I'm feeling oddly lonely as the holiday draws nigh.

For the first time since, well, since we started dating, my husband and I are celebrating Christmas in our own home instead of traveling to one of our family members' houses. We've always alternated between going to San Diego to my parents' house or to Wyoming to his parents' house. Traveling wasn't really ever a problem because we didn't have kids. We either packed the dog into the car with us or found someone to watch him for the week or so that we'd be gone.

It was kind of fun, because it gave both of us the chance to experience each other's childhood Christmas traditions and compare our experiences. "My" Santa wrapped presents; "his" Santa didn't. "My" Santa put all the stocking stuffers into the stockings; if it didn't fit, it got given as a regular present. "His" Santa arranged the stocking stuffers that didn't fit into a display around the stockings (this is where the Santa gifts were also placed, rather than under the tree). Our moms made some of the same dishes for Christmas dinner, and some very different dishes as well. My family usually attended multiple Christmas eve church services (thanks to my dad and I singing in the choir) and a Christmas morning service; my husband's family went to their church's only service on Christmas eve and that was it. It was a great insight into each other's upbringing and childhood.

Since my mom passed away a few years ago, my own family stopped doing the family Christmas in San Diego. My brother had his own Christmas with his girlfriend and her family, and my dad came out to visit my inlaws a couple of years and then stayed in his new home in Nevada (and spent Christmas day with his cousins who live an hour away). And we simply went to Wyoming each year.

But now we have our own little family unit. This year, my inlaws went to St. Louis to my sister-in-law's house. We could have gone as well, but the two travel options--20+hours in a car or two airplane flights--did not seem particularly pleasant with a 2-month-old baby. Heck, the five hours to my inlaws' house in Wyoming seems a lot longer with the baby in the car. My dad is staying in Nevada again. My brother is currently in Afghanistan, having his own weird holiday. So we decided that this would be our opportunity to start our own family Christmas traditions, combining traditions from both of our upbringings. Also, it would be a nice, quiet, no-stress event, not worrying about going out anywhere, playing any games, going sledding or skiing, having company over, or anything like that.

But now that everyone is elsewhere, I'm feeling a little let-down. Some of the build-up and excitement that comes with the holiday seems to be lacking. We didn't decorate as much as usual, we haven't baked any Christmas cookies yet, and we didn't put a lot of effort into our presents (money being tight, and the spudster being a little too young to really participate in the holiday). So this Christmas just seems a little, I don't know, less Christmasy than other years. I'm sure next year will be different; Brendan will be old enough to help open presents and put an ornament or two on the tree. But for this year, I'm just not feeling the spirit.

I need to remember that the holiday has nothing to do with my family traditions and everything to do with the Son of God. That's what I need to focus on...