Another school year is starting, and again I don't have a classroom of my own. I'm looking at another year of subbing (of course, punctuated by however long I'm out for the baby), and more online tutoring. Both the subbing and the tutoring are poor substitutes for having my own classroom and my own students. It's disappointing, because I feel unwanted, even though I suspect the reason I did not get the positions for which I interviewed was the pregnancy (or, more specifically, the fact that I would be missing two months out of the first semester--if I were due after Christmas it might have been a completely different story). I've never had trouble getting a teaching job before, and I spent seven years being an important part of a faculty. Now, I feel like an afterthought, a runner-up, and a ghost in the hallways, just another substitute teacher wandering through the school day. It makes me long for my old school, my old classroom, my old students. I just hope I can get through the school year (and make enough money that we don't starve!). *sigh*

Well, we've been in Montana for a full year now. Time to take stock of "where we are". As far as our goals go, we've done pretty well. My husband really likes his job, which is a huge improvement over what we left. We own our own home now, and we really love it. And we're pregnant and due in October. All of these are good things. Also, we're getting to know the area and the recreational possibilities: we've found good hiking, biking, camping, golfing, and skiing/snowboarding, and Ross has finally hooked up with the local paddling group for a couple trips.

But there are still a few things we don't have. First of all, I don't have a job. I'm subbing, which just isn't very satisfying and doesn't make particularly good money. I'm also tutoring online, which is interesting but just isn't the same as teaching in a classroom. I'm looking at trying to get into indexing, but I don't really know how to go about finding an actual job in the field. Going all summer without my having any income has definitely caused us some problems. We're back in the same financial hole we have found ourselves in so many times before. I had hoped to have a teaching position for the imminent school year, but despite interviewing for three different positions, I don't have anything. We're a little suspicious that perhaps my being pregnant influenced the decision-making process for these positions, but I can't help feeling unwanted. I've never had a problem getting a job before. It really makes me miss my former school.

The other thing we're missing is, well, people. We haven't really made any friends here. When we moved to Memphis, we had an automatic in because my sister-in-law and her husband lived in Memphis, and we did everything with them. Gradually, through work and then through kayaking, we found good friends. Here, we just haven't had those opportunities. It's made me kind of sad; friends in Memphis keep asking if I've had a baby shower, and I haven't been able to admit that I don't have anyone to throw me one.

So we're still working on things. I'm still glad we moved, but there are definitely things, and people, I hate having left behind.