Today I realized that I have turned into both a fuddy-duddy and a hypocrite. I've been really disgusted lately with some of the music being played on the local radio stations. Songs like "Porn Star Dancing" by My Darkest Days:

Kelly won't kiss my friend, Cassandra
Jessica won't play ball
Mandy won't share her friend, Miranda
Doesn't anybody live at all?

Amanda won't leave me empty handed
Got her number from a bathroom stall
Brandy just got way too much baggage
And that shit just gets old

But I got a girl who can put on a show
The dollar decides how far you can go

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'

She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'

Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
There's nothing hotter than a..

[Chad Kroeger:]
Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage
But that's just not my style
She's got a pair that's nice to stare at
But I want girls gone wild

But I know a place where there's always a show
The dollar decides how far you can go

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'

She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'

Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
Let's throw a party just for two
You know those normal girls won't do

[Ludacris]
They won't do
I need a girl thats kinda frisky
Drinking with the fellas
Takin shots and gettin tipsy
We always wanna party cause she sexy as hell
And if i ever get in trouble bailin me outta jail
Cause she a stone cold stunna hotta than the summer
When she step up into the club every man and woman want her
she make me wanna get a stripper pole up in my home
cause of the porn start dancin got me in the zone!

[guitar solo]

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'

She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'

Really nice for the family to hear while driving down the road, right? And then there's "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry:

Break me down, you got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud, getting f*ckin' laid
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Take it off, the paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night paid in full
You're so fine, it won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks, just to get you face to face

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Get the video
F*ck you so good
Get the video
F*ck you so good

Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy...bitch

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back, come on

Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star
You'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
You keep me right on

You're crazy
But I like the way you f*ck me

Wow. Even with the radio edit, that's just beyond inappropriate for daytime radio, and pretty much for any radio at all. Pretty misogynistic, to say the least. But even the female singers are guilty, like the lead singer/songwriter for Halestorm:

You don't know that I know,
You watch me every night
And I just can't resist the urge
To stand here in the light
Your greedy eyes upon me
And then I come undone
And I could close the curtains
But this is too much fun

[Chorus]

I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off

So much left unspoken
Between the two of us
It's so much more exciting
To look when you can't touch
You could say I am different
And maybe I'm a freak
But I know how to twist ya
To bring you to your knees

[Chorus]

I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off

But you don't know
What you can't see
Is what I do for you
I do for me

[Bridge]

I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
Yeaaaaaaah...

[Chorus]

I get off on you
Getting off on me
I give you what you want
But nothing is for free
It's all give and take
Kinda life we make
When your line is crossed
I get off
I get off

Yeaah .... I get off
Yeaah .... I get off
I get off!!

Great. Way to encourage the stalkers and voyeurs. There's another one I remember hearing on the same radio station that was something about drinking all day and partying all night, but I don't remember enough of the lyrics to figure out what song it is. Plus, I don't really care.

But it's really been bothering me to hear these songs on a radio station that I'm sure lots of teens and even pre-teens listen to. Certainly not good, wholesome fun.

That would be the "fuddy-duddy" talking. And the hypocrite. I mean, this is ME talking! Once upon a time I was a hard-drinking, hard-rocking, tattooed menace to good judgment. (Still have the tattoos.) I spent a good part of my undergraduate years being a poster child for what not to do. It amazes me to think of how much alcohol I actually consumed in college. Probably why I don't drink much any more now; what's left to drink?

Just today I was pleased because the radio station my husband listens to on his alarm clock (the same station guilty of playing that horrible tripe I mentioned earlier) played some of my favorite songs: "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC (a tribute to the unholy lord of the underworld), "Cowboys from Hell" by Pantera (a band known for their profanity, violence, and general mayhem), and even "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam (about a kid who snaps and shoots himself in front of his classmates). I love party songs. I've seen Poison in concert ("Unskinny Bop" and "Talk Dirty to Me" certainly aren't family friendly songs). I regularly sing along with "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails (famous for the line "I want to f*ck you like an animal"). I have shelves and shelves of books, movies, and CDs that I will have to move so my son doesn't have access to them.

I don't really have any point to this, other than just being surprised at myself for my double standard. I'm not really sure why those songs bother me so much. I guess it's just that my music is so much better. :)

May 1--227.8. Ouch. Today (well, really tomorrow, I guess) begins 30 days of trying to get this back under control. Eating better, trying to get some exercise, hoping that I can get some of this weight off. Keep your fingers crossed...

Well, I've got some lights at the end of my tunnel. It's been a dark, cold, and pretty exhausting winter. But now that spring has arrived and the weather is improving (slowly), it's time to take stock of a few things.

1. Work.
Yes! I have a job, a temporary one, at least. I got hired to take the place of an English teacher at the nearby high school who is going on maternity leave. The job is supposed to start on April 11, although it could start earlier depending on if she delivers early. It's four classes of freshman English and one of junior composition, and it's a paperless classroom. The students use Google Docs to submit and revise assignments. It's not exactly what I did back in Memphis, but it's pretty close. I'm really excited about it. I am a little disappointed in one aspect, because it sounds like the high school ISN'T expecting to have any teachers leave at the end of this year. Originally, there were supposed to be at least four teachers retiring at the end of the year, because their contracts were supposed to be up at the end of this school year. But the teachers' union ended up rolling over their contract negotiations until next year, so the teachers who were retiring are apparently waiting until the end of the next school year instead of this one. I had hoped I would get one of their positions for this fall. So my status for this fall is still up in the air, but this temporary position will be a nice test run to see if I'm still up to the classroom, and if I can stand to be away from the boy all day.

2. Friends
Well, we still haven't become social butterflies or anything, but I did get invited to a Pampered Chef show at a neighbor's house a few weeks ago, so I had the opportunity to meet a few people. And getting into a school for a little while will give me the chance to get to know some of the teachers too. Plus, we're going on vacation next week to go see my husband's grandparents, his sister and her family, and some of our friends where we used to live. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone and showing off the boy.

3. Weight loss
Yeah, not so much. I'm at my heaviest (nonpregnancy) weight ever. Not good. I do hope that I can change that. We joined the local Y a few weeks ago, and I've managed to go a few times. Hopefully since our neighbor will be watching Brendan, I can zip over there after school to work out. Also, I'm hoping with the warmer weather we'll get out to walk, run, and ride with the boy a bit more. And at school I won't be able to snack all day long.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better about things. Hope that'll continue...

I've had an interesting insight into my character. I innocently posted a status on Facebook about writing a book. The status was meant to be funny ("I'm writing a book. So far I have all the page numbers done."), but instead I got a response from a Facebook friend, asking if I truly was writing a book, because he was as well. I had to admit that I was not, and mentioned that I had always wanted to write, but did not have the creativity to come up with anything interesting or original (case in point: the status that started all this actually came from a website listing one-liner jokes, not from my own brain; oh, the irony). He asked if I would be willing to critique his work, and said that he felt the most difficult thing about writing was the soul-baring that occurred, the fact that he had to reveal things about himself as he went. I somewhat jokingly said that perhaps that was why I was never successful as a writer. He then stunned me by replying, "Yes, I've noticed that about you." Just from statuses and comments I've made on Facebook, he has deduced that I am insecure and self-deprecating. And he's certainly not wrong. But it's pretty rattling to be told this by someone whom you've never met. Makes me wonder if I need to reevaluate my FB style. Not sure if I want to delve deeper than that.

I've definitely got a problem. How am I supposed to workout long enough to burn some calories if the baby demands my attention every few minutes? And how am I supposed to get in a good, effective workout at home? I sure wish the weather was warmer. If it were, I'd get a good jogging stroller and go spend some time outside walking around the neighborhood. I guess until the weather gets to that point (which will be, oh, May maybe) I'm stuck in the house, trying to figure this out. Meh.

Some more resolutions for 2011:

5. Get a job. I haven't had a full time teaching job since we moved. I'm tired of subbing, tired of tutoring. I miss having a classroom of my own, students of my own, lessons to plan, papers to grade. Plus, we really need the money that only a full time job can give us. Heck, even a part time one!

