structure. So my husband and I embarked on a journey that involved eating less and exercising more. My original plan was to drop approximately 70 lbs, putting me under 150 lbs for the first time since college, and putting me under my high school graduation weight. It seemed like a monumental task. But as we started out, motivating each other and trying to be good about eating, it was amazing at how the weight started to drop off. We'd lose sometimes over four lbs in a week! I figured we'd be at our target weights in no time. Sure enough, by the beginning of the summer I was in the 170s and feeling great. I'd lost about 40 lbs, well over half my intended goal.

And then we got lazy.

It crept in gradually. We'd talk ourselves out of a work-out. We'd go hit a restaurant on the way home and eat a big dinner. We stopped our two-a-day workout schedule. And suddenly, the weight stopped dropping off. And sure enough, after a while, the weight started creeping back on.

And for the next year, if you've read this blog semi-regularly, I made resolution after resolution to "get back on it" and start losing weight again. But you also know, it never happened. My weight stayed stagnant at about 180 lbs. I started getting really obsessed with it, and yet at the same time I continued the destructive path of not working out regularly and not eating reasonably. And the weight continued to creep.

I sit here now, having weighed in this morning at 192.2. I'm all the way back up to only about a 26 lb weight loss, really about a third of my intended goal. The clothes that seemed so loose months ago that I thought I'd have to throw them out are back to being tight. I'm tired all the time. I feel like crap. I have no energy, no motivation, no drive to do anything productive. And the attitude has drifted in to the rest of my life. I made a resolution this year to get my papers graded promptly. My elbows are currently resting on the better part of two weeks' worth of homework from my students. I still have assignments from Oct. 8 that I can't bring myself to grade. I take my work for a ride every night--to swim practice, to my house, and back to school--without ever really making a dent in it. And it's super-frustrating. I've been awful about housecleaning, leaving it to my poor husband to do dishes and laundry because I just don't feel like it. I'm coaching swimming and really just "phoning it in" as far as the effort I'm committing to it. It's looking like I won't be coaching lacrosse this spring (not because of my choice but because I've kind of been pinched out by some new coaches, but I'm not fighting it). I really think I'm depressed.

And I don't know how to turn this around. I mean, I know what I need to do--stop eating like a pig, start working out twice a day, and use my time wisely to get my grading done--but I don't know how to MAKE myself do it. How do you motivate yourself when your main problem is a lack of motivation?

Anyway, there is always time to start over.

Goal #1: Work out at least once per day.

I have a gym membership. I also have hand weights, a yoga mat, and one of those big stabilization balls at school. And I can swim before practice on the nights I go.

Goal #2: Make at least three morning workouts per week.

It means getting up at 4:00 in the morning, but the time change this Sunday should make that reasonable.

Goal #3: Get caught up and stay caught up with grading.

This weekend I'm not doing anything other than coaching at a meet and watching some football, so I should be able to knock out much of their papers. Starting in the middle of next week the students will be reading a novel, which means no daily homework to grade (just occasional quizzes). That will help. I hope to be fully caught up with grading by Thanksgiving.

Goal #4: Be under 180 lbs by Christmas.

If I can keep Goals 1 and 2, this shouldn't be a problem. Of course, I have to deal with lots of food at Thanksgiving and Christmas (my in-laws can cook, and do, a lot). But if I try hard enough, I can make it easier on myself.

Goal #5: Keep the house in better shape.

My hubby deserves to have a wife who actually cleans up occasionally. He takes far better care of me than I do of him, and that needs to change.


I think that's enough to start out with, don't you? Stay tuned...

My brother is bemoaning his lack of progress in weight loss recently, brought about by unfortunate scheduling and occasional food indescretions. I also am experiencing this problem. After my horrendous weigh-in at the beginning of the month (188) I saw brief progress (got down to 184), but several more days of eating more than I should of stuff I probably shouldn't be eating at all (damn those french fries!), I bounced back up to 186, where I've sat for several days. No working out of course--today will be the first time in over a week I've hit the gym--so I really shouldn't be complaining too much. But I'm especially worried because of what's sitting on the desk next to me...

Paula Deen's Double Chocolate Ooey Gooey Butter Cake.

Oh, my God. This stuff is like mainlining chocolate. It takes two sticks of butter and a pound of powdered sugar. There's a whole box of chocolate cake mix. There are eggs and vanilla. And cream cheese. Is there anything not heavenly about this cake?

Anyway, this is my birthday cake. A coworker made it for me (and has made it for me the past few birthdays). Yes, tomorrow's my birthday--I'm turning 29 for the fifth time, for anyone keeping score. And the whole cake is sitting here, looking at me. Daring me, perhaps. I must resist. And we'll probably go out to dinner too. Dang it.

This birthday is going to be a rough one, cake temptation aside. Just another family holiday on the list of "first one without Mom". Like all the other family holidays so far (Mother's Day, my parents' anniversary, my anniversary), it's definitely going to suck. Of course, just the fact that Mom isn't here for it is enough to make it a downer, but there are other factors involved. As far as dates go, tomorrow is not just my birthday; it's six months to the day since Mom passed away. Not really the kind of day you want to celebrate. And my birthday comes two days before what would have been my mom's 64th birthday. Mom always said I was the best early birthday present she ever got, and it's just one more reminder that the best present I could have for my birthday this year is the one I can't have at all. I just miss her so much.

So think of me tomorrow, and on Monday as I say a little birthday prayer to my mom. I don't feel like celebrating much.

So, I started keeping track of weigh-ins at the beginning of last week. I was pretty appalled--I let myself creep back up to 188. Ick. What a waste of almost 15 lbs. I still haven't made it to the gym much, but just a shift in my daily schedule seems to be making a bit of a difference. I'm staying at school (where I have no snack food) in the afternoons now and grading, and then going to swim practice, so I'm not getting home until after nine. Even with a couple of trips to fast food restaurants for dinner (I've been pretty good, getting salads and wraps instead of burgers and fries), I've lost a few pounds. I weighed in at 184 this morning. Not bad for only a couple of workouts the past week and a half, and considering I had Mexican food, pizza, and steak this past weekend. I think the significant change is just that I'm actively moving around longer in the day (instead of parked in the easy chair watching TV in the evenings), and also I don't have any snacks available. I just need to keep that up--no storing food at work, at least, nothing snackable. I've been eating Healthy Choice meals (the small ones, under 300 cal) for lunches and some dinners, and the only interrim food I have is 100-calorie bags of microwave popcorn. Those really do hit the spot, and I rarely get tired of popcorn. I know I need to drink more water, so that's the next step. Also, now that I'm settling into a routine with swimming again, I should make workouts a little more regularly. Next week I plan to start up my mornings again. On the days that I go to practice, I will go to the pool before practice and swim. On the days I don't have practice I'll hit the gym on the way home. Along with the weight loss according to the scale I need to see improvement in my fat percentage and a change in the fit of my clothing.

Cross your fingers; this is where the ride starts.

I knew it was coming. And it still caught me.





I can't believe it happened. Lisa Moore died today.

I know, this probably isn't significant to most of you, but it is to me.

