We close on Oct. 27, so just over a week away. Just trying to get the finances in order to have our money together for the closing. This is so exciting!

On the weight loss front, not much to report. Although I've been jogging in the mornings, I haven't been able to get a grip on the eating. But we've decided to really try to eat better. Hopefully this week will show some improvements.

Also, we've purchased another tool to help: the Wii Fit. It's got a balance board that you stand on, and then you follow the directions of the games. There are games for balance, games for aerobics, yoga, you name it. And then there are personal trainer games that you can purchase as well, including games from the Biggest Loser trainers. You create a profile that is stored on the hard drive of the Wii console, and it records your weight (since the balance board can function as a scale), the amount of time you spend playing the games, and its estimate of how many calories you've burned. You can even set up goals for weight loss and you can create your own personalized training program. I spent almost an hour on it this morning, and I didn't even work my way through all the games. It was a little disheartening to have a video game tell me I was obese and "unbalanced" (my core strength, not my state of mind, thank you very much), but at least it is a fun way to get in another workout. If I can run in the mornings, maybe get on my bike when the weather is nice, and spend an hour or so each day playing the Wii Fit, maybe I can finally lose some weight.

We're also looking at other ways to get our exercising back on track. In our new house, we've got a big basement living room. We are thinking about setting it up as a workout room for now. We would like to put another TV down there for the video games and exercise videos, plus an elliptical machine, some dumbbell weights and a bench, and stationary bikes. For the bikes, we want to get the stands that turn your regular bike into a stationary bike by lifting it up off the ground. Both of us have older mountain bikes that we'd like to replace, so we could use the older bikes with new slick tires on the stationary stands and ride new mountain bikes around when the weather is nice.

Of course, much of that is in the future; we don't have the finances to just whip out there and go buy all this stuff. But hopefully it will make our working out more interesting. Also, there's a foundation here in Billings that is trying to get a pool built in the area where we live. That will make the summers nice.

So we're trying. Hopefully this time we'll make some actual progress.

Time to update. My husband and I put an offer in on a house yesterday. It's a 3 br, 2 ba, 2700 sq ft ranch-style with a basement. Part of the basement is unfinished, giving the house the potential to become a 5 br, 3 ba. It has a pretty small, unfenced yard, which is a bit of a downer, but we can fence it and at least have a place to throw the dog at 5 in the morning when he's fussing and I'm not yet ready for a walk. The original asking price was 237,400. I'm not sure how long it's been on the market (it's only 2 years old but it has been lived in), but the owners had come down to 224,000. We offered 218,000 (and to pay our own closing costs). The owners are supposed to respond by 7 p.m. today, either accepting, rejecting, or countering. We're hoping if they do counter it won't be by a huge amount. Anyway, we're very excited about the possibility of actually owning our own home, as opposed to renting. Now it's just a waiting game.

On the job front, I have gotten a couple calls to sub with one of the school districts in the area. Unfortunately, both of them came on days I had prior appointments set up with the realtor, so I haven't actually subbed yet. I am still waiting for one more letter of recommendation to come in so I can finish off all my teaching applications and get set up to sub at the other school districts.

On the weight loss front, things are at basically the same place they've been for a long time now. I did unpack the scale, and I'm sitting at about 200, as I thought I was. I'm a little disappointed, because I've been trying to jog with the dog every morning, and I'd hoped that might make some improvement. But since I'm home during the day, I'm close to food (so I'm probably nibbling more all day long than I should), and since I'm not teaching, I'm not moving around as much the rest of the day as I normally would. So the jogging probably isn't doing as much good as I'd like. We've opted to not join a gym right now, and we don't own any exercise equipment, so we're kind of struggling to figure out how to work out. We do have our mountain bikes, so hopefully we'll get into a routine of biking around the neighborhood. And once the snow flies, we've got season tickets at a ski resort about an hour away. Maybe when we have our own house, we can get a treadmill and some free weights so we can work out at home.

Well, that's all I've got right now. We're just waiting...

So, it's been a really long time since my last post. Since then, things were thrown into a bit of chaos, and my world has completely changed.

My husband got a new job, back out West. For YEARS we've wanted to move away from the South, and here was our chance! So we packed everything up and drove across eight states. We stayed for a few weeks at a friend's house, then found an apartment to live in for a few months, until we try to buy a house. I'm currently jobless, as we moved too close to the beginning of the new school year for me to find a full-time position. I have applied as a sub in the local schools, so hopefully I'll have something to do. But it's all kind of a holding pattern right now.

What this means is, it's a whole new ballgame. We're now in a part of the country where it should be easier to be involved in outdoor activities, so we're going to rededicate ourselves to getting healthy and losing weight.

Not sure what my "starting" weight is, as our scale remains packed. But I can assume it's around 200, as it so often is. *sigh*. Same sh*t, different state...

As nation gains, 'overweight' is relative
By Elizabeth Landau
CNN

(CNN) -- The little number on the tag on a pair of pants that indicates size can mean a lot to a person, and retailers know it.

The probability of people describing themselves as overweight is decreasing, researchers find.

That's why, in recent years, as the American population has become generally more overweight, brands from the luxury names to the mass retail chains have scaled down the size labels on their clothing.

"You may actually be a size 14 and, according to whatever particular store you're in, you come out a size 10," said Natalie Nixon, associate professor of fashion industry management at Philadelphia University. "It's definitely to make the consumer feel good."

Research shows that, when it comes to self-perception, the concept of "overweight" may be relative.

A working paper from a group led by Mary Burke, senior economist at the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston, Massachusetts, suggested that people's perceptions of overweight have shifted, and "normal" is now heavier than it used to be.

Researchers used data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys, nationally representative surveys run by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The first group was surveyed in 1988-1994, and the second was surveyed in 1999-2004. Because there were different people in each survey, it is not possible to tell if the perceptions of individuals shifted over time, the authors said.

Participants were asked whether they consider themselves "underweight," "about right," or "overweight," and reported their body mass index, a measure of the health risks associated with weight.

Are people more complacent, or better educated?

Although the BMI of the general population increased from the earlier survey period to the later one, the probability of people describing themselves as overweight decreased in the later survey, researchers found.

They found that weight misperception tended to decrease among women -- meaning women with normal BMI who were surveyed in 1999-2004 were less likely to say that they're "overweight" than women with normal BMI in 1988-1994, especially among 17 to 19-year-olds. For men, it was about the same.

"For women, this was good news," Burke said. "Women seem to get a more realistic perception of themselves."

Although the study authors said this trend may reflect healthy body image campaigns, physician nutrition specialist Dr. Melina Jampolis, who was not involved in this research, said she doubts that positive messages had this much influence.

Rather, it is the relative increase in weight of the general population that makes people with normal BMI feel more normal, she said.

On the flip side, feeling normal but being overweight may decrease a person's motivation to lose weight, Burke said.

Still, while the BMI scale reflects disease risks associated with being overweight, it does not reflect the whole story of a person's health, experts said.

There have been reports that being somewhat overweight, but not obese, is associated with decreased mortality, such as a 2005 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association that looked at deaths from a variety of causes.

Innovations such as treatments for high cholesterol have lowered the death risks for overweight people, Burke said. Especially for older adults, being slightly overweight may increase bone density, cushioning bones against falls, she said.

But the JAMA paper shows associations, not causes. People should not take this information as an excuse to gain weight, Jampolis said.

There are, however, other reasons that BMI isn't the whole story -- for instance, it does not reflect the distribution of a person's weight, Jampolis said.

"You could have really skinny arms and legs and just carry your weight in the middle, and it could be only 10 pounds, but belly fat, the visceral adiposity, it could very significantly increase your risk of disease," she said.