6. Work harder at the subbing and tutoring until I GET that job. I need to check into daycare so I can find out if subbing will even be a viable option. I mean, subbing only makes about $75 a day. Is it really worth it if daycare costs $50 a day? Would it be better to just try to float as a tutor during Brendan's naps as much as possible? It would be less stress for him, certainly. But there's no guarantee of hours unless I schedule for them, and I can't count on Brendan to be reliable as far as the times of day he's willing to sleep. Some days I might get plenty of sessions, and some days I might not get any at all. And what if Brendan starts screaming during a session? I'm not supposed to bail out of a session, but how can I let Brendan scream for an unknown length of time while I finish the session? This will really be a challenge.

7. Keep in better touch with my family. I need to make sure I speak with my dad and brother every week. I put too much stock in their efforts, and not enough into my own.

Well, I'm sure there are plenty more resolutions I can make. I may update the list if I think of more.

Regardless, I hope 2011 is full of nothing but good things for you and yours. Happy New Year!

New Year's Resolutions, Part One:

1. Get more organized. I received a couple of organizers for Christmas (I'd have thought it was a hint, but I asked for them), so I need to use them. Keep track of bills, baby stuff, medical stuff, coupons...you know, that sort of thing. I need to get some more inserts for my DayRunner, as well, and then use them.

2. Eat better and exercise more. I'm about ten pounds away from my weight when I found out I was pregnant, and then about, oh, sixty pounds away from the weight that someone my height and build SHOULD be. Oh, this will be a joy. I'm making no predictions about how much weight I will lose in a particular amount of time, because it's going to be really, really hard to guarantee exercise time with the baby. I haven't done anything physical since last July. No, seriously. Labor doesn't count.

3. Read more. Thanks to my husband and the wonders of technology, I have nearly 500 books on my Kindle to read. I have always loved reading, and I read really fast. However, I haven't read more than a chapter or two a day recently, because of the baby. Instead of parking in front of the TV or the computer while I feed Brendan, I should have my Kindle with me. Again, I can't guarantee a timeframe to plow through all my e-books (plus a couple in paper form), but I need to pick it up for sure.

4. Make more effort to keep the house in order. I've test-driven the baby in his front-carrier, so I should be able to walk around the house with him without having to have a hand on him at all times. It'll make loading the dishwasher and doing the laundry a lot easier. I know he won't want to be in there all the time, but even brief periods will help.

I'll add more resolutions tomorrow. Gotta start getting ready for bed!

Is it weird that I'm so bothered by the fact that my church, as well as many others, don't have a church service on Christmas Day?

My church growing up did. It was certainly not as well-attended as Christmas Eve services were, but they did have one, and the "regulars" (as I would call them) always attended. I pretty much always went. My dad (and I) sometimes had to sing with the choir, but even when we didn't at least my mom and I went, and usually my brother too, and my dad most of the time. So it seems normal in my mind to have church on Christmas Day. After all, that IS the holiday. I always thought of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as two different holidays, one about the promise, and one about the fulfillment.

Now, I know the reasons most churches don't have a Christmas Day service. First of all, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are pretty much the same holiday, and so people go on Christmas Eve just like many people go to church on Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning--it fulfills the same purpose. Christmas Day services aren't very well attended because people have all their other activities that day--presents, parties, dinners, etc.--and they schedule their time around the church services the night before. And pretty much everyone opens presents on Christmas morning, and who would be cruel enough to make little kids wait to open their presents until after church? Lastly, it gives the pastors and other church officials a chance to spend the holiday with their families after what is usually a pretty time-consuming and maximum-effort to produce the Christmas Eve services, since most churches have more than one.

But it just seems to me that part of the family holiday on Christmas Day should be spend at church. I mean, Jesus IS the reason for the season, and all that. If we spend Christmas Eve in anticipation of His arrival, shouldn't we be back in church on Christmas morning to celebrate the arrival?

I'm feeling oddly lonely as the holiday draws nigh.

For the first time since, well, since we started dating, my husband and I are celebrating Christmas in our own home instead of traveling to one of our family members' houses. We've always alternated between going to San Diego to my parents' house or to Wyoming to his parents' house. Traveling wasn't really ever a problem because we didn't have kids. We either packed the dog into the car with us or found someone to watch him for the week or so that we'd be gone.

It was kind of fun, because it gave both of us the chance to experience each other's childhood Christmas traditions and compare our experiences. "My" Santa wrapped presents; "his" Santa didn't. "My" Santa put all the stocking stuffers into the stockings; if it didn't fit, it got given as a regular present. "His" Santa arranged the stocking stuffers that didn't fit into a display around the stockings (this is where the Santa gifts were also placed, rather than under the tree). Our moms made some of the same dishes for Christmas dinner, and some very different dishes as well. My family usually attended multiple Christmas eve church services (thanks to my dad and I singing in the choir) and a Christmas morning service; my husband's family went to their church's only service on Christmas eve and that was it. It was a great insight into each other's upbringing and childhood.

Since my mom passed away a few years ago, my own family stopped doing the family Christmas in San Diego. My brother had his own Christmas with his girlfriend and her family, and my dad came out to visit my inlaws a couple of years and then stayed in his new home in Nevada (and spent Christmas day with his cousins who live an hour away). And we simply went to Wyoming each year.

But now we have our own little family unit. This year, my inlaws went to St. Louis to my sister-in-law's house. We could have gone as well, but the two travel options--20+hours in a car or two airplane flights--did not seem particularly pleasant with a 2-month-old baby. Heck, the five hours to my inlaws' house in Wyoming seems a lot longer with the baby in the car. My dad is staying in Nevada again. My brother is currently in Afghanistan, having his own weird holiday. So we decided that this would be our opportunity to start our own family Christmas traditions, combining traditions from both of our upbringings. Also, it would be a nice, quiet, no-stress event, not worrying about going out anywhere, playing any games, going sledding or skiing, having company over, or anything like that.

But now that everyone is elsewhere, I'm feeling a little let-down. Some of the build-up and excitement that comes with the holiday seems to be lacking. We didn't decorate as much as usual, we haven't baked any Christmas cookies yet, and we didn't put a lot of effort into our presents (money being tight, and the spudster being a little too young to really participate in the holiday). So this Christmas just seems a little, I don't know, less Christmasy than other years. I'm sure next year will be different; Brendan will be old enough to help open presents and put an ornament or two on the tree. But for this year, I'm just not feeling the spirit.

I need to remember that the holiday has nothing to do with my family traditions and everything to do with the Son of God. That's what I need to focus on...

I am strangely disappointed by our lack of winter weather so far. Which is funny, because it isn't winter yet. But last year, we had four snowfalls (none of which stayed on the ground for more than a day at most) during the month of October. This year, while we had a few days that were kind of chilly and windy, and an occasional rain shower, we had NO snow at all. We're three days into November, with no snow in the forecast until at least the 12th (and of course that could change any time). We did get a little more of a "fall" than we did last year; the leaves actually changed colors instead of just drying up and falling off the trees. But I feel somehow unfulfilled by the weather, which has just been middle of the road (50s and 60s) with some sun and wind. I either want a ridiculous Indian summer with temps in the 70s, or snow with temps in the 30s and 40s.

And the funniest thing of all is, it isn't like I'm even going outside these days. My husband is walking the dog in the mornings while I start feeding the baby, I can't really take the dog for a walk during the day because I'm home alone so I just put the dog on a lead out in the back yard, and I MIGHT get to walk the dog at night before bed IF I'm not in the middle of another feeding. It's pretty ridiculous of me to be this disappointed by the weather. But I am. Maybe it's the hormones.