For those of you who have no idea what's going on, the comic strip Funky Winkerbean has been around for a while. I remember reading it when I was a kid. I always thought it was pretty funny, although it did occasionally deal with some pretty serious issues. Drugs, teenage pregnancy, death. Pretty heavy for the funny pages.

Several years ago, they went through a storyline where one character, Lisa Moore (who had gotten pregnant as a teenager in an earlier plotline), discovered she had breast cancer. She went through some very scary moments, survived her treatment, and went into remission. Again, pretty serious for the comics, but a great story. She became a hero, a survivor.

The story did not end there, though. Several months ago, Lisa got a call from the doctor, who explained that her x-rays had gotten mixed up with another patient's. The patient who thought she had breast cancer was fine. But Lisa's was back. She went into treatment again, but the cancer was tougher, more aggressive. Finally, a few weeks ago, Lisa decided enough was enough. She was done with treatment. She wanted to face her end under her own terms. The past couple of weeks she'd gotten weaker and weaker. She started saying goodbye to her loved ones. And today, she said goodbye to everything else.

A little emotional. First of all, it hearkens back to my feelings in April, when the doctor came in and delivered a similar message to my dad, brother, and me: "She's gone." Fear, sadness, loss. Then, the realization that, even though this isn't a real person, it is still the end of "someone" I've known for a long time. Heck, I was saddened in the Harry Potter books that some of the characters had to go, and I was BESIDE myself when Stephen King finished off Oy in such dramatic fashion in the final Dark Tower book (damn you, Stephen!).

Comics are supposed to be funny, aren't they? Oh sure, some have gotten a little cute here and there, maybe a little dark, too, but mostly they are just happy and joyful moments to lighten your day, right?

At least I got a little warning this time. I remember another shock I had, years ago, from For Better or For Worse, when April fell in the river. Faithful sheepdog Farley jumped in to the rescue, holding April's head above water until her father could pull her out. As the family crowded around, hugging April, someone looked down at the dog, and said, "I don't think he's breathing."






Seriously, who kills off the dog in a comic strip? What the hell's wrong with you?

Anyway, I mourned Farley then, and I mourn Lisa now.

I think I'll go back to just reading about the crocs trying to kill the zebra in Pearls Before Swine. At least I know they'll never get him...

PRAYER TO ST. FRANCIS
FOR OUR PETS

Good St. Francis, you loved all of God's creatures.
To you they were your brothers and sisters.
Help us to follow your example
of treating every living thing with kindness.
St. Francis, Patron Saint of animals,
watch over my pet
and keep my companion safe and healthy.
Amen.


It's a rough time, pet-wise, in my family. My dog, Maerlyn, experiences occasional seizures, and had one over the weekend. While they do not seem to leave any lasting effects, they are frightening and upsetting. My brother's Dobie, Ginger, has an exploded disk in her back and underwent surgery for it today. And then the really bad news came in. My sister-in-law's Sheltie, Lady, is inexplicably in renal failure. I do not know all the details, as the news was relayed to me through my husband who got it from his parents who got it from his sister, but apparently they told my sister-in-law that she could last two weeks or two years. We're pretty upset. Lady is only ten, and she is the kindest and sweetest dog on the planet. She's very friendly, loyal, smart, obedient...pretty much everything a dog is supposed to be. My dog absolutely worships her. Ever since he was a puppy, he has wanted to do what Lady was doing. We'll be crushed if anything happens to her. So please, if you can spare a moment, some prayers for the pets in my family would be greatly appreciated.

Finally made it to the gym several times this week. Already that's a positive sign. It hasn't made a huge difference in the weight so far (187 this morning), but as I get into more of a routine I should start seeing more results.

Also, I am hoping to see more positive results when swim season starts. I plan to make sure I go to practice early and swim as often as possible. My eating habits also tend to be better during swim season, maybe because I'm on the move and don't really have time to sit down and graze in front of the TV as I do the rest of the year.

I've also decided I need to try and utilize some of my planning time during the day for exercise. I procrastinate badly when it comes to my grading, and I really should use my planning periods for that, but with the beginning of swim season I gain some time in the evenings when I can sit down and grade. I often take papers with me to practice and sit and grade on the pool deck. So hopefully I can use some of my other down time during the day to exercise. I won't be doing cardio or anything, but I have hand weights in my classroom and I found a website showing some leg exercises that are mainly just lunges and squats. If I can get a yoga mat, I can incorporate some ab work too. That would be really helpful.

Anyway, I'm hoping to see positive changes soon...

Went camping the other weekend, and I swear that's where we stayed. It was a state park, but I really think it was Mosquito Falls. I've never seen so many mosquitos in my life. There was a lake there, and it hadn't rained much in a while, which made it perfect conditions for evil bugs. The surface of the lake was covered in larvae. I really can't believe the fish weren't gorging on them. Must not have been enough fish. Or maybe the mosquitos ate them.

Anyway, I'm thankful my father-in-law was there, because the mosquitos went for him over me. Usually I'm the one the bugs go for; they tap on my windows and ask if I can come out and play. But they just tore him up. I didn't do great; I probably had 30+ bites by the end of the weekend, but he had that many on EACH LEG. It was horrible. We went through at least five bottles of bug spray between nine of us, and we had to buy Cortaid spray and Benadryl gel when we got home. I still itch.

We took the dog camping. Our dog is not really a "roughing it" kind of dog; he sleeps on a pile of comforters and blankets in my closet and spends most of his days indoors. He gets walked 2-3 times a day. So this was an adventure. We wanted to try to it see if he could survive and do well; since we camp so frequently it is a real pain to have to find a dog-sitter every weekend--maybe if he did well we could take him along more often. Sadly, this is not to be. The first night he was OK, although he didn't really understand the whole concept of the tent. He didn't sleep on the bed prepared for him in the tent. Instead, after circling the tent five or ten times, he laid on my clean clothes and got hair all over them. The next day he started out having a great day. We took a walk around the lake and he got to pee on every plant in the state park. Very exciting. But then we gathered our stuff and headed for the swimming beach on the other side of the campground. This necessitated putting two adults, two small children (4 and 6), and two non-water dogs (our Shiba Inu and my sister-in-law's Sheltie) in a raft and paddling that raft around a small point of land. My husband, my brother-in-law, and I all paddled our kayaks next to the raft. The dogs contemplated their potential escape the entire journey, hanging over the sides of the raft and patting the water with their paws. I think they were estimating the depth and their chances. When we got to the beach, my husband climbed out of his boat and waded out to the raft, in about chest-deep water. He then called to our dog, who wiggled a moment on the wale of the raft and then leapt into the water. Well, it didn't go as well as he hoped--he came up frantically paddling and sputtering and made his way to my husband. He tried to climb my husband to get out of the water, so my husband tossed him back in the raft. He stayed in the raft until the boat got close enough to the shore to jump to the beach without hitting any water. That was pretty much the turning point of his day. We stayed at the beach for several hours, but a storm blew up. We headed back to the campsites (this time by truck instead of by boat, because we thought the storm was going to make the paddle back ugly) and started on dinner. Then, it began to pour. And pour. And thunder. And lightning. It was a heck of a storm. With a little camp creativity (a tarp draped between two big storage boxes and held up with a kayak paddle and some rope, all over our fire pit with a dutch oven in it) we managed to get dinner cooked and eaten, but the rain made for a early night for everyone. It rained off and on the entire night. This second night did not go well for the dog. We thought at the time it might be bugs (which he hates), but on reflection may have just been the noise of the rain hitting the tent, but the dog would not settle down all night. He whined and cried, and fussed around, and would lay down for half an hour or so and then get up and circle the tent again. We didn't get much sleep since he was so active. Little did we realize, he was searching for a way out. He found it at about five in the morning. He discovered that the two zipper pulls on one of the tent doors were not quite touching. He put his nose in the fresh air between them and pushed. He managed to work them open enough to fit between them, and made a break for it. We were both dozing at that point and didn't realize he was on his way out until it was too late. The dog was loose in a state park 200 miles from home in the pitch black pouring rain. Great. There was nothing we could do; we certainly couldn't chase him down. My husband went back into the tent to wait until it was light. I stayed out under the dining fly; I figured if the dog knew I was there he would be less likely to run away in terror if the thunder rumbled. Sure enough, I was only outside for about five minutes before he came sidling up. Clearly running loose in the dark rain wasn't nearly as much fun as he thought it would be. I walked over to the cooler as if I was going to get something out, and the dog came right up and sat down, hoping for a handout. Instead, I grabbed him by the collar and threw him back in the tent. He circled the tent a few more times, checking for weaknesses, and then gave up for the night. The next day, he was so tired, he just laid around the campsite until we were packed and ready to leave, and then he fell asleep on my lap on the drive home (something he NEVER does--he's not a lap dog in any way).

