I was a suck out again yesterday and today. Didn't work out yesterday morning since I was shooting for M/W/F. So that was OK, but then I did a stupid thing: I ate half a large pizza at dinner. Why? Because it was there. This is where that binge personality causes me problems, and I have been having those problems this week. That pizza would explain why there was almost a four-pound difference between yesterday's morning weigh-in and the evening one, and why there was a two-pound difference between yesterday's morning weigh-in and today's. Pizza has got to be one of the most evil substances out there. Add to the fact that I wussed out this morning and didn't make it to the gym, and we have a fat perfect storm. Bleah. I think my sleeping difficulties stemmed partly from the fact that I had a lot of soda to drink, hence a lot of caffeine. When the four o'clock alarm went off, I shut it off and went back to sleep. Not good. I need to have better willpower than that.

Portion control is probably my number one biggest problem when it comes to weight loss. I grew up cleaning a full plate of food, and usually going back for seconds. When I stopped participating in competitive sports, I didn't stop the eating that accompanied the activity. I've never quite figured out how to restrict myself to a reasonable amount of food. Most often this is a problem at home. We'll make a meal, maybe Hamburger Helper or something, but instead of eating whatever the actual serving size is, it gets split in two, so we're really eating probably three servings each. We generally don't have time to cook a meal and divide it up ahead of time into portions, and we always end up eating more than we should. I've tried eating on a smaller plate; I end up going back for seconds. Restaurants are the same way. I know you should order the food and immediately ask for a box and package up the food so you only eat part of it, but how do you handle being too lazy to ask for the box? I'm too lazy to take it home, but too much of a glutton to leave food uneaten.

At work I try to control my portions by only eating prepackaged food. I bring boxes of raisins, granola bars, microwave popcorn, those 100-calorie bags of chips and fruit snacks, and Healthy Choice frozen meals and microwaveable soup bowls. But again, I'll get going on something, and I won't stop. I'll eat one granola bar, and it tastes really good, so I'll eat another one. Those fruit snacks are tasty, so I'll have three bags of them. It's like every food is Pringles: once I pop, I can't stop. I keep all this food here because it's more convenient than having to bring more food every day. But that just means I've got food available for binging.

I know what I have to do, and how much I should eat, but I don't make myself do it. How do you make yourself have willpower? This is what I struggle with. It isn't the actual physical stuff; working out isn't hard for me, once I'm there. But how do I make myself get there? How do I change this negative aspect of my personality? Can anyone tell me? It's very frustrating, and I don't know how to fix it.