Had an upsetting experience this evening. I took my dog out for an evening walk, just down the street a block or so to an empty lot where the dog likes to pee. We had turned around at the corner and were walking back on one side of the street. Approaching on the other side were two teen-aged girls (maybe 13-15 years old) walking three dogs: a golden retriever and a black lab, both on leashes held by the two girls, and a dachshund who wasn't on a leash. As they approached, the younger of the two girls exclaimed at my dog, "Oh, look, a husky!" I was launching into my usual speech ("No, he's a Shiba Inu, like a miniature Akita, they're the most common dog in Japan, blah, blah, blah), when suddenly the retriever ripped her leash from the older girl's hands and came barreling full speed across the street at us. Maerlyn (my dog) has always been protective of me and, several times when loose dogs have approached us, he has placed himself between the other dogs and me (which usually means I have to then drag him behind me and try to put myself between the dogs). Of course he charged to the end of his leash to meet the oncoming dog. I dragged him behind me, trying to put myself between the two dogs to give the girls time to come grab their dog. But the retriever was determined to get to Maerlyn. As we turned in circles, with me yelling at the retriever to stop and back off, she pounced on him, biting the back of his neck (he, meanwhile, was flailing and snarling at her). I managed to pull him out from under her and turn away, to find the other girl sitting in the middle of the street with her arms around the lab, trying to keep him from joining the fray. I have no idea if he had actually pulled loose from her or not. Maerlyn and the dachshund, meanwhile, were snarling at each other. When I turned back to make sure those two didn't get into it, I saw that the older girl had gotten hold of the retriever. Both girls were apologizing profusely as Maerlyn and I walked out of harm's way. About half a block up the street, I stopped to check Maerlyn and make sure he was OK. He was damp on one side of his neck from the retriever's slobber when she grabbed him, but it didn't seem that she had punctured his skin or anything (thank goodness for a super-fuzzy dog). He seemed pretty amped up, energy-wise, but didn't seem any the worse for wear. I, on the other hand, was a complete wreck. I managed to get the two of us up onto our driveway and walking up the sidewalk to the front door before I started to cry. It just scared me so much. I am very protective of my dog, and I felt like I wasn't able to protect him and that he'd escaped injury through luck and not through my actions. I can just picture my big fat pregnant self trying to keep between the two dogs. And of course the realization that I could have been hurt and potentially the baby as well (if I had fallen or something) didn't make it any better. I had my husband check over the dog once we got into the house, to make sure he really was OK. It took me about five minutes of shaky crying before I calmed down. It just made me feel really vulnerable.

Of course, after I calmed down it occurred to me that the excitement and adrenaline of the whole event could have made me go into labor. That doesn't seem to have happened (since it's been a couple hours now and I haven't had any contractions or anything). But it was pretty darned intense, and I'd like to avoid that kind of excitement for a while.

I have seen my future, and it involves a lot of housework.

I am the world's worst housewife. Pretty much since we moved to Montana, I've had ample time at home, time that I could have been spending making my house a sparkly clean paradise.

But no. I am one of the laziest people I know. Even though there may not be a single worthwhile thing on TV, even though I've watched all our DVDs a thousand times, even though I'm bored out of my mind, I will still sit there, watch TV, watch movies, read books that I've read many times before, rather than get off my butt and do a lick of housework.

Before we moved, I excused myself by considering how much work I had to do that was related to school and coaching, and how tired I was when I got home. Also, we didn't have a dishwasher, we didn't have storage space, and our house was a piece of crap, so I didn't feel that bad about letting the clutter and mess permeate the place. Why take care of it when it wasn't all that great to begin with?

But now, I have no excuses. I have a nice dishwasher, closets and a garage, and no fulltime job. I have plenty of time to spend working on my house, and plenty of places to put things when I put them away. And yet I still sit on the couch all day like a lump.

Now, these last few weeks I've had a little bit of an excuse, since I'm at the end of my pregnancy and having a hard time getting around. But there are still things I could be doing, like putting things in closets and drawers rather than leaving them piled up on countertops. And putting dishes in the dishwasher. And all those sorts of things.

Well, as we've let the house get cluttered up, we've had more to deal with than ever, with all the baby paraphernalia that we are collecting. Clothes, bottles, blankies, toys, furniture...there are piles of baby things everywhere. And now we're struggling to keep up. All the stuff needs to be washed and put away. We're trying to decide where things need to go, and not everything has a home yet. So the house is more cluttered and messy than it has ever been before. Coupled with our basic things, like piled up dishes and mail that needs to be put away, and we've got a disaster of epic proportions.

So, I guess I need to get better at housekeeping IN A HURRY, or we'll never dig ourselves out. I'd hate to misplace the baby in the mess and not be able to find him.

The amount of motivation one possesses is inversely proportional to the amount of work that needs to be accomplished. I've got a checklist of things I need to do before the baby gets here, and I'm inside of five weeks to my due date. I really need to get on it, but it's so easy to just hang out on the couch and not do anything. I don't know how to motivate myself. But I really have to get going on things, or else I won't have anywhere to put the little spud when he shows up!

Another school year is starting, and again I don't have a classroom of my own. I'm looking at another year of subbing (of course, punctuated by however long I'm out for the baby), and more online tutoring. Both the subbing and the tutoring are poor substitutes for having my own classroom and my own students. It's disappointing, because I feel unwanted, even though I suspect the reason I did not get the positions for which I interviewed was the pregnancy (or, more specifically, the fact that I would be missing two months out of the first semester--if I were due after Christmas it might have been a completely different story). I've never had trouble getting a teaching job before, and I spent seven years being an important part of a faculty. Now, I feel like an afterthought, a runner-up, and a ghost in the hallways, just another substitute teacher wandering through the school day. It makes me long for my old school, my old classroom, my old students. I just hope I can get through the school year (and make enough money that we don't starve!). *sigh*

Well, we've been in Montana for a full year now. Time to take stock of "where we are". As far as our goals go, we've done pretty well. My husband really likes his job, which is a huge improvement over what we left. We own our own home now, and we really love it. And we're pregnant and due in October. All of these are good things. Also, we're getting to know the area and the recreational possibilities: we've found good hiking, biking, camping, golfing, and skiing/snowboarding, and Ross has finally hooked up with the local paddling group for a couple trips.

But there are still a few things we don't have. First of all, I don't have a job. I'm subbing, which just isn't very satisfying and doesn't make particularly good money. I'm also tutoring online, which is interesting but just isn't the same as teaching in a classroom. I'm looking at trying to get into indexing, but I don't really know how to go about finding an actual job in the field. Going all summer without my having any income has definitely caused us some problems. We're back in the same financial hole we have found ourselves in so many times before. I had hoped to have a teaching position for the imminent school year, but despite interviewing for three different positions, I don't have anything. We're a little suspicious that perhaps my being pregnant influenced the decision-making process for these positions, but I can't help feeling unwanted. I've never had a problem getting a job before. It really makes me miss my former school.

The other thing we're missing is, well, people. We haven't really made any friends here. When we moved to Memphis, we had an automatic in because my sister-in-law and her husband lived in Memphis, and we did everything with them. Gradually, through work and then through kayaking, we found good friends. Here, we just haven't had those opportunities. It's made me kind of sad; friends in Memphis keep asking if I've had a baby shower, and I haven't been able to admit that I don't have anyone to throw me one.

So we're still working on things. I'm still glad we moved, but there are definitely things, and people, I hate having left behind.

To fence or not to fence.

Actually, that's not even the question. Of course we will fence; we're about to have a kid who will inevitably want to run around outside at some point, and the five-strand barbed wire fence that separates our yard from the prairie is surely inappropriate at best. Plus, it sure would be nice to have a place to chuck the dog in the early morning hours when he wants to go out and I'm just not ready to give up my warm bed.

But what to fence with? And how to do it? Those are the questions we're dealing with. On one side, we have a neighbor whose yard was fenced before we moved in. They used the most popular fencing material in our neighborhood, white vinyl, easily purchased at Lowe's or Home Depot and relatively inexpensive. Now, our neighbors on the other side are planning to start their own fencing project, and they wish to use stained cedar, which definitely looks a lot classier than the vinyl fencing does. So we're going to be mismatched either way we go.

I see a real benefit to the vinyl fencing. It is inexpensive and low maintenance. It is also probably a little easier to install than the wood fence. But the wood fence really does look nice. So we have a decision to make. At some point. Heck, the little munchkin won't be running around for over a year, so we have time.

The other problem is, how to fence? Ideally, I would like to fence as far forward on both sides of the house as possible, all the way up to the front corners of the house. That would give us maximum yard space, which we really need because our back yard is extremely small. On the "wood" side of the house, that won't be a problem, although the front corner of our house is much farther forward than that of our neighbors' house. It probably means we'd have to add on to the front of their fence to extend it as far forward as we can. But all we have on that side of the house is the side of the garage with the rear garage door, and one single basement egress window. As long as that garage door and the egress window are behind the fence, they are somewhat protected.