So, we left some blood at the state park, and learned a valuable lesson about our dog: until we have a camper/trailer that has a locking door, he should be left at home.

I've been tired ever since. Could be because I'm so horribly out of shape (made it to the gym today for the first time in forever; hooray for me!), but I think it's because of the anemia. Or the West Nile virus.

Horrible couple of days. Started yesterday when I was so tired I was mentally incapable of turning off my alarm. Then I left my school bag at home, the bag that contains all my work that I was grading and needed to put into the computer. Then I poured whiteout all over my black pants and one of my favorite sweaters. And I had major cramps. Just made it one of those days. Thought it was over, but this morning as I was walking the dog I stepped in some mud with my Crocs, one of which zipped out from under me and dropped me on my butt in the mud at 5:30 in the morning. And when I weighed in, it was the worst weigh in I've had in over a year and a half (191). I haven't been working out, I've been eating horribly, and I've basically done everything I can to sabotage myself.

So here's what I need to do to fix it:

20 Ways to Stick to Your Workout
By Adam Campbell
Men's Health

You have the right to remain fat. Or skinny. Or weak. But you should know that every workout you miss can and will be used against you to make your belly bigger, your muscles smaller and weaker, and your life shorter. Unfortunately, most Americans are exercising their right not to exercise.

A recent study by the National Center for Health Statistics found that only 19 percent of the population regularly engages in "high levels of physical activity." (That's defined as three intense 20-minute workouts per week.)

Another 63 percent—about the same percentage as that of Americans who are overweight—believe that exercising would make them healthier, leaner, and less stressed, but they don't do it. At the root of this problem is motivation, or the lack thereof.

It's the difference between wanting to exercise and actually doing it. That's why the advice you're about to read is priceless. We've filled these pages with the favorite motivational strategies of the top personal trainers in the country. Their livelihoods, in fact, depend on the effectiveness of their tips to inspire their clients to exercise—and to stick with it. After all, statistics don't pay by the hour.

1. Sign up for a distant race

That is, one that's at least 500 miles away. The extra incentive of paying for airfare and a hotel room will add to your motivation to follow your training plan, says Carolyn Ross-Toren, chairwoman of the Mayor's Fitness Council in San Antonio.

2. Make a 'friendly' bet

Challenge your nemesis—that idea-stealing coworker or a non-mowing neighbor—to a contest. The first guy to drop 15 pounds, run a 6-minute mile, or bench- press 250 pounds wins. The key: "Make sure it's someone you don't particularly like," says Michael Mejia, C.S.C.S., Men's Health exercise advisor. (It's okay if your rival thinks you're best friends.)

3. Tie exercise to your health

Check your cholesterol. Then set a goal of lowering your LDL cholesterol by 20 points and increasing your HDL cholesterol by 5 points. "You'll decrease your risk of heart disease while providing yourself with a very important, concrete goal," says John Thyfault, Ph.D., C.S.C.S., an exercise researcher at East Carolina University. Ask your doctor to write a prescription for new blood work in a month. You'll just have to go to the lab, and the doctor will call you with the results.

4. Switch your training partners

Working out with a partner who will hold you accountable for showing up at the gym works well—for a while. But the more familiar you are with the partner, the easier it becomes to back out of workout plans. "Close friends and family members don't always make the best training partners because they may allow you to slack off or cancel workouts," says Jacqueline Wagner, C.S.C.S., a trainer in New York City. To keep this from happening, find a new, less forgiving workout partner every few months.

5. Compete

Find a sport or event that you enjoy, and train to compete in it. "It adds a greater meaning to each workout," says Alex Koch, Ph.D., C.S.C.S., an exercise researcher (and competitive weight lifter) at Truman State University. Consider training for the World Master's games in 2009 (www.2009worldmasters.com), an Olympics-like competition for regular guys. Events include basketball, rowing, golf, triathlon, and weight lifting.

6. Think about fat

Your body is storing and burning fat simultaneously, but it's always doing one faster than the other. "Understanding that you're getting either fatter or leaner at any one time will keep you body-conscious so you won't overeat or underexercise," says Alwyn Cosgrove, C.S.C.S., owner of Results Fitness Training in Santa Clarita, California.

7. Do a daily gut check

Place your fingers on your belly and inhale deeply so that it expands. As you exhale, contract your abdominal muscles and push your fingertips against your hard abdominal wall. Now pinch. "You're holding pure fat between your fingers," says Tom Seabourne, Ph.D., author of Athletic Abs. Do this every day, 30 minutes before your workout, and you'll find that you'll rarely decide to skip it.


8. Join a fitness message board

It'll be full of inspiration from men who have accomplished their goals and are working toward new ones. Our particular favorite: the 52-Day Challenge. Created by a Men's Health Belly-Off Club Forum member with the username "Determined," it's designed to foster encouragement, discipline, and accountability. "Each participant posts and tracks his goals for a 52-day period so that everyone is accountable to the other members," says Determined. To sign up, click here.

9. Strike an agreement with your wife and kids

The rule: You get 1 hour to yourself every day, provided that you use it for exercise (and reciprocate the favor). So there's no pressure to do household chores, play marathon games of Monopoly, or be a doting husband (a fat, doting husband). "Since it's for your health, it's a contract they can't refuse. And that will allow you to exercise guilt-free while acting as a role model for your children," says Darren Steeves, C.S.C.S., a trainer in Canada.

