I continue to fail. We're four full weeks into the school year, and the best weigh-in I've had yet is 232. I have not ridden my bike or walked to school once, despite living less than a mile away. I don't feel like I'm eating that much (I generally have a Healthy Choice meal of 350 calories or less for lunch, and maybe an apple and a handful of nuts or a granola bar as a snack at work; I only have instant cappuccino for breakfast, and I have nothing too impressive or unusual for dinner). I guess I'm still taking in more calories than I should, but it doesn't seem like it. Guess I need to scale back.
And I am going to force myself, starting on Monday, to walk or ride my bike at least a few days a week. Some days I may have something after school (I work with the newspaper kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays), or I may have to run to the store or the ATM, and that tends to be why I have been driving. I need to get stuff like that done on weekends so I have my afternoons open.
Here goes nothing...well, I guess nothing is what I've already been doing, so hopefully here goes something...
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I must admit to being somewhat disillusioned with my job right now. While I am really glad to be back in the classroom full time, I can't help but long for the "good old days" at my old school. I was pretty spoiled and sheltered by the all-female, generally upper-middle-class students and their higher achievement abilities. I just don't know that I'm cut out for public school. The kids are much less inclined to put much effort into anything; they'd rather do the minimum available. While my previous students clamored for extra credit assignments, these kids are hardly interested in completing the assignments they are required to do. I've got several students who occasionally miss class to meet with probation officers, I've got one who is a runaway and hasn't been to school since the fourth day of the school year, and I've got one who is in some program that entails his missing my class (I'm guessing it is drug or behavior-related, but I don't know for sure). I would have expected the counseling center to have given the teachers some kind of update or information on these students, so we are aware of any issues that might affect our classes, but we receive nothing. I'm just used to the higher level of communication I seemed to receive from the administration and counselors at my old school. While these kids are nice, I just don't feel like I'm forming the kind of bonds with them that I did with my former students.
I don't know; maybe I'm just being silly. Maybe this is what school is supposed to be like, and my old school was an anomaly. But it was an anomaly that made me comfortable. Maybe that comfort will come with time.
Or maybe I need a day off.
I don't know; maybe I'm just being silly. Maybe this is what school is supposed to be like, and my old school was an anomaly. But it was an anomaly that made me comfortable. Maybe that comfort will come with time.
Or maybe I need a day off.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Quick post (since I'm at work)
Today's weigh-in: 234.0
That means I've lost three pounds since...was it Sunday? Or Monday? Don't remember. I could look, but I'm too lazy.
It's all because I can't snack as often at work. I don't have much food with me, basically one snack (nuts, an apple, a granola bar) and my lunch (an under-300-calorie Healthy Choice dry pasta/rice dealio) and that's it.
Still no exercise yet. Just haven't had a chance to get into the routine. I'm working my way towards getting up before 5--right now my alarm goes off at 5:10. But even getting up that early (I was getting up at 5:30) isn't getting me much of a headstart on my daily routine. I'm afraid it's going to end up being 4:30 in order to get a work out in. Urgh.
Today's weigh-in: 234.0
That means I've lost three pounds since...was it Sunday? Or Monday? Don't remember. I could look, but I'm too lazy.
It's all because I can't snack as often at work. I don't have much food with me, basically one snack (nuts, an apple, a granola bar) and my lunch (an under-300-calorie Healthy Choice dry pasta/rice dealio) and that's it.
Still no exercise yet. Just haven't had a chance to get into the routine. I'm working my way towards getting up before 5--right now my alarm goes off at 5:10. But even getting up that early (I was getting up at 5:30) isn't getting me much of a headstart on my daily routine. I'm afraid it's going to end up being 4:30 in order to get a work out in. Urgh.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
First day of school: a success.
Weight loss before school started: dismal failure.
Today's weigh-in: 237.0
Starting next week, I will try to work out at least three days a week, before school. I also intend to ride my bike or walk to work most days. Hopefully that will help. Also, once we get into the swing of things, I won't be able to snack much during the school day. Maybe that will improve things as well.
Fingers crossed.
Weight loss before school started: dismal failure.
Today's weigh-in: 237.0
Starting next week, I will try to work out at least three days a week, before school. I also intend to ride my bike or walk to work most days. Hopefully that will help. Also, once we get into the swing of things, I won't be able to snack much during the school day. Maybe that will improve things as well.
Fingers crossed.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Not much new to report. Still fat. Haven't been good at all about working out or eating better.
I'm looking forward to going back to work in a week. I can control my food intake much better when I'm not free to snack all day long. I really need to limit myself, though. To streamline things in the morning, I'm planning to just have a Carnation Instant Breakfast before I leave for work. Then I'll probably make myself a coffee at work (that instant cappuccino stuff that I'm sure is really horrible nutritionally, but it tastes super yummy), since the teacher I'm replacing is leaving his microwave. I'll probably take a morning and afternoon snack at first, but depending on what my class schedule is I might only have time for one or the other and not both. I'll probably just take a piece of fruit, granola bar, bag of nuts, and/or cheese stick. Then for lunch I'll either have soup or one of those Healthy Choice microwave meals. Something that I can prepare in my room and eat quickly, since I'll be working through lunch most likely. I think I'll try to assemble some casseroles and stuff ahead of time for dinners, or crock pot stuff (which will be great as it starts to get cold) so I have some time to hang out with the boy in the afternoons before my husband comes home.