Experts noted that plumpness has been in style during some historical periods, especially as an indicator of prosperity when food was scarce. But the ideal of controlling one's food isn't new either. The book "Fat History: Bodies and Beauty in the Modern West" by historian Peter Stearns points out that fasting was a religious virtue seen throughout the Middle Ages, and continuing into the Puritan version of Protestantism. Christianity also espoused the idea of restricting food to fight sin.

The artistic and literary movement known as Romanticism, beginning in the late 18th century, stressed "slender, ethereal" ideals, Stearns wrote. The 1830s brought a prominent New York fashion style of a "willowy" look for young women, and there were many reports of anorexia nervosa during this time, the book said. But for older women, plumpness remained fashionable, and women on stage were expected to be voluptuous.

The meaning of the word "diet" came to include the goal of weight loss as early as 1910, Stearns wrote. "Middle-class America began its ongoing battle against body fat" between 1890 and 1910, Stearns wrote. The main factors that contributed to this shift were the advent of fat-control devices, the rise of public conversation about fat, and changes in fashion for both men and women, he wrote.

The culture of beauty that shaped up around the turn of the last century, promoting slimness as beautiful and fatness as ugly, has intensified since then, Stearns wrote.

Despite the widespread notion of dieting, obesity has risen dramatically over the last 20 years in America, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A recent survey by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Trust for America's Health found that the percentage of adults classified as obese went up in 23 states in the last year.

As clothing size numbers scale down in an era when bodies are getting more overweight, portion sizes have been increasing, Jampolis said. Photographs of fast food hamburgers from 50 years ago reveal that the serving size back then would seem like a "joke portion," now, she said.

"The same thing has happened with our body sizes. We're perceiving them as totally normal," she said.

As far as vanity sizing, Nixon called it a "temporary fix" that reflects a larger problem of people looking for quick solutions for losing weight, she said.

"It doesn't really deal with the root of the problem," she said. "It's really a lifestyle issue. It's not about a temporary diet, it's not about being pleasantly surprised because you're a size 12 instead of a size 16," she said.

Why Are Southerners So Fat?
By CLAIRE SUDDATH Thursday, Jul. 09, 2009

People from Mississippi are fat. With an adult obesity rate of 33%, Mississippi has gobbled its way to the "chubbiest state" crown for the fifth year in a row, according to a new joint report by Trust for America's Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee aren't far behind, with obesity rates over 30%. In fact, eight of the 10 fattest states are in the South. The region famous for its biscuits, barbecue and pecan pies has been struggling with its weight for years — but then again, so has the rest of the country. Wisconsin loves cheese, New Yorkers scarf pizza, and New Englanders have been known to enjoy a crab cake or two. So why is the South so portly?

For one thing, it's poor. Mississippi is not only the fattest state in the nation, but also the poorest, with 21% of its residents living below the poverty line, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Alabama and West Virginia, the second and third fattest states, are tied for fifth poorest. With a poverty rate of 14%, the South is easily the most impoverished region in the country. "When you're poor, you tend to eat more calorie-dense foods because they're cheaper than fruits and vegetables," explains Jeff Levi, executive director of Trust for America. Poor neighborhoods also have fewer grocery stores, even in the rural South. A 2004 study by the University of South Carolina found that most food-shopping options in rural areas fall into the convenience-store category because grocery stores are located too far away. But although poverty puts people at risk for obesity, it doesn't determine their fate. A number of impoverished states — including Montana, Texas and New Mexico — have relatively low levels of obesity. There must be something else.

Maybe it's the culture. Southerners definitely enjoy their fried chicken (not to mention fried steak, fried onions, fried green tomatoes, fried pickles and fried corn bread). Even when their food isn't fried, they like to smother it in gravy. But while nutritionists frequently blame Southerners' large guts on their regional food choices, the accusation is a little unfair. Just as Californians don't actually live on wheat grass and tofu, Southerners don't really sit around eating fried chicken every day. "I've not come across anything that says the diet in the Southeast is worse than the rest of the country," says David Bassett, co-director of the University of Tennessee's Obesity Research Center. "We're definitely in what I like to call the 'Stroke Belt,' " he says, referring to Southeastern states' high percentage of heart disease and hypertension, "but I think that has more to do with Southerners' lack of physical activity rather than the food."

Bassett isn't just talking about neglected gym memberships and people who sit on the couch all day. Physical activity can be something as simple as walking to the bus stop. That's another problem, by the way: the South doesn't have many bus stops. Public transportation is paltry, and for most people, the best way to get around is by car. "You don't really think of riding the train as exercise, but at least you have to walk a few blocks to get to the stop," says Bassett. States like Mississippi and Tennessee also have a surprising lack of sidewalks, discouraging even the most eager pedestrians. Many roads are narrower than those in the North — where streets have wider shoulders to accommodate winter snow — and people who want to bike or jog find themselves uncomfortably close to traffic.

But who wants to exercise when it's 100 degrees outside? The South is really hot and humid. Nobody in Mississippi goes running in the summer — at least, nobody sane. Bassett points out that Colorado, the state with the lowest obesity rate (18.9%), is relatively affluent and has a temperate climate and plenty of trails that lend themselves to outdoor activities.

So there you have it. Southerners have little access to healthy food and limited means with which to purchase it. It's hard for them to exercise outdoors, and even when they do have the opportunity, it's so hot, they don't want to. To combat this affliction, some Southern states have adopted programs to fight rising obesity. In 2003, Arkansas passed a school body mass index–screening program that assesses weight and sends the results home to parents. Tennessee encourages its schools to buy fresh ingredients from local growers. And in 2007, Mississippi adopted nutritional standards for school lunches. Most of these programs are relatively new, so it will be a few years before experts can determine their efficacy. "I think there's reason for optimism," says Barrett. "But it's likely that the Southeast will lag behind the rest of the country for some time to come."

I've discussed my affinity for reality TV before. This, however, is why I DON'T like reality TV: I hate what it does to people.

I have been a fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8 for a while now. I started watching it either last summer or the summer before. I thought it was amazing how crazy a household could be with that many kids, all at an age where they are completely dependent on their parents. Yes, Kate was kind of bossy and OCD and Jon gave in to what Kate wanted pretty much all the time, but I figured that was probably the only way they could keep the household from degenerating into complete pandemonium.

As the seasons have passed and the kids have gotten older, the show has changed. Companies started donating things to the family, and there was no longer a struggle to pay for things and keep food on the table. As the money rolled in from successful ratings, the family started taking ridiculously expensive vacations that families that size, and most families regardless of size, could never be able to take. They upgraded the house, the cars, the toys. The show started to showcase many of the brand names that were making all of this possible for Jon and Kate, turning the show into a long commercial rather than showing off the kids and the family's challenges. Through it all, Kate still seemed snarky and Jon still seemed to be a milquetoast, but it no longer seemed to be because of the challenges the family faced, but rather because that was just their personalities.

Then, trouble reared its head. News broke of possible infidelity from Jon. It looked like he may have been dating around on Kate while Kate was out of town. While few people could blame Jon for wanting to get out and get away from his high-pressure family and his bitchy wife, no one could condone his possible cheating on his wonderful kids. Bad news. Then, allegations that perhaps Kate had also been seeing someone else. The shows highlighted a lot of infighting between the two.

Finally, a commercial for the show aired, stating that Jon and Kate had "an announcement". Naturally, many people tuned in to find out what it was, but few were surprised to hear that the couple was separating and divorce proceedings had been initiated. There will be another show to recap some of the highlights of the couple's ten-year marriage, and then the show will go on hiatus for a few months to give the family time to gather itself. The children will apparently remain living in the house, and the parents will come and go based on who has custody at the time. While this is supposed to minimize the strain on the children, it is bound to be awkward and somewhat painful for everyone.