10. Burn a workout CD

Studies have shown that men who pedal stationary cycles while listening to their favorite music will do so longer and more intensely than men who exercise without music. So burn a disc with your favorite adrenaline-boosting songs (maybe something by Limp Bizkit or—if you're over 40—Hot Tuna).

11. Plan your workouts in advance

At the start of each month, schedule all of your workouts at once, and cross them off as they're completed. For an average month, you might try for a total of 16 workouts. If any are left undone at the end of the month, tack them on to the following month. And make sure you have a contingency plan for bad weather and unscheduled meetings. "You're about 40 percent more likely to work out if you have strategies to help you overcome these obstacles," says Rod Dishman, Ph.D., an exercise scientist at the University of Georgia.


12. Squat first

If you have trouble finishing your weight workout, start with the exercises you dread. "You'll look forward to your favorite exercises at the end of your workout, which will encourage you to complete the entire session," says John Williams, C.S.C.S., co-owner of Spectrum Conditioning in Port Washington, New York.

13. Schedule a body-composition test every 2 months

It'll provide you with a clear end date for the simple goal of losing body fat or gaining muscle. "Tangible results are the best motivator," says Tim Kuebler, C.S.C.S., a trainer in Kansas City, Missouri. Your gym probably offers the service for a small fee—just make sure the same trainer performs the test each time.

14. Don't do what you hate

"Whenever you start to dread your workout, do what appeals to you instead," says John Raglin, Ph.D., an exercise psychologist at Indiana University. If you loathe going to a gym, try working out at home. (Check the Men's Health Home Workout Bible for ideas.) If you despise the treadmill, then jump rope, lift weights, or find a basketball court. Bottom line: If you're sick of your routine, find a new one.

15. Go through the motions

On days when you don't feel like working out, make the only requirement of your exercise session a single set of your favorite exercise. "It's likely that once you've started, you'll finish," says Rachel Cosgrove, C.S.C.S. If you still don't feel like being in the gym, go home. This way, you never actually stop exercising; you just have some gaps in your training log.

16. Start a streak

There's nothing like a winning streak to attract fans to the ballpark. Do the same for your workout by trying to set a new record for consecutive workouts without a miss. "Every time your streak ends, strive to set a longer mark in your next attempt," says Williams.


17. Make your goals attractive

"To stay motivated, frame your goals so that they drive you to achieve them," says Charles Staley, owner of Edtsecrets.com. For example, if you're a 200-pound guy, decide whether you'd rather bench "over 200 pounds," "the bar with two 45-pound plates on each side," or "your body weight." They're all different ways of saying the same thing, but one is probably more motivating to you than the others.

18. See your body through her eyes

Ask your wife to make like Howard Stern and identify your most displeasing physical characteristic. "It's instant motivation," says Mejia. If she's hesitant, make a list for her—abs, love handles, upper arms, and so on—and have her rank them from best to worst. Make the most-hated body part your workout focus for 4 weeks, then repeat the quiz for more motivation.

19. Buy a year's worth of protein

"If a guy believes that a supplement will help him achieve better results, he'll be more inclined to keep up his workouts in order to reap the full benefits and avoid wasting his money," says Kuebler. Stick with the stuff that really does help: protein and creatine, from major brands like MuscleTech, EAS, and Biotest.

20. Blackmail yourself

Take a picture of yourself shirtless, holding a sign that shows your e-mail address. Then e-mail it to a trusted but sadistic friend, with the following instructions: "If I don't send you a new picture that shows serious improvement in 12 weeks, post this photo at hotornot.com and send the link to the addresses listed below... " (Include as many e-mail addresses—especially of female acquaintances—as possible.) "It's nasty, but extremely effective," says Alwyn Cosgrove.

I think one of the biggest reasons I don't blog regularly is that I have nothing new to say. I am in such a horrible rut. I worked out ONE DAY last week (as I mentioned). The rest of the week just faded into nothingness. Tuesday was our anniversary so we went out instead of hitting the gym. Wednesday we went, as our big anniversary gift to each other, to a really nice restaurant called Texas de Brazil, a place we've only eaten once before, because it's so expensive. Well, as I've described previously, it's basically an orgy of meat. So, no dieting there. Blew off the gym Thursday because I needed to prepare to be out of town for the weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday involved some physical activity (rafting and kayaking) but also some eating out at restaurants. Too tired yesterday recovering from the weekend to work out. So I've gone a whole week with no gym. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The scale definitely shows it; highest weight in a long time this morning (187). So, I'm headed to the gym now. If I can just break out of this slump, I might be able to start making it all a habit again. A good habit, instead of the bad one I've developed.

Through one of those weird "one thought leads to another which leads to another" days, it occurred to me that it has to be around the anniversary of the death of my bunster. He died about this time, middle of August, 2003, at the bunny-elderly age of seven and a half.

I got Bump, as he came to be called, when he was about two months old and I was about to begin my first year of grad school in 1996. I had spoken to the two girls who were to be my roommates, and we all decided we wanted a pet. However, our landlord did not allow dogs and cats. Since a rather large loophole existed (he only mentioned dogs and cats, no other animals), we wanted something that had some personality and would interact with us. My brother mentioned that he knew someone (who knew someone) who raised rabbits. "What the heck," I thought. So I went and picked him out of the crowd of other bunnies.

I wanted to name him Archimedes, and maybe call him Archie for short, but the first night I had him his true name appeared. The people who had bred him had kept the rabbits in wire hutches. I had put him in a glass aquarium with an open screen top. He looked through the glass and in his little bunny mind he thought, "I can see through it...I can GO through it." And bump bump bump on the glass all night long. And so he was Bump.

He was not the brightest animal in the world, although he was terribly handsome. A "broken chinchilla" Holland lop, he had a beautiful pattern of dark silver fur kind of like an inkblot. He had bright eyes, big fuzzy feet, a little tail-tuft on his butt, and long ears that he could at best hold straight out to the sides when he was very interested in something. He went everywhere at full-tilt, bouncing off furniture, smashing into door frames, and crashing headlong into the wall one day when he couldn't make the turn fast enough. He knocked himself unconscious, broke his top front teeth off (beginning a life-long necessity of clipping the teeth with wire cutters because they didn't wear themselves down on the lower teeth after that), and precipitated the vet to suggest that we make him a little bunny crash helmet with holes for his ears. We didn't, and he never crashed into the wall again, but he didn't slow down all that much.

Bump was very lovable, at least to me. He would play with my roommates (he loved fetch, and if you gave him car keys he'd throw them up in the air for hours--and then they'd land on his head), but when I'd call him he'd come barrelling down the hall to me. I'd pucker up and make smooching noises, and he'd climb into my lap and squint his eyes and put his nose up to receive bunny kisses. He loved to have his nose rubbed, between his eyes. He'd flop on the ground, close his eyes, and go into a state of bunny nirvana until you stopped rubbing, and then he'd look at you like, "Are you kidding? You aren't done yet."