Then there's my plan for exercise. My plan is to wake up early (5, probably), do our elliptical machine or a video for half an hour, then shower and get dressed. I'm going to have to get the boy up at about 6, get a bottle in him, get some cereal in him, and then get him to the sitter at 7. I need to check on my "travel time" to school. According to Google Maps, I should be able to ride my bike there in 3 minutes, or walk there in 14 minutes. I will test this next week. I'll have to drop off the boy, get back over to the house, get my bag and bike (or just get my bag) and head off. It's all downhill. If I cut over a street at a time, rather than just take my street straight down to the street the high school is on, that is; it'll take me longer to get home than it will to get there, but I should have no problem getting there in a reasonable amount of time. Walking would be better exercise, because if I ride my bike I won't have to put much effort into it on the way there, but I guess since I need to look sort of professional and put-together for work, maybe that's the way to go. It'll get me a bit windblown, but that's about the biggest downside. Of course, I'll have to lock my bike up. I don't know if I'm allowed to bring my bike inside; probably not. I'm ordering a bike cover from Amazon, and I have a lock. But it makes me nervous, riding my nice, $1800 mountain bike to school. Guess I might end up riding my crappy $300 mountain bike instead. Works fine. That way I won't feel as bad if someone tries to steal it. When the weather is less-than-perfect for biking, I can walk (like if there's a lot of ice on the road). And of course if it's really cold I can always drive the less-than-a-mile to work like a loser. :) But any of those should work since I have to be at school from 7:30-3:30, and the boy's day at the sitter runs from 7-4. Plenty of time.
So hopefully this will get my weight loss jump-started. Because nothing else has...
I'm looking forward to going back to work in a week. I can control my food intake much better when I'm not free to snack all day long. I really need to limit myself, though. To streamline things in the morning, I'm planning to just have a Carnation Instant Breakfast before I leave for work. Then I'll probably make myself a coffee at work (that instant cappuccino stuff that I'm sure is really horrible nutritionally, but it tastes super yummy), since the teacher I'm replacing is leaving his microwave. I'll probably take a morning and afternoon snack at first, but depending on what my class schedule is I might only have time for one or the other and not both. I'll probably just take a piece of fruit, granola bar, bag of nuts, and/or cheese stick. Then for lunch I'll either have soup or one of those Healthy Choice microwave meals. Something that I can prepare in my room and eat quickly, since I'll be working through lunch most likely. I think I'll try to assemble some casseroles and stuff ahead of time for dinners, or crock pot stuff (which will be great as it starts to get cold) so I have some time to hang out with the boy in the afternoons before my husband comes home.
Then there's my plan for exercise. My plan is to wake up early (5, probably), do our elliptical machine or a video for half an hour, then shower and get dressed. I'm going to have to get the boy up at about 6, get a bottle in him, get some cereal in him, and then get him to the sitter at 7. I need to check on my "travel time" to school. According to Google Maps, I should be able to ride my bike there in 3 minutes, or walk there in 14 minutes. I will test this next week. I'll have to drop off the boy, get back over to the house, get my bag and bike (or just get my bag) and head off. It's all downhill. If I cut over a street at a time, rather than just take my street straight down to the street the high school is on, that is; it'll take me longer to get home than it will to get there, but I should have no problem getting there in a reasonable amount of time. Walking would be better exercise, because if I ride my bike I won't have to put much effort into it on the way there, but I guess since I need to look sort of professional and put-together for work, maybe that's the way to go. It'll get me a bit windblown, but that's about the biggest downside. Of course, I'll have to lock my bike up. I don't know if I'm allowed to bring my bike inside; probably not. I'm ordering a bike cover from Amazon, and I have a lock. But it makes me nervous, riding my nice, $1800 mountain bike to school. Guess I might end up riding my crappy $300 mountain bike instead. Works fine. That way I won't feel as bad if someone tries to steal it. When the weather is less-than-perfect for biking, I can walk (like if there's a lot of ice on the road). And of course if it's really cold I can always drive the less-than-a-mile to work like a loser. :) But any of those should work since I have to be at school from 7:30-3:30, and the boy's day at the sitter runs from 7-4. Plenty of time.
So hopefully this will get my weight loss jump-started. Because nothing else has...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Having to dress up for anything, even this funeral I have to go to (student here in MT), is just a reminder of how $%^&@#$ fat I have gotten. I have NOTHING that fits. The clothes I do have are too tight, or too short, because of all my lumps and rolls.
Here's the thing: I've been fat before. But I always had a lot of muscle, even under the fat, so, while I was overweight, I actually wasn't as fat as I could have been. But now, about 10 lbs heavier than my heaviest pre-baby weight, I am MULTIPLE sizes bigger than I ever had been before. That's because I did not work out during my pregnancy, other than walking, and I have barely worked out after the pregnancy. So I'm only carrying 10 lbs more than I ever did before I got pregnant, but because it's a lot less muscle weight, it is fat, a lot of it, that's taking up a lot of space.
I am trying to get rid of this weight, but I'm finding it so hard. As I've said before, when I have the baby with me I have a hard time working out because I'm spending all my time with the baby, playing with him and feeding him and keeping him happy. And when I don't have the baby, I'm so overjoyed to have some time to myself that I just sit on the couch and relish the calm. I need to start taking the baby to the gym and putting him in childcare there while I work out. It just makes me feel guilty to have time to spend with him and instead put him in childcare.
I also have a hard time not overeating. I've always eaten a lot, since I was a kid. But with the lack of working out, and the lack (now) of breastfeeding, and the fact that I'm old and my metabolism seems to have shut down, even the 2000 calorie limit that is generally recommended for the average person would probably make me gain weight.
I need to seriously cut down on my eating, and seriously ramp up the working out.
Here's the thing: I've been fat before. But I always had a lot of muscle, even under the fat, so, while I was overweight, I actually wasn't as fat as I could have been. But now, about 10 lbs heavier than my heaviest pre-baby weight, I am MULTIPLE sizes bigger than I ever had been before. That's because I did not work out during my pregnancy, other than walking, and I have barely worked out after the pregnancy. So I'm only carrying 10 lbs more than I ever did before I got pregnant, but because it's a lot less muscle weight, it is fat, a lot of it, that's taking up a lot of space.
I am trying to get rid of this weight, but I'm finding it so hard. As I've said before, when I have the baby with me I have a hard time working out because I'm spending all my time with the baby, playing with him and feeding him and keeping him happy. And when I don't have the baby, I'm so overjoyed to have some time to myself that I just sit on the couch and relish the calm. I need to start taking the baby to the gym and putting him in childcare there while I work out. It just makes me feel guilty to have time to spend with him and instead put him in childcare.
