First of all, yes, it WAS a joke. Thank goodness.

Second, I weighed in this morning at 196.8, so far the lightest since I started keeping track again the beginning of January, so Yay me!

But then we come to the purpose of this post. Have you ever been given one of those "left-handed compliments"? You know, a compliment that also seems a bit like a criticism?

I'll give an example. One year, as I was bewailing an approaching birthday, a student of mine asked how old I was going to be. Upon hearing the answer, she exclaimed, "Oh, you aren't that old!" I'm sure she was intending to convey the feeling that my upcoming age was not as old as I was perceiving it to be, but instead I took it to mean "Well, you are old, but not as old as you could be." Sort of a compliment, but also a recognition that I am apparently no spring chicken. Or even summer turkey.

I'm sure today's left-handed compliment was just as innocuous. "You look so cute today!" I did dress up a bit more than usual. Some teachers like to be formal and put-together; I am as much of a slob as I can get away with. My husband often complains that I would wear open-toed shoes every day if I could. He's partly right: I love open-toed shoes, but really if I could do it without getting reprimanded I'd go shoeless every time. Anyway, I usually wear clogs, mules, or comfy tennis shoes most days, with slacks and a slightly dressy t-shirt (by dressy I mean it is one of the little stretch t's they sell at Old Navy or Target, not a true cotton T-shirt promoting a sporting event or something). My hair is almost always in a ponytail because I hate taking the time to dry it and straighten it. I do wear makeup every day; that's probably the one "fashion" item I always wear. But today I straightened my hair, and I wore black slouchy suede boots with black leggings (and turquoise socks, which the girls loved because they matched my earrings of all things) and an oversized cream-colored chenille turtleneck sweater. This is pretty much the height of fashion for me, and as good as it's going to get. So I understand the girls' intentions--I was certainly dressed nicer than usual.

But it really made me feel bad about how I'm dressed every other day. I'm already an oversized clod in a herd of trim, nimble, gracefully-aging former sorority girls with fashion sense and a much better ability to color-coordinate than I've ever had. I never went through a girly stage in my life, so I've always dressed like a tomboy. And now, all the fashions that I find really cute are either "too young" for me (there is nothing sadder than a woman in her mid-thirties trying to dress like a teenager) or are not cut to look appealing on someone over a size 8, which I most certainly am well beyond. One of my coworkers favors close cut trousers and tailored jackets; another is tall and willowy and loves shorter skirts and flouncy tops. And here I am, whale amongst dolphins, and I can't even take a compliment without finding some way for it to hurt my feelings.

So maybe I need to take a little more time in the mornings, picking out my clothes, working on my hair, all that crazy stuff. Or maybe I'll keep getting up at the time I get up, go about my same routine, and hope that big and baggy comes back into fashion.