He was mostly potty trained, doing most of his liquid business (he'd forget occasionally) in a litter box. He also slept in it sometimes. Eew, I know. He got better about leaving his pellets in the box, but I'd find them in various locations in the house on a somewhat regular basis, so he never really got the hang of it. He'd walk on a leash, sort of, although he only wanted to go as far as a tasty patch of grass in the yard. He did get destructive when he was ignored--he'd get a hold of a book and tear pages out, or he'd scratch at the carpet. When we moved out at the end of the school year, I had to roll pieces of duct tape and place them over the backing of the carpet that was left on the floor, and then I took all the pieces of yarn that had been scratched off the carpet and put them rather painstakingly back in place. I don't know if the landlord ever realized that the carpet was damaged, but we did get our security deposit back, so maybe he never noticed.

My inlaws had a collie who loved Bump. Rex would race up to me as soon as I got to their house and sniff the rabbit through his travel cage. I'd set the cage down and open it, and Rex would shove his head in and sniff nose to nose with Bump. When Bump hopped out onto the floor, Rex would follow him and nudge him whenever he stopped hopping. I assume he must have been trying to herd him somewhere.

He learned to beg for treats. His favorite treats were M&Ms. I'd break them in half and give him a few pieces (I know, some of you are freaking out because chocolate is bad for animals, but rabbits can tolerate it much better than dogs or cats because rabbits are related to rodents). He'd sit up and wait for the pieces, and make this funny noise.

Probably my favorite thing about Bump was the noise he'd make. I always thought that rabbits were silent, but Bump would make this weird noise when he was really excited about something, sort of a "voot". The best description I can give is, put your bottom lip and top teeth together and make a long "v" sound, and put a "t" on the end without actually taking your teeth off your lip. He'd do it repeatedly: "Voot voot voot voot voot" as he bounded around the room and played. I have no idea what it meant, and he did it less and less as he got older, but it was a very unique sound and pretty funny to hear.

When Bump got older, he slowed down. He played less, he ran around less, and he spent more and more time lying around and sleeping. Finally, he stopped eating. I knew the end was near. The morning he died he was still alive when I left to go to work, but he wouldn't move from his little bed. I petted him and spent about half an hour talking to him. When I had to leave, I told him that if it was time for him to go, he needed to go and I loved him. My husband left an hour or so later, and he said he was unresponsive but still breathing. I knew by the time I got home that afternoon he'd be gone. And he was. So I called the vet's office and asked if I could take his body to them for them to take care of. I wrapped him in a t-shirt, placed him in a box, and drove him the three blocks to the office.

The interesting thing was, my dog didn't trust me for a few days after this. He was home with Bump all day, and I know he was aware that Bump had died. But he also knew that the bunny LEFT THE HOUSE with me, but I came back and HE DIDN'T. The dog didn't want me to take him for a walk for several days. I think he thought I'd take him and leave him wherever I took the rabbit.

Anyway, all of these memories were triggered by one of those random thought connections. Someone was typing about Monty Python's Holy Grail, and mentioned Zoot (bad, evil, wicked, naughty Zoot), which made me think "voot" which made me think of the bunny and made me realize it's been almost exactly four years since he died.

I miss him. He was sweet, friendly (although jealous of my husband), and cuddly. He made a great Easter bunny (he loved to get into the baskets and make a mess). And he looked like a furry little airplane with his ears sticking out to the sides.

Meh. Didn't make it to the gym this a.m. I didn't go to sleep as early as I wanted, and then I slept poorly, so I reset the alarm at about 3:30 and slept 'til 5:30. Didn't do that well at keeping the food to a minimum today either, as it was a coworker's birthday. A little party at lunch with a little cake and a little punch and, well, you can guess what the problem was. I didn't adjust the rest of my eating for the day, which I should have done.

It seems like my life is starting to revolve around 100-calorie packs of things, and generally prepackaged meals. I have 100-calorie packs of Cheese Nips, Oreo Crisps, Doritos, even Hostess Snack Cakes (man, those are so disappointing compared to a nice full-size package of cupcakes). I've got Healthy Choice meals (usually under 300 calories) for lunches. For dinner we've been using those Bertolli bagged skillet meals (serves two, ready in ten minutes). It's all great, but I'm wondering if I'll ever develop the ability to cook and eat an appropriately-sized meal. How do you cook for two and not scarf down any leftovers? It makes me question the long-term success of anyone on a prepackaged meal system, like Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem.

I did make it to the gym after school, although it wasn't the most impressive workout I've had. I made 15 minutes on the elliptical machine (I will credit myself that I set it on a higher resistance than usual) and just pooped out. I switched to the treadmill (feeling a little dizzy for the first minute or so) and went for another 30 minutes.

So, not the best start back on the road to thinness, but it is a start nonetheless.

Ooookay, it's been a little while since my last post. Very little has changed. Due to a variety of circumstances, I have not made it to the gym regularly as I had planned, I have not done much in the way of monitoring my food intake, and basically everything is exactly as it was two weeks ago. My weight is still at about 184. However, I have hope that things will start to improve. School has started, so I've got a routine now, and I can control the amount of food that goes to school with me, so I should be able to limit my intake. We're working on a little vehicular problem that has caused my husband and me to share a vehicle for the last week or so, and if we can get that straightened out today I should be able to start back to the gym in the morning tomorrow. I have hope.

Life has sort of stagnated, as my husband put it. We got a glimpse of a place we would love to live, Boise, ID. I know, you're thinking, "Idaho? What the $&%^ is in Idaho?" Well, other than potatoes (my second favorite food group), there's a surprising amount of stuff in Idaho. We went to get a glimpse of Boise State, where my brother-in-law is considering going for grad school. Boise State was OK, somewhat unremarkable to someone who has been surrounded by SEC campuses for the past nine years but overall not bad. But the town was incredible. The actual city of Boise has around 200,000 residents, and the surrounding area (Nampa, Meridian, Eagle, and some other small towns) create a metro area of about 600,000 total. So it's not small, but it has a nice small-town feel. Boise is known as the City of Trees, and the city is very green and verdant, especially if you consider that the surrounding land is brown and scrubby. It's a very earthy town, with lots of people riding bikes, skating, or running everywhere. All the streets have bike paths, there are bike racks at every corner and outside every shop, and there is a greenbelt system of city parks numbering around 50. The Boise River runs straight through town, and there are paved pathways running alongside the river for about 25 miles on either side. Everywhere we went there were people outside enjoying the day. But as green and granola as it was, it didn't have that aggressive "we're so green and liberal" feeling, the feeling that places like Boulder, CO and Eugene, OR have. Idaho seems to have a pleasant mix of environmentalists and red state Republicans. We were very impressed. But of course, now that we've gotten that glimpse of Boise, we're stuck in the South. A possible promotion has popped up for my husband at work, and if it ends up happening it will trap us here for a few years more. And the whole thing has just made us dissatisfied with living here in general. It was a bit of a tease.

Anyway, that's just a little of life right now. I'll let you know if I'm able to get back on track tomorrow.

Well, crap.

Here I am, less than two weeks away from the beginning of the new school year, and I have nothing to report.

I'm at pretty much the same place I was at the end of the school year, hovering at 180 lbs. Did I spend the summer at the gym like I said I would? Nope. Did I carefully monitor my food intake? Not really. Did I increase the difficulty or length of my workouts? No. So, why am I disappointed that I haven't lost any weight the past two months?