The other side, "vinyl", is the problem. Our neighbor on that side lives on a plot that is just the beginning of a cul-de-sac part of our street. This means their plot is at maybe a bit of an angle to ours. Their house sits at an odd angle on the lot, as well, so the side of their house does not run exactly parallel to ours. They fenced from the back corner of their house on that side, and the back corner is not as far forward on the lot as ours is. So if we just came off their post, our fence would run at an angle to get to the back corner of ours. It would look strange. Not to mention that it would do nothing to maximize our meager yard. But if we were to fence forward of their fence, we run into another problem. I suspect that the property line is not what is delineated by where the neighbor has built a decorative wall (part of their lot is a little higher than ours). I think the property line probably veers away a bit from that little wall, some of the grass we mow as "ours" is actually on their property. So how weird is it going to look if we fence along the property line, and will someone be able to fit a mower or weedwhacker in there to take care of the grass?

We'll just have to see. The fence isn't high priority until the spud starts walking. Although I'm sure the dog would like it...

Our toy-containment system...

Got to go back to Memphis for the weekend, to attend the graduation of this year's seniors (whom I taught three years ago as freshmen). While we were there, a lot of people asked if we missed Memphis.

There were things ASSOCIATED with Memphis that we did miss. We got to see our kayaking buddies, and we had certainly missed them. We haven't had a chance to go paddling since we moved here, and we haven't met any kayakers yet. Since I'm not going to be able to kayak this season (being pregnant kinda cuts down on the activities one can participate in), so it looks like my husband won't have much opportunity either, since a kayaker shouldn't paddle alone. It isn't just the kayaking itself, but the fellowship associated with it that we really miss. It was great to join the group for one last night, trading stories, laughing, and just generally belonging to something. That is something that we just haven't found here yet.

We also got to visit our former places of employment and chat with our former coworkers. I know my husband, while he certainly does not miss the management and bureaucracy of his company, did really enjoy talking to his friends and commiserating with them about the state of the company these days. Everyone said they were glad that he got out when he did (many of them have been given severance and are just working there on deals with the company to remain for a certain length of time). While he might not have gotten laid off, he might have been asked to move to Florida, where their headquarters are. That was something we didn't want to do.

I was very happy to go visit the school and see my teacher friends and my former students. Everyone was happy to see me, and they all said they missed me. That is something I haven't found yet in Billings. While I've gotten to meet a few teachers in some of the schools in the area (and even went for coffee with one of them), and I've had a few students who now recognize me when I go to a school and seem pleased to see me, I just haven't got a place where I belong yet. I look forward to a chance to have my own classroom with my own stuff, and my own kids, and coworkers than I can get to know. As I stood in the halls of my former school, some students and coworkers walked past me at first, then suddenly realized I was there (there was some squealing from students), because they said it just seemed so normal to see me in the hallways. I really miss that, having a place of employment where I so obviously fit in. I know I will find a place eventually (probably not this coming school year but the next), but that was surely something I have missed.

We also ate at some of our favorite restaurants. We've got good restaurants here in Billings, but we are missing good cheese fries (which we got at Huey's burger place) and really good barbecue (which we got at The BBQ Shop--ribs--and at world-famous Corky's--pulled pork and the best potato salad EVER). Just some regional items that we couldn't expect to find elsewhere.

But as much as we missed our friends/coworkers/paddling buddies and our restaurants, there were an awful lot of things we DIDN'T miss. We got off the plane at midnight on Wednesday, stepped down onto the tarmac, and immediately wilted from the heat and humidity. We endured a couple of wicked nasty thunderstorms with tornado watches associated with them. We have yet to have a weather issue here in Billings that might be associated with potential DEATH. As we drove around Memphis, we witnessed a driver on the interstate cut across five full lanes of traffic rather abruptly with no signaling to reach an offramp. We drove through massive traffic, everywhere we went. We paid *gasp* SALES TAX. We had to lock the doors of the car no matter where we left it (it was a nice Cadillac CTS). There was an evening in Billings we went to a restaurant, and my husband leaned back out the door to make sure he had "honked" the car locks. A guy sitting and waiting in the restaurant laughed and said, "You locked it? Heck, you could leave the keys in it around here!" We left our garage door open accidentally one day, for an entire day, and nothing at all was missing when we returned in the evening. That sort of thing just doesn't happen in the South. Heck, our crappy car was stolen three different times while we lived in Memphis, just in a three-year span of time!

So, while we were very glad to see all our friends, there just wasn't enough in Memphis to keep us there. We were both glad to leave on Sunday morning, and very glad to get home on Sunday afternoon. I hope some of our friends will come visit us soon, because otherwise we probably won't get to see them again for a long time, since I won't be much for traveling and we don't have a lot of reason to return any time soon. Maybe for next year's graduation...

The neighborhood is starting to come alive, after a long winter. We were the last people to move into the neighborhood last fall. Once winter rolled in, everything stagnated. There were between 10 and 15 houses for sale (either through realtors or through the owners) that sat empty all winter. Likewise, there were two houses that were partially built that sat lonely and somewhat haunted through the cold nights. And there were about 15 empty lots, full of snow, mud, and the occasional tumbleweed.

But finally, the snows have melted, the temperatures have climbed (to the 50's, whoo!), and movement has appeared in the neighborhood. It appears at least three of the houses that were for sale all winter long have been sold and occupied. The two unfinished houses have been completed. Ground has been broken (and in two cases framing has already been completed) on three of the empty lots. And in one area in the neighborhood that has just been a big empty field, underground electrical wiring has been laid and it seems that a road may be paved before too long. Not sure if these will be houses in the field, or perhaps commercial properties (man, if we could get a grocery store up here, that would be awesome), but it is progress, and it is welcome.

There are many dichotomies into which the human population can be divided. Dog people and cat people, chocolate and vanilla, morning people and sane people. But one division I have come to know very well in my 10 1/2 years of marriage is this: snooze-button people vs. non-snooze-button people.

I am a non-snooze-button person. Not that I have anything really against the idea of the snooze button; I've just never used it. As a kid my alarm clock didn't even have a snooze button. It was one of those old square analog clocks with the extra hand you set on the time you want the alarm to get up. Then you pull the stem on the back of the clock, and when it reaches the time you set, the alarm goes off. To turn it off, just push the stem back in. My alarm clock was also all the way across my bedroom (I didn't want it beside my bed because I could hear the clock humming and it kept me awake)so I had to get up and walk across my room to shut the clock off. By that point, I was fully awake, and there was no sense in resetting the alarm at that point and going back to sleep. When I got older, I got a similar alarm clock, but it did have a snooze button across the top. However, in all the time I owned the clock, I never did use it. In college, I actually got hypnotized as a freshman, and one of the "commands" I was given (according to one of my best friends) was that I would always wake up when my alarm went off. While I can't say for sure it's because of this command, I can say for sure that I have never in my life slept through my alarm. So a snooze button doesn't do me any good. I do wake up right away (sometimes I actually wake up about a minute before the alarm goes off; I think the tone of the clock, even though it is digital, changes and I can hear it). I cannot go back to sleep in the nine minutes in between alarms, so the snooze button really doesn't serve any purpose for me. I would rather sleep soundly until the very last possible minute, and then get up.

My husband is a snooze-button guy. I don't know his personal history with snooze buttons; all I know is he uses it several times each morning, depending on how tired he is. Generally, the snooze button is hit twice each morning; by the third alarm, my husband is awake enough to roll out of bed. If he's really tired, the snooze button might get hit a third time, but he doesn't have a lot of extra time built into his morning, so he can't tarry in bed forever. We've never really discussed his use of the snooze button. I assume, since he is not a morning person and often does not sleep well at night, that he needs a couple of trial alarms before he finally commits to one. He probably just wakes up a little more each time, until he's finally awake enough to start his day. So, he really gets up out of bed about 20-30 minutes after the first alarm goes off.

Despite what you might think, the snooze-button issue has never been a hot-button (ha, see what I did there) topic in our marriage. For most of our marriage, I have been the one who gets up first in the mornings. With two alarm clocks, one on either side of the bed, and both alarm clocks with the capability to set two separate alarm times, we were able to control our own morning destinies. I would get up early, no snooze button needed, and walk the dog, eat breakfast, go to the gym, and head out to work. My husband, on the other hand, would hit the snooze button a few times, then get up and get on his way, quite a bit later than I had. I can't say how many times he would hit snooze, since I wasn't present, but I know that he did.

Now, if I didn't have to work, like in the summers, the snooze button would come into play in my life. But it still wasn't a problem. I would just snuggle up with my husband while he snoozed, before he would have to get up and head out to work. If I was really tired, I would walk the dog and then go back to bed after he left for work. Most of the time, I would just get up at the same time he did and start my day.

