On January 15, 1995, I stood on my feet in Qualcomm Stadium with about 70,000 other fans to greet our San Diego Chargers after their electrifying AFC Championship victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers. It was an awesome experience. Fans were chanting, cheering, and singing as highlights of the season were shown on the Jumbotron. When the team's plane arrived at the airport, a camera crew was waiting for them, and filmed their drive from the airport to the stadium. The team was told their were fans waiting for them, but they had no idea just how many. When they walked into the stadium and onto the field? Incredible. The fans went nuts. The players teared up. Many of the players took turns speaking to the crowd: Stan Humphries, John Carney, Dennis Gibson, Junior. Replays of the "Immaculate Deflection" at the end of the game were played over and over. We all sang along with the "San Diego Super Chargers" theme song. And they were super. Oh yes.
Almost exactly 22 years later, I am sitting at my desk, trying to wrap my head around the news that the San Diego Chargers are no more. In less than an hour, Dean Spanos is supposed to hold a staff meeting with the Chargers employees to deliver the news that the Chargers franchise is moving to Los Angeles. After 56 years in San Diego, the Chargers are leaving.
I was not born in San Diego, but after an early childhood of moves every two years or so, I came to call San Diego my home in 1983 at the age of 8. We moved in early fall, just in time for football season. The Chargers (and the Padres) became my team, just as San Diego became my hometown. I lived in San Diego full time until I graduated from high school and still called San Diego home while I was in college. I moved away for good in 1998, but I still had family in town, so I came home for holidays. And I watched my Chargers.
My mom passed away in 2007, and my dad moved from San Diego the following year. My brother remained with ties in the area until a few years ago. Finally, he too moved to other places. The only remaining connections I have to San Diego are some friends who still live there and many memories. And, of course, the Padres and Chargers.
We've been through some good times with our sports teams, and, unfortunately, we've been through some very low times as well. But I've remained a Padres fan, and, until this most recent news, a Chargers fan.
Here's the thing. I understand that Spanos is a business owner, and that the NFL is a business. His goal isn't just to facilitate a love for the game; his goal is to make a profit. I can't fault him for that, and I can certainly see how a team like the Chargers, with it near-success seasons and dismal disappointments, could drain away his enthusiasm. I know that as ticket prices have risen and the team's performance has failed to rise with it, fans have stayed away from the stadium, choosing instead to watch or listen to games at home rather than pay heavy prices for tickets, food, and drinks. Yet even as overall enthusiasm seemed to sink lower and lower, I still heard fans say, "There's always next season." When the move to Los Angeles was proposed and the drama began to unfold, fans still said, "There's always next season" and "Maybe Spanos will keep the team here." We were granted what felt like a reprieve this season, with the team remaining in San Diego. Their performance was still disappointing, but I still heard "There's always next season."
And suddenly, there is no next season. Oh, sure, the franchise survives, but it's different. I guess what I'm realizing is, while I've always said, "I'm a Chargers fan," I was really saying, "I'm a SAN DIEGO Chargers fan." The Chargers were a part of the community that I called my home town. Now that they are moving, I've lost that connection to them, and to the city that I love.
Not only that, but Spanos is moving them to Los Angeles, the biggest rival city we have. San Diego has always prided itself on NOT being LA. Less pollution, fewer crowds, better beaches, and a way better attitude. I think Spanos has seriously underestimated San Diegans' dislike for all things LA. It may sound bitter or spiteful or petty, but I truly believe a majority of San Diego Chargers fans will not support the team anymore, because of the LA tacked onto the front (and because Spanos has become the enemy).
I blame Spanos, for putting money (that I think he's seriously miscalculated) ahead of history, loyalty, and civic pride. I blame the city for not putting up as much of a fight as they could.
I do not blame the players. As much as I wish they would have performed better over the years, I think players like Rivers have always loved the city as much as I do, and I think most of them will be heartbroken to pack their things this offseason and relocate. While they are playing for the same team next year, they won't be playing for the same fans, and these are guys who make a living because of the fans. They know us, and we know them.
There are a few things I hope for. I hope the players find success, because we truly love them. I hope the team is rebranded so that perhaps someday soon a new franchise or another franchise can come to San Diego and revitalize the San Diego Chargers fan base. I hope that the city can come up with a plan to better support their sports teams so that something like this doesn't happen again. And I hope that Dean Spanos realizes the terrible mistake he has made.
I will always root for my former San Diego players, just as I have
continued to cheer for the success of Bolts like Drew Brees and Darren
Sproles. Once a San Diego Charger, always a San Diego Charger. But my
time rooting for the team itself, just like the team's time in San
Diego, is over. I have no connection with the Los Angeles Chargers. Not
my home town, not my team, not anymore.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Wednesday, November 09, 2016
Musings on a Nation, or, Step Away from Social Media
(First, 178.6. Stuck in a rut. Need a fat fast.)
So, we have a president-elect, and it is a surprise to many. Donald Trump, a man with no diplomatic experience, no military experience, and no political experience, is now the politician in charge of our diplomacy and our military. There's a lot of shock, anger, and sadness floating around on social media right now, as well as a lot of gloating douchebaggery.
I must admit to being surprised at this outcome. I absolutely expected to see Hillary Rodham Clinton as our next president. Trump rattled the establishment and somehow wrangled enough electoral votes to see his way through to the presidency.
Along with the anger, dismay, shock, and sadness I see in people's posts, I also see a great deal of irony. Many of my Clinton-supporting friends are PISSED OFF and looking for someone to blame, someone other than their candidate (who, sorry to say, was not a good enough candidate to garner enough support to win the election). I see people suddenly becoming bitterly intolerant, telling those who supported Trump and even those who voted for third-party candidates to "fuck off and die". I suspect the "unfriend" button is getting a workout today. Pretty ironic for a group of people who have been railing against the bitter intolerance of the Trump supporters for the entire campaign.
I understand, there are many people truly terrified at the outcome of this election. My friends in the LGBTQ+ community are worried about the status of their relationships and their lifestyles (to say nothing of their lives in some cases). I have friends with medical conditions, serious ones, who have come to rely on Obamacare for their insurance. They worry, with good reason, about what will happen to them if the AHA is tossed aside. I have friends who have experienced racism and sexism because of the color of their skin or their gender, who are afraid that those behaviors will not only continue but will be supported by a president who seems to be guilty of both.
I wish I could tell them that everything will be all right, but I can't. I didn't want Trump to be president.
But, here's the reason I'm backing away from social media for a while...I'm trying to avoid the backlash from all these friends of mine. Because I didn't want Hillary to be president either. I believe that her behavior regarding the emails was not only suspicious but inherently dangerous; she does not demonstrate the level or care and concern with sensitive and classified material that someone in her position should. I do believe that Hillary is responsible for the disaster that was Benghazi. I believe that she actively participated in the coverup surrounding her husband's infidelities. I believe she was involved in the Whitewater scandal. I believe that there is a suspicious trail of deaths of people who potentially could have provided damaging information around her. I don't feel that she was a good candidate for president, and obviously I was not the only one. I chose to vote for a third party candidate, because I believe that our election system is broken and that our two-party system only perpetuates the issues we face.
I heard many people say, "A third party vote is a vote for Hillary" or "A third party vote is a vote for Trump". I disagree. I think a third party vote is for many people either a vote for a candidate that more closely represents the values of someone than the main candidates do or a protest against the system. So many of my friends said, "Protest votes are great, but maybe this isn't the election to do so." Well, to that I ask, When IS a good time to protest, then? Nobody protests when things are going well. You protest when there is good reason to. I think this election shitshow was definitely reason to.
But now I face potential castigation from people because I exercised my right as an American to choose the candidate that I felt more closely aligned with my values. I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal, like the libertarian party. I don't think government has the right to determine who marries whom or what we do with our bodies. I also think government has gotten us into trouble in the international business community with deals that have harmed our work forces and increased our energy dependency on foreign oil. I think we've shoved our military in places that they did not need to go. I think immigration needs to be reformed (not shut down). So I voted libertarian, and now I may lose friends because of it.
I'm angry at everyone. I'm angry at my conservative friends for not offering an olive branch to people who desperately need one, and at their lack of recognition of the damage that Trump can cause. I'm angry at my liberal friends who were so determined to try to shut down Trump that they were not willing to recognize the flaws in Clinton's candidacy. And I'm angry at all of them for trying to blame me, a third party voter who was trying to do what I felt was best for the country.
I admit to being a social media junkie, but I need to walk away for a little while. I'll acknowledge birthdays and stuff, but I need to stop reading people's posts for a while until everybody calms the fuck down. It will be interesting to see how many people drop me as a friend during that time. My friends are much more intolerant towards others than they think they are, I suspect.
So, we have a president-elect, and it is a surprise to many. Donald Trump, a man with no diplomatic experience, no military experience, and no political experience, is now the politician in charge of our diplomacy and our military. There's a lot of shock, anger, and sadness floating around on social media right now, as well as a lot of gloating douchebaggery.
I must admit to being surprised at this outcome. I absolutely expected to see Hillary Rodham Clinton as our next president. Trump rattled the establishment and somehow wrangled enough electoral votes to see his way through to the presidency.
Along with the anger, dismay, shock, and sadness I see in people's posts, I also see a great deal of irony. Many of my Clinton-supporting friends are PISSED OFF and looking for someone to blame, someone other than their candidate (who, sorry to say, was not a good enough candidate to garner enough support to win the election). I see people suddenly becoming bitterly intolerant, telling those who supported Trump and even those who voted for third-party candidates to "fuck off and die". I suspect the "unfriend" button is getting a workout today. Pretty ironic for a group of people who have been railing against the bitter intolerance of the Trump supporters for the entire campaign.
I understand, there are many people truly terrified at the outcome of this election. My friends in the LGBTQ+ community are worried about the status of their relationships and their lifestyles (to say nothing of their lives in some cases). I have friends with medical conditions, serious ones, who have come to rely on Obamacare for their insurance. They worry, with good reason, about what will happen to them if the AHA is tossed aside. I have friends who have experienced racism and sexism because of the color of their skin or their gender, who are afraid that those behaviors will not only continue but will be supported by a president who seems to be guilty of both.
I wish I could tell them that everything will be all right, but I can't. I didn't want Trump to be president.