The summer has pretty much been a waste in other ways. I had planned on spending a couple hours a week playing the guitar, which I haven't played in several years. You guessed it--never happened. I was going to spend a little time each day carefully planning out my curriculum for the school year, since I was making changes in both the content and my scoring methods. Of course not. I was going to pick a different room in the house each week and thoroughly clean and reorganize. Did I actually do it? Well, that's the only thing I did this summer, and even then it was pretty half-assed. I started out strong, busting out a cleaning and reorganization of the bathroom in just one day. Then it was several weeks before I got around to the next room, the utility/laundry room. Took a couple days to do that one. And then there was a lot of sitting around, doing nothing all day long, until I had to spend two frantic days (with my husband's help) cleaning the rest of the house so it wouldn't look like a total disaster when my company came to visit. So, the house got cleaned and somewhat reorganized, but not to the level I had originally intended.

And now it's all over. We'll be out of town for the weekend, and then I've only got a day before I have to report to school for a week of inservice. So my summer vacation is over. I have nothing really to show for it.

I'm very tired and frustrated. If I come up with these plans and can't follow through with them, what's the point of coming up with the plans in the first place? I know that "no one can do it for me" and I have to take the initiative, but I've tried all this time and can't make myself do what needs to be done. So, is there any hope?

I need to go back to the beginning. I need to make some changes. First, I need to go back to morning workouts on a regular basis. I've gradually drifted away from hitting the gym in the morning, and that can't be the case. So, that's the first change. Next, I need to go back to a full hour of cardio. I've eased up on myself and often only do 30 or 45 minutes of cardio. I also need to increase the difficulty of my cardio. They say (whoever "they" are) that your body gets used to doing the same thing over and over again, so the 30-45 minutes of cardio at the same resistance level and the same pace has gradually gotten less and less effective. I also need to go back to including weight lifting on a regular basis. To increase the amount of calories burned, I need to increase the mass of muscle available to burn those calories. And lastly, I need to rigorously follow some kind of eating plan. It's too easy to destroy whatever progress I've made by overeating. I've always eaten a large amount of food at a sitting, and that hasn't really changed, even as we've made some progress over the past few years with the exercising. I need to train myself to eat less.

It's all well and good for me to say all these things that I need to do. It's another thing entirely for me to actually do all of this. I haven't managed to accomplish anything yet. I simply don't know if I'll be able to do this or not.

Wow. Just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and to answer one of your questions, yes, I'm a fast reader. We got the books (multiple, yes, because both my husband and I read them, and we didn't want to fight over the copy of the book) this morning at about 9:30 a.m., and here it is just before 4:00 p.m. and I'm done.

To answer any of your other questions would require revealing some things about the book, which I'm not going to do, exactly. I will say I was right about a few things and not completely right about some others. About Dumbledore's death and Snape's involvement, I was both wrong and right. About Harry and whether or not he was a Horcrux, I was right, and about whether or not Harry was going to have to die, I was right. About Neville's involvement in the whole prophecy (as he could have been The Chosen One), I was sort of right; his involvement was not exactly what I had predicted. And as to the characters who died, I was totally wrong. I was pretty sad about the characters they killed off, but I didn't cry.

Overall, a pretty darn good ending to a pretty darn good series of books. And now, to start rereading it...

Cancer sucks. Got the news that the mother of a close coworker passed away today. Diagnosed last year with lung cancer, she was treated with radiation and chemo. Things looked OK for a while, but at the beginning of June she was supposed to go in for cataract surgery, but right before she was to have the surgery she went in for some tests and they determined that the vision problems she was having were partly due to brain cancer. The lung cancer had spread. My friend immediately went up to be with her mom and stepdad. The prognosis was grim, 4 weeks, 8 on the outside. Well, it about split the difference, as it's been about 6 weeks since that was handed down. Thankfully, my friend got to spend a lot of this time with her mom and stepdad. And it didn't exactly cut her life short, as she was 89. But cancer is cancer, and sucks is sucks, and the whole thing isn't fair. Cancer shouldn't happen. It's not natural. It's a mutation. It makes me wonder how much of the cancer is caused by our civilization's gradual progression of chemical dependency. I hate it, and of course it makes me think back three months ago to my own mother's death. I guess I would have liked to have the prognosis, to know that it was coming, but I don't really think it would have made anything easier or better. I just hate that anyone has to go through this, and that any families have to be left behind.

A nice, somewhat helpful article that I found on CNN.com today:

Sneaky little slim-down tricks
(Health.com) -- Health magazine went to the top weight-control experts for their No. 1 tips to get the weight off now. Take a look.

Start smart
Begin lunch and dinner with a veggie-rich salad or broth-based soup, says Pennsylvania State University satiety expert Barbara Rolls, author of "The Volumetrics Eating Plan." "That lets you fill up first on a big volume of low-calorie food and ends up displacing some of the foods you'll eat next -- the choices that are usually higher in calories."

Here's a good salad recipe: Mix 1½ cups of salad greens with ¾ cup of raw veggies like onions, bell peppers, carrots, broccoli, or cucumbers; drizzle with 2 tablespoons of low-cal bottled dressing.

Sneak a snack
"Ten minutes before each meal, eat some healthy fat (around 70 calories or fewer): a handful of nuts, a few slices of avocado, or a spoonful of peanut butter, for example. That helps activate ghrelin, a hormone that lets you know you're full," says Michael Roizin, MD, co-author with Mehmet Oz, MD, of "You on a Diet: The Owner's Manual for Waist Management."

Try the 3-hour rule
"The secret to losing weight comes down to keeping your metabolism alive and active," according to fitness guru Jorge Cruise, author of "The 3-Hour Diet." How do you do that? By eating every 3 hours, give or take 10 to 20 minutes, he says, which translates to three moderate meals with three snacks (100 calories each) between meals.

Though other experts say there's nothing magic about 3-hour intervals, eating small, frequent, portion-controlled meals and snacks can keep your blood sugar level steady, your energy up, and keep you from overindulging.

Have liquid assets
"If you're going to drink anything with calories (i.e., fruit juice, soda, sweetened coffee and tea, or alcohol), you need to consciously adjust your diet to accommodate those extra calories," says Purdue University nutrition researcher Richard Mattes, PhD. His research shows that people typically make adjustments to eat fewer calories over the course of a day after eating a solid food like jelly beans, but not after drinking the same amount of calories in a glass of soda.

And if you want to replace sweetened drinks with their calorie-free counterparts, rethink it. Some research suggests that people who drink no- or low-calorie drinks might actually end up eating more, Mattes says. The best thirst quencher -- and a dieter's best friend -- is still plain old H2O.

Cut out this combo
Skip those munchies made with white flour and sugar, like white bread, cookies, and pretzels, says integrative medicine guru Andrew Weil, MD. They signal the body to produce more insulin and set the stage for turning calories to fat, fat, and more fat.

Choose your pals
Studies show that most of us base how much we eat on what others around us eat, says University of Toronto psychologist Peter Herman, PhD. So steer clear of the big eaters in your social circle, at least when food is around. Sashay over and make small talk at parties with the folks who aren't hovering near the food table.