Since we have moved, however, the snooze-button has played a larger part in my life. Our second alarm clock is in our guest bedroom. This leaves one alarm clock in our bedroom, and it's on my side of the bed. If I have a subbing gig, I get up about half an hour before my husband's first alarm ever goes off, no snooze used for me. If I don't have to sub, I am now the keeper of the snooze button for my husband. I wake up, and hit the snooze alarm. I still don't fall back to sleep after the initial alarm; I generally just lay there with my eyes closed. When my husband seems a little more awake, usually after the second alarm, I will snuggle up next to him. But often, after the snooze is hit the second time, I'll get up and walk the dog, leaving my husband on the wrong side of the bed from the alarm clock and having to deal with his own snooze. I have no idea how many times he hits the snooze button after I get up; when I come back from the walk he's up and in the shower, typically.

It's this recent snooze-button situation that has made me ponder the snooze button in such detail. I had just never thought about it much before now, but since I'm the keeper of the snooze button, I have this pressure to perform that I've never had before.

Just a random thought for the day. Now I need a nap.

I recently discovered a really interesting blog, called Radical Parenting. It's basically parenting, from a teenager's perspective. While some posts could be just the ranting and raving of teens, complaining about the unjustness of their lives and their parents, there seem to be some valid points brought up in many of the topics that are discussed.

One of the most interesting ones I read was called "What Kind of Kid Do You Have?". The article discusses the four kinds of kids that exist in this millennial, highly electronic era. I've seen all four of these kinds of kids, and it was really enlightening to hear the teen's perspective on the effects of parenting on their coping skills.

The first type of kid is called "The Teacup", owing to their emotional fragility. These kids were treated as overly delicate by their parents. The parents worried so much about their physical and emotional health and well being that the kids were not allowed to go out and experience the variety of human emotions necessary to development. This is especially true of FAILURE. The parents prevented them from failing, one way or another, so now that the kids are growing into adults they do not have the ability to cope with everyday pressures and problems. The kids can't handle criticism and fall apart easily under even minor adversity. I saw a lot of these kids in the private school environment where I used to work. It was a small school, and special care was taken with many of the kids to ensure the most positive experience possible, in some cases to the detriment of the child. EVERYONE will fail at something in life; if a child is never exposed to failure while growing up, he or she will be completely incapable of coping with failure as an adult. What we're left with is either a person who utterly fears any kind of change or challenge, or worse, a person who completely gives up at life and barricades himself or herself inside (literally or figuratively).

The next kind of kid is "The Toastie". This is because of the "burn out" factor. These are kids who are heavily loaded with activities from a very young age, or who are heavily invested in a particular activity. I saw a lot of "Toasties" when I was coaching swimming. I had some GREAT swimmers, who really could have been successful swimming in college. Instead, they had spent so much time in the pool, and worked so hard, and sacrificed so much of their free time that they could have otherwise been spending with friends or just unwinding, that they quit swimming, in many cases right at the height of their abilities. They had missed out on so many of the fun things that come with just being a kid (unstructured time, self-driven play, just "hanging out") that they felt the need to drop the activity completely in order to preserve their sanity and stability. It's unfortunate to see talented kids get burnt out on a sport or activity that should be fun and enjoyable. While sports are common ground for "Toasties", they can be found in 4H, Boy and Girl Scouts, pretty much any activity. I worry about my nieces becoming "Toasties". They play soccer and basketball, do gymnastics, swim on the local swim team, and participate in church activities. Their days are heavily scheduled, plus they have year-round school. I'm always amazed when I hear their mom and dad outlining their schedules for the week. I was pretty lucky. While my parents encouraged me to participate in activities, I was never pushed to do so. If I didn't like a sport, I didn't have to continue it. I did not do any sports that ran concurrently (so no multi-sport seasons). I had plenty of down time to play with my friends or do what I wanted to do. And as I got older my parents helped me learn to budget my time so I had enough time to participate in the sports and activities I valued most plus still get my schoolwork done. If a kid wants to quit a sport or activity, it should be because he or she genuinely is no longer interested, not because he or she is stressed out, worn out, or burnt out.

The third type of kid is "The Turtle". This kid has never been taught to work for anything, perhaps because the parents sheltered him or her, or perhaps because he or she fell through the cracks and was passed along from one teacher/school to another without ever being held accountable for anything. These kids are allowed to be apathetic and lazy. It could be that, when the kids who need special help and the kids who are exceptionally high performing take up so much of the parents' and teachers' time, "The Turtle" just gets brushed aside as being neither too bad nor too good to merit much attention. Since they've been largely neglected or ignored, or simply left to their own devices because they were "getting by", they've never learned how to push themselves to be more successful. These are kids who will have NO idea what they want to do with their lives when they get out of high school. They may go to college, but they might not finish because they simply have never been given any kind of direction. Some of these kids are downright slackers, intentionally, because they don't care. As long as they can get by, they don't worry about ever actually being successful at anything.

The fourth kind of kid is "The Tyrant". These are the precious little shits I got SO tired of while working in a private school. In almost every case, "The Tyrant" was created by his or her parents. The parents condition the child to believe that he or she is brilliant, fabulous, talented, and just in general better and more important than everyone else. Many of these kids are pretty smart or reasonably talented, but to their parents (and more importantly to themselves) they are they most brilliant and most talented people on the planet. While they will often put a fair amount of effort into an endeavor, they expect a big payoff and massive amounts of attention and acclaim. Even if they aren't successful in something, they expect to still be recognized for the effort they have put into the activity. Many times I had students completely fair an assignment, only to tell me, "But I worked so HARD on this!!!" What these kids (and their parents) don't seem to understand is, NOBODY in the real world gives an "A" for effort. It really doesn't matter how hard you tried at something, if you didn't get it right. That sounds callous and coldhearted, especially from a teacher, but it's true. If you were living in Africa, and you tried really hard to avoid being eaten by a lion, but the lion ate you anyway, does it really matter how hard you tried? No. Now, not everyone is going to be successful at every thing, every time. Look at Thomas Edison. He failed hundreds, probably thousands of times at inventing useful creations. But he was very successful at some of his inventions. There needs to be a balance. It isn't about just putting in the effort; it's about putting in the effort to get it right.

Now, kids are not necessarily going to slide smoothly into just one of these categories. In many cases, kids will have attributes from several of the categories. A kid may be super-sheltered and fear change, but be a tyrant at the things he or she already participates in. A "Toastie" may become so burnt out that he or she just becomes a "Turtle" as a self-preservation instinct.

The big question is, how do you deal with these kids, either as your own or in a classroom? In a classroom, you are definitely limited in how you interact with these kids and what you can do to improve their outlook. When they are your own kids, you definitely need to take a look at your parenting tactics and see how you have caused these attributes and what you can do to fix them before it's too late. Every parent, and teacher, wants to see kids succeed. While there's little that can be done to fix "nature", "nurture" can go a long way to seeing the next generation become powerful, successful, and a lot less annoying.

I am surprised to find myself disappointed in HBO for messing up a series of books I am not incredibly impressed with anyway. Hmm.

I am talking about the HBO series True Blood, based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris. I started reading the books on the recommendation of a close friend, and also on curiosity about a series containing one of my favorite subjects: vampires.

That's not to say that I am vampire-obsessed or anything like that. I'm certainly not, in Harris' terms, a fangbanger. But I've always liked vampires. I love Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, and one of my favorite movies is The Lost Boys. Vampires have been quite romanticized in popular culture over the years, for whatever reason. Tough and dangerous, yet vulnerable; I think the appeal is that a vampire seems to be the ultimate in bad boy/girl. Girls love the bad boys, right? Especially the ones who have a sensitive side. And guys love the girls who are a little bit naughty. So we have a deluge of vampires in entertainment today.

I have yet to find any vampire stories I like as much as Anne Rice's books. Charlie Huston has been the most entertaining author I've read so far, with his Joe Pitt series, kind of a cross between vampires and crime noir. I also have enjoyed the House of Night books by PC and Kristin Cast. While the stories are definitely aimed at teenagers, specifically teenage girls, there is a depth to the stories and an inclusion of various mythologies and legends that adds a lot more interest to the series. I did read the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer, although I really wasn't impressed. The stories are VERY "13-year-old-girl-ish", meaning all the cliches about romance, relationships, teenage perceptions, and vampires are all present in abundance. I mean, who else would appreciate that vampires, classically believed to be dangerous blood-sucking fiends, are also *sparkly*? Yikes.