I also have a hard time not overeating. I've always eaten a lot, since I was a kid. But with the lack of working out, and the lack (now) of breastfeeding, and the fact that I'm old and my metabolism seems to have shut down, even the 2000 calorie limit that is generally recommended for the average person would probably make me gain weight.
I need to seriously cut down on my eating, and seriously ramp up the working out.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I haven't done a weigh-in in a while. I keep forgetting, until after I'm dressed and have had breakfast. No point in weighing in then. So I'll really try to remember for tomorrow.
I've got 4 weeks until school starts. Still time to lose 10 lbs. That's what I'm going to try to do. And I still have my goal of losing as much weight as possible before my brother's wedding in May. But I really have to get on the ball.
It's frustrating that I haven't done better about working out. We've had a gym membership since...March? April? Somewhere around there. And I've gone maybe five times? And my husband hasn't gone at all. Not good.
It's also frustrating that everyone else seems to have so much more willpower than I do. Some of our friends back in Memphis have been working hard at getting in shape. They've started to do running races (which I don't really care about) and biking a lot. Even some of my recently-become-mother friends have already lost weight. I've only lost about 10 lbs from my heaviest pregnancy weight. Also not good.
So I need to get on it.
I've got 4 weeks until school starts. Still time to lose 10 lbs. That's what I'm going to try to do. And I still have my goal of losing as much weight as possible before my brother's wedding in May. But I really have to get on the ball.
It's frustrating that I haven't done better about working out. We've had a gym membership since...March? April? Somewhere around there. And I've gone maybe five times? And my husband hasn't gone at all. Not good.
It's also frustrating that everyone else seems to have so much more willpower than I do. Some of our friends back in Memphis have been working hard at getting in shape. They've started to do running races (which I don't really care about) and biking a lot. Even some of my recently-become-mother friends have already lost weight. I've only lost about 10 lbs from my heaviest pregnancy weight. Also not good.
So I need to get on it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
235.2
Man, I suck at this. I simply cannot motivate myself to work out. When the boy is at the sitter, I celebrate my "freedom" by relaxing at home and doing all the things I don't normally get to do, like waste the day on the computer. And when he's home with me, I spend the whole day entertaining him, and I don't have time to get in a workout. What I need to do is go to the gym, regardless of the day. When I have the boy, I can take him along and leave him in the childcare room. And when I don't have him, it isn't a problem. But I can't get my fat butt off the couch. Sadly, it was easier when we lived in the South--I got bored at home during the summer and so I could usually get myself to the gym, at least a few times each week, and during the school year I had to go past the gym anyway, so why not stop? At this rate, I'm doomed. *sigh*
Man, I suck at this. I simply cannot motivate myself to work out. When the boy is at the sitter, I celebrate my "freedom" by relaxing at home and doing all the things I don't normally get to do, like waste the day on the computer. And when he's home with me, I spend the whole day entertaining him, and I don't have time to get in a workout. What I need to do is go to the gym, regardless of the day. When I have the boy, I can take him along and leave him in the childcare room. And when I don't have him, it isn't a problem. But I can't get my fat butt off the couch. Sadly, it was easier when we lived in the South--I got bored at home during the summer and so I could usually get myself to the gym, at least a few times each week, and during the school year I had to go past the gym anyway, so why not stop? At this rate, I'm doomed. *sigh*
Monday, June 27, 2011
Weigh-in: 233.6
Goal weight: 175 (or less)
Deadline: 19 May 2012
OK. Here's the deal. I am fat. I am in the worst shape I have ever been in. I cannot fit in my kayaks. This can't continue. So I have set my goal. I would like to lose approximately 60 lbs in the next ten or so months, to be below 175 lbs for my brother's wedding. That means losing about 1.5 lbs each week. I should be able to do that. Of course, I should have been able to do that before now.
It's pretty basic stuff: eat less, exercise more. The question is, can I do it? I've failed so many times before...
Goal weight: 175 (or less)
Deadline: 19 May 2012
OK. Here's the deal. I am fat. I am in the worst shape I have ever been in. I cannot fit in my kayaks. This can't continue. So I have set my goal. I would like to lose approximately 60 lbs in the next ten or so months, to be below 175 lbs for my brother's wedding. That means losing about 1.5 lbs each week. I should be able to do that. Of course, I should have been able to do that before now.
It's pretty basic stuff: eat less, exercise more. The question is, can I do it? I've failed so many times before...
Friday, May 13, 2011
Today I realized that I have turned into both a fuddy-duddy and a hypocrite. I've been really disgusted lately with some of the music being played on the local radio stations. Songs like "Porn Star Dancing" by My Darkest Days:
Kelly won't kiss my friend, Cassandra
Jessica won't play ball
Mandy won't share her friend, Miranda
Doesn't anybody live at all?
Amanda won't leave me empty handed
Got her number from a bathroom stall
Brandy just got way too much baggage
And that shit just gets old
But I got a girl who can put on a show
The dollar decides how far you can go
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'
Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
There's nothing hotter than a..
[Chad Kroeger:]
Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage
But that's just not my style
She's got a pair that's nice to stare at
But I want girls gone wild
But I know a place where there's always a show
The dollar decides how far you can go
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'
Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
Let's throw a party just for two
You know those normal girls won't do
[Ludacris]
They won't do
I need a girl thats kinda frisky
Drinking with the fellas
Takin shots and gettin tipsy
We always wanna party cause she sexy as hell
And if i ever get in trouble bailin me outta jail
Cause she a stone cold stunna hotta than the summer
When she step up into the club every man and woman want her
she make me wanna get a stripper pole up in my home
cause of the porn start dancin got me in the zone!
