Having to dress up for anything, even this funeral I have to go to (student here in MT), is just a reminder of how $%^&@#$ fat I have gotten. I have NOTHING that fits. The clothes I do have are too tight, or too short, because of all my lumps and rolls.

Here's the thing: I've been fat before. But I always had a lot of muscle, even under the fat, so, while I was overweight, I actually wasn't as fat as I could have been. But now, about 10 lbs heavier than my heaviest pre-baby weight, I am MULTIPLE sizes bigger than I ever had been before. That's because I did not work out during my pregnancy, other than walking, and I have barely worked out after the pregnancy. So I'm only carrying 10 lbs more than I ever did before I got pregnant, but because it's a lot less muscle weight, it is fat, a lot of it, that's taking up a lot of space.

I am trying to get rid of this weight, but I'm finding it so hard. As I've said before, when I have the baby with me I have a hard time working out because I'm spending all my time with the baby, playing with him and feeding him and keeping him happy. And when I don't have the baby, I'm so overjoyed to have some time to myself that I just sit on the couch and relish the calm. I need to start taking the baby to the gym and putting him in childcare there while I work out. It just makes me feel guilty to have time to spend with him and instead put him in childcare.

I also have a hard time not overeating. I've always eaten a lot, since I was a kid. But with the lack of working out, and the lack (now) of breastfeeding, and the fact that I'm old and my metabolism seems to have shut down, even the 2000 calorie limit that is generally recommended for the average person would probably make me gain weight.

I need to seriously cut down on my eating, and seriously ramp up the working out.