But, here's the reason I'm backing away from social media for a while...I'm trying to avoid the backlash from all these friends of mine. Because I didn't want Hillary to be president either. I believe that her behavior regarding the emails was not only suspicious but inherently dangerous; she does not demonstrate the level or care and concern with sensitive and classified material that someone in her position should. I do believe that Hillary is responsible for the disaster that was Benghazi. I believe that she actively participated in the coverup surrounding her husband's infidelities. I believe she was involved in the Whitewater scandal. I believe that there is a suspicious trail of deaths of people who potentially could have provided damaging information around her. I don't feel that she was a good candidate for president, and obviously I was not the only one. I chose to vote for a third party candidate, because I believe that our election system is broken and that our two-party system only perpetuates the issues we face.
I heard many people say, "A third party vote is a vote for Hillary" or "A third party vote is a vote for Trump". I disagree. I think a third party vote is for many people either a vote for a candidate that more closely represents the values of someone than the main candidates do or a protest against the system. So many of my friends said, "Protest votes are great, but maybe this isn't the election to do so." Well, to that I ask, When IS a good time to protest, then? Nobody protests when things are going well. You protest when there is good reason to. I think this election shitshow was definitely reason to.
But now I face potential castigation from people because I exercised my right as an American to choose the candidate that I felt more closely aligned with my values. I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal, like the libertarian party. I don't think government has the right to determine who marries whom or what we do with our bodies. I also think government has gotten us into trouble in the international business community with deals that have harmed our work forces and increased our energy dependency on foreign oil. I think we've shoved our military in places that they did not need to go. I think immigration needs to be reformed (not shut down). So I voted libertarian, and now I may lose friends because of it.
I'm angry at everyone. I'm angry at my conservative friends for not offering an olive branch to people who desperately need one, and at their lack of recognition of the damage that Trump can cause. I'm angry at my liberal friends who were so determined to try to shut down Trump that they were not willing to recognize the flaws in Clinton's candidacy. And I'm angry at all of them for trying to blame me, a third party voter who was trying to do what I felt was best for the country.
I admit to being a social media junkie, but I need to walk away for a little while. I'll acknowledge birthdays and stuff, but I need to stop reading people's posts for a while until everybody calms the fuck down. It will be interesting to see how many people drop me as a friend during that time. My friends are much more intolerant towards others than they think they are, I suspect.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Oh, what a difference a year makes.
I haven't been very good at blogging, which disappoints me, because I really do enjoy writing. I just haven't felt that I've had much to write about. But here I am at an anniversary, so I feel like this is a good time for a post.
Today's weigh-in: 179.6.
This is not quite my lowest weight in the year I've been on the ketogenic (HF/LC) diet, but it's close. I think my best weight was 177.8, some time last week. One thing I've learned about this diet is that it has a lot of ups and downs, both literally and figuratively. My weight can fluctuate within three or four pounds pretty easily. That is really frustrating, but it's also usually pretty easily handled. I have also found that some foods don't work for me. Anything with ground beef, whether it's in burger form, tacos, chili, whatever, seems to trigger some kind of water retention. I typically gain a couple of pounds after eating something like that, and usually lose it in the next few days (side note: tomorrow will probably see such a gain, as I had a cheat day today: it was Indian taco day at school today, and hell yes I had one). Something that seems to help me lose quick weight is a fat fast. Unlike our regular ketogenic diet, which puts our fat intake between 60-70% of our calories, the fat fast is more like 80-90% fat. One that I had read about that seems to work well for me is to eat about a brick of cream cheese a day, and that's it. I know that sounds weird, but it works. Another thing that seems to work for both me and my husband is to have scrambled eggs and bacon or sausage for dinner. The mornings after those dinners, we usually find that we've lost weight from the day before.
Anyway, the upshot (or downshot, or whatever) of all of this is that I've lost about 50lbs in the past year. That's pretty impressive, considering it's entirely from the diet; there has been no change in my physical activity. I walk 2-3 miles almost every weekday, with the dog. That's it, though. I do feel that my physical activity level will have to increase, though, because my weight loss has slowed to a crawl. I doubt that I will be able to lose a whole lot more without a change in my exercise plan. I don't know what would be best, jogging, weight lifting, or plyometrics, but I don't have a lot of options because we don't have our gym membership anymore. I need to figure out how to work out at home, when the boys aren't here (because they must be involved when they're home. yay).
I don't have an official goal as far as my weight loss is concerned. I honestly didn't think I'd manage to hang on this long. I struggled with the ketogenic diet mightily at the beginning (I just went back and reread my posts from a year ago, and they were hilarious in a sad, depressed sort of way). Having done it for a year now, I do think it is something I can continue, with occasional cheat meals (like Indian taco day at school). If I can get below 174, I'll beat the lowest weight I achieved back in 2007 when we worked out so much. If I could get below 155 (which I doubt very much), I'd be down to the weight I was at when I graduated high school. My lowest ever adult weight was about 123, but of course that was through very unhealthy means, so it doesn't really count.
I'm proud of myself for working through the difficulties at the beginning of the diet, and sticking with it this long. I've found lots of resources, mostly on Pinterest, for recipes that we've been able to use. I have high hopes that I'll at least lose a few more pounds, and that I'll be able to maintain my weight after that. Now I intend to improve my fitness...stay tuned.
Today's weigh-in: 179.6.
This is not quite my lowest weight in the year I've been on the ketogenic (HF/LC) diet, but it's close. I think my best weight was 177.8, some time last week. One thing I've learned about this diet is that it has a lot of ups and downs, both literally and figuratively. My weight can fluctuate within three or four pounds pretty easily. That is really frustrating, but it's also usually pretty easily handled. I have also found that some foods don't work for me. Anything with ground beef, whether it's in burger form, tacos, chili, whatever, seems to trigger some kind of water retention. I typically gain a couple of pounds after eating something like that, and usually lose it in the next few days (side note: tomorrow will probably see such a gain, as I had a cheat day today: it was Indian taco day at school today, and hell yes I had one). Something that seems to help me lose quick weight is a fat fast. Unlike our regular ketogenic diet, which puts our fat intake between 60-70% of our calories, the fat fast is more like 80-90% fat. One that I had read about that seems to work well for me is to eat about a brick of cream cheese a day, and that's it. I know that sounds weird, but it works. Another thing that seems to work for both me and my husband is to have scrambled eggs and bacon or sausage for dinner. The mornings after those dinners, we usually find that we've lost weight from the day before.
Anyway, the upshot (or downshot, or whatever) of all of this is that I've lost about 50lbs in the past year. That's pretty impressive, considering it's entirely from the diet; there has been no change in my physical activity. I walk 2-3 miles almost every weekday, with the dog. That's it, though. I do feel that my physical activity level will have to increase, though, because my weight loss has slowed to a crawl. I doubt that I will be able to lose a whole lot more without a change in my exercise plan. I don't know what would be best, jogging, weight lifting, or plyometrics, but I don't have a lot of options because we don't have our gym membership anymore. I need to figure out how to work out at home, when the boys aren't here (because they must be involved when they're home. yay).
I don't have an official goal as far as my weight loss is concerned. I honestly didn't think I'd manage to hang on this long. I struggled with the ketogenic diet mightily at the beginning (I just went back and reread my posts from a year ago, and they were hilarious in a sad, depressed sort of way). Having done it for a year now, I do think it is something I can continue, with occasional cheat meals (like Indian taco day at school). If I can get below 174, I'll beat the lowest weight I achieved back in 2007 when we worked out so much. If I could get below 155 (which I doubt very much), I'd be down to the weight I was at when I graduated high school. My lowest ever adult weight was about 123, but of course that was through very unhealthy means, so it doesn't really count.
I'm proud of myself for working through the difficulties at the beginning of the diet, and sticking with it this long. I've found lots of resources, mostly on Pinterest, for recipes that we've been able to use. I have high hopes that I'll at least lose a few more pounds, and that I'll be able to maintain my weight after that. Now I intend to improve my fitness...stay tuned.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Riding the Rollercoaster
A coworker of mine, who has put in far more years of teaching than I have, was muttering under his breath the other day, "The end of the school year is NOT a good time to ask if I want to retire." My next-door neighbor at school was asked by a student last week, "Do you just LOVE your job?" She looked him dead in the eye and responded, "Ask me in September."
Teaching is one of many professions (surely) that experiences tremendous and emotional highs and lows. I know the medical profession experiences something similar (probably much more powerful as life and death are frequently involved). Coming into the end of the school year, the highs are pretty fabulous, but the lows are pretty crappy.
This has been an interesting, and rough, few weeks for me. I received word a little over a week and a half ago that a member of my original class ('06) had passed away. She had lived a lifestyle that unfortunately included many excesses, and that contributed to her death. It was not an ending that I would have chosen for any of my girls, and it saddens me that she essentially chose it for herself, through her addiction.
While I was (and am) heartbroken over the loss of yet another student (bringing the total to six), it made me feel wonderful to think back over the many students I have had. I got to see those girls all come together to comfort each other and remember the good times, and it reminded me of all those things that I value so much about being a teacher: the joy of learning, the fun that happens in my classroom, the crazy and varied perspectives my students bring to the table, and the relationships they have all formed with each other. All these things make me so proud and happy to be a teacher.
But in the middle of this warm fuzziness I am experiencing, I am so over some other things. I've got a group of students this year that I just have not bonded with. I did not have a good experience last semester or this semester with the current sophomore class. Lots of students asking to leave my class early, or going to the bathroom or library and not returning. A couple students actively trying to drop out (their parents obviously won't let them) so they are putting forth no effort to prove a point (what point that is, I just don't know). A group of relatively smart kids who do as little as possible and are actively disruptive to the rest of the class. A couple of kids who struggle severely who would rather be perceived as slackers than have people know that they really, truly can't do the work. Two former students who have ended up in the news for very, very bad things (one got arrested for firing a gun in the air while intoxicated--at age 19--and one who is being hunted by the police for punching a girl in the face and breaking her jaw). I wish I could say that these behaviors surprised me when they ended up in the news, but sadly, they had doomed themselves long before these things occurred. I wish kids could see that they paths they choose pretty early in life, long before they fully recognize their consequences, will dictate where they head as adults. For way too many of them, it's either prison or an early grave.