[guitar solo]
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'
Really nice for the family to hear while driving down the road, right? And then there's "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry:
Break me down, you got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud, getting f*ckin' laid
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Take it off, the paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night paid in full
You're so fine, it won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks, just to get you face to face
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Get the video
F*ck you so good
Get the video
F*ck you so good
Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy...bitch
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back, come on
Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star
You'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
You keep me right on
You're crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me
Wow. Even with the radio edit, that's just beyond inappropriate for daytime radio, and pretty much for any radio at all. Pretty misogynistic, to say the least. But even the female singers are guilty, like the lead singer/songwriter for Halestorm:
You don't know that I know,
You watch me every night
And I just can't resist the urge
To stand here in the light
Your greedy eyes upon me
And then I come undone
And I could close the curtains
But this is too much fun
[Chorus]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off
So much left unspoken
Between the two of us
It's so much more exciting
To look when you can't touch
You could say I am different
And maybe I'm a freak
But I know how to twist ya
To bring you to your knees
[Chorus]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off
But you don't know
What you can't see
Is what I do for you
I do for me
[Bridge]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
Yeaaaaaaah...
[Chorus]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off
Yeaah .... I get off
Yeaah .... I get off
I get off!!
Great. Way to encourage the stalkers and voyeurs. There's another one I remember hearing on the same radio station that was something about drinking all day and partying all night, but I don't remember enough of the lyrics to figure out what song it is. Plus, I don't really care.
But it's really been bothering me to hear these songs on a radio station that I'm sure lots of teens and even pre-teens listen to. Certainly not good, wholesome fun.
That would be the "fuddy-duddy" talking. And the hypocrite. I mean, this is ME talking! Once upon a time I was a hard-drinking, hard-rocking, tattooed menace to good judgment. (Still have the tattoos.) I spent a good part of my undergraduate years being a poster child for what not to do. It amazes me to think of how much alcohol I actually consumed in college. Probably why I don't drink much any more now; what's left to drink?
Just today I was pleased because the radio station my husband listens to on his alarm clock (the same station guilty of playing that horrible tripe I mentioned earlier) played some of my favorite songs: "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC (a tribute to the unholy lord of the underworld), "Cowboys from Hell" by Pantera (a band known for their profanity, violence, and general mayhem), and even "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam (about a kid who snaps and shoots himself in front of his classmates). I love party songs. I've seen Poison in concert ("Unskinny Bop" and "Talk Dirty to Me" certainly aren't family friendly songs). I regularly sing along with "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails (famous for the line "I want to f*ck you like an animal"). I have shelves and shelves of books, movies, and CDs that I will have to move so my son doesn't have access to them.
I don't really have any point to this, other than just being surprised at myself for my double standard. I'm not really sure why those songs bother me so much. I guess it's just that my music is so much better. :)
Kelly won't kiss my friend, Cassandra
Jessica won't play ball
Mandy won't share her friend, Miranda
Doesn't anybody live at all?
Amanda won't leave me empty handed
Got her number from a bathroom stall
Brandy just got way too much baggage
And that shit just gets old
But I got a girl who can put on a show
The dollar decides how far you can go
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'
Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
There's nothing hotter than a..
[Chad Kroeger:]
Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage
But that's just not my style
She's got a pair that's nice to stare at
But I want girls gone wild
But I know a place where there's always a show
The dollar decides how far you can go
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'
Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
Let's throw a party just for two
You know those normal girls won't do
[Ludacris]
They won't do
I need a girl thats kinda frisky
Drinking with the fellas
Takin shots and gettin tipsy
We always wanna party cause she sexy as hell
And if i ever get in trouble bailin me outta jail
Cause she a stone cold stunna hotta than the summer
When she step up into the club every man and woman want her
she make me wanna get a stripper pole up in my home
cause of the porn start dancin got me in the zone!
[guitar solo]
She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'
She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'
Really nice for the family to hear while driving down the road, right? And then there's "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry:
Break me down, you got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud, getting f*ckin' laid
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Take it off, the paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night paid in full
You're so fine, it won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks, just to get you face to face
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Get the video
F*ck you so good
Get the video
F*ck you so good
Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy...bitch
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back, come on
Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star
You'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
You keep me right on
You're crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me
Wow. Even with the radio edit, that's just beyond inappropriate for daytime radio, and pretty much for any radio at all. Pretty misogynistic, to say the least. But even the female singers are guilty, like the lead singer/songwriter for Halestorm:
You don't know that I know,
You watch me every night
And I just can't resist the urge
To stand here in the light
Your greedy eyes upon me
And then I come undone
And I could close the curtains
But this is too much fun
[Chorus]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off
So much left unspoken
Between the two of us
It's so much more exciting
To look when you can't touch
You could say I am different
And maybe I'm a freak
But I know how to twist ya
To bring you to your knees
[Chorus]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off
But you don't know
What you can't see
Is what I do for you
I do for me
[Bridge]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
Yeaaaaaaah...
[Chorus]
I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off
Yeaah .... I get off
Yeaah .... I get off
I get off!!
Great. Way to encourage the stalkers and voyeurs. There's another one I remember hearing on the same radio station that was something about drinking all day and partying all night, but I don't remember enough of the lyrics to figure out what song it is. Plus, I don't really care.
But it's really been bothering me to hear these songs on a radio station that I'm sure lots of teens and even pre-teens listen to. Certainly not good, wholesome fun.
That would be the "fuddy-duddy" talking. And the hypocrite. I mean, this is ME talking! Once upon a time I was a hard-drinking, hard-rocking, tattooed menace to good judgment. (Still have the tattoos.) I spent a good part of my undergraduate years being a poster child for what not to do. It amazes me to think of how much alcohol I actually consumed in college. Probably why I don't drink much any more now; what's left to drink?