And it remains to be seen: who really wants to keep watching? The joy and amazement over watching the antics of the large family is waning, especially since the younger kids have turned five and are much more self-sufficient than they have been before. With all the donations and all the expensive items the family is able to procure, it's no longer about the day-to-day struggle to make ends meet and not "lose their minds". Instead, viewers will have to see one parent at a time, dealing with the kids. They'll have to witness painful scenes where kids and parent must say goodbye for periods of time. With the divorce rate in the country at about 50%, these are scenes that may be all too familiar to some viewers, and certainly not anything most people want to relive.

It makes me wonder, as my own marriage nears ten years, how things might be different if we already had kids, heaven forbid eight of them. While I certainly don't think our marriage would be in the condition that Jon and Kate's is now, Kate herself said she never thought things would have come to this point.

Sad.

Sometimes, a joke is so bad, even the creator knows it.

You know, nothing else really needs to be said.

You've got to love it. Georgia police officer, across the state line into Tennessee (that's the state line painted in blue in the foreground of the photo), sitting at a drive-thru liquor store window. We scrambled to take a photo before he drove away at a pretty high speed. Wonder if he's going to come after me?

Nuthin' to report. Last day of work tomorrow before summer break, so starting on Thursday I will be following my new workout and diet routine. That means I only have a day to figure out what that new routine is...

Just a quick note; nothing really significant to add, but I wanted to get this on the internet so it's recorded for posterity.

I weighed in at 193.4 this morning.

This pretty much proves the theory I've been developing: for me, it's almost all about the food. I didn't work out yesterday, but I did eat much less than I often do on weekends: bowl of cereal, small sandwich for lunch, grapes as a snack, small bowl of pasta for dinner. No in-between snacking (other than the grapes), no desserts, relatively small portions. Despite not working out yesterday, I end up recording my lightest weigh-in of the year.

This is good to know, as I am approaching the "dangerous" time of the year: summer time, when I am home from school and have no real day-to-day schedule. When sitting around at home, I often find myself snacking because I have nothing else to do (or nothing else that I WANT to do), and that is where I get into trouble. While I might consume a regulation number of calories during my actual mealtimes, I probably double those calories each day by snacking.

Obviously I'm not going to reach any of the weight loss goals I had at various points of the year by the deadline I had given myself (originally it was to be down to 160 lbs by the end of school, which is in 12 days; then I revised it to 175 lbs by the same date), so I need to rethink my goals and my deadlines.

Now I'm rescheduling my deadline for the end of the summer--our school year is supposed to start up again the 12th of August. That's just over 13 weeks from now. As for the goals, I guess I'll stick with the most realistic I can devise. While I'd really love to drop some major weight over the summer, I find it more likely that I will drop some weight. I'm going to shoot for a pound each week, for a total loss of 13 lbs. That means, if I'm at 193 right now, I'll be at 180 by the end of the summer. While that is still 20 lbs above what I would ultimately like to weigh, it will be a tremendous improvement over what I am now.

So, that's that. Now, since it's Mother's Day, a message to whatever readers might be out there: Appreciate your mom, treat her well, and hug her every opportunity you can. On this, the third Mother's Day without my mom, I can only sit and remember all the times I didn't do those things, and wish for one more chance.

I have a disturbing admission to make...




...I may be addicted to Facebook.

This is funny, because years ago I posted some of my opinions about the popular social networking sites (MySpace, Facebook) and their use by my high school students. Back then, in the spring of 2006, it was mostly about MySpace, since that was the network site of choice. The popularity has since shifted to Facebook. Now, I had gotten accounts with both sites, at the time under a different name than my real name, to facilitate the regulation of the students' use of the sites. After a while, some of my former students figured out my identity, so I went ahead and changed to my real name.

At first, I didn't really use either site. I still don't use MySpace much--there's a grand total of one person I keep in touch with using MySpace. But my Facebook usage has EXPLODED. Once a few of my former students identified me, they all requested to be my "friends" on the site. For quite a while, former students comprised my entire "friend" base. Then a few close high school and college friends joined the site. My husband caved in and joined, as did my brother (and eventually my dad!). People I went to college with, and then high school with, and then elementary school with, finally found me.

I now have over 400 "friends" on Facebook. I wouldn't have thought I had that many friends, really. And technically some of them are more acquaintances than friends. But I didn't really think I even KNEW that many people.

Gradually what happened was this: my "friends" would send me little "gifts" using various applications on Facebook. And that's where I started to get into trouble. There are lots of applications that are essentially games where it greatly benefits you to have MORE friends join in. So you send more invitations to OTHER friends to get them involved as well. Some of the applications involve strategy, some involve repetition, and some involve verbal skills or creativity. But all of them take time, and all of them require you to come back time after time to play again and again to improve your standing.

When I would send invitations to people, I would feel guilty about spamming them with unwanted overtures. So then if someone would repay me with an invitation to ANOTHER application, and I would feel guilty enough that I would add that application as well. That just meant one more game or application to visit with each Facebook session.

It's gotten to the point where it takes me at least 15-20 minutes to go through "maintenance mode" on all the games and applications I use, before I can actually get around to communicating with people through chat and messages.

I started to become concerned that I was spending too much time on Facebook. CNN.com did a story on Facebook addiction, and they included some warning signs of obsession: losing sleep over Facebook because you are staying up too late or getting up early to check the site; spending more than a hour a day on Facebook; obsessing about connecting with people, especially old boyfriends or girlfriends; sneaking away from work to check Facebook; and being stressed about the idea of giving up Facebook.

I am happy to say I do not exhibit all of those warning signs. But I must admit, I do check Facebook nightly and each morning, and I do spend more than an hour each day on the site. So I may not actually be addicted, but I am certainly forming a habit.

Well, I've postponed checking Facebook since I got home over a hour ago. Guess I better get on it and get my maintenance done so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour.

I love this show. If you've never seen it, Mythbusters is all about testing urban legends using science and high explosives. And when I say high explosives, I mean it.


Mythbusters Blow Up A Cement Truck - For more funny movies, click here

That is entertainment. And science. And a really big frickin' explosion. Could it ever get better than that?

Today is the second anniversary of the death of my mother, from cancer. I'm very thankful that I was there. My mother was going in for surgery to remove more cancer (she'd had another surgery three years before), and she and my dad had downplayed the situation and told me I didn't have to come home for the surgery. Well, I didn't listen to them, and immediately got plane tickets to go home for the weekend. I can't imagine if I hadn't gone home. As horrible as it was to sit in the hospital and hear the doctor tell us my mother was gone, it would have been so much worse to have been at work all day, away from a phone (since I'm a teacher), and have gotten the news that afternoon when school got out. My dad probably would have called my husband, and my husband probably would have come to the school to tell me the news. I just can't imagine how that would have felt, knowing I hadn't seen her one last time. Thank God I went home, and got to hug her, and kiss her, and say good-bye to her as they wheeled her off to surgery.

So please, hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. You never know when it will be your last chance to do so.

Oh boy, if that isn't the truth.

Played nine holes of golf last evening after work, since the days have gotten longer but not long enough to get in a whole eighteen (at least, not for a crappy golfer like me). I probably need to pick up some lessons again here and there--I've gotten inconsistent with my swing. I'll top it, try to compensate on the next hole by really trying to stay down, and slam my club into the ground a good six inches in front of my ball. Sucks.

Wait, I know what I need: new clubs!!! I'm sure a couple of fairway woods and a hybrid or two will solve all my problems, right?