I am sad and tired of these proceedings. On top of all this, I have all the usual rigamarole to accomplish: testing to administer, assignments to grade, assignments to create, lessons to teach, quizzes to give, and way too many phone calls regarding students failing my class. All this, and I'm dangerously low on f*cks to give at this point. I just want to call it a day, go home, drink about four beers (which is way more than my low carb diet would allow) and start my summer break. But we still have 3 1/2 weeks to go, so I need to keep on keeping on. Each morning, I'll hop back on the rollercoaster for another round. But honestly, I'd rather go on the lazy river ride instead.
Teaching is one of many professions (surely) that experiences tremendous and emotional highs and lows. I know the medical profession experiences something similar (probably much more powerful as life and death are frequently involved). Coming into the end of the school year, the highs are pretty fabulous, but the lows are pretty crappy.
This has been an interesting, and rough, few weeks for me. I received word a little over a week and a half ago that a member of my original class ('06) had passed away. She had lived a lifestyle that unfortunately included many excesses, and that contributed to her death. It was not an ending that I would have chosen for any of my girls, and it saddens me that she essentially chose it for herself, through her addiction.
While I was (and am) heartbroken over the loss of yet another student (bringing the total to six), it made me feel wonderful to think back over the many students I have had. I got to see those girls all come together to comfort each other and remember the good times, and it reminded me of all those things that I value so much about being a teacher: the joy of learning, the fun that happens in my classroom, the crazy and varied perspectives my students bring to the table, and the relationships they have all formed with each other. All these things make me so proud and happy to be a teacher.
But in the middle of this warm fuzziness I am experiencing, I am so over some other things. I've got a group of students this year that I just have not bonded with. I did not have a good experience last semester or this semester with the current sophomore class. Lots of students asking to leave my class early, or going to the bathroom or library and not returning. A couple students actively trying to drop out (their parents obviously won't let them) so they are putting forth no effort to prove a point (what point that is, I just don't know). A group of relatively smart kids who do as little as possible and are actively disruptive to the rest of the class. A couple of kids who struggle severely who would rather be perceived as slackers than have people know that they really, truly can't do the work. Two former students who have ended up in the news for very, very bad things (one got arrested for firing a gun in the air while intoxicated--at age 19--and one who is being hunted by the police for punching a girl in the face and breaking her jaw). I wish I could say that these behaviors surprised me when they ended up in the news, but sadly, they had doomed themselves long before these things occurred. I wish kids could see that they paths they choose pretty early in life, long before they fully recognize their consequences, will dictate where they head as adults. For way too many of them, it's either prison or an early grave.
I am sad and tired of these proceedings. On top of all this, I have all the usual rigamarole to accomplish: testing to administer, assignments to grade, assignments to create, lessons to teach, quizzes to give, and way too many phone calls regarding students failing my class. All this, and I'm dangerously low on f*cks to give at this point. I just want to call it a day, go home, drink about four beers (which is way more than my low carb diet would allow) and start my summer break. But we still have 3 1/2 weeks to go, so I need to keep on keeping on. Each morning, I'll hop back on the rollercoaster for another round. But honestly, I'd rather go on the lazy river ride instead.
Sunday, May 01, 2016
My dreams used to be exotic
My dreams used to be exotic: visiting new places and even new countries, stuff like that. Now, my dreams are of cleaning and organizing my house. Sad.
Pinterest does not do good things for my fantasy world. Instead of pinning fantastic places to my Places to Go board (which I have), I pin ways to organize my refrigerator, and ideas for building shelves in the wasted space under my stairs.
What happened to me? I swear I used to be more interesting than this.
Anyway, I have a bunch of ideas for projects this summer.
This first list is school-related:
1) I am moving back to my previous classroom (which is awesome because that room is bigger, has more windows, only shares one wall with another classroom, and has tile on the floor instead of nasty carpet). This means I need to do the following:
a) empty out my file cabinets--I've been working on a plan to change over all my files to binders and just keep extra copies of the important things (like short stories that are too costly to reprint). When I clean them out, I can take off all the hardware, repaint them, and make them look really cute. I'd like to keep one for actual files and the other for storage for things like videos and personal stuff.
b) redo my bookshelves--I have a classroom library that has gotten pretty extensive, and I've got several bookshelves that are already black. I'd like to spray paint the rest of them black and then modge-podge the shelves, maybe with pages from a dictionary or something. Or maybe I can wrap the shelves with contact paper or something. Or they can just be black. But it would be really nice to have the shelves all kind of match each other. I also need to finish tagging and alphabetizing my books.
c) I need to redo the TARDIS in the classroom--I'm pretty sure it's still covered with contact paper, which is good, but I may have to do some repairs. Then I need to transfer the decorations from the old classroom back to this one. Lots of posters to hang, but I can't really hang them until I have all the bookshelves where they need to go.
d) I'm starting to think that having my tv mounted on the wall isn't very practical (since it's had to be moved and remounted twice now). I might see if I can get a long dresser with some drawers that lock. I might be able to keep the video game consoles in there, if the drawers lock. And I can keep board games in the drawers too. I could put both tvs on the top of the dresser (if I can find a base for the one that is wall-mounted right now.
I have more plans, but this is the first list. I'll be back with some home-related stuff.
Pinterest does not do good things for my fantasy world. Instead of pinning fantastic places to my Places to Go board (which I have), I pin ways to organize my refrigerator, and ideas for building shelves in the wasted space under my stairs.
What happened to me? I swear I used to be more interesting than this.
Anyway, I have a bunch of ideas for projects this summer.
This first list is school-related:
1) I am moving back to my previous classroom (which is awesome because that room is bigger, has more windows, only shares one wall with another classroom, and has tile on the floor instead of nasty carpet). This means I need to do the following:
a) empty out my file cabinets--I've been working on a plan to change over all my files to binders and just keep extra copies of the important things (like short stories that are too costly to reprint). When I clean them out, I can take off all the hardware, repaint them, and make them look really cute. I'd like to keep one for actual files and the other for storage for things like videos and personal stuff.
b) redo my bookshelves--I have a classroom library that has gotten pretty extensive, and I've got several bookshelves that are already black. I'd like to spray paint the rest of them black and then modge-podge the shelves, maybe with pages from a dictionary or something. Or maybe I can wrap the shelves with contact paper or something. Or they can just be black. But it would be really nice to have the shelves all kind of match each other. I also need to finish tagging and alphabetizing my books.
c) I need to redo the TARDIS in the classroom--I'm pretty sure it's still covered with contact paper, which is good, but I may have to do some repairs. Then I need to transfer the decorations from the old classroom back to this one. Lots of posters to hang, but I can't really hang them until I have all the bookshelves where they need to go.
d) I'm starting to think that having my tv mounted on the wall isn't very practical (since it's had to be moved and remounted twice now). I might see if I can get a long dresser with some drawers that lock. I might be able to keep the video game consoles in there, if the drawers lock. And I can keep board games in the drawers too. I could put both tvs on the top of the dresser (if I can find a base for the one that is wall-mounted right now.
I have more plans, but this is the first list. I'll be back with some home-related stuff.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Thoughts on a Dress Code
Once again, school dress codes are in the news in Montana. I read a story in our newspaper this morning about middle school kids in another town who were staging a peaceful protest regarding the dress code at their school. Chiefly, they were protesting because the dress code is sexist because there are more regulations regarding girls' clothing than boys' clothing, and that the regulations seemed to suggest that boys' education was more valuable than girls' because the boys were "easily distracted" by girls' clothing and therefore the girls needed to be the ones to change.
A few years ago, Billings (and my district and school specifically) made national news because the school had added a ban on leggings and yoga pants if not worn with an appropriate-length top. A student wrote a lengthy complaint, it got heard by the district board of trustees, the story got picked up by several local news sources and then forwarded to the national news sources, and suddenly we're viral. Eventually the school eased up on that particular issue, but there are still elements of our dress code that students find frustrating: boys can't wear muscle shirts or tank tops where there is a gap under the armpit, girls can't wear shorts or skirts shorter than their fingertips or strapless or spaghetti strap tank tops.
I am of two minds on the whole issue of dress code. On one hand, I think it's great that the kids are willing to stand up for something they believe in, and that they are constructing solid arguments to back their cause, instead of just saying "I want to wear this and you aren't letting me and I'm gonna whine about it..." I agree with them that it is unfortunate that girls are treated as objects and somehow inferior to boys. I taught at an all-girls school for seven years, and it was an enjoyable experience because we didn't have to deal with the drama and annoyances that high school boys tend to contribute to the whole picture. I also agree that kids should be able to dress comfortably in order to afford themselves the best educational opportunity.
But this is where I grind to a halt. Because I really, truly do believe that many girls dress inappropriately for school (and for a lot of other situations, as well).
Many students argue that they should be allowed to express their personalities through their clothing. Well, at the school where I used to teach, the students couldn't do that, because they had to wear uniforms. So guess how they expressed their personalities? Through their actions, through their words, through their art, through their music, through their writing. Through all different ways that are so much more important and so much more lasting and so much deeper than the superficiality that is one's clothing. Clothes don't actually make the man, or the woman.
Many students also argue that they should be allowed to dress in a manner that is comfortable to them, which will enhance their educational experience. I fully agree. However, I also call bullshit. Because there is no way in hell that a short skirt, tight top, and heels are comfortable. Those don't enhance one's educational experience. If kids truly wanted to be comfortable, they would wear baggy t-shirts and sweatpants. Seriously. I don't believe you when you tell me that you are wearing that because it's comfortable; you are wearing it because you think it makes you look cute. And if you want to look cute, you should expect that others may find you cute as well.
I agree that no one should objectify females. Boys should be taught to behave appropriately. However, it must also be noted that boys' and girls' brains develop differently. Boys do not mature as quickly with regards to their behavior. They act impulsively and often do not handle decision-making well. This is why boys continue to pay higher insurance premiums into their mid-20s. So, while boys certainly need to learn to behave appropriately, they aren't at the same point in their emotional development as girls, so it's true that they'll have some difficulty with it.