Just today I was pleased because the radio station my husband listens to on his alarm clock (the same station guilty of playing that horrible tripe I mentioned earlier) played some of my favorite songs: "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC (a tribute to the unholy lord of the underworld), "Cowboys from Hell" by Pantera (a band known for their profanity, violence, and general mayhem), and even "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam (about a kid who snaps and shoots himself in front of his classmates). I love party songs. I've seen Poison in concert ("Unskinny Bop" and "Talk Dirty to Me" certainly aren't family friendly songs). I regularly sing along with "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails (famous for the line "I want to f*ck you like an animal"). I have shelves and shelves of books, movies, and CDs that I will have to move so my son doesn't have access to them.
I don't really have any point to this, other than just being surprised at myself for my double standard. I'm not really sure why those songs bother me so much. I guess it's just that my music is so much better. :)
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Well, I've got some lights at the end of my tunnel. It's been a dark, cold, and pretty exhausting winter. But now that spring has arrived and the weather is improving (slowly), it's time to take stock of a few things.
1. Work.
Yes! I have a job, a temporary one, at least. I got hired to take the place of an English teacher at the nearby high school who is going on maternity leave. The job is supposed to start on April 11, although it could start earlier depending on if she delivers early. It's four classes of freshman English and one of junior composition, and it's a paperless classroom. The students use Google Docs to submit and revise assignments. It's not exactly what I did back in Memphis, but it's pretty close. I'm really excited about it. I am a little disappointed in one aspect, because it sounds like the high school ISN'T expecting to have any teachers leave at the end of this year. Originally, there were supposed to be at least four teachers retiring at the end of the year, because their contracts were supposed to be up at the end of this school year. But the teachers' union ended up rolling over their contract negotiations until next year, so the teachers who were retiring are apparently waiting until the end of the next school year instead of this one. I had hoped I would get one of their positions for this fall. So my status for this fall is still up in the air, but this temporary position will be a nice test run to see if I'm still up to the classroom, and if I can stand to be away from the boy all day.
2. Friends
Well, we still haven't become social butterflies or anything, but I did get invited to a Pampered Chef show at a neighbor's house a few weeks ago, so I had the opportunity to meet a few people. And getting into a school for a little while will give me the chance to get to know some of the teachers too. Plus, we're going on vacation next week to go see my husband's grandparents, his sister and her family, and some of our friends where we used to live. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone and showing off the boy.
3. Weight loss
Yeah, not so much. I'm at my heaviest (nonpregnancy) weight ever. Not good. I do hope that I can change that. We joined the local Y a few weeks ago, and I've managed to go a few times. Hopefully since our neighbor will be watching Brendan, I can zip over there after school to work out. Also, I'm hoping with the warmer weather we'll get out to walk, run, and ride with the boy a bit more. And at school I won't be able to snack all day long.
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better about things. Hope that'll continue...
1. Work.
Yes! I have a job, a temporary one, at least. I got hired to take the place of an English teacher at the nearby high school who is going on maternity leave. The job is supposed to start on April 11, although it could start earlier depending on if she delivers early. It's four classes of freshman English and one of junior composition, and it's a paperless classroom. The students use Google Docs to submit and revise assignments. It's not exactly what I did back in Memphis, but it's pretty close. I'm really excited about it. I am a little disappointed in one aspect, because it sounds like the high school ISN'T expecting to have any teachers leave at the end of this year. Originally, there were supposed to be at least four teachers retiring at the end of the year, because their contracts were supposed to be up at the end of this school year. But the teachers' union ended up rolling over their contract negotiations until next year, so the teachers who were retiring are apparently waiting until the end of the next school year instead of this one. I had hoped I would get one of their positions for this fall. So my status for this fall is still up in the air, but this temporary position will be a nice test run to see if I'm still up to the classroom, and if I can stand to be away from the boy all day.
2. Friends
Well, we still haven't become social butterflies or anything, but I did get invited to a Pampered Chef show at a neighbor's house a few weeks ago, so I had the opportunity to meet a few people. And getting into a school for a little while will give me the chance to get to know some of the teachers too. Plus, we're going on vacation next week to go see my husband's grandparents, his sister and her family, and some of our friends where we used to live. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone and showing off the boy.
3. Weight loss
Yeah, not so much. I'm at my heaviest (nonpregnancy) weight ever. Not good. I do hope that I can change that. We joined the local Y a few weeks ago, and I've managed to go a few times. Hopefully since our neighbor will be watching Brendan, I can zip over there after school to work out. Also, I'm hoping with the warmer weather we'll get out to walk, run, and ride with the boy a bit more. And at school I won't be able to snack all day long.
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better about things. Hope that'll continue...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I've had an interesting insight into my character. I innocently posted a status on Facebook about writing a book. The status was meant to be funny ("I'm writing a book. So far I have all the page numbers done."), but instead I got a response from a Facebook friend, asking if I truly was writing a book, because he was as well. I had to admit that I was not, and mentioned that I had always wanted to write, but did not have the creativity to come up with anything interesting or original (case in point: the status that started all this actually came from a website listing one-liner jokes, not from my own brain; oh, the irony). He asked if I would be willing to critique his work, and said that he felt the most difficult thing about writing was the soul-baring that occurred, the fact that he had to reveal things about himself as he went. I somewhat jokingly said that perhaps that was why I was never successful as a writer. He then stunned me by replying, "Yes, I've noticed that about you." Just from statuses and comments I've made on Facebook, he has deduced that I am insecure and self-deprecating. And he's certainly not wrong. But it's pretty rattling to be told this by someone whom you've never met. Makes me wonder if I need to reevaluate my FB style. Not sure if I want to delve deeper than that.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I've definitely got a problem. How am I supposed to workout long enough to burn some calories if the baby demands my attention every few minutes? And how am I supposed to get in a good, effective workout at home? I sure wish the weather was warmer. If it were, I'd get a good jogging stroller and go spend some time outside walking around the neighborhood. I guess until the weather gets to that point (which will be, oh, May maybe) I'm stuck in the house, trying to figure this out. Meh.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Some more resolutions for 2011:
5. Get a job. I haven't had a full time teaching job since we moved. I'm tired of subbing, tired of tutoring. I miss having a classroom of my own, students of my own, lessons to plan, papers to grade. Plus, we really need the money that only a full time job can give us. Heck, even a part time one!