Easter is a time of reflection, of renewal. It's a time for things to start over.

So I'm reflecting on the fact that I haven't lost any weight. I realized, with a great deal of demoralization, that this past Friday was day 100 of my 2009 attempt at weight loss. And yet I haven't lost any weight. At all. My weight has fluctuated in a range of approximately 6 lbs, but it won't stay in one place, and it won't stay down.

I guess it's time for the renewal part. I need to rededicate myself to the weight loss goal. I've got about seven weeks until I'm done with work and free for the summer. During the summer I should be able to work out more and all that stuff, but I need to get a head start. If I can buckle down, I might be able to get rid of about 10 lbs by then. That would be great.

So, here's the "start over" part. I looked back at my previous weight loss attempt, back in 2005-2006. From November 2005 to the middle of the summer in 2006 (maybe 9 months?) I lost about 45 lbs. I did it by working out every day. On weekdays, I worked out twice each day, for about an hour each workout, regardless of what time of day it meant I would get home. I also worked out on weekends. On Saturdays and Sundays my husband and I would go to the gym and play racquetball for about an hour. Sometimes we'd hit the elliptical machines before we'd play.

I need to start over. I need to go back to that habit. I need to work out before and after work, every day, regardless of what time I end up getting home. It sucks. I hate it. But I don't think I can lose weight any other way.

I don't know why I find this funny, but I do. I think it's hilarious.

I have been successful so far in my shunning of one of my formerly favorite beverage genres: those of the carbonated variety. It's been, well, since whenever I said I would stop drinking diet coke. Anyway, it hasn't stopped my occasional need for caffeine.

I am not traditionally one of those teachers who craves loads of caffeine. One of my close friends, an elementary school teacher, hits her local Starbucks so frequently that she no longer waits in line and places her order. The barristas see her pull into the parking lot and make her regular order. It's waiting for her when she walks up to the counter, she pays, and she leaves. Wow. The woman is so caffeinated that you can feel the air around her vibrating.

I don't hit Starbucks much myself, although I will when I have a gift card (a common grade-grubbing gift from students), since it's not really my money then. I'm constantly amazed that a tree-hugging, free-loving, hippie environment such as Seattle could produce such a corporate juggernaut as Starbucks. I don't feel that I am either a tree-hugging hippie or a suburban assault vehicle-driving soccer mom with a coffee addiction, but Starbucks does taste pretty good.

However, Starbucks is expensive, and I don't currently have a gift card burning a hole in my wallet, so I decided to try the new, inexpensive coffee sensation: the McCafe Mocha.





Looks pretty good. And I'm sure everyone has seen the commercial, making fun of the types of people who are, in McDonald's less-than-high class opinion, likely to drink coffee from and spend time at Starbucks.





So, this morning, as I was rushing to work, I felt I was a little tired, and I figured I'd give the ol' golden arches a chance to win me over with its caffeinated glories. I was handed my cup of McMocha. I flipped up the little lid. I tilted the cup. And I took my first sip.

Yeecchh.

It was bitter, and burnt-tasting, and HORRIBLE. I don't think I've ever consumed anything worse. I waited a few moments, and tried another sip, thinking maybe I was being unfair.

Nope.

I tried maybe six or seven sips, each time shuddering with the awfulness of it all.

Now, it's possible that the failure might not have been the coffee at all, but rather the particular McDonald's that provided it. The McDonald's in our small southern town is slow at best and lame at worst. You know it's bad when you only order two items and they can't manage to put all of them in the bag on the first try. So it is quite likely that this batch of coffee HAD been sitting on the heating element since some time last month. I may take an opportunity to try again at a different McDonald's elsewhere in the region.

But for now, I guess I'll spend more money than I really need to to buy an overpriced caffeinated drink after waiting in line behind a bunch of soccer moms and hippies.

Considering the fact that Chinese food is my food-heroin (along with Mexican), this picture made perfect sense.

Sometimes, something good happens when you really, really need it. On a day when I've been fighting a screaming headache and have not felt any motivation to do anything, I got a little piece of happy dropped into my lap.

I teach at a private school, and alumni are always encouraged to come and visit and see all the fabulous things that are happening at the school (and then, of course, they are asked to cough up a donation or two to pay for such wonderful things). As a consequence, former students are forever dropping by and roaming the hallways. It's always fun to see former students and spend a few moments catching up with them, although I've discovered the ones who come back and visit the most are often the ones we were so glad to be rid of in the first place--the ones I really want to see are usually the ones who are leading such fantastically successful and fun lives that they don't have time to come back and check out the new library.

So I was absolutely overjoyed to see the face that appeared at my door today, conveniently NOT during one of my classes. This former student was a member of the first class I ever taught at this school, automatically earning her a place in my heart. But she was one of the really great kids; I would never play favorites with students currently in my classes, but with a graduate I can safely say she's one of the favorites I've ever taught. I'm sure this girl has said something unpleasant to someone in the course of her life, but I'd be hardpressed to tell you where or when or to whom, because it sure wasn't here. Sweet, hard-working, funny, clever, gorgeous...I'm blessed to have taught a whole group of girls like this. If I have kids, I want one like this.

Kids like this bring out the best in everyone. Teachers try harder when they have students who work hard and do their best; it's sad but true. And other students respond to people like this. A classic example of this came at the end of this student's freshman year. The weekend before exams, this student's house caught fire and burned to the ground. It was an errant lightning strike, and thankfully the family was not home, but they lost many of their possessions, including some of their pets (which breaks your heart anyway). The lightning actually struck this girl's room, so the devastation of her belongings was total. Clothing, school books, everything gone. So this sweet little thing shows up to school on the day before exams in street clothes (private school=uniforms) with no books and informs everyone she plans to take her exams anyway. Who wouldn't bend over backwards for this kid? Her classmates xeroxed their notes and lent her their textbooks so she could study. She took all her tests and did very well on them, just as she would have if her house had not burned down. On the last day of exams, all the freshmen were called into the hallway. The girls all sat along the lockers, and this girl was called forward by the class president and some of her friends. The students explained that they wanted her to have a good summer and not worry about all her belongings and clothes, and then they presented her with gifts. Clothes. Books. CDs. Shoes. Makeup. Everything a teenage girl could ask for. And then they handed her the gift cards. Visa gift cards loaded with money so she could go shopping anywhere she wanted for anything she needed. That's how much her classmates loved and respected her. They wanted to take care of her.

It was the first time I cried, as a teacher. This is what learning's all about. Grammar and math and languages are great, but this girl taught her classmates, and they taught her back, that caring about someone and taking care of someone is the most important thing you'll ever do.

The face of this girl at my door today brought it all back to me. She thanked me for preparing her so well for college (she said she aced her composition class). And she was genuinely happy to see me and to reminisce.

These girls, they're why I teach. They are my happy thoughts, my marbles (remember Hook with Robin Williams, where the one Lost Boy had lost his marbles, which were his happy thoughts?). Without them, I'm not a teacher at all.

This morning--194.8.

Huh. Maybe there is something to this whole working out thing after all. I am sore as hell, though. I lifted weights yesterday and today in the hopes of toning up the junk in my trunk. Working out is supposed to make you feel better and have more energy, but I'm really tired and really sore. I hope the "feeling better" thing shows up sooner rather than later.

Anyway, I get regular updates from a weight-loss site (is there irony? perhaps). One of the recent ones had to do with weight-loss sabotage. While the article spent quite a bit of time talking about other people sabotaging your weight loss goals for a variety of reasons, there was a segment about sabotaging your own goals. I found that section very interesting because I am so often guilty of it.