While it's great that kids are expressing themselves and finding their voices, at what point did modesty become a bad thing? Why is it somehow OK and even someone's right to dress in a manner that is inconsistent with and inappropriate for the situation at hand? I often tell my students that there are different forms of writing for communication, and that those different forms are all various levels of formality. I make the comparison between those forms of writing and the way people dress, that the way you text your BFF is much the same as you would dress for the beach, casual and extremely informal. The way you write an essay is the same as you would dress for a job interview, professional and proper. But these kids don't see any difference in the way you dress for situations, so why would they understand that there are differences in the way you write?
What I'm saying is that both sides have a valid point. There are aspects of the school's dress code that are sexist, out-dated, and silly. But kids should be a little more modest and understand that shirts with pot leaves, curse words, and naked ladies are not appropriate for school. Seriously.
A few years ago, Billings (and my district and school specifically) made national news because the school had added a ban on leggings and yoga pants if not worn with an appropriate-length top. A student wrote a lengthy complaint, it got heard by the district board of trustees, the story got picked up by several local news sources and then forwarded to the national news sources, and suddenly we're viral. Eventually the school eased up on that particular issue, but there are still elements of our dress code that students find frustrating: boys can't wear muscle shirts or tank tops where there is a gap under the armpit, girls can't wear shorts or skirts shorter than their fingertips or strapless or spaghetti strap tank tops.
I am of two minds on the whole issue of dress code. On one hand, I think it's great that the kids are willing to stand up for something they believe in, and that they are constructing solid arguments to back their cause, instead of just saying "I want to wear this and you aren't letting me and I'm gonna whine about it..." I agree with them that it is unfortunate that girls are treated as objects and somehow inferior to boys. I taught at an all-girls school for seven years, and it was an enjoyable experience because we didn't have to deal with the drama and annoyances that high school boys tend to contribute to the whole picture. I also agree that kids should be able to dress comfortably in order to afford themselves the best educational opportunity.
But this is where I grind to a halt. Because I really, truly do believe that many girls dress inappropriately for school (and for a lot of other situations, as well).
Many students argue that they should be allowed to express their personalities through their clothing. Well, at the school where I used to teach, the students couldn't do that, because they had to wear uniforms. So guess how they expressed their personalities? Through their actions, through their words, through their art, through their music, through their writing. Through all different ways that are so much more important and so much more lasting and so much deeper than the superficiality that is one's clothing. Clothes don't actually make the man, or the woman.
Many students also argue that they should be allowed to dress in a manner that is comfortable to them, which will enhance their educational experience. I fully agree. However, I also call bullshit. Because there is no way in hell that a short skirt, tight top, and heels are comfortable. Those don't enhance one's educational experience. If kids truly wanted to be comfortable, they would wear baggy t-shirts and sweatpants. Seriously. I don't believe you when you tell me that you are wearing that because it's comfortable; you are wearing it because you think it makes you look cute. And if you want to look cute, you should expect that others may find you cute as well.
I agree that no one should objectify females. Boys should be taught to behave appropriately. However, it must also be noted that boys' and girls' brains develop differently. Boys do not mature as quickly with regards to their behavior. They act impulsively and often do not handle decision-making well. This is why boys continue to pay higher insurance premiums into their mid-20s. So, while boys certainly need to learn to behave appropriately, they aren't at the same point in their emotional development as girls, so it's true that they'll have some difficulty with it.
While it's great that kids are expressing themselves and finding their voices, at what point did modesty become a bad thing? Why is it somehow OK and even someone's right to dress in a manner that is inconsistent with and inappropriate for the situation at hand? I often tell my students that there are different forms of writing for communication, and that those different forms are all various levels of formality. I make the comparison between those forms of writing and the way people dress, that the way you text your BFF is much the same as you would dress for the beach, casual and extremely informal. The way you write an essay is the same as you would dress for a job interview, professional and proper. But these kids don't see any difference in the way you dress for situations, so why would they understand that there are differences in the way you write?
What I'm saying is that both sides have a valid point. There are aspects of the school's dress code that are sexist, out-dated, and silly. But kids should be a little more modest and understand that shirts with pot leaves, curse words, and naked ladies are not appropriate for school. Seriously.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Random Thoughts
1. Stalling out on weight loss is no fun. I had really hoped to be under 190 lbs by the end of the school year in 6 weeks, but I most definitely have not been losing a lb a week, which is about what I'd have to do in order to achieve that goal. I've been stalled out in about the same place for several weeks now. I need something to kick the weight loss back into gear. Really need to review what I've been eating and make adjustments. What seems to work best is eggs and bacon or sausage for dinner...weird, right?
2. Today was kind of a wasted day, on several levels. 3-year-old has a bad cold and was pretty woeful this morning, so I decided to stay home. I haven't managed to accomplish much of anything today. That isn't to say that I haven't gotten anything at all done; I did drop off the rental skis we had for the boys, bought some birthday presents for my hubby's birthday tomorrow, and ordered a birth certificate for the 5-year-old who needs to be registered for kindergarten. But there's a ton more I could have done, and instead I've mostly sat on my butt. It was also a wasted day for my students; thanks to the last-minute absence and some kind of snafu on the side of the program that arranges our substitutes, I didn't get a sub for today, which means that my classes spent their time sitting in the commons at school, probably doing nothing. They could have been reading their books, I suppose, but I doubt it. They were supposed to be working on their rough drafts, but since I wasn't there, that didn't happen either. Bummer. It means we are behind schedule. That's nothing new, but the pressure is on because we are so close to the end of the school year. With the sophomores it isn't that big a deal; they have an extra week of school, and I have a little extra time to play with as far as planning is concerned. But the seniors are under the gun. They have to finish this paper, finish a novel and take a test over it, and a presentation to prepare and give, and only five more weeks to do it. Whew!
3. Some progress has been made on the potty training front, although today hasn't been great. The 3-year-old has finally started saying "I need to potty", but he doesn't just go back there on his own, and he still often needs prompting, cajoling, or downright forcing to do his business. He's pooping in the potty now as well as peeing, which is great, but he's had a few times that he hasn't caught himself in time. He still wears a diaper at night; I really hope we'll get past that soon as well. But today, for some reason, he wanted to wear a diaper (I put him in a pull-up, hoping that he'd associate it with underpants, but he's peed in it several times today). I keep trying to convince him that he has to use the potty in order to go to school in the fall, but he doesn't seem super excited about it. Oh well.
4. I'm really excited and honored by an invitation I received. Last summer I attended a scoring conference for the National Writing Project's College-Ready Writer Program in Chicago. There were seven of us from Montana who went, and we had a great time. When I received another invitation for this year's conference, I applied and was accepted. There are only three of us going this time; some of the others didn't apply and others weren't accepted. It will be in Chicago again, and I'm excited to go back. Now that we have some idea of what's available to us in the city as far as activities and sight-seeing, we'll be a little more prepared. But then, I received ANOTHER invitation to a different conference. This is the same program, NWP's CRWP, but it's a hybrid conference, meaning participants are in a variety of locations, and I was invited to a be a table leader. That means I will be in charge of a group of scoring teachers. The location I will be in is St. Joseph, MO, just north of Kansas City. Not sure what other locations are involved in the event, but I know the leaders of the conference will be in Berkeley. I was the only one of the group I went with to last year's conference to receive this invitation. I'm assuming it has something to do with my scoring ability from last year's conference; I'm guessing invited people had to have some level of reliability and consistency to get selected. Whatever it is, I'm really excited about the opportunity. There's some training involved, and unfortunately it also means I'm going to be out of town on the last weekend of my summer vacation, which also happens to be my 17th anniversary. That's a bit of a downer. But between the two conferences, I'll make $1500 this summer, when I usually would be without an income. Not too shabby.
5. I need to start getting a list together of the things I'd like to accomplish this summer. Some of them are fitness-related, like continuing the weight loss (I'd love to be under 180 lbs by the time school starts up again) and paddling a couple times a week (even if it's just on the nearby lake); some of them are school-related, like organizing all my teaching units, constructing some new assignments for some of our texts, and getting my classroom library under control; and some of them are home-related, like getting the boys' bedrooms and bathroom redone in some fashion, getting all our closets reorganized, and reorganizing the kitchen cabinets. I want to get some kind of schedule together where I tackle one project each week. I also want to get my Magic cards sorted and put away; that's going to be a beastly task. :)
6. Today is the anniversary of my mother's death. I can't believe it has been 9 years. In some ways, it seems like it's been much longer than that, and yet at the same time it seems like hardly any time has passed. Daily I find myself wishing that I could talk to Mom about some problem, run some idea past her, or ask her some question about something going on in my life. It really doesn't ever get easier, does it?
2. Today was kind of a wasted day, on several levels. 3-year-old has a bad cold and was pretty woeful this morning, so I decided to stay home. I haven't managed to accomplish much of anything today. That isn't to say that I haven't gotten anything at all done; I did drop off the rental skis we had for the boys, bought some birthday presents for my hubby's birthday tomorrow, and ordered a birth certificate for the 5-year-old who needs to be registered for kindergarten. But there's a ton more I could have done, and instead I've mostly sat on my butt. It was also a wasted day for my students; thanks to the last-minute absence and some kind of snafu on the side of the program that arranges our substitutes, I didn't get a sub for today, which means that my classes spent their time sitting in the commons at school, probably doing nothing. They could have been reading their books, I suppose, but I doubt it. They were supposed to be working on their rough drafts, but since I wasn't there, that didn't happen either. Bummer. It means we are behind schedule. That's nothing new, but the pressure is on because we are so close to the end of the school year. With the sophomores it isn't that big a deal; they have an extra week of school, and I have a little extra time to play with as far as planning is concerned. But the seniors are under the gun. They have to finish this paper, finish a novel and take a test over it, and a presentation to prepare and give, and only five more weeks to do it. Whew!
3. Some progress has been made on the potty training front, although today hasn't been great. The 3-year-old has finally started saying "I need to potty", but he doesn't just go back there on his own, and he still often needs prompting, cajoling, or downright forcing to do his business. He's pooping in the potty now as well as peeing, which is great, but he's had a few times that he hasn't caught himself in time. He still wears a diaper at night; I really hope we'll get past that soon as well. But today, for some reason, he wanted to wear a diaper (I put him in a pull-up, hoping that he'd associate it with underpants, but he's peed in it several times today). I keep trying to convince him that he has to use the potty in order to go to school in the fall, but he doesn't seem super excited about it. Oh well.