Anyway, I started reading the Sookie Stackhouse books because one of my best friends swears by them as her one naughty little indulgence. The stories are pretty interesting, for the most part. The main character, Sookie, is a telepathic human. She is looked at as a weirdo by the other humans she's around. Being different, she ends up finding herself much more at home around "supes", that is, supernatural beings, such as vampires, Werewolves, shapeshifters, witches, fairies, and demons. There are always some interesting mysteries in each story, involving Sookie, her brother, her friends, and her relationships with the supes. While the subject matter is pretty good, the writing style is pretty vanilla. The big draw, at least for my friend (a single mother), is the sex. Harris throws in some naughty little scenes to appeal to her target audience, probably middle-aged women who need a little naughtiness in their lives. Anyway, there is enough sex in the books to have caught the attention of HBO executives, who are known for providing naughtiness for millions of cable subscribers.

So HBO took the Sookie Stackhouse novels and adapted them into a series called True Blood, named after a brand of synthetic blood the vampires drink in the novels. Anna Paquin (for me eternally Rogue in the X-Men movies) plays Sookie. And I have to say, bless her heart, she just isn't a very good actress. Her Southern accent doesn't impress me, and she spends a lot of time staring round-eyed at the other characters and looking confused. The other actors and actresses who play the other characters aren't much better. And none of them look quite as I had pictured in my head (I hate that). Plus, they made some changes to the original storylines, which I'm sure seemed like a good idea to the HBO people, and probably made filming a little easier, but it bothers me when the events I expect get changed. And most annoying of all, they felt it necessary, as with every HBO series, to ramp up the sex. I really don't need or appreciate graphic sex scenes, but HBO put them in every episode. Meh.

I'll probably finish out the series, or at least the season, mostly because I hate starting a series and not finishing it. But I'm pretty disappointed. At least I have real TV shows like 24 and Heroes to keep my entertained.

I think I'm a little envious of my sister-in-law's neighborhood.

Not that I would be willing to move to where she lives, mind you. I'm not willing to trade the climate and the crime rate for a place where all the neighbors know each other.

But I am a little jealous. We've been living in our house now for almost three whole months, and I have yet to meet any of our neighbors. Oh, I've seen them, sure. And I've even said hello a few times. But there hasn't been any further contact than that. And it's a little disappointing.

My sister-in-law's neighborhood is interesting. It's a development of two streets and a couple of cul-de-sacs that, while connected to the next development over, seem entirely self-contained. The only traffic in the neighborhood consists of the people who live there, so any interlopers are noted and watched with interest. I know a few things have disappeared from garages that were left open, but for a neighborhood in the suburbs of one of the highest crime rate cities in the US, they really have few problems. Also, it's the kind of neighborhood where the kids can go play in the street without a real danger that they will get hit. Traffic does not pass through the neighborhood, and the locals drive carefully.

Everyone in the neighborhood hangs out together. The guys all go golfing together, the wives all work out together. The kids all play together. During the summer, everyone sits out on their driveways. Some of the neighbors pull out portable firepits and light them up, and then everyone just wanders through the neighborhood from driveway to driveway. In some driveways, you'll find a cooler of beer. In another, you'll find bottles of wine. Some of the houses have pools, and the kids will go from pool to pool and work their way through the neighborhood. In the winter, there's still a party every week, at one house or another. The kids can trick or treat safely and stay in their neighborhood. Everyone has Christmas parties and New Year's parties. It's just kind of a fun place to live.

I have high hopes that when the weather here warms up, I'll see people sitting out in front of their houses in the evenings. I've noticed a few chairs on porches here, so there's good possibility. But I'm just a little disappointed that I haven't met any neighbors yet. Of course, I haven't done much to meet the neighbors, so I guess I am as much to blame as anyone else. Maybe I'll shovel everyone's sidewalk when we have the next snow...

Why do people believe that being honest and being tactful don't go together? How many times do you hear someone say "I don't mean to be rude, but..." or "I'm not trying to insult you, but..." right before saying something rude, insulting, and just generally offensive, regardless of how true it might be? How does prefacing your insult with an apology lighten or negate the offense?

This came to mind because I was watching a TV show and one of the characters told another that she "wasn't skinny enough to be a Playboy model". When she took offense, he told her that he was just being honest and not trying to insult her or anything. Whether or not the statement was true, the guy in question could have been much more tactful about how he approached the subject. First of all, he could have said nothing at all. That's the most tactful way to handle such a situation--just abstain from responding, or even change the subject. Or, if he just had to respond, he could have said, "You aren't skinny enough...you know, those Playboy models are so scrawny they look dead." You know, present the "truth" in a much more positive light. Instead of being told that she wasn't appealing enough to be in Playboy, the comment would make the Playboy models the unappealing ones.

It just struck me as odd that so many people think that "telling the truth" in a blunt way is the best way to converse with other people. They seem to think that if they ease up on the truth or take a kinder approach, it lessens the truthfulness. I don't understand how being aware of someone's feelings and trying to not hurt them would make the truth somehow less effective. Instead, all it seems to do is make other people less likely to ever ask you for your opinion or for "the truth".

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I've been spending a lot of time getting used to my new city and my new house (and sitting around doing as little as possible).

Anyway, one of the things I've had to get used to is living in winter weather again after eleven years. We've had several significant snowfalls, and I have already learned several things about my new environment: it's much windier here than I had expected, and my neighbors do not shovel their sidewalks. Both of these elements impact my morning doggie walks. When the snow is powdery, it isn't that much trouble for me to walk through it, but for my poor dog, only 16 inches high at the shoulder, 8 inches of snow is a pretty major obstacle. But then, when the wind blows, the snow blows into deeper drifts AND ices over. This creates a new problem. I struggle to trudge through the drifts, and the dog tries to walk over them. That only works if the crust is thick; otherwise, the dog plunges through and has to bound out of the drift. Also, neither of us enjoys having the wind blowing in our faces during our outings. It would be a lot nicer if the neighbors would just shovel the sidewalks. Oh well.

Most of the time, it's just a gentle breeze, but we've had a number of days with +25 mph winds. Guess I need to plant some fast-growing trees in my front yard to create a wind break. And fence the back yard so I don't have to go on so many walks.

We close on Oct. 27, so just over a week away. Just trying to get the finances in order to have our money together for the closing. This is so exciting!

On the weight loss front, not much to report. Although I've been jogging in the mornings, I haven't been able to get a grip on the eating. But we've decided to really try to eat better. Hopefully this week will show some improvements.

Also, we've purchased another tool to help: the Wii Fit. It's got a balance board that you stand on, and then you follow the directions of the games. There are games for balance, games for aerobics, yoga, you name it. And then there are personal trainer games that you can purchase as well, including games from the Biggest Loser trainers. You create a profile that is stored on the hard drive of the Wii console, and it records your weight (since the balance board can function as a scale), the amount of time you spend playing the games, and its estimate of how many calories you've burned. You can even set up goals for weight loss and you can create your own personalized training program. I spent almost an hour on it this morning, and I didn't even work my way through all the games. It was a little disheartening to have a video game tell me I was obese and "unbalanced" (my core strength, not my state of mind, thank you very much), but at least it is a fun way to get in another workout. If I can run in the mornings, maybe get on my bike when the weather is nice, and spend an hour or so each day playing the Wii Fit, maybe I can finally lose some weight.

We're also looking at other ways to get our exercising back on track. In our new house, we've got a big basement living room. We are thinking about setting it up as a workout room for now. We would like to put another TV down there for the video games and exercise videos, plus an elliptical machine, some dumbbell weights and a bench, and stationary bikes. For the bikes, we want to get the stands that turn your regular bike into a stationary bike by lifting it up off the ground. Both of us have older mountain bikes that we'd like to replace, so we could use the older bikes with new slick tires on the stationary stands and ride new mountain bikes around when the weather is nice.

Of course, much of that is in the future; we don't have the finances to just whip out there and go buy all this stuff. But hopefully it will make our working out more interesting. Also, there's a foundation here in Billings that is trying to get a pool built in the area where we live. That will make the summers nice.

So we're trying. Hopefully this time we'll make some actual progress.