1. Setting unrealistic expectations or having impossible goals. While I would love to think that the jeans that fit me when I was a senior in college might someday fit again, I have to accept the fact that my body has actually changed dimensions, regardless of the fat or lack thereof. I have a pair of size 3 board shorts that I used to love, tucked away in my closet as a reminder of my former glory (so to speak). If I hold those up to my body, I can plainly see that my hip bones, not my fat but my BONES, are now wider than the shorts. I will never wear them again, and there is NOTHING that can be done about it. So trying to get down to the size I was in college is both ridiculous and a tremendous waste of time. So is the goal of losing more than a pound or so each week, every week. I have never sustained such a weight loss week after week at any time in my 34 years of life--there is NO way I could expect to lose that kind of weight on a regular basis now. Yes, I may have a week where I drop 3 pounds, but that should be a surprise for which to be thankful, not an occurrence to be expected.

2. Following an overly restrictive diet. I must face the facts that a) I love to eat and B) I need food. I cannot live on 800 calories a day, or even a 1000. I get cranky and easily distracted, and I cease being a productive or even remotely enjoyable person. What I need to focus on is portion control, since I can easily put down 1500 calories in a sitting if I'm at a restaurant, and avoiding the foods that are most destructive, fat- and calorie-wise.

3. Doing too much exercise too soon. Yeah, I know, that's exactly what I'm guilty of yesterday and today. Instead of starting slowly because I haven't really worked out in three weeks, I spent about an hour each morning lifting weights and doing crunches, and now I can barely move. I need to ease into this a little better than I'm doing. Of course, now that I've put in two days, I need to stretch. A lot. Ow.

4. Overbooking. If I would take a little more time to organize myself, and dedicate a little time here and a little time there to the things I need to do, I would have more time here and there to do the other things I need and want, like working out and reading. I also take on more projects and things than I need to. Everyone needs a little "me" time, and that may mean not offering to make a dish for a staff party, but instead picking up something ready-made at the store.

5. Making excuses. A guy I used to work for said, "Excuses are like armpits. Everyone has a couple and they all stink." I am the master excuser. I can justify missing a workout with things like, "Well, I had to do the dishes, so I skipped the workout", or "I'll just go for a run later instead of going to the gym," or "I'll work out twice as hard tomorrow, but I really want to go home and watch that show right now." I need to stop the excuses and make the workouts the only things (well, and work I suppose) that are graven in stone. I MUST WORK OUT. No excuses. I tend to think of my students at times like this. They work so hard to AVOID doing their work. If they'd only put that kind of effort into actually DOING the work, they'd all have really good grades. I should be like that with exercise. Instead of trying to avoid it, I should put the avoidance energy into the gym.

6. Being a slave to the scale. I do this one daily. Every day I weigh myself (in the morning), and then I kick myself all day long if I've gained. But I know as well as anyone that my weight fluctuates quite a bit on a day-to-day basis. So I really should not worry as much about the daily weigh-ins, and start just recording a weekly weigh-in instead. That way I don't depress myself when things don't go as I want them.

So anyway, I'm on track, for now. I'm gonna go stretch now. Ow.

Weigh-in: 196.4

Today was the first day of...well...whatever it's called when you start over again (for like the 50th time). I dragged my sorry butt out of bed this morning and hit the gym. I will either golf this afternoon (perhaps the driving range, or maybe 9 holes) or I will go back to the gym again. I will repeat this process over and over until I manage to lose some weight, or until the apocalypse, whatever comes first.

The biggest problem I have with the gym in the morning is that it makes me HUNGRY. It must kickstart my metabolism, because then I crave food. All day long. No matter what I eat. So when I work out in the morning it becomes a game of portion control and self-restraint. Otherwise, I'll easily take in enough calories to negate whatever good I did at the gym in the first place.

And I crave steak. Meh.

Well, I drank my last soda today. Probably. I hope.

I've been drinking diet sodas for quite a long time now, thinking I was being so clever avoiding all those extra calories. But now so much is coming to light about how bad DIET sodas are for you, that it seems we should cut them out of our diets altogether.

Sodas are bad for you in many ways. When you drink a soda, you inhale the carbon dioxide from the bubbles. Carbon dioxide is heavier than air, so it sinks in your lungs and actually takes up valuable space in your lungs. This makes it impossible for you to get as full a breath as you would otherwise be capable of. Many coaches prefer their athletes not drink carbonated beverages, to maximize their air intake.

Also, sodas not only prevent calcium being absorbed by your system but also actually leach calcium from your bones, possibly contributing to osteoporosis.

The acid in sodas eats at the enamel of your teeth, contributing to cavities, and the caramel coloring can stain your teeth.

Caffeine is a diuretic and known addictive stimulant.

Those are just a few of the issues to which sodas contribute. But recent studies of diet sodas suggest there is another problem. Diet sodas were created for those who were concerned with the number of calories they were consuming. The substitution of artificial sweeteners for the already non-nutritious high-fructose corn syrup was supposed to help people lose weight. Instead, some studies show that people who consume large amounts of diet sodas may actually gain weight rather than lose it.

One of the possible reasons could be that the taste of the sweet drink "tricks" the system into thinking that something with calories has been consumed, and the system then starts "looking" for those calories. When no calories are found, it may actually trigger the system into wanting to consume more calories to make up for those that are missing. So one might end up actually eating more calories rather than fewer.

No idea if that's true or not, but it's getting to the point where the diet sodas aren't helping me anyway, so I should probably just drop them. I need to just replace them with water, or iced tea if I really need the caffeine.

I don't know if it will help, but it obviously can't hurt.

I wish I could be that brave. I also have no idea how to approach that math problem. Good thing I don't teach math.

Ahh, I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning...

So.

Back from my kayaking trip, first day back from Spring Break, time for a report.

EPIC FAIL.

On the weight issue, I mentioned my failure last week on the drive to eastern Tennessee. My target weight for last week was 185. My actual weight was almost 200. Despite my protestations, I simply couldn't get my act together. Rarely hit the gym, rarely followed a coherent eating plan, and it certainly showed.

On the "hoping to move" issue, we're still here. At this point, we're glad to at least have jobs, as so many others have lost theirs. It's a bad time to be looking to make a change, so we're still in a bit of a holding pattern. Still looking, but we figure it may take a little while. We don't really want to buy a house here, as it will just tie us down, and while moving into a nicer rental would be great it probably would cost us more each month, thereby cutting into the money we're trying to save. So I guess we'll just stay in our current house and make the best of it.

On the kayaking front, this past weekend was not what I had hoped for. Part of it is my weight--I'm over the maximum weight for my boat, which makes it harder to handle--and part of it is my own mental weirdness, but I've really regressed in my paddling. A few summers ago (aligning with my lightest weight since starting to kayak, interestingly enough) I was feeling good about my abilities and kind of psyching myself up to step up to harder rivers. Since then, I've chickened out on more than a few trips, I've had some swims on some rivers that I had plenty of experience on and hadn't struggled with before, and my eskimo roll seems to have some consistency issues.

So I have a lot to work on. My new goal is to have dealt with and made progress on these issues by the time we get to my summer vacation (last week in May). That's 10 weeks from now. Hopefully I can get this back on track, before I just give up entirely.

Short post from my iPhone. On the way to our kayaking trip. Disappointed to report utter failure on the weight loss/exercise front. Today was my day of reckoning. My January goal was to have lost about 15 lbs by today and be in some semblance of shape. Nope. Today's weigh-in: 198.6. I never did find a handle on either the exercise routine or the eating habits. Well, it is what it is, as my husband says. I'll just have to do what I can this weekend, and start over when we return. I suppose my new goal will be comparable to my previous one, with my summer break as the deadline. *sigh* I'm getting to old for this s#it.