4. I'm really excited and honored by an invitation I received. Last summer I attended a scoring conference for the National Writing Project's College-Ready Writer Program in Chicago. There were seven of us from Montana who went, and we had a great time. When I received another invitation for this year's conference, I applied and was accepted. There are only three of us going this time; some of the others didn't apply and others weren't accepted. It will be in Chicago again, and I'm excited to go back. Now that we have some idea of what's available to us in the city as far as activities and sight-seeing, we'll be a little more prepared. But then, I received ANOTHER invitation to a different conference. This is the same program, NWP's CRWP, but it's a hybrid conference, meaning participants are in a variety of locations, and I was invited to a be a table leader. That means I will be in charge of a group of scoring teachers. The location I will be in is St. Joseph, MO, just north of Kansas City. Not sure what other locations are involved in the event, but I know the leaders of the conference will be in Berkeley. I was the only one of the group I went with to last year's conference to receive this invitation. I'm assuming it has something to do with my scoring ability from last year's conference; I'm guessing invited people had to have some level of reliability and consistency to get selected. Whatever it is, I'm really excited about the opportunity. There's some training involved, and unfortunately it also means I'm going to be out of town on the last weekend of my summer vacation, which also happens to be my 17th anniversary. That's a bit of a downer. But between the two conferences, I'll make $1500 this summer, when I usually would be without an income. Not too shabby.
5. I need to start getting a list together of the things I'd like to accomplish this summer. Some of them are fitness-related, like continuing the weight loss (I'd love to be under 180 lbs by the time school starts up again) and paddling a couple times a week (even if it's just on the nearby lake); some of them are school-related, like organizing all my teaching units, constructing some new assignments for some of our texts, and getting my classroom library under control; and some of them are home-related, like getting the boys' bedrooms and bathroom redone in some fashion, getting all our closets reorganized, and reorganizing the kitchen cabinets. I want to get some kind of schedule together where I tackle one project each week. I also want to get my Magic cards sorted and put away; that's going to be a beastly task. :)
6. Today is the anniversary of my mother's death. I can't believe it has been 9 years. In some ways, it seems like it's been much longer than that, and yet at the same time it seems like hardly any time has passed. Daily I find myself wishing that I could talk to Mom about some problem, run some idea past her, or ask her some question about something going on in my life. It really doesn't ever get easier, does it?
Thursday, April 07, 2016
What Really Grinds My Gears: Fandom Edition
So, I have a somewhat random rant to embark upon.
I saw the teaser trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One this morning, and was suitably pleased. I felt that the look remained reasonably true to the original trilogy, as much as a movie that was made nearly forty years after the original using mostly CGI could.
I am a child of the original trilogy. While I don't believe I saw the first movie in the theaters, as I was not even three years old when it came out, I did see it later, and I remember seeing Empire Strikes Back at the local drive-in. My brother and I had the action figures and other assorted toys; somewhere in a box of toys my Cloud City Princess Leia may still reside, without her blaster but still in her plastic sleeveless robe. I love the original trilogy. It had a tremendous impact on my lasting love for science fiction.
I will admit to being disappointed in the prequels. I just didn't really get attached to many of the characters. While I don't revile Jar Jar Binks, as many of my peers do, I didn't feel the same swell of emotion for Padme, Anakin, or any of the other characters as I did for Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie. I've watched them a few times, certainly not as frequently as I have the originals. And that's fine. Here's a key point: I don't denigrate anyone for their enjoyment of the prequels. I know there are plenty of kids who grew up on the prequels in the same fashion as I did on the original trilogy, and that means it's part of their childhood. Perhaps they saw magic in the story that I did not. AND THAT'S FINE.
I enjoyed The Force Awakens, although not as much as the original trilogy. I was happy to see the old familiar characters (older, but still as comfortable as a pair of slippers or R2D2 Underroos), and I liked the addition of Rey, Finn, Poe, and BB-8. I did not fear Kylo Ren as I did Darth Vader and the Emperor, but it did not affect my enjoyment of the story. I felt that the storyline was, in fact, a little too similar to the original trilogy, but I figured they did so to pay homage to the original trilogy and "ease" the fans of the previous two trilogies into the new storyline. I started to cry when the Lucasfilms logo hit the screen and continued through the initial screen crawl. I teared up when Han and Chewie hit the screen for the first time. I sniffled a bit when (spoiler!) Kylo Ren killed Han. I enjoyed the movie, but I know some other diehard fans didn't. AND THAT'S FINE.
So, here's where my gears start to grind: I made the mistake of reading comments viewers had made about the trailer, and I saw the same sentiment repeated several times: "This isn't Star Wars." The gist of it seemed to be that, since it wasn't part of the initial storyline and/or since it is a female protagonist when the viewers don't remember seeing any female pilots or rebels in the original story (except, you know, PRINCESS LEIA, but whatever), this story shouldn't be considered canon. Several people said the same thing about The Force Awakens, and about the prequel trilogy, and some people complained that The Force Awakens had uncanonized Star Wars novels that had previously been considered canon. And blah de blah de blah, ad infinitum.
What I took away from all of this is that a lot of people seem to think this: "I didn't like [insert whatever it is], and therefore no one else should either."
This is part of a larger issue that I have noticed lately with regards to many participants in what we call FANDOMS (a fandom is a collective group of fans and subculture surrounding a particular subject, whether that subject is a person, a show, a movie, a music genre, etc.). I repeatedly see people post things like, "Well, I've been a fan since the beginning; you're a n00b compared to me" and "People think they are fans of [whatever], but they only know the songs from one album/the characters from one season/one book/etc." "You've only watched three seasons of [whatever]? I've watched the entire show seventeen times."
I don't understand why people feel the need to belittle others and the things those others like, especially when they like some of the same things. Doctor Who: "Oh, you like the Tenth Doctor best? Have you EVEN SEEN the Ninth Doctor? He's definitely the best, hands down." Harry Potter: "You say you like Harry Potter but you haven't read all the books? Whatever. You aren't a real fan." Star Trek: "You like ST:TNG? It wouldn't even exist without TOS. Kirk is a way better captain than Picard."
Here's the thing. Why can't people be fans and enjoy things the way they want to? Just because one person has the opportunity to cosplay a character and attend a convention doesn't automatically make them a bigger fan that someone who doesn't. Just because you happened to be born at a time when you could watch the original Star Wars when it first came out doesn't give you superiority or authority over someone who was born at a different time and couldn't. Just because you've seen a particular band in concert doesn't make you a bigger fan than someone who hasn't. And your fan-ness isn't required for that movie or that show or that actor or that band to continue existing. While it is true those things all require audiences, you alone aren't the hinge upon which these things turn. You are one in thousands, in MILLIONS. GUESS WHAT, BUTTERCUP? YOU AREN'T THAT SPECIAL, despite what your momma has always told you.
If you decide that, IN YOUR MIND, the original Star Wars trilogy is best and you won't watch any of the other movies, that's fine, but you do not have the right or the privilege to tell anyone else that their opinion doesn't matter. Their opinion matters just as much as yours does (and in the grand scheme, that is NOT AT ALL).
So get over yourself. Stop telling people what to like and what to dislike. Let them find out about it in their own way, and let them enjoy it in their own way. That doesn't mean you can't recommend something to someone, but if they happen to not like what you like, THAT'S FINE.
End of rant.
I saw the teaser trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One this morning, and was suitably pleased. I felt that the look remained reasonably true to the original trilogy, as much as a movie that was made nearly forty years after the original using mostly CGI could.
I am a child of the original trilogy. While I don't believe I saw the first movie in the theaters, as I was not even three years old when it came out, I did see it later, and I remember seeing Empire Strikes Back at the local drive-in. My brother and I had the action figures and other assorted toys; somewhere in a box of toys my Cloud City Princess Leia may still reside, without her blaster but still in her plastic sleeveless robe. I love the original trilogy. It had a tremendous impact on my lasting love for science fiction.
I will admit to being disappointed in the prequels. I just didn't really get attached to many of the characters. While I don't revile Jar Jar Binks, as many of my peers do, I didn't feel the same swell of emotion for Padme, Anakin, or any of the other characters as I did for Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie. I've watched them a few times, certainly not as frequently as I have the originals. And that's fine. Here's a key point: I don't denigrate anyone for their enjoyment of the prequels. I know there are plenty of kids who grew up on the prequels in the same fashion as I did on the original trilogy, and that means it's part of their childhood. Perhaps they saw magic in the story that I did not. AND THAT'S FINE.
I enjoyed The Force Awakens, although not as much as the original trilogy. I was happy to see the old familiar characters (older, but still as comfortable as a pair of slippers or R2D2 Underroos), and I liked the addition of Rey, Finn, Poe, and BB-8. I did not fear Kylo Ren as I did Darth Vader and the Emperor, but it did not affect my enjoyment of the story. I felt that the storyline was, in fact, a little too similar to the original trilogy, but I figured they did so to pay homage to the original trilogy and "ease" the fans of the previous two trilogies into the new storyline. I started to cry when the Lucasfilms logo hit the screen and continued through the initial screen crawl. I teared up when Han and Chewie hit the screen for the first time. I sniffled a bit when (spoiler!) Kylo Ren killed Han. I enjoyed the movie, but I know some other diehard fans didn't. AND THAT'S FINE.
So, here's where my gears start to grind: I made the mistake of reading comments viewers had made about the trailer, and I saw the same sentiment repeated several times: "This isn't Star Wars." The gist of it seemed to be that, since it wasn't part of the initial storyline and/or since it is a female protagonist when the viewers don't remember seeing any female pilots or rebels in the original story (except, you know, PRINCESS LEIA, but whatever), this story shouldn't be considered canon. Several people said the same thing about The Force Awakens, and about the prequel trilogy, and some people complained that The Force Awakens had uncanonized Star Wars novels that had previously been considered canon. And blah de blah de blah, ad infinitum.
What I took away from all of this is that a lot of people seem to think this: "I didn't like [insert whatever it is], and therefore no one else should either."
This is part of a larger issue that I have noticed lately with regards to many participants in what we call FANDOMS (a fandom is a collective group of fans and subculture surrounding a particular subject, whether that subject is a person, a show, a movie, a music genre, etc.). I repeatedly see people post things like, "Well, I've been a fan since the beginning; you're a n00b compared to me" and "People think they are fans of [whatever], but they only know the songs from one album/the characters from one season/one book/etc." "You've only watched three seasons of [whatever]? I've watched the entire show seventeen times."