Time to update. My husband and I put an offer in on a house yesterday. It's a 3 br, 2 ba, 2700 sq ft ranch-style with a basement. Part of the basement is unfinished, giving the house the potential to become a 5 br, 3 ba. It has a pretty small, unfenced yard, which is a bit of a downer, but we can fence it and at least have a place to throw the dog at 5 in the morning when he's fussing and I'm not yet ready for a walk. The original asking price was 237,400. I'm not sure how long it's been on the market (it's only 2 years old but it has been lived in), but the owners had come down to 224,000. We offered 218,000 (and to pay our own closing costs). The owners are supposed to respond by 7 p.m. today, either accepting, rejecting, or countering. We're hoping if they do counter it won't be by a huge amount. Anyway, we're very excited about the possibility of actually owning our own home, as opposed to renting. Now it's just a waiting game.

On the job front, I have gotten a couple calls to sub with one of the school districts in the area. Unfortunately, both of them came on days I had prior appointments set up with the realtor, so I haven't actually subbed yet. I am still waiting for one more letter of recommendation to come in so I can finish off all my teaching applications and get set up to sub at the other school districts.

On the weight loss front, things are at basically the same place they've been for a long time now. I did unpack the scale, and I'm sitting at about 200, as I thought I was. I'm a little disappointed, because I've been trying to jog with the dog every morning, and I'd hoped that might make some improvement. But since I'm home during the day, I'm close to food (so I'm probably nibbling more all day long than I should), and since I'm not teaching, I'm not moving around as much the rest of the day as I normally would. So the jogging probably isn't doing as much good as I'd like. We've opted to not join a gym right now, and we don't own any exercise equipment, so we're kind of struggling to figure out how to work out. We do have our mountain bikes, so hopefully we'll get into a routine of biking around the neighborhood. And once the snow flies, we've got season tickets at a ski resort about an hour away. Maybe when we have our own house, we can get a treadmill and some free weights so we can work out at home.

Well, that's all I've got right now. We're just waiting...

So, it's been a really long time since my last post. Since then, things were thrown into a bit of chaos, and my world has completely changed.

My husband got a new job, back out West. For YEARS we've wanted to move away from the South, and here was our chance! So we packed everything up and drove across eight states. We stayed for a few weeks at a friend's house, then found an apartment to live in for a few months, until we try to buy a house. I'm currently jobless, as we moved too close to the beginning of the new school year for me to find a full-time position. I have applied as a sub in the local schools, so hopefully I'll have something to do. But it's all kind of a holding pattern right now.

What this means is, it's a whole new ballgame. We're now in a part of the country where it should be easier to be involved in outdoor activities, so we're going to rededicate ourselves to getting healthy and losing weight.

Not sure what my "starting" weight is, as our scale remains packed. But I can assume it's around 200, as it so often is. *sigh*. Same sh*t, different state...

As nation gains, 'overweight' is relative
By Elizabeth Landau
CNN

(CNN) -- The little number on the tag on a pair of pants that indicates size can mean a lot to a person, and retailers know it.

The probability of people describing themselves as overweight is decreasing, researchers find.

That's why, in recent years, as the American population has become generally more overweight, brands from the luxury names to the mass retail chains have scaled down the size labels on their clothing.

"You may actually be a size 14 and, according to whatever particular store you're in, you come out a size 10," said Natalie Nixon, associate professor of fashion industry management at Philadelphia University. "It's definitely to make the consumer feel good."

Research shows that, when it comes to self-perception, the concept of "overweight" may be relative.

A working paper from a group led by Mary Burke, senior economist at the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston, Massachusetts, suggested that people's perceptions of overweight have shifted, and "normal" is now heavier than it used to be.

Researchers used data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys, nationally representative surveys run by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The first group was surveyed in 1988-1994, and the second was surveyed in 1999-2004. Because there were different people in each survey, it is not possible to tell if the perceptions of individuals shifted over time, the authors said.

Participants were asked whether they consider themselves "underweight," "about right," or "overweight," and reported their body mass index, a measure of the health risks associated with weight.

Are people more complacent, or better educated?

Although the BMI of the general population increased from the earlier survey period to the later one, the probability of people describing themselves as overweight decreased in the later survey, researchers found.

They found that weight misperception tended to decrease among women -- meaning women with normal BMI who were surveyed in 1999-2004 were less likely to say that they're "overweight" than women with normal BMI in 1988-1994, especially among 17 to 19-year-olds. For men, it was about the same.

"For women, this was good news," Burke said. "Women seem to get a more realistic perception of themselves."

Although the study authors said this trend may reflect healthy body image campaigns, physician nutrition specialist Dr. Melina Jampolis, who was not involved in this research, said she doubts that positive messages had this much influence.

Rather, it is the relative increase in weight of the general population that makes people with normal BMI feel more normal, she said.

On the flip side, feeling normal but being overweight may decrease a person's motivation to lose weight, Burke said.

Still, while the BMI scale reflects disease risks associated with being overweight, it does not reflect the whole story of a person's health, experts said.

There have been reports that being somewhat overweight, but not obese, is associated with decreased mortality, such as a 2005 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association that looked at deaths from a variety of causes.

Innovations such as treatments for high cholesterol have lowered the death risks for overweight people, Burke said. Especially for older adults, being slightly overweight may increase bone density, cushioning bones against falls, she said.

But the JAMA paper shows associations, not causes. People should not take this information as an excuse to gain weight, Jampolis said.

There are, however, other reasons that BMI isn't the whole story -- for instance, it does not reflect the distribution of a person's weight, Jampolis said.

"You could have really skinny arms and legs and just carry your weight in the middle, and it could be only 10 pounds, but belly fat, the visceral adiposity, it could very significantly increase your risk of disease," she said.

Experts noted that plumpness has been in style during some historical periods, especially as an indicator of prosperity when food was scarce. But the ideal of controlling one's food isn't new either. The book "Fat History: Bodies and Beauty in the Modern West" by historian Peter Stearns points out that fasting was a religious virtue seen throughout the Middle Ages, and continuing into the Puritan version of Protestantism. Christianity also espoused the idea of restricting food to fight sin.

The artistic and literary movement known as Romanticism, beginning in the late 18th century, stressed "slender, ethereal" ideals, Stearns wrote. The 1830s brought a prominent New York fashion style of a "willowy" look for young women, and there were many reports of anorexia nervosa during this time, the book said. But for older women, plumpness remained fashionable, and women on stage were expected to be voluptuous.

The meaning of the word "diet" came to include the goal of weight loss as early as 1910, Stearns wrote. "Middle-class America began its ongoing battle against body fat" between 1890 and 1910, Stearns wrote. The main factors that contributed to this shift were the advent of fat-control devices, the rise of public conversation about fat, and changes in fashion for both men and women, he wrote.

The culture of beauty that shaped up around the turn of the last century, promoting slimness as beautiful and fatness as ugly, has intensified since then, Stearns wrote.

Despite the widespread notion of dieting, obesity has risen dramatically over the last 20 years in America, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A recent survey by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Trust for America's Health found that the percentage of adults classified as obese went up in 23 states in the last year.

As clothing size numbers scale down in an era when bodies are getting more overweight, portion sizes have been increasing, Jampolis said. Photographs of fast food hamburgers from 50 years ago reveal that the serving size back then would seem like a "joke portion," now, she said.

"The same thing has happened with our body sizes. We're perceiving them as totally normal," she said.

As far as vanity sizing, Nixon called it a "temporary fix" that reflects a larger problem of people looking for quick solutions for losing weight, she said.

"It doesn't really deal with the root of the problem," she said. "It's really a lifestyle issue. It's not about a temporary diet, it's not about being pleasantly surprised because you're a size 12 instead of a size 16," she said.

Why Are Southerners So Fat?
By CLAIRE SUDDATH Thursday, Jul. 09, 2009

People from Mississippi are fat. With an adult obesity rate of 33%, Mississippi has gobbled its way to the "chubbiest state" crown for the fifth year in a row, according to a new joint report by Trust for America's Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee aren't far behind, with obesity rates over 30%. In fact, eight of the 10 fattest states are in the South. The region famous for its biscuits, barbecue and pecan pies has been struggling with its weight for years — but then again, so has the rest of the country. Wisconsin loves cheese, New Yorkers scarf pizza, and New Englanders have been known to enjoy a crab cake or two. So why is the South so portly?