Oh, this is so true...I keep saying it, but I keep just right on eating...

It makes me sad to say goodbye.

Today, The Rocky Mountain News from Colorado produced its final edition. The departure of Rocky, as it was often called, still leaves one publishing paper in Denver--The Denver Post. Many cities are discovering similarly that in the declining economy (and declining use of printed media) there is only room for one major paper in a region. Many of these cities have consolidated their papers. The remaining papers also find themselves cutting back on staff and production, leaving many former employees out of a job and searching for one in a market that simply doesn't exist anymore.

It is sad to see newspapers dying out. First of all, it is a media that provides news and services to a market that is WOEFULLY underserved. What about all the poor people who cannot afford computers and internet? How are they to get their news, find out about jobs, etc.? Second, it provides an opportunity for reading that many people may not find elsewhere. I know I do not like reading information on a computer screen nearly as much as I enjoy it on paper. And what about all those silly things, like the paper mache projects we did when we were kids--where will kids get their paper mache now?

I'm guilty of contributing to the decline of newspapers. When I moved out of the suburban sprawl of Memphis and relocated a few miles south of the border in Mississippi, I did not renew my newspaper subscription. This is not because I prefer the Internet for my news as much as because the Memphis paper isn't a great one anyway. But I do get and have gotten my news from the Internet for a long time now. There is a lot to be said for being able to quickly search through the information for stories that are relevant.

I suppose it is inevitable, to see traditional papers going away and being replaced by websites and instant news updates sent to cell phones, but it is sad to see an institution such as Rocky, only a few months shy of its 150th anniversary, closing its doors forever. Especially since I have a fond connection to the paper--I was born in Denver, and I subscribed to Rocky when I was in college in Wyoming.

So goodbye, old friend, and I guess from now on Coloradans will read all about it in the Post. For how long is anyone's guess.

It's true; I am a master of the "medium" setting on Guitar Hero.

And just so you know, I didn't do nearly the damage the other night that I thought I did--today's weigh in: 195.8. Whee!

Sort of shot myself in the foot last night, er, stomach I guess. After my most excellent weigh-in yesterday morning of 195, I went out and celebrated by indulging in a Chinese buffet. Chinese food is probably tied with Mexican food for the most destructive to my weight-loss goal. With Mexican food, it's all the fats and oils (and chips); with Chinese food, it's probably a toss-up between the sheer volume (I mean, it is a buffet for goodness' sake; you're supposed to eat all you can) and the salts that make me retain water. So this morning's weigh-in was 197.2, a much less enjoyable moment than yesterday. Guess it's back to the gym to undo what I've done. *sigh*

Today's weigh-in: 195.0

Well, holy crap. Still not sure what's finally assisting the success, but I'll take it, whatever it is.

On another topic, I'm going to have to call my dad and thank him for the job he and my mother did raising my brother and me. I'm now realizing what a nice, normal, non-screwed up childhood I had, as I read The Commercial Appeal's coverage of a murder trial in the Memphis area. This girl, Noura Jackson, is on trial for the stabbing death of her mother. This woman was stabbed over 50 times. The reason I've been following this gruesome story is because a bunch of my former students are all mixed up in it. This girl attended the school where I teach, thankfully before my time, but she would have been in the same grade as the first freshman class I taught. By all accounts she was quite the party animal and had numerous discipline problems, so I'm really glad I never had to deal with her. But a bunch of the girls I did teach were her friends, for worse, clearly. And they were all with her in the weeks, days, even hours before and after her mother was killed, so now they are all being called to testify. And it isn't just my girls--it is the older brothers, cousins, and even boyfriends of some of the girls who are being called to the stand. A disturbing lifestyle is unfolding, one of sex, alcohol, pot, cocaine, mushrooms, and prescription drugs. Obviously, a number of my girls are guilty of participating in this lifestyle.

I'm left wondering, what is the difference in my childhood, compared to theirs, that created such a different experience for me? I know there had to be plenty of kids when I was in high school who drank, but I would be hard-pressed to point them out. Since I grew up in Southern California there had to be plenty of skaters and surfers who were stoned all the time, but again, I didn't know many of them and didn't hang around with them. I can only think of one friend who ever got into a "hard" drug, meth, and thankfully that was for a short period of time. Out of my graduating class of about 800 students I know of ONE who was pregnant when we graduated, so if they were all having sex they were awfully quiet about it. And I never did any of that. So why am I so different from these kids now?

Is it the money? My parents didn't have a lot of money, but we got by OK. Maybe these parents give their kids too many things. My parents' policy was, "Well, I didn't have it growing up, so you must not need it." Do parents not say "no" to their kids anymore? Is it the strict religious education? All these kids, boys and girls, all attended Catholic schools at one point. Are the Catholics doing something wrong? I was raised Lutheran, which we always joking said was "Catholic-light: all the ritual, none of the guilt." Is the culture of guiltiness causing these kids to go ahead and make themselves guilty? Is it the single-sex school environment? I do know our girls tend to act like complete fools when they're around boys, because they haven't learned to socialize with them. From an educational perspective it's great, but from a social development perspective I wonder. Is it TV? They all watch Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill and Gossip Girls, which show lifestyles like this all the time. But hey, I watched Beverly Hills: 90210 and the first few seasons of The Real World, but I didn't try to live like that.

I wish I knew what it was so that I could help fix it. And I want to know what mistakes are being made by these parents so that I don't make them someday if I choose to have children.

What a scary, f*&^ed-up world we live in.

First of all, yes, it WAS a joke. Thank goodness.

Second, I weighed in this morning at 196.8, so far the lightest since I started keeping track again the beginning of January, so Yay me!

But then we come to the purpose of this post. Have you ever been given one of those "left-handed compliments"? You know, a compliment that also seems a bit like a criticism?

I'll give an example. One year, as I was bewailing an approaching birthday, a student of mine asked how old I was going to be. Upon hearing the answer, she exclaimed, "Oh, you aren't that old!" I'm sure she was intending to convey the feeling that my upcoming age was not as old as I was perceiving it to be, but instead I took it to mean "Well, you are old, but not as old as you could be." Sort of a compliment, but also a recognition that I am apparently no spring chicken. Or even summer turkey.

I'm sure today's left-handed compliment was just as innocuous. "You look so cute today!" I did dress up a bit more than usual. Some teachers like to be formal and put-together; I am as much of a slob as I can get away with. My husband often complains that I would wear open-toed shoes every day if I could. He's partly right: I love open-toed shoes, but really if I could do it without getting reprimanded I'd go shoeless every time. Anyway, I usually wear clogs, mules, or comfy tennis shoes most days, with slacks and a slightly dressy t-shirt (by dressy I mean it is one of the little stretch t's they sell at Old Navy or Target, not a true cotton T-shirt promoting a sporting event or something). My hair is almost always in a ponytail because I hate taking the time to dry it and straighten it. I do wear makeup every day; that's probably the one "fashion" item I always wear. But today I straightened my hair, and I wore black slouchy suede boots with black leggings (and turquoise socks, which the girls loved because they matched my earrings of all things) and an oversized cream-colored chenille turtleneck sweater. This is pretty much the height of fashion for me, and as good as it's going to get. So I understand the girls' intentions--I was certainly dressed nicer than usual.