6. Work harder at the subbing and tutoring until I GET that job. I need to check into daycare so I can find out if subbing will even be a viable option. I mean, subbing only makes about $75 a day. Is it really worth it if daycare costs $50 a day? Would it be better to just try to float as a tutor during Brendan's naps as much as possible? It would be less stress for him, certainly. But there's no guarantee of hours unless I schedule for them, and I can't count on Brendan to be reliable as far as the times of day he's willing to sleep. Some days I might get plenty of sessions, and some days I might not get any at all. And what if Brendan starts screaming during a session? I'm not supposed to bail out of a session, but how can I let Brendan scream for an unknown length of time while I finish the session? This will really be a challenge.
7. Keep in better touch with my family. I need to make sure I speak with my dad and brother every week. I put too much stock in their efforts, and not enough into my own.
Well, I'm sure there are plenty more resolutions I can make. I may update the list if I think of more.
Regardless, I hope 2011 is full of nothing but good things for you and yours. Happy New Year!
5. Get a job. I haven't had a full time teaching job since we moved. I'm tired of subbing, tired of tutoring. I miss having a classroom of my own, students of my own, lessons to plan, papers to grade. Plus, we really need the money that only a full time job can give us. Heck, even a part time one!
6. Work harder at the subbing and tutoring until I GET that job. I need to check into daycare so I can find out if subbing will even be a viable option. I mean, subbing only makes about $75 a day. Is it really worth it if daycare costs $50 a day? Would it be better to just try to float as a tutor during Brendan's naps as much as possible? It would be less stress for him, certainly. But there's no guarantee of hours unless I schedule for them, and I can't count on Brendan to be reliable as far as the times of day he's willing to sleep. Some days I might get plenty of sessions, and some days I might not get any at all. And what if Brendan starts screaming during a session? I'm not supposed to bail out of a session, but how can I let Brendan scream for an unknown length of time while I finish the session? This will really be a challenge.
7. Keep in better touch with my family. I need to make sure I speak with my dad and brother every week. I put too much stock in their efforts, and not enough into my own.
Well, I'm sure there are plenty more resolutions I can make. I may update the list if I think of more.
Regardless, I hope 2011 is full of nothing but good things for you and yours. Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
New Year's Resolutions, Part One:
1. Get more organized. I received a couple of organizers for Christmas (I'd have thought it was a hint, but I asked for them), so I need to use them. Keep track of bills, baby stuff, medical stuff, coupons...you know, that sort of thing. I need to get some more inserts for my DayRunner, as well, and then use them.
2. Eat better and exercise more. I'm about ten pounds away from my weight when I found out I was pregnant, and then about, oh, sixty pounds away from the weight that someone my height and build SHOULD be. Oh, this will be a joy. I'm making no predictions about how much weight I will lose in a particular amount of time, because it's going to be really, really hard to guarantee exercise time with the baby. I haven't done anything physical since last July. No, seriously. Labor doesn't count.
3. Read more. Thanks to my husband and the wonders of technology, I have nearly 500 books on my Kindle to read. I have always loved reading, and I read really fast. However, I haven't read more than a chapter or two a day recently, because of the baby. Instead of parking in front of the TV or the computer while I feed Brendan, I should have my Kindle with me. Again, I can't guarantee a timeframe to plow through all my e-books (plus a couple in paper form), but I need to pick it up for sure.
4. Make more effort to keep the house in order. I've test-driven the baby in his front-carrier, so I should be able to walk around the house with him without having to have a hand on him at all times. It'll make loading the dishwasher and doing the laundry a lot easier. I know he won't want to be in there all the time, but even brief periods will help.
I'll add more resolutions tomorrow. Gotta start getting ready for bed!
1. Get more organized. I received a couple of organizers for Christmas (I'd have thought it was a hint, but I asked for them), so I need to use them. Keep track of bills, baby stuff, medical stuff, coupons...you know, that sort of thing. I need to get some more inserts for my DayRunner, as well, and then use them.
2. Eat better and exercise more. I'm about ten pounds away from my weight when I found out I was pregnant, and then about, oh, sixty pounds away from the weight that someone my height and build SHOULD be. Oh, this will be a joy. I'm making no predictions about how much weight I will lose in a particular amount of time, because it's going to be really, really hard to guarantee exercise time with the baby. I haven't done anything physical since last July. No, seriously. Labor doesn't count.
3. Read more. Thanks to my husband and the wonders of technology, I have nearly 500 books on my Kindle to read. I have always loved reading, and I read really fast. However, I haven't read more than a chapter or two a day recently, because of the baby. Instead of parking in front of the TV or the computer while I feed Brendan, I should have my Kindle with me. Again, I can't guarantee a timeframe to plow through all my e-books (plus a couple in paper form), but I need to pick it up for sure.
4. Make more effort to keep the house in order. I've test-driven the baby in his front-carrier, so I should be able to walk around the house with him without having to have a hand on him at all times. It'll make loading the dishwasher and doing the laundry a lot easier. I know he won't want to be in there all the time, but even brief periods will help.
I'll add more resolutions tomorrow. Gotta start getting ready for bed!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Is it weird that I'm so bothered by the fact that my church, as well as many others, don't have a church service on Christmas Day?
My church growing up did. It was certainly not as well-attended as Christmas Eve services were, but they did have one, and the "regulars" (as I would call them) always attended. I pretty much always went. My dad (and I) sometimes had to sing with the choir, but even when we didn't at least my mom and I went, and usually my brother too, and my dad most of the time. So it seems normal in my mind to have church on Christmas Day. After all, that IS the holiday. I always thought of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as two different holidays, one about the promise, and one about the fulfillment.