I don't understand why people feel the need to belittle others and the things those others like, especially when they like some of the same things. Doctor Who: "Oh, you like the Tenth Doctor best? Have you EVEN SEEN the Ninth Doctor? He's definitely the best, hands down." Harry Potter: "You say you like Harry Potter but you haven't read all the books? Whatever. You aren't a real fan." Star Trek: "You like ST:TNG? It wouldn't even exist without TOS. Kirk is a way better captain than Picard."
Here's the thing. Why can't people be fans and enjoy things the way they want to? Just because one person has the opportunity to cosplay a character and attend a convention doesn't automatically make them a bigger fan that someone who doesn't. Just because you happened to be born at a time when you could watch the original Star Wars when it first came out doesn't give you superiority or authority over someone who was born at a different time and couldn't. Just because you've seen a particular band in concert doesn't make you a bigger fan than someone who hasn't. And your fan-ness isn't required for that movie or that show or that actor or that band to continue existing. While it is true those things all require audiences, you alone aren't the hinge upon which these things turn. You are one in thousands, in MILLIONS. GUESS WHAT, BUTTERCUP? YOU AREN'T THAT SPECIAL, despite what your momma has always told you.
If you decide that, IN YOUR MIND, the original Star Wars trilogy is best and you won't watch any of the other movies, that's fine, but you do not have the right or the privilege to tell anyone else that their opinion doesn't matter. Their opinion matters just as much as yours does (and in the grand scheme, that is NOT AT ALL).
So get over yourself. Stop telling people what to like and what to dislike. Let them find out about it in their own way, and let them enjoy it in their own way. That doesn't mean you can't recommend something to someone, but if they happen to not like what you like, THAT'S FINE.
End of rant.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
And so it goes...
Today's weigh-in: 204.8
This isn't quite my lowest, but it's only .2 off. I am happy I finally lost all the baby weight. It only took almost six years...sheesh. I'm also happy to be down 25 lbs since I started this journey back in October, but I sure wish the weight came off faster. I'm definitely jealous of my husband, because he's lost twice what I have, and he's only been doing this diet for about a week and a half longer than I have.
I need to start working out. I guess what I also need to do is get back into the habit of actually walking the dog. I've just been putting her on her lead in the backyard since it's been cold and snowy. That really isn't fair to her, either, because she's so hyper that she needs more exercise than what she's getting. I've ordered her a harness, because she pulls something fierce when she's being walked.
I need to do some arm workouts too, because my arms have gotten seriously flabby over the years. I miss the days of being too muscular thanks to swimming and water polo.
This summer I hope to get my boats out on the lake a bit, since I should hopefully be fitting into them by summertime. I can do some paddling...finally.
Anyway, fingers are crossed that the weight loss continues.
This isn't quite my lowest, but it's only .2 off. I am happy I finally lost all the baby weight. It only took almost six years...sheesh. I'm also happy to be down 25 lbs since I started this journey back in October, but I sure wish the weight came off faster. I'm definitely jealous of my husband, because he's lost twice what I have, and he's only been doing this diet for about a week and a half longer than I have.
I need to start working out. I guess what I also need to do is get back into the habit of actually walking the dog. I've just been putting her on her lead in the backyard since it's been cold and snowy. That really isn't fair to her, either, because she's so hyper that she needs more exercise than what she's getting. I've ordered her a harness, because she pulls something fierce when she's being walked.
I need to do some arm workouts too, because my arms have gotten seriously flabby over the years. I miss the days of being too muscular thanks to swimming and water polo.
This summer I hope to get my boats out on the lake a bit, since I should hopefully be fitting into them by summertime. I can do some paddling...finally.
Anyway, fingers are crossed that the weight loss continues.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Goodbye 2015, hello 2016!
Today's weigh-in: 207.0
So...
It's been a little while since my last post, and obviously things have changed a bit. I have gotten used to the ketogenic diet--I got past the "keto flu" that made me feel so crappy. I've also gotten used to the occasional plateau that seems to happen frequently with this diet. I've had several rounds where I've flatlined on the weight loss, or even gained a few pounds, but eventually it drops again. I even managed to stay on the diet while at my in-laws' house over Christmas, despite a lot of incidental carbs here and there in the food, and ended up losing 2 lbs while I was there.
I don't know what my weight was at the end of 2014, but the last post made that year, at the beginning of November, I was 233. I know when I started this HFLC (high fat low carb) diet on the Monday after my 41st birthday (October 26), I was about 230. So I'm officially down 23 lbs since I started the diet, and about 26 lbs (probably) since the beginning of 2015.
The diet has gotten a bit easier. It helps that my husband has been doing a lot of the cooking. We are also doing a little better about planning out our meals, and having some ready-made stuff (like egg muffins and pre-cooked bacon) available for those times that we don't feel like cooking. We're doing pretty well at avoiding eating out and ordering in. We've also experimented with making some of our previously favorite recipes low carb. We'll keep working on it. And it's gotten a lot easier to avoid the kinds of foods I've previously binged on. I haven't done much overeating, and it seems like the low carb diet is a little more forgiving when I do overindulge.
So I'm cautiously optimistic. If I can lose 1 more lb, I will officially weigh what I weighed when I found out I was pregnant with Brendan. So, almost 6 years since I first got pregnant, I will have finally shed the "baby weight". Then I'll just have to shed the non-baby weight. In looking back at my blog, I can see that my weight right after we moved to Billings was about 200 lbs, so that of course will be the next "milestone" to hit. After that, my next big milestone will be about 175 lbs, since I think that's the lightest I got back in 2006 or whenever it was that we had worked so hard to lose weight.
Fingers are crossed. I hope 2016 is a better year than 2015 was. Happy New Year!
So...
It's been a little while since my last post, and obviously things have changed a bit. I have gotten used to the ketogenic diet--I got past the "keto flu" that made me feel so crappy. I've also gotten used to the occasional plateau that seems to happen frequently with this diet. I've had several rounds where I've flatlined on the weight loss, or even gained a few pounds, but eventually it drops again. I even managed to stay on the diet while at my in-laws' house over Christmas, despite a lot of incidental carbs here and there in the food, and ended up losing 2 lbs while I was there.
I don't know what my weight was at the end of 2014, but the last post made that year, at the beginning of November, I was 233. I know when I started this HFLC (high fat low carb) diet on the Monday after my 41st birthday (October 26), I was about 230. So I'm officially down 23 lbs since I started the diet, and about 26 lbs (probably) since the beginning of 2015.
The diet has gotten a bit easier. It helps that my husband has been doing a lot of the cooking. We are also doing a little better about planning out our meals, and having some ready-made stuff (like egg muffins and pre-cooked bacon) available for those times that we don't feel like cooking. We're doing pretty well at avoiding eating out and ordering in. We've also experimented with making some of our previously favorite recipes low carb. We'll keep working on it. And it's gotten a lot easier to avoid the kinds of foods I've previously binged on. I haven't done much overeating, and it seems like the low carb diet is a little more forgiving when I do overindulge.
So I'm cautiously optimistic. If I can lose 1 more lb, I will officially weigh what I weighed when I found out I was pregnant with Brendan. So, almost 6 years since I first got pregnant, I will have finally shed the "baby weight". Then I'll just have to shed the non-baby weight. In looking back at my blog, I can see that my weight right after we moved to Billings was about 200 lbs, so that of course will be the next "milestone" to hit. After that, my next big milestone will be about 175 lbs, since I think that's the lightest I got back in 2006 or whenever it was that we had worked so hard to lose weight.
Fingers are crossed. I hope 2016 is a better year than 2015 was. Happy New Year!
Wednesday, November 04, 2015
Severely Depressed
Today's weigh-in: 222.8...which is the same as yesterday (and pretty much the previous three weigh-ins, too).
I've asked a couple of friends who do the low carb diet for some help, because I'm terribly disheartened right now. I've been doing this low carb diet since last week, and it's not going well for me at all. The first five days were great, but my weight loss has suddenly stopped and I can't understand why. I'm not eating anything different than I was last week, but my last five weigh-ins have been 222.4, 223.2, 222.6, 222.8, and 222.8. Yesterday, I had two cups of coffee (not low carb but only 19 grams of total carbs between the two cups), a celery stalk with natural peanut butter (11 grams), a salad of iceberg lettuce, spinach, and kale with diced chicken, cheddar cheese, and dressing, pork tenderloin with green beans with butter, and a couple of fat bombs because I was worried there wasn't enough fat. All I drank other than the coffee was water and diet Coke. I'm crushed that I didn't lose any weight yesterday, because I calculated my total carbs, not even net, and it was less than 40. The only thing I have done differently this week than last week is that Sunday I started doing a little mini circuit of pushups, planking, dips, squats, and lunges, but I'm only doing the circuit twice and I'm not doing many of each exercise yet. I really am depressed about the last few days, especially since I'm not enjoying this diet. I'm already tired of rich, creamy, meaty stuff. I need some suggestions for something to kickstart the weight loss again, because if I can't get this back on track pretty quickly, I'm going to give up. This sucks.
I've asked a couple of friends who do the low carb diet for some help, because I'm terribly disheartened right now. I've been doing this low carb diet since last week, and it's not going well for me at all. The first five days were great, but my weight loss has suddenly stopped and I can't understand why. I'm not eating anything different than I was last week, but my last five weigh-ins have been 222.4, 223.2, 222.6, 222.8, and 222.8. Yesterday, I had two cups of coffee (not low carb but only 19 grams of total carbs between the two cups), a celery stalk with natural peanut butter (11 grams), a salad of iceberg lettuce, spinach, and kale with diced chicken, cheddar cheese, and dressing, pork tenderloin with green beans with butter, and a couple of fat bombs because I was worried there wasn't enough fat. All I drank other than the coffee was water and diet Coke. I'm crushed that I didn't lose any weight yesterday, because I calculated my total carbs, not even net, and it was less than 40. The only thing I have done differently this week than last week is that Sunday I started doing a little mini circuit of pushups, planking, dips, squats, and lunges, but I'm only doing the circuit twice and I'm not doing many of each exercise yet. I really am depressed about the last few days, especially since I'm not enjoying this diet. I'm already tired of rich, creamy, meaty stuff. I need some suggestions for something to kickstart the weight loss again, because if I can't get this back on track pretty quickly, I'm going to give up. This sucks.