But it really made me feel bad about how I'm dressed every other day. I'm already an oversized clod in a herd of trim, nimble, gracefully-aging former sorority girls with fashion sense and a much better ability to color-coordinate than I've ever had. I never went through a girly stage in my life, so I've always dressed like a tomboy. And now, all the fashions that I find really cute are either "too young" for me (there is nothing sadder than a woman in her mid-thirties trying to dress like a teenager) or are not cut to look appealing on someone over a size 8, which I most certainly am well beyond. One of my coworkers favors close cut trousers and tailored jackets; another is tall and willowy and loves shorter skirts and flouncy tops. And here I am, whale amongst dolphins, and I can't even take a compliment without finding some way for it to hurt my feelings.

So maybe I need to take a little more time in the mornings, picking out my clothes, working on my hair, all that crazy stuff. Or maybe I'll keep getting up at the time I get up, go about my same routine, and hope that big and baggy comes back into fashion.

I really hope it's a joke.

I spent my whole weekend in Knoxville, shepherding a group of high school girls at the TN High School Swimming and Diving Championships. My girls are generally not a problem, and I've never before come away from a state meet totally frustrated, but this was different.

First, the meet has been in Nashville ever since I started coaching high school. Add an extra three hours to the drive both ways and a time change, and you've got a recipe for tiredness. We had to stay an extra day, because of the length of the drive, so I had to put up with the girls for longer than I have before.

Then we add in the "in town" driving factor. In Nashville, we always stay right by the pool, so we can walk back and forth between the pool and the hotel. There are plenty of restaurants of varying styles and price ranges in the area, so we never have to drive anywhere at all. In Knoxville our hotel was on the opposite side of UT's campus from the sports center, so we couldn't walk to the pool without walking 1.5 miles across very busy streets lugging swim bags. It meant loading the girls up every time we had to go anywhere. Parking was a pain, both on campus for the meet and off campus at restaurants, so we spent a lot of time either dropping off the girls and then looking for a parking space, or wrangling my SUV into very small spaces.

The unfamiliarity with the area was a problem as well. We didn't know what restaurants were available, so it was much harder for the girls to make a decision about where they wanted to eat. They would change their minds several times before finally setting on what was usually the least convenient option.

Thankfully I did have several parents who were helping transport the girls; otherwise I would have had to do a lot of shuttling back and forth.

But probably most frustrating aspect of the trip was the involvement of other teams in our plans. You see, the swimming community in Memphis is very small. There aren't many pools available to host high school teams' practices during the swim season. The major pools already have year-round swimming programs that practice during the times of day that would be the best for everyone else, namely the hours right after school. These year-round programs are nice enough to allow the high school teams to utilize some of their pool space, but it benefits the year-round programs--we must pay them per swimmer, and the high school swimmers must actually JOIN the year-round team for the duration of the season. The times available for the high school swimmers to practice are much less convenient (for example, 7:00-8:30 at night), and many of the swimmers get so tired of the late nights that they join the year-round teams full-time so they can practice earlier in the day, which gets more money to the year-round teams.

The kids all know each other from the year-round swimming programs, so they are competing against teammates during the high school season. When we go to a big meet like the state championships, they wander around the meet looking for the year-round teammates rather than staying with their high school teams. Some of the girls have boyfriends who swim for other schools, so I have to go hunting for the boys' schools when it comes time to get in the water, because my girls are missing. They want to get all their friends on other high school teams together to go do things, like eat or watch movies, rather than stay with their own teammates for the whole weekend. And the year-round coaches don't help--they come to the meets, expect their swimmers to practice and warm-up as a year-round team, and encourage the kids to get together as a year-round team rather than as high school teams. It's incredibly distressing, but there's very little I can do about it. If I complain about too much year-round influence, I stand the possibility of losing my pool space to practice in.

I feel like I've been reduced to the job of chaperone rather than coach. If the year-round coaches want to have so much influence during the high school season, I think THEY should be the ones to go to all the meets, handle all the entries, and chaperone the trip. I did quite a bit to make the girls' trip run smoothly, but when they planned a "fun night" with their year-round buddies, no one told me about it, certainly no one asked me, and they clearly expected me to drive them where they wanted to go (it ended up falling through, but it irked me completely that they would have the nerve to expect such treatment).

I've had run-ins with year-round coaches before, but never has their influence so broadly affected my trip as this year. And the girls' behavior in running around with their friends and acting like divas (one was "dramatically" sick while she had to swim but perked right up when she didn't have to later that evening, and one supposedly dislocated her shoulder while warming down after a race, almost like she needed attention for something) should have been somewhat expected since it's a young state team (two seniors, one sophomore, four freshmen) but was really bothersome and seemed to drag the older girls into it as well.

While I was proud of how the girls swam, I spent the whole weekend really irritated and really tired. This is the first state meet since I started coaching high school (ninth season) that I didn't really have fun. It makes me question how much longer I want to coach a sport.

And then we get to the joke part of this rather long post. Now that the season is over, I sent an e-mail to our AD, asking about getting our stipend for the season. His e-mail response was, "I told the administration that you and [your assistant coach] would forgo your stipend this season."

No "JK!" or "LOL" or anything to indicate he might be kidding. He IS a kidder, somewhat, but usually there is something there to suggest it. I sent him my own "kidding" e-mail, with " :( *sniff* ", hoping to trigger a "No really, here's when you can expect to get paid", but I got nothing at all in return.

He'd better be joking. I give up nights and weekends for this sport, and I live 45 minutes from town which means a really long drive home, often late at night, after meets. I'd BETTER be getting paid for this. If not, it will easily answer my question about how long I want to keep coaching.

Well, I was completely unprepared for this morning's weigh-in.

197.4

Now, it isn't the weight that is surprising--it does equal my lowest weight since the beginning of the year, but it is certainly within the range of weights that I tend to expect from my whole "eat badly and don't work out" weight-loss plan.

What IS surprising is the fact that I weighed in this light after this past weekend. I was out of town with the team that I coach, and the weekend was full of nothing but eating out and either sitting or standing around the pool, watching athletes exert themselves and burn calories. The only exercise I got was walking a few blocks between the sports center and where I had parked the car. When I ate with the team, it was mostly full of bread, pasta, pizza, and other such high-calorie, high-fat foods. I even ate candy in the car on the drive home. So I fully expected to find myself at over 200 lbs when I weighed myself this morning, possibly even as high as 205.

Now, it is possible that this weigh-in is just really, really dehydrated. I did not drink nearly the water this weekend that I should have. But also it's that TOTM, and I would have thought I would be retaining water. So perhaps I really did better this weekend than I thought. I did at least eat more salad than I typically do.

Anyway, last week I did not get started on the "12 Weeks to Weight Loss" plan from About.com, due to a variety of excuses (funeral to attend, trip to plan, lessons for sub to arrange, all that jazz). So I am going to try starting this thing today. Here's what week one is supposed to look like:

Getting Started: The two things the plan suggested seemed pretty obvious--get a starting weight and get starting measurements. I guess the starting weight then would be today's, 197.4. I'd love to get down to below 150 lbs, which is almost a 50 lb drop. I also took some measurements at what I thought were spots that made sense.
Upper arm (r)-15 inches
Bust-46 inches
Chest-38 inches
Waist-39 inches
Belly-43 inches
Hips-48 inches
Upper thigh (r)-27 inches
Calf (r)-17 inches

While I don't know what the "ideal" measurements are supposed to be, I definitely want to trim these down. The plan suggested remeasuring every four weeks.

Day One: Interval Training (cardio)--after warming up for a few minutes, increase the resistance and speed and hold it for a minute, then decrease for a few minutes, and keep repeating for the duration of the workout. The plan also strongly encourages stretching to increase flexibility.

Day Two: Strength Training--start lifting weights, a full-body program, and also make sure you're doing ab workouts with crunches and such.