Now, I know the reasons most churches don't have a Christmas Day service. First of all, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are pretty much the same holiday, and so people go on Christmas Eve just like many people go to church on Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning--it fulfills the same purpose. Christmas Day services aren't very well attended because people have all their other activities that day--presents, parties, dinners, etc.--and they schedule their time around the church services the night before. And pretty much everyone opens presents on Christmas morning, and who would be cruel enough to make little kids wait to open their presents until after church? Lastly, it gives the pastors and other church officials a chance to spend the holiday with their families after what is usually a pretty time-consuming and maximum-effort to produce the Christmas Eve services, since most churches have more than one.
But it just seems to me that part of the family holiday on Christmas Day should be spend at church. I mean, Jesus IS the reason for the season, and all that. If we spend Christmas Eve in anticipation of His arrival, shouldn't we be back in church on Christmas morning to celebrate the arrival?
My church growing up did. It was certainly not as well-attended as Christmas Eve services were, but they did have one, and the "regulars" (as I would call them) always attended. I pretty much always went. My dad (and I) sometimes had to sing with the choir, but even when we didn't at least my mom and I went, and usually my brother too, and my dad most of the time. So it seems normal in my mind to have church on Christmas Day. After all, that IS the holiday. I always thought of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as two different holidays, one about the promise, and one about the fulfillment.
Now, I know the reasons most churches don't have a Christmas Day service. First of all, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are pretty much the same holiday, and so people go on Christmas Eve just like many people go to church on Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning--it fulfills the same purpose. Christmas Day services aren't very well attended because people have all their other activities that day--presents, parties, dinners, etc.--and they schedule their time around the church services the night before. And pretty much everyone opens presents on Christmas morning, and who would be cruel enough to make little kids wait to open their presents until after church? Lastly, it gives the pastors and other church officials a chance to spend the holiday with their families after what is usually a pretty time-consuming and maximum-effort to produce the Christmas Eve services, since most churches have more than one.
But it just seems to me that part of the family holiday on Christmas Day should be spend at church. I mean, Jesus IS the reason for the season, and all that. If we spend Christmas Eve in anticipation of His arrival, shouldn't we be back in church on Christmas morning to celebrate the arrival?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I'm feeling oddly lonely as the holiday draws nigh.
For the first time since, well, since we started dating, my husband and I are celebrating Christmas in our own home instead of traveling to one of our family members' houses. We've always alternated between going to San Diego to my parents' house or to Wyoming to his parents' house. Traveling wasn't really ever a problem because we didn't have kids. We either packed the dog into the car with us or found someone to watch him for the week or so that we'd be gone.
It was kind of fun, because it gave both of us the chance to experience each other's childhood Christmas traditions and compare our experiences. "My" Santa wrapped presents; "his" Santa didn't. "My" Santa put all the stocking stuffers into the stockings; if it didn't fit, it got given as a regular present. "His" Santa arranged the stocking stuffers that didn't fit into a display around the stockings (this is where the Santa gifts were also placed, rather than under the tree). Our moms made some of the same dishes for Christmas dinner, and some very different dishes as well. My family usually attended multiple Christmas eve church services (thanks to my dad and I singing in the choir) and a Christmas morning service; my husband's family went to their church's only service on Christmas eve and that was it. It was a great insight into each other's upbringing and childhood.
Since my mom passed away a few years ago, my own family stopped doing the family Christmas in San Diego. My brother had his own Christmas with his girlfriend and her family, and my dad came out to visit my inlaws a couple of years and then stayed in his new home in Nevada (and spent Christmas day with his cousins who live an hour away). And we simply went to Wyoming each year.
But now we have our own little family unit. This year, my inlaws went to St. Louis to my sister-in-law's house. We could have gone as well, but the two travel options--20+hours in a car or two airplane flights--did not seem particularly pleasant with a 2-month-old baby. Heck, the five hours to my inlaws' house in Wyoming seems a lot longer with the baby in the car. My dad is staying in Nevada again. My brother is currently in Afghanistan, having his own weird holiday. So we decided that this would be our opportunity to start our own family Christmas traditions, combining traditions from both of our upbringings. Also, it would be a nice, quiet, no-stress event, not worrying about going out anywhere, playing any games, going sledding or skiing, having company over, or anything like that.
But now that everyone is elsewhere, I'm feeling a little let-down. Some of the build-up and excitement that comes with the holiday seems to be lacking. We didn't decorate as much as usual, we haven't baked any Christmas cookies yet, and we didn't put a lot of effort into our presents (money being tight, and the spudster being a little too young to really participate in the holiday). So this Christmas just seems a little, I don't know, less Christmasy than other years. I'm sure next year will be different; Brendan will be old enough to help open presents and put an ornament or two on the tree. But for this year, I'm just not feeling the spirit.
I need to remember that the holiday has nothing to do with my family traditions and everything to do with the Son of God. That's what I need to focus on...
For the first time since, well, since we started dating, my husband and I are celebrating Christmas in our own home instead of traveling to one of our family members' houses. We've always alternated between going to San Diego to my parents' house or to Wyoming to his parents' house. Traveling wasn't really ever a problem because we didn't have kids. We either packed the dog into the car with us or found someone to watch him for the week or so that we'd be gone.
It was kind of fun, because it gave both of us the chance to experience each other's childhood Christmas traditions and compare our experiences. "My" Santa wrapped presents; "his" Santa didn't. "My" Santa put all the stocking stuffers into the stockings; if it didn't fit, it got given as a regular present. "His" Santa arranged the stocking stuffers that didn't fit into a display around the stockings (this is where the Santa gifts were also placed, rather than under the tree). Our moms made some of the same dishes for Christmas dinner, and some very different dishes as well. My family usually attended multiple Christmas eve church services (thanks to my dad and I singing in the choir) and a Christmas morning service; my husband's family went to their church's only service on Christmas eve and that was it. It was a great insight into each other's upbringing and childhood.
Since my mom passed away a few years ago, my own family stopped doing the family Christmas in San Diego. My brother had his own Christmas with his girlfriend and her family, and my dad came out to visit my inlaws a couple of years and then stayed in his new home in Nevada (and spent Christmas day with his cousins who live an hour away). And we simply went to Wyoming each year.