Sunday, November 01, 2015
Where did I go wrong?
Today's weigh-in: 223.2
Weight gained: .8lbs
I am just in the grip of a crushing depression this morning, with no real reason why. I'm exhausted, all my muscles are sore, and my joints ache. My husband thinks this might be the "keto flu", the body's way of purging toxins as it adapts to the new diet. Whatever it is, I feel rotten. I'm planning on starting one of those 30-day exercise challenges that I always find on Pinterest, but it remains to be seen if I'm feeling good enough to start it. Not that the first day requires much effort, but still. I just feel sad and defeated today. Maybe my muscles are sore from walking around the zoo yesterday at the Halloween party they have, but I shouldn't be that out of shape. I don't know.
It doesn't help my mood that I inexplicably gained some weight yesterday. I didn't eat Halloween candy by the ton like I usually do; in fact, I hardly ate anything bad at all. My "cheat" day consisted of two McDonald's french fries, two peanut butter M&Ms, a goldfish cracker, and a cheeseburger from Wendy's with the bun removed. I'm sure that added to my carb count, but I find it hard to believe that it was enough to push me out of my weight loss zone.
So, I'm at a loss. Or rather, a gain, I guess. I'm already tired of eggs, and meat, and cheese. I desperately want to eat a big old bowl of cereal, or a couple pieces of toast. It's funny; as much as I want to eat a whole bowl of mashed potatoes, I think the first thing I would choose to binge on is french toast. Maybe that's just because it's time for breakfast, and all I can think of is not eating the eggs and sausage that are currently coming my way. Again.
Weight gained: .8lbs
I am just in the grip of a crushing depression this morning, with no real reason why. I'm exhausted, all my muscles are sore, and my joints ache. My husband thinks this might be the "keto flu", the body's way of purging toxins as it adapts to the new diet. Whatever it is, I feel rotten. I'm planning on starting one of those 30-day exercise challenges that I always find on Pinterest, but it remains to be seen if I'm feeling good enough to start it. Not that the first day requires much effort, but still. I just feel sad and defeated today. Maybe my muscles are sore from walking around the zoo yesterday at the Halloween party they have, but I shouldn't be that out of shape. I don't know.
It doesn't help my mood that I inexplicably gained some weight yesterday. I didn't eat Halloween candy by the ton like I usually do; in fact, I hardly ate anything bad at all. My "cheat" day consisted of two McDonald's french fries, two peanut butter M&Ms, a goldfish cracker, and a cheeseburger from Wendy's with the bun removed. I'm sure that added to my carb count, but I find it hard to believe that it was enough to push me out of my weight loss zone.
So, I'm at a loss. Or rather, a gain, I guess. I'm already tired of eggs, and meat, and cheese. I desperately want to eat a big old bowl of cereal, or a couple pieces of toast. It's funny; as much as I want to eat a whole bowl of mashed potatoes, I think the first thing I would choose to binge on is french toast. Maybe that's just because it's time for breakfast, and all I can think of is not eating the eggs and sausage that are currently coming my way. Again.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
If I can't have candy, can it really be a Happy Halloween?
Today's weigh-in: 222.4
Well, I'm down about 7 lbs since the beginning of the week. What I've read about the ketogenic (low carb, high fat) diet is that the quick weight loss at the beginning is mostly water weight. That means it's easy to gain back. So I need to be really careful to continue the diet to ensure that my weight doesn't go back up. I know from watching my hubby in his attempt, which has gone on about three weeks longer than mine has, is that after about two weeks the weight loss will slow down. I'm hoping that, by that time, I can be down about 20 lbs. I think that will make a big difference, since I haven't even incorporated working out into the equation yet.
Tomorrow is the first day of November, and I think I'll try to do one of those workout "challenges" that I see on Pinterest all the time. Maybe that will keep me from bogging down in the diet.
But I just have no energy at all. I don't know what it is; I guess it could just be my body wanting its carbs. Hopefully this will get easier once my body gets a little more used to the diet. Cross your fingers.
I don't feel incredibly hopefully about tomorrow's weigh-in, even though today's was good. I've "cheated" a little bit today. Brendan had some goldfish crackers, and I had one. Ian had some peanut butter M&Ms, and I ate two of them. The boys got McDonald's Happy Meals for lunch, and I stole two french fries. I don't know if that's enough carbs to cause a problem, but it indicates that I am not satisfied with my meals. I need to figure out how to head that carb desire off at the pass.
Well, I'm down about 7 lbs since the beginning of the week. What I've read about the ketogenic (low carb, high fat) diet is that the quick weight loss at the beginning is mostly water weight. That means it's easy to gain back. So I need to be really careful to continue the diet to ensure that my weight doesn't go back up. I know from watching my hubby in his attempt, which has gone on about three weeks longer than mine has, is that after about two weeks the weight loss will slow down. I'm hoping that, by that time, I can be down about 20 lbs. I think that will make a big difference, since I haven't even incorporated working out into the equation yet.
Tomorrow is the first day of November, and I think I'll try to do one of those workout "challenges" that I see on Pinterest all the time. Maybe that will keep me from bogging down in the diet.
But I just have no energy at all. I don't know what it is; I guess it could just be my body wanting its carbs. Hopefully this will get easier once my body gets a little more used to the diet. Cross your fingers.
I don't feel incredibly hopefully about tomorrow's weigh-in, even though today's was good. I've "cheated" a little bit today. Brendan had some goldfish crackers, and I had one. Ian had some peanut butter M&Ms, and I ate two of them. The boys got McDonald's Happy Meals for lunch, and I stole two french fries. I don't know if that's enough carbs to cause a problem, but it indicates that I am not satisfied with my meals. I need to figure out how to head that carb desire off at the pass.
Friday, October 30, 2015
If this really is a good thing, why do I feel so guilty?
Today's weigh-in: 223.6
Well, it seems to be working. I'm not counting calories at all, but I'm losing weight. I'm scarfing down a ridiculous amount of fat each day, but I'm down 6 lbs in four days. I'm pretty pleased so far, but it sure is hard. I so badly want to eat a couple pieces of toast, or a sandwich, or some potatoes, or something. I feel full after I eat, but I just don't feel satisfied. Today was the closest I felt to that, and I think it's because I got some chocolate.
At the grocery store last night, I picked up a couple different kinds of Atkins snack bars, chocolate with caramel. Unlike some of the other diet snack bars I've bought in the past, these weren't half bad. They only have 2 and 3 net carbs, which isn't bad. Also, my husband found some recipes for what are apparently called "fat bombs", things you are supposed to eat to get your blood back into ketosis if you haven't had enough fat or you've had too much protein. They were chocolate and peanut butter with nuts in them, made with a lot of butter and coconut oil. They were pretty good, although a little on the salty side. It's still more of a savory chocolate taste, rather than a really sweet milk chocolate one, but I'll take what I can get.
It's weird, though. This diet pretty much flies in the face of just about everything I've ever been told about eating. I've always heard that you need to cut back on fat, cut back on calories, eat a balanced diet with plenty of protein, eat lots of fruits, stuff like that. I haven't been able to have a piece of fruit all week because they all have too many carbs. I keep eyeing the bananas, but they are more than half of my available carbs for the day. Also, the diet recommends eating as late as 11 pm. Most diets always said not to eat late in the day. The whole thing is just really weird. And apparently you have to eat so much fat! I've never minded fatty foods; in fact, I've always liked the fat on my steak, park, or chicken. But I feel like I'm overdosing on it. Everything feels greasy and oily and thick. I find myself craving a huge swig of orange juice, like it would clean everything out. It's a really strange feeling.
I don't feel like I have much energy right now. I'm still drinking my coffee in the morning, but I've gotten some of those sugar-free Torani syrups to try to make my froo-froo coffee drinks at home. I keep seeing low carb recipes for "bulletproof coffee" with butter and cream in it. It sounds repulsive.
Anyway, it seems to be working, but it isn't really making me feel good, either mentally or physically. I'll be a lot more relieved when I hit the 10 lb mark. I hope I keep going; it's really nice to actually lose weight for the first time in years. I haven't even been working out.
Well, it seems to be working. I'm not counting calories at all, but I'm losing weight. I'm scarfing down a ridiculous amount of fat each day, but I'm down 6 lbs in four days. I'm pretty pleased so far, but it sure is hard. I so badly want to eat a couple pieces of toast, or a sandwich, or some potatoes, or something. I feel full after I eat, but I just don't feel satisfied. Today was the closest I felt to that, and I think it's because I got some chocolate.
At the grocery store last night, I picked up a couple different kinds of Atkins snack bars, chocolate with caramel. Unlike some of the other diet snack bars I've bought in the past, these weren't half bad. They only have 2 and 3 net carbs, which isn't bad. Also, my husband found some recipes for what are apparently called "fat bombs", things you are supposed to eat to get your blood back into ketosis if you haven't had enough fat or you've had too much protein. They were chocolate and peanut butter with nuts in them, made with a lot of butter and coconut oil. They were pretty good, although a little on the salty side. It's still more of a savory chocolate taste, rather than a really sweet milk chocolate one, but I'll take what I can get.
It's weird, though. This diet pretty much flies in the face of just about everything I've ever been told about eating. I've always heard that you need to cut back on fat, cut back on calories, eat a balanced diet with plenty of protein, eat lots of fruits, stuff like that. I haven't been able to have a piece of fruit all week because they all have too many carbs. I keep eyeing the bananas, but they are more than half of my available carbs for the day. Also, the diet recommends eating as late as 11 pm. Most diets always said not to eat late in the day. The whole thing is just really weird. And apparently you have to eat so much fat! I've never minded fatty foods; in fact, I've always liked the fat on my steak, park, or chicken. But I feel like I'm overdosing on it. Everything feels greasy and oily and thick. I find myself craving a huge swig of orange juice, like it would clean everything out. It's a really strange feeling.
I don't feel like I have much energy right now. I'm still drinking my coffee in the morning, but I've gotten some of those sugar-free Torani syrups to try to make my froo-froo coffee drinks at home. I keep seeing low carb recipes for "bulletproof coffee" with butter and cream in it. It sounds repulsive.