"Marching to your own caloric drummer requires some independent thought and calculation," Herman says.

Pare portions
Everything from beverages to bagels is two to five times bigger today than in the 1970s, says New York University nutrition professor Lisa Young, PhD, author of "Portion Teller" and who has studied the servings dished up in restaurants and by food companies.

"So if you grab a bagel or eat out, chances are you'll be served double what you need," she says. Her advice: Start leaving just a little bit on your plate or, if you can, cut the amount you eat in half. She also suggests that you "use your hand as a portion guide -- 3 ounces of meat fits into your palm, 1 cup of potatoes looks like a fist."

Be an early bird
Eat the most food earlier in the day, says Elisabetta Politi, nutrition manager at Duke Diet and Fitness Center, Duke University's successful weight-management center.

"Many dieters try to trim calories from their break-fast and lunch and then get hungry," she says. "Research shows the calories you eat earlier in the day help you eat less at night" -- a good idea since you probably won't be active after an evening meal.

Step it up
"Get a pedometer and start walking," says University of Colorado obesity expert James Hill, author of "The Step Diet." To keep the weight off forever, the goal is to take 11,000 to 12,000 steps (around 90 minutes) a day.

"You don't need to do it all at once," Hill explains. Start with 2,000 steps a day, or about 15 minutes of walking. Add another 5 minutes (500 steps) each week. You can find supercheap pedometers at drugstores and big-box retailers to help you keep count. There are lots of other sneaky little ways to add more steps to your day, too: Use a cordless phone and walk while you talk, or get up and walk during TV commercials.

Think thin
"Seeing is believing," says Janice Taylor, weight-loss coach and author of "Our Lady of Weight Loss." "You have to picture yourself thin if you want to become thin." Visualize what you're wearing, where you are, who you are with, and how you feel. "The more vivid the picture, the more real it will feel to you," Taylor says, "and the more likely it will take form."

Shula Lazarus, PhD, a psychotherapist at the North Carolina-based weight-management program Structure House, agrees, though the method isn't clinically proven. "We use it to help dieters visualize a healthy eating pattern and the right portions on their plate. It can't hurt, and it might help."

Fill up on fiber
Crowd out calorie-dense foods by ratcheting up on fruits and veggies. "Start by eating one more serving of fruit and one more vegetable a day," says Donald Hensrud, MD, a Mayo Clinic nutrition specialist. Hitting that midafternoon slump? Reach for carrots -- the carbs will give you a lift. Not only does munching on nature's bounty become a good habit, but it'll also help you tap into dozens of disease-fighting phytochemicals and vitamins. The biggest fiber bulker-upper: beans. Just a cup of black beans nets you nearly 15 grams of filling fiber.

Brush your teeth
Sometimes the best advice comes from your best friend or, in this case, a fellow Health magazine reader. Barbara Haug of Grosse Pointe Park, Michigan, says she brushes her teeth right after dinner instead of at bedtime. "I can be a compulsive snacker in the evening," she says, "but I don't like messing up freshly brushed teeth."

There are some good pointers in there. Since I have a hard time controlling how much I eat, I need to max out on the stuff that's better to eat--more salads, more veggies, more fiber, less meat, less starches, less white flour and sugar (*sob*). Eat more in the morning and cut back at night. If I drink something with calories (which I usually don't--mostly water and diet soda, and I should really cut back on the diet soda again) I need to cut the calories from somewhere else.

Of course, advice is great and all that, but can I really do it?

As time draws nearer and nearer to the release of the final Harry Potter book this weekend, I can't help but think about the possible endings. Will Harry live or die? Will he finally vanquish Lord Voldemort? Who else from the large cast of interesting and (mostly) lovable characters will meet an untimely end? Did Snape really kill Dumbledore, and if he did, was he a good guy or a bad guy when he did it? Is Harry a Horcrux? Is Neville supposed to be the real Chosen One?

And I'm not the only one wondering these things. There is an absolute legion of fans out there, all of them wondering how it will all end. Even famous people. Here's an article written by Stephen King, the famous novelist who has killed off more characters than we can count in his stories.

Goodbye, Harry
Our columnist knows from writing his ''Dark Tower'' series that every story needs closure -- even if one ending can't please 'em all
J.K. ROWLING
Jon Furniss/WireImage.com
By Stephen King

"I'm having a day of mixed feelings: happy because I'm reading the manuscript of a novel that's full of magic, mystery, and monsters; sad because it will be finished tomorrow and on my shelf, with all its secrets told and its surviving characters set free to live their own lives (if characters have lives beyond the end of a novel — I've always felt they do). It's called The Monsters of Templeton, by Lauren Groff, and it will be published early next year.

Did you think I meant the final Harry Potter tale? Don't be a sillykins — not even your Uncle Stevie gets that one in advance (although I'm sure you agree that he should, he should). But I expect to face the same feelings, only stronger, when the pages of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows dwindle down to the final few. Hell, I had trouble saying goodbye to Tony Soprano, and let's face it — he was a turd. Harry's one of the good guys. One of the great guys, in fact, and the same holds true for his friends.

The sense of sadness I feel at the approaching end of The Monsters of Templeton isn't just because the story's going to be over; when you read a good one — and this is a very good one — those feelings are deepened by the realization that you probably won't tie into anything that much fun again for a long time. This particular melancholy deepens even more when the story is spread over multiple volumes. I felt it as I approached the end of Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast trilogy, more strongly as I neared the conclusion of Frodo's quest in The Lord of the Rings, and with painful keenness when, as the writer, I got to the end of The Dark Tower, which stretched over seven volumes and a quarter century's writing time.

When it comes to Harry, part of me — a fairly large part, actually — can hardly bear to say goodbye. I'd guess that J.K. Rowling feels the same, although I'd also guess those feelings are mingled with the relief of knowing that the work is finally done, for better or worse.

And I'm a grown-up, for God's sake — a damn Muggle! Think how it must be for all the kids who were 8 when Harry debuted in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, with its cartoon jacket and modest (500 copies) first edition. Those kids are now 18, and when they close the final book, they will be in some measure closing the book on their own childhoods — magic summers spent in the porch swing, or reading under the covers at camp with flashlights in hand, or listening to Jim Dale's recordings on long drives to see Grandma in Cincinnati or Uncle Bob in Wichita. My advice to families containing Harry Potter readers: Stock up on the Kleenex. You're gonna need it. It's all made worse by one unavoidable fact: It's not just Harry. It's time to say goodbye to the whole cast, from Moaning Myrtle to Scabbers the rat (a.k.a. Wormtail). Which leads to an interesting question — will the final volume satisfy Harry's longtime (and very devoted) readers?