For one thing, it's poor. Mississippi is not only the fattest state in the nation, but also the poorest, with 21% of its residents living below the poverty line, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Alabama and West Virginia, the second and third fattest states, are tied for fifth poorest. With a poverty rate of 14%, the South is easily the most impoverished region in the country. "When you're poor, you tend to eat more calorie-dense foods because they're cheaper than fruits and vegetables," explains Jeff Levi, executive director of Trust for America. Poor neighborhoods also have fewer grocery stores, even in the rural South. A 2004 study by the University of South Carolina found that most food-shopping options in rural areas fall into the convenience-store category because grocery stores are located too far away. But although poverty puts people at risk for obesity, it doesn't determine their fate. A number of impoverished states — including Montana, Texas and New Mexico — have relatively low levels of obesity. There must be something else.

Maybe it's the culture. Southerners definitely enjoy their fried chicken (not to mention fried steak, fried onions, fried green tomatoes, fried pickles and fried corn bread). Even when their food isn't fried, they like to smother it in gravy. But while nutritionists frequently blame Southerners' large guts on their regional food choices, the accusation is a little unfair. Just as Californians don't actually live on wheat grass and tofu, Southerners don't really sit around eating fried chicken every day. "I've not come across anything that says the diet in the Southeast is worse than the rest of the country," says David Bassett, co-director of the University of Tennessee's Obesity Research Center. "We're definitely in what I like to call the 'Stroke Belt,' " he says, referring to Southeastern states' high percentage of heart disease and hypertension, "but I think that has more to do with Southerners' lack of physical activity rather than the food."

Bassett isn't just talking about neglected gym memberships and people who sit on the couch all day. Physical activity can be something as simple as walking to the bus stop. That's another problem, by the way: the South doesn't have many bus stops. Public transportation is paltry, and for most people, the best way to get around is by car. "You don't really think of riding the train as exercise, but at least you have to walk a few blocks to get to the stop," says Bassett. States like Mississippi and Tennessee also have a surprising lack of sidewalks, discouraging even the most eager pedestrians. Many roads are narrower than those in the North — where streets have wider shoulders to accommodate winter snow — and people who want to bike or jog find themselves uncomfortably close to traffic.

But who wants to exercise when it's 100 degrees outside? The South is really hot and humid. Nobody in Mississippi goes running in the summer — at least, nobody sane. Bassett points out that Colorado, the state with the lowest obesity rate (18.9%), is relatively affluent and has a temperate climate and plenty of trails that lend themselves to outdoor activities.

So there you have it. Southerners have little access to healthy food and limited means with which to purchase it. It's hard for them to exercise outdoors, and even when they do have the opportunity, it's so hot, they don't want to. To combat this affliction, some Southern states have adopted programs to fight rising obesity. In 2003, Arkansas passed a school body mass index–screening program that assesses weight and sends the results home to parents. Tennessee encourages its schools to buy fresh ingredients from local growers. And in 2007, Mississippi adopted nutritional standards for school lunches. Most of these programs are relatively new, so it will be a few years before experts can determine their efficacy. "I think there's reason for optimism," says Barrett. "But it's likely that the Southeast will lag behind the rest of the country for some time to come."

I've discussed my affinity for reality TV before. This, however, is why I DON'T like reality TV: I hate what it does to people.

I have been a fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8 for a while now. I started watching it either last summer or the summer before. I thought it was amazing how crazy a household could be with that many kids, all at an age where they are completely dependent on their parents. Yes, Kate was kind of bossy and OCD and Jon gave in to what Kate wanted pretty much all the time, but I figured that was probably the only way they could keep the household from degenerating into complete pandemonium.

As the seasons have passed and the kids have gotten older, the show has changed. Companies started donating things to the family, and there was no longer a struggle to pay for things and keep food on the table. As the money rolled in from successful ratings, the family started taking ridiculously expensive vacations that families that size, and most families regardless of size, could never be able to take. They upgraded the house, the cars, the toys. The show started to showcase many of the brand names that were making all of this possible for Jon and Kate, turning the show into a long commercial rather than showing off the kids and the family's challenges. Through it all, Kate still seemed snarky and Jon still seemed to be a milquetoast, but it no longer seemed to be because of the challenges the family faced, but rather because that was just their personalities.

Then, trouble reared its head. News broke of possible infidelity from Jon. It looked like he may have been dating around on Kate while Kate was out of town. While few people could blame Jon for wanting to get out and get away from his high-pressure family and his bitchy wife, no one could condone his possible cheating on his wonderful kids. Bad news. Then, allegations that perhaps Kate had also been seeing someone else. The shows highlighted a lot of infighting between the two.

Finally, a commercial for the show aired, stating that Jon and Kate had "an announcement". Naturally, many people tuned in to find out what it was, but few were surprised to hear that the couple was separating and divorce proceedings had been initiated. There will be another show to recap some of the highlights of the couple's ten-year marriage, and then the show will go on hiatus for a few months to give the family time to gather itself. The children will apparently remain living in the house, and the parents will come and go based on who has custody at the time. While this is supposed to minimize the strain on the children, it is bound to be awkward and somewhat painful for everyone.

And it remains to be seen: who really wants to keep watching? The joy and amazement over watching the antics of the large family is waning, especially since the younger kids have turned five and are much more self-sufficient than they have been before. With all the donations and all the expensive items the family is able to procure, it's no longer about the day-to-day struggle to make ends meet and not "lose their minds". Instead, viewers will have to see one parent at a time, dealing with the kids. They'll have to witness painful scenes where kids and parent must say goodbye for periods of time. With the divorce rate in the country at about 50%, these are scenes that may be all too familiar to some viewers, and certainly not anything most people want to relive.

It makes me wonder, as my own marriage nears ten years, how things might be different if we already had kids, heaven forbid eight of them. While I certainly don't think our marriage would be in the condition that Jon and Kate's is now, Kate herself said she never thought things would have come to this point.

Sad.

Sometimes, a joke is so bad, even the creator knows it.

You know, nothing else really needs to be said.

You've got to love it. Georgia police officer, across the state line into Tennessee (that's the state line painted in blue in the foreground of the photo), sitting at a drive-thru liquor store window. We scrambled to take a photo before he drove away at a pretty high speed. Wonder if he's going to come after me?

Nuthin' to report. Last day of work tomorrow before summer break, so starting on Thursday I will be following my new workout and diet routine. That means I only have a day to figure out what that new routine is...

Just a quick note; nothing really significant to add, but I wanted to get this on the internet so it's recorded for posterity.

I weighed in at 193.4 this morning.

This pretty much proves the theory I've been developing: for me, it's almost all about the food. I didn't work out yesterday, but I did eat much less than I often do on weekends: bowl of cereal, small sandwich for lunch, grapes as a snack, small bowl of pasta for dinner. No in-between snacking (other than the grapes), no desserts, relatively small portions. Despite not working out yesterday, I end up recording my lightest weigh-in of the year.

This is good to know, as I am approaching the "dangerous" time of the year: summer time, when I am home from school and have no real day-to-day schedule. When sitting around at home, I often find myself snacking because I have nothing else to do (or nothing else that I WANT to do), and that is where I get into trouble. While I might consume a regulation number of calories during my actual mealtimes, I probably double those calories each day by snacking.

Obviously I'm not going to reach any of the weight loss goals I had at various points of the year by the deadline I had given myself (originally it was to be down to 160 lbs by the end of school, which is in 12 days; then I revised it to 175 lbs by the same date), so I need to rethink my goals and my deadlines.

Now I'm rescheduling my deadline for the end of the summer--our school year is supposed to start up again the 12th of August. That's just over 13 weeks from now. As for the goals, I guess I'll stick with the most realistic I can devise. While I'd really love to drop some major weight over the summer, I find it more likely that I will drop some weight. I'm going to shoot for a pound each week, for a total loss of 13 lbs. That means, if I'm at 193 right now, I'll be at 180 by the end of the summer. While that is still 20 lbs above what I would ultimately like to weigh, it will be a tremendous improvement over what I am now.

So, that's that. Now, since it's Mother's Day, a message to whatever readers might be out there: Appreciate your mom, treat her well, and hug her every opportunity you can. On this, the third Mother's Day without my mom, I can only sit and remember all the times I didn't do those things, and wish for one more chance.