But now we have our own little family unit. This year, my inlaws went to St. Louis to my sister-in-law's house. We could have gone as well, but the two travel options--20+hours in a car or two airplane flights--did not seem particularly pleasant with a 2-month-old baby. Heck, the five hours to my inlaws' house in Wyoming seems a lot longer with the baby in the car. My dad is staying in Nevada again. My brother is currently in Afghanistan, having his own weird holiday. So we decided that this would be our opportunity to start our own family Christmas traditions, combining traditions from both of our upbringings. Also, it would be a nice, quiet, no-stress event, not worrying about going out anywhere, playing any games, going sledding or skiing, having company over, or anything like that.
But now that everyone is elsewhere, I'm feeling a little let-down. Some of the build-up and excitement that comes with the holiday seems to be lacking. We didn't decorate as much as usual, we haven't baked any Christmas cookies yet, and we didn't put a lot of effort into our presents (money being tight, and the spudster being a little too young to really participate in the holiday). So this Christmas just seems a little, I don't know, less Christmasy than other years. I'm sure next year will be different; Brendan will be old enough to help open presents and put an ornament or two on the tree. But for this year, I'm just not feeling the spirit.
I need to remember that the holiday has nothing to do with my family traditions and everything to do with the Son of God. That's what I need to focus on...
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
I am strangely disappointed by our lack of winter weather so far. Which is funny, because it isn't winter yet. But last year, we had four snowfalls (none of which stayed on the ground for more than a day at most) during the month of October. This year, while we had a few days that were kind of chilly and windy, and an occasional rain shower, we had NO snow at all. We're three days into November, with no snow in the forecast until at least the 12th (and of course that could change any time). We did get a little more of a "fall" than we did last year; the leaves actually changed colors instead of just drying up and falling off the trees. But I feel somehow unfulfilled by the weather, which has just been middle of the road (50s and 60s) with some sun and wind. I either want a ridiculous Indian summer with temps in the 70s, or snow with temps in the 30s and 40s.
And the funniest thing of all is, it isn't like I'm even going outside these days. My husband is walking the dog in the mornings while I start feeding the baby, I can't really take the dog for a walk during the day because I'm home alone so I just put the dog on a lead out in the back yard, and I MIGHT get to walk the dog at night before bed IF I'm not in the middle of another feeding. It's pretty ridiculous of me to be this disappointed by the weather. But I am. Maybe it's the hormones.
And the funniest thing of all is, it isn't like I'm even going outside these days. My husband is walking the dog in the mornings while I start feeding the baby, I can't really take the dog for a walk during the day because I'm home alone so I just put the dog on a lead out in the back yard, and I MIGHT get to walk the dog at night before bed IF I'm not in the middle of another feeding. It's pretty ridiculous of me to be this disappointed by the weather. But I am. Maybe it's the hormones.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Had an upsetting experience this evening. I took my dog out for an evening walk, just down the street a block or so to an empty lot where the dog likes to pee. We had turned around at the corner and were walking back on one side of the street. Approaching on the other side were two teen-aged girls (maybe 13-15 years old) walking three dogs: a golden retriever and a black lab, both on leashes held by the two girls, and a dachshund who wasn't on a leash. As they approached, the younger of the two girls exclaimed at my dog, "Oh, look, a husky!" I was launching into my usual speech ("No, he's a Shiba Inu, like a miniature Akita, they're the most common dog in Japan, blah, blah, blah), when suddenly the retriever ripped her leash from the older girl's hands and came barreling full speed across the street at us. Maerlyn (my dog) has always been protective of me and, several times when loose dogs have approached us, he has placed himself between the other dogs and me (which usually means I have to then drag him behind me and try to put myself between the dogs). Of course he charged to the end of his leash to meet the oncoming dog. I dragged him behind me, trying to put myself between the two dogs to give the girls time to come grab their dog. But the retriever was determined to get to Maerlyn. As we turned in circles, with me yelling at the retriever to stop and back off, she pounced on him, biting the back of his neck (he, meanwhile, was flailing and snarling at her). I managed to pull him out from under her and turn away, to find the other girl sitting in the middle of the street with her arms around the lab, trying to keep him from joining the fray. I have no idea if he had actually pulled loose from her or not. Maerlyn and the dachshund, meanwhile, were snarling at each other. When I turned back to make sure those two didn't get into it, I saw that the older girl had gotten hold of the retriever. Both girls were apologizing profusely as Maerlyn and I walked out of harm's way. About half a block up the street, I stopped to check Maerlyn and make sure he was OK. He was damp on one side of his neck from the retriever's slobber when she grabbed him, but it didn't seem that she had punctured his skin or anything (thank goodness for a super-fuzzy dog). He seemed pretty amped up, energy-wise, but didn't seem any the worse for wear. I, on the other hand, was a complete wreck. I managed to get the two of us up onto our driveway and walking up the sidewalk to the front door before I started to cry. It just scared me so much. I am very protective of my dog, and I felt like I wasn't able to protect him and that he'd escaped injury through luck and not through my actions. I can just picture my big fat pregnant self trying to keep between the two dogs. And of course the realization that I could have been hurt and potentially the baby as well (if I had fallen or something) didn't make it any better. I had my husband check over the dog once we got into the house, to make sure he really was OK. It took me about five minutes of shaky crying before I calmed down. It just made me feel really vulnerable.
Of course, after I calmed down it occurred to me that the excitement and adrenaline of the whole event could have made me go into labor. That doesn't seem to have happened (since it's been a couple hours now and I haven't had any contractions or anything). But it was pretty darned intense, and I'd like to avoid that kind of excitement for a while.
Of course, after I calmed down it occurred to me that the excitement and adrenaline of the whole event could have made me go into labor. That doesn't seem to have happened (since it's been a couple hours now and I haven't had any contractions or anything). But it was pretty darned intense, and I'd like to avoid that kind of excitement for a while.
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