Although the only thing we can be sure of is that Deathly Hallows won't end in a 10-second blackout (you're going to hear that a lot in the next few weeks), my guess is that large numbers of readers will not be satisfied even if Harry survives (I'm betting he will) and Lord Voldemort is vanquished (I'm betting on this, too, although evil is never vanquished for long). I'm partly drawing on my own experience with The Dark Tower (reader satisfaction with the ending was low — tough titty, since it was the only one I had); partly on my belief that very few long works end as felicitously as Tolkien's Rings series, with its beautiful pilgrimage into the Grey Havens; but mostly on the fact that there is that sadness, that inevitable parting from characters who have been loved deeply by many. The Internet blog sites will be full of this was bad and that was wrong, but it's going to boil down to something that many will feel and few will come right out and state: No ending can be right, because it shouldn't be over at all. The magic is not supposed to go away.

Rowling will almost certainly go on to other works, and they may be terrific, but it won't be quite the same, and I'm sure she knows that. Readers will be able to go back and reread the existing books — as I've gone back to Tolkien, as my wife goes back to Patrick O'Brian's wonderful sea stories featuring Captain Aubrey and Dr. Maturin, as others do with novels featuring Travis McGee or Lord Peter Wimsey — and rereading is a great pleasure, but it's not the bated-breath, what's-gonna-happen-next suspense that Potter readers have enjoyed since 1997. And, of course, Harry's audience is different. It is, in large part, made up of children who will be experiencing these unique and rather terrible feelings for the first time.

But there's comfort. There are always more good stories, and now and then there are great stories. They come along if you wait for them. And here's something I believe in my heart: No story can be great without closure. There must be closure, because it's the human condition. And since that's how it is, I'll be in line with my money in my hand on July 21.

And, I must admit, sorrow in my heart."

The irony here is that I am one of those fans King mentioned, who was unsatisfied with the end of his Dark Tower series. I got very into those books. As with Harry Potter, there are seven books in the Dark Tower series. That's seven stories of getting to know the characters, getting tangled in their lives, and getting towed helplessly along in the storyline. So, when I read the final story, I had a lot of emotions flowing as he killed off one character after another, characters I had become very fond of. The one that finally did it was Oy. Oy was a dog-type creature who could sort of talk. At first he just parroted back what the other characters said, but it became obvious over the course of the series that Oy was very intelligent and knew what he was saying. There is little that can be worse in a story than hurting or killing an animal, especially one as funny and sweet and loyal as Oy. And what was worse, he died saving another character. I bawled. Horribly. For hours. I couldn't believe King would kill off the damn dog. Jerk.

So, when he says he awaits the final story with sorrow in his heart, not because of how it will end but because all things MUST come to an end, I'm sure he means it. But I will reserve my sorrow for any characters that get killed off, at least, for the good ones. I doubt I'll shed many tears for Voldemort.

But Friday night at midnight seems so very far away!

Got a new kayak, a Dagger Agent 6.2. It's a playboat, which means (for those of you who aren't into this sport) that it is design to do tricks. It is shorter than typical "river running" kayaks, with less volume and a bow, stern, and edges that are flattened and shaped to make it easier to surf on waves, spin in holes, and bury the front or back to do flips and twists. Not that I expect to ever figure out how to do any of these tricks, but I wouldn't have any chance at all of pulling any of them off in my other boat.

The one thing I changed about the boat is the logo. The original logo was a silhouette of a man, one would assume a spy of some kind, with a hat pulled down low over his face and sunglasses to obscure him. Kind of a lame logo, really. So, I decided to replace it with something. I had a few ideas unrelated to the whole "agent" thing, but my husband came up with the clever idea to use the old "Spy vs. Spy" comic from Mad magazine. So I blacked out the original logo with a Sharpie, bought some white paint pens and a waterproof clearcoat spray, and went to work. All in all, I think it came out pretty good.







I'll try it out this weekend, and let you know what I think.

Bah humbug. It's unfortunate that six days at home can be so detrimental to my weight loss! I weighed in last night at 185.4 (thankfully this morning I was down to 183.8). I tried to be good while I was home. I didn't really get any "home-cooked meals" as the primary cooking was always done by my mom. Dad is more apt, especially now, to go pick up some take-out Mexican or Chinese and eat off it for a couple of meals. The day I flew back to CA I didn't eat great, simply because I was relying on airport food--a bagel and cream cheese at Einstein's, a personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. Then Dad and I got Chinese for dinner. So that day wasn't very good. The next day I did OK--ran/walked a couple miles in the morning, had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, didn't have lunch because we went to the movies (and had popcorn, although I didn't put butter on mine), and had leftover Chinese for dinner. The next day wasn't too bad; after the small bowl of cereal for breakfast we went to a wedding and had a meal at the reception. I didn't have any dinner that night because I felt like I had probably eaten enough at the reception, and I really wasn't that hungry. The next day was Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary, and I took my dad out to lunch at a salad buffet (after the obligatory bowl of cereal for breakfast). I tried to be good at the buffet--I didn't put dressing on my salad, just dipping my fork in the dressing instead, and not getting any other items than a small bowl of chili and piece of bread. Buffets are the kiss of death as far as diets are concerned, but I felt like I had really done a good job of restraining myself. Again I did not have dinner, but I did have a pretzel (one of the big soft ones) at the movie theatre with a friend. The last day I was home I went running again, and it was the only day I ate three meals while I was there--the usual breakfast, lunch with some of my mom's friends (and the only bad thing I did was the French fries), and then dinner with my brother (didn't even eat everything on my plate, but I'm pretty sure the two monster margaritas I drank were probably pretty bad). No breakfast yesterday until I got to the Phoenix airport, where I repeated my personal pan pizza, and then nothing until I got home and went out with my husband to Chili's. So I had hoped that my multiple days of only two meals might offset the fact that so many meals were restaurant food, but apparently not. I'm pleased that the 185 dropped this morning to 183, but it still is three pounds more than it should be.

So here's the deal: I have 37 days until school starts, just over five weeks. Realistically, I can probably only lose about ten pounds by then, since they (whoever "they" are) recommend losing no more than two pounds each week. So that's my goal, ten pounds from today's weight. So that would be 173.8 by August 16th (the day school starts). That would only put me equal to my lightest weight (which I think I hit either spring last year or last July). Definitely not the 160 I was originally hoping for.

Here's how I'm apparently going to have to do it. I am going to have to keep track of my calories, as much I as absolutely despise keeping a journal. I briefly considered relying on either packaged meals (like Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice) or an actual program (like Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem), but it's less expensive to just eat regular food and try to keep track of it. So I'm shooting for approximately 1200 calories a day, really the minimum they (again, "they") suggest for weight loss. To balance that out, I need to be burning at least 1000 calories each day. I am going to only count the calories I burn on a cardio machine, like a treadmill or elliptical machine, simply because those machines are calibrated and consistent. I know I might not be burning exactly the number the machine says I am, but I can rely on the machine to give me the same kind of reading each time. It's hard to calculate your own calories being burned in an exercise because you can never be sure you are putting in the same kind of effort or resistance as the calculation, and the numbers for exercises are never the same depending on the website you look at (one might say you burn 250 calories swimming at a medium pace for a half hour, while another might say you are burning 300 calories, and are you really sure you are swimming at what "they" think is a medium pace?). Now, I will still lift weights and swim and things like that, but I'm only going to count the calories burned on the cardio machines. Hopefully I can get back on track and get some weight off before school starts again.

Why is this so darn hard?