Day Three: Endurance (cardio)--after the warmup, you should slightly increase resistance and speed every few minutes throughout the duration of the workout.

Day Four: Strength Training--this is the same workout as Day Two. The plan also talks about Active Rest. Active Rest just means trying to inject a little more activity into your daily routine. It suggests stretching for about five minutes every hour, using part of your lunch period to take a short walk, and doing crunches or push-ups during commercial breaks on TV.

Day Five: Variety (cardio)--the suggestion here is to not do the same cardio machine every time. The plan suggests using a different machine, or doing circuit training, or going outside to walk/jog. This is going to be key for me, because I get really bored at the gym doing the same thing every time.

Day Six: Core Strength--find some new exercises to do to strength back and ab muscles. Use a medicine ball, exercise ball, or resistance band. The food suggestion of the day is also to clean out the pantry of "undesirable" foods, and substitute one "bad" thing you regularly eat with something healthier. The example they give is Coke--if you drink one every day, substitute water instead.

The plan gives you the seventh day off.

Anyway, I still need to lose as much weight as possible before Creek Week in mid-March. I will also be going home to San Diego for a few days at the beginning of that week, so I'd like to look better for that too. Sadly, that's only three weeks from now, so I doubt that I will be able to lose a whole lot. I really need to put some effort into this if I'm going to see any progress at all.

Some prayers are needed for one of my students and her family. Last night, the father of one of my sophomores was shot and killed in an argument over a parking space. I believe this student has some siblings, but her mother died when she was younger, so she is now an orphan. This is the sickest, most horrifying thing I can imagine. This little girl is very quiet and shy, and I am hard-pressed to identify who her friends in the class might be. I am an adult who has struggled to come to grips with losing a parent, and this child has now lost BOTH. Please keep this little one in your prayers.

This is one of many reasons I am so unsuccessful in dieting. When I eat out, I eat too much because that's what comes as the meal, and I was taught as a kid to be sure to clean my plate. But when I cook, I should be able to control the portions, right? Wrong.

Today's weigh-in: 199.6. I have made no progress whatsoever. And I'm running out of time...I need to shake some of this weight off before our kayaking trip in the middle of March. I've only got five weeks left. Yikes!

This may be the funniest thing I've ever read in my life, and it is a real letter, really sent to the president of Virgin Airlines. Enjoy.

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at thehands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it: [see image 1, above].

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in: [see image 2, above].

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3, above].

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.
By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation: [see image 4, above].

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on: [see image 5, above].
I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel: [see image 6, above].

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations: [see image 7, above].

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to its knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly
XXXX

Well, my weigh-in this morning was 198.0, which is up a tiny bit from yesterday, but since my arch-nemesis Mexican Food weighed in with me, I guess I did OK. I haven't done particularly well this week at my attempt at the SlimFast diet, but it hasn't been a total loss (er, gain). When I add in exercise, which I haven't done this week, things should go better.

Well, today is what we call a mixed bag. Despite the fact that I didn't completely adhere to my diet plan (ended up going to Backyard Burger for dinner and had a gouda-burger and fries, which really isn't recommended), I dropped down to 197.6 this morning in my weigh-in. I have no idea how that happened.

But the downside to the day is the fact that I am at work. We had all hoped hard for a snow day, but we didn't get one. Even worse than that, most of the schools in the area DID get the day off. Our administrator was waiting to see what the other schools did, and by the time the city schools and some of the private schools decided to close, it was close enough to the beginning of the school day that our president decided we had too many students on the way and it was too dangerous to turn them around and send them home. So it's a weird day at school. About two thirds of the students showed up, but others stayed home, either because their parents didn't want them to drive in the snow, or because their parents didn't want to bring them to school in the snow, or because they thought we wouldn't have school today, or because they just laid low and hoped for the best. So the classes are limping along with the students who did come to school today. Plus, all the kids who ARE here are bitching and moaning their way through the day. Doesn't make things very pleasant. I would have rather stayed home myself.

Haven't posted in a few days because there has been nothing to report. No weight loss, no working out, no eating better. Pretty depressing. The only thing I have hope for this week is a possible winter weather day off tomorrow. Crossing fingers and toes...

I do have one thing that I'm going to try. Since I have been spectacularly unsuccessful at the working out of late, I want to try a diet change. I'm sure this is something I won't be able to do for an extended period of time, but I want to try a minor experiment with the rest of this week. I know I am not going to get much gym time this week. I've already missed yesterday and this morning, and I won't be able to go this afternoon either. There's a potential snow/ice storm for tonight which might make it unlikely that I get to the gym tomorrow too. So this experiment is just about food.

I've planned out a diet that will run me just under 1200 calories per day. The plan looks like this:

Breakfast: small bowl of Cheerios with 1% milk--approximately 200 calories
glass of juice--approximately 140 calories
Snack: large banana--approximately 120 calories
Lunch: SlimFast shake--220 calories
Snack: Special K protein bar--180 calories
Dinner: SlimFast shake--220 calories

That plus the fiber supplement I take in the mornings (about 30 calories) will get me in around 1110 calories or so for the day. It's possible I might sneak in a handful or nuts or something too, but I'm going to try to just go with what's on the list so far.

If I can stick with this for a few days, I should be able to see a pound or so of weight loss, based on the 3500 calories/pound theory (if you burn 3500 calories more than you take in, you'll lose a pound). If I'm consuming approximately 2000 calories on a normal day (which I'm sure is a conservative estimate), then cutting about 800 each day for four days should get me about 3200, which should be almost a pound.

No idea if this is do-able or not. I don't know if I'll be starving to death by the time I get to the afternoon or not. I may have to tweak with this plan a little, but I'm determined to try it out this week.

But I'm already hungry...

Didn't get around to posting yesterday--busy, busy.

But the good news is, despite a nasty cold that kept me out of the gym and in a NyQuil coma for most of the week, I managed to get back down to 198.0, which means I've erased most of the gain from last week (was down to 197.4 at one point last week).

That means in three full weeks I've lost two pounds. Pretty pathetic. Hopefully the next week will be better--I won't have study hall after school as I have for the past two weeks, so I should be able to get to the gym early enough to beat the evening rush. If I'm going to make any progress, enough to make paddling in March more comfortable, I'll need to really hit it hard this week.

As far as weigh-ins go, I'm back to 200.0. Which means it has taken me pretty much all week to get back to the point I was at almost three weeks ago. Yay.

Saw an interesting video on CNN today. It's a CNN reporter discussing with a CNN analyst on Rush Limbaugh's anti-Obama sentiments. Apparently they were concerned because Rush said he wants Obama "to fail". They found this appalling.

First of all, I don't know why they would be surprised to find this sentiment coming out of Rush's mouth. Limbaugh advertises himself as the voice of the Republican Right. Naturally, the Republicans were...hoping McCain would win! *gasp* So it stands to reason that they would be hoping Obama would fail. If Obama fails, it shows the Democrats were wrong. That's how this works. Why CNN is so shocked, I dunno.

Second, the CNN reporters were convinced that Rush must be anti-American, because wishing for Obama's failure would be wishing for America's failure. So, none of these guys were wishing for Bush's failure? None of them were pleased to see Bush's policies doing poorly? None of these guys cackled with glee when Bush did something unsuccessful? Because that would make them anti-American too, wouldn't it? You know, since Bush was our President for eight years?

Even Saturday Night Live made fun of the media's obvious Obamania. They did a skit that was a send-up of a debate between Obama and Hillary Clinton, where all the questions towards Obama were things like, "Can I get you anything to drink?" and all the questions towards Hillary were, you know, QUESTIONS. Heck, when even SNL makes fun of it, you know there has to be something to it.