Anyway, it seems to be working, but it isn't really making me feel good, either mentally or physically. I'll be a lot more relieved when I hit the 10 lb mark. I hope I keep going; it's really nice to actually lose weight for the first time in years. I haven't even been working out.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Progress, maybe...
Today's weigh in: 227.6
It might be progress, but it is also within the +/- 2 lbs swing that I often experience. We'll have to give it a few days, to see if I continue to have some weight loss.
Of course, today wasn't a great day. I had a cup of cappuccino (10 g), carrots and peanut butter (19 g each time, x2 = 36 g; it's a lot fewer carbs to eat the natural peanut butter that is higher in calories and fat than the reduced fat stuff), a couple pieces of gum (about 4 g), and a granola bar because I got desperate (17 g). That's 67 g, well over the 50 g mark. So I don't know what will happen.
And the worst part is, I'm starving. I'm soooooooo hungry. I really want a huge pot of pasta or potatoes or something. And it's almost Halloween, which means candy...
This low carb thing sucks.
It might be progress, but it is also within the +/- 2 lbs swing that I often experience. We'll have to give it a few days, to see if I continue to have some weight loss.
Of course, today wasn't a great day. I had a cup of cappuccino (10 g), carrots and peanut butter (19 g each time, x2 = 36 g; it's a lot fewer carbs to eat the natural peanut butter that is higher in calories and fat than the reduced fat stuff), a couple pieces of gum (about 4 g), and a granola bar because I got desperate (17 g). That's 67 g, well over the 50 g mark. So I don't know what will happen.
And the worst part is, I'm starving. I'm soooooooo hungry. I really want a huge pot of pasta or potatoes or something. And it's almost Halloween, which means candy...
This low carb thing sucks.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Apparently, carbs make food taste good.
Today's weigh-in: 229.4
I'm embarking on an experiment, one I fully expect will not last long. A friend of mine has lost more than 100 lbs in the past 6 years, mostly following a low carb diet through a meal plan company (not WW but one of those). She's an incredible person and a huge inspiration. After all her success, she's now become a health coach and is encouraging her husband to do the same. He's following a similar plan, although I believe they are cooking at home instead of getting the premade meals, and he's lost a bit of weight so far (I don't know how much). All this (along with a fitness check for his work that didn't end with pleasant results) inspired my husband to give the low carb diet a shot. He started about two and a half weeks ago, and he's lost about 20 lbs. That's pretty inspiring to somebody who has never lost more than two pounds in a week (me). I decided that, once the birthday season was done (my birthday followed by my son's), I would give the low carb thing a try. I started this morning, and, after about 12 hours of doing the low carb thing, I'm severely depressed.
I used to joke that calories were the things that made food taste good. I was wrong. Carbs are the things that make food taste good. I know I'm a sugar junkie, but I never realized how much of a starch junkie I was. Potatoes, bread, pasta, rice...oh how I love them. And things that I never realized had lots of carbs, like carrots, bananas, corn, birthday cake...ok, I knew that one. Even my gum, which is sugar-free, has 2 g of carbs per piece. How does that even happen?
A couple of weeks ago, I tried to make mashed cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes. It didn't go well. Oh, I know I could doctor them up with a lot of sour cream, butter, salt, and garlic, but they still wouldn't be mashed potatoes. I know you can make zucchini "noodles" or use spaghetti squash. I know you can make a crispy cheese "crust" for pizza. Yes, I know these things, just like I know that there are vegetarians who eat bean and grain "burgers" and tofurkey. I know these things. But I also know that real food, the stuff with carbs in it, tastes best. I don't even want to start on the low carb desserts.
We went to a buffet last night for my father-in-law's birthday. We chose the buffet because we figured it would be easier for my husband to find low carb offerings than a regular restaurant. He found a few things to eat, but it was very hard for him to see them side by side on the buffet display with all the foods that he can't eat.
Yes, my husband has lost an impressive amount of weight in the two or so weeks he's been doing low carb, but I haven't seen him happy or content after eating. Instead, he wistfully opens and closes the fridge and pantry, looking for some miraculous low carb offering that will satisfy his cravings, but none can be found.
So, I decided I would try as well. I've never lost weight quickly, and I'm about 80 lbs overweight, so I need something to jumpstart things for me. I'm hoping the low carb thing will do it, but I just don't know how long I can keep it up. Today I had a cup of Keurig cappuccino (10 grams), carrots and peanut butter (a combined 24 grams), a cheese stick (1 gram), and four pieces of gum (8 grams). I'm not sure what my dinner carbs were, but I had a lettuce/kale/spinach/chicken salad with cheese, some slivered almonds, a few tortilla strips, and some southwestern ranch dressing, so I wouldn't think it was more than 15 grams. That puts me at around 53 grams of carbs today. That might not be the ideal below-50 level that many low carb diets recommend, but it's surely way fewer carbs than I usually consume. It's probably also fewer calories, because I couldn't find anything else to eat.
Oh, and I had a square-inch cube of birthday cake. That was probably another 15 freaking carbs right there. Whatever.
Anyway, we'll see how things look in the morning. If it looks like I'm getting a weight loss jumpstart, I'll try to hang with it as long as I can. If not, I'm eating some damn toast for breakfast.
I'm embarking on an experiment, one I fully expect will not last long. A friend of mine has lost more than 100 lbs in the past 6 years, mostly following a low carb diet through a meal plan company (not WW but one of those). She's an incredible person and a huge inspiration. After all her success, she's now become a health coach and is encouraging her husband to do the same. He's following a similar plan, although I believe they are cooking at home instead of getting the premade meals, and he's lost a bit of weight so far (I don't know how much). All this (along with a fitness check for his work that didn't end with pleasant results) inspired my husband to give the low carb diet a shot. He started about two and a half weeks ago, and he's lost about 20 lbs. That's pretty inspiring to somebody who has never lost more than two pounds in a week (me). I decided that, once the birthday season was done (my birthday followed by my son's), I would give the low carb thing a try. I started this morning, and, after about 12 hours of doing the low carb thing, I'm severely depressed.
I used to joke that calories were the things that made food taste good. I was wrong. Carbs are the things that make food taste good. I know I'm a sugar junkie, but I never realized how much of a starch junkie I was. Potatoes, bread, pasta, rice...oh how I love them. And things that I never realized had lots of carbs, like carrots, bananas, corn, birthday cake...ok, I knew that one. Even my gum, which is sugar-free, has 2 g of carbs per piece. How does that even happen?
A couple of weeks ago, I tried to make mashed cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes. It didn't go well. Oh, I know I could doctor them up with a lot of sour cream, butter, salt, and garlic, but they still wouldn't be mashed potatoes. I know you can make zucchini "noodles" or use spaghetti squash. I know you can make a crispy cheese "crust" for pizza. Yes, I know these things, just like I know that there are vegetarians who eat bean and grain "burgers" and tofurkey. I know these things. But I also know that real food, the stuff with carbs in it, tastes best. I don't even want to start on the low carb desserts.
We went to a buffet last night for my father-in-law's birthday. We chose the buffet because we figured it would be easier for my husband to find low carb offerings than a regular restaurant. He found a few things to eat, but it was very hard for him to see them side by side on the buffet display with all the foods that he can't eat.
Yes, my husband has lost an impressive amount of weight in the two or so weeks he's been doing low carb, but I haven't seen him happy or content after eating. Instead, he wistfully opens and closes the fridge and pantry, looking for some miraculous low carb offering that will satisfy his cravings, but none can be found.
So, I decided I would try as well. I've never lost weight quickly, and I'm about 80 lbs overweight, so I need something to jumpstart things for me. I'm hoping the low carb thing will do it, but I just don't know how long I can keep it up. Today I had a cup of Keurig cappuccino (10 grams), carrots and peanut butter (a combined 24 grams), a cheese stick (1 gram), and four pieces of gum (8 grams). I'm not sure what my dinner carbs were, but I had a lettuce/kale/spinach/chicken salad with cheese, some slivered almonds, a few tortilla strips, and some southwestern ranch dressing, so I wouldn't think it was more than 15 grams. That puts me at around 53 grams of carbs today. That might not be the ideal below-50 level that many low carb diets recommend, but it's surely way fewer carbs than I usually consume. It's probably also fewer calories, because I couldn't find anything else to eat.
Oh, and I had a square-inch cube of birthday cake. That was probably another 15 freaking carbs right there. Whatever.
Anyway, we'll see how things look in the morning. If it looks like I'm getting a weight loss jumpstart, I'll try to hang with it as long as I can. If not, I'm eating some damn toast for breakfast.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Book Review: Armada, by Ernest Cline
The subject of this entry is the novel Armada, by Ernest Cline. I've been impatiently awaiting this book since falling in love with Cline's first work, Ready Player One. RP1 was both great fun and incredibly insightful, and it was the top of the list of scifi novels my coworker and I wanted approved for our science fiction literature course at school.
With all that in mind, I was super excited when my Kindle downloaded the e-book format of Armada (as well as the e-book of Go Set A Watchman, which is next on my list to read) on Tuesday. I finished it today (Saturday)--please forgive me for reading slowly, but I am reading two other books simultaneously.
Quick and dirty plot summary: An 18-yr-old gamer discovers that video games (as well as science fiction movies, tv shows, and novels) have been intended to train humans to fight against an eventual alien invasion, which, it turns out, is imminent. This kid discovers that his father, who had also been a gamer and had died when the narrator was just a baby, had uncovered some of this hidden government "conspiracy" and was actually still alive, having been recruited into the military to train for the invasion, and is stationed on the moon, where the narrator is sent upon his own recruitment. Father and son are reunited and discuss the conspiracy and the alien invasion, agreeing that there are some suspicious elements to the aliens' actions over the years. As the invasion begins, father and son, along with several other recruits, fight the alien drones with drones the human governments have prepared over the years (keeping most of their soldiers and pilots out of immediate harm's way), but as the battle continues, the father and son realize that humanity might be making a mistake and that the aliens' intent might not be as hostile as it has appeared. They uncover the truth: humans actually initiated the original hostilities, and the aliens could have epically destroyed us years before but never have, despite Earth's escalation of hostilities over the years. The narrator and his father decide that the only way to truly know the aliens' intentions is to disable the weapon of mass destruction that Earth was about to deploy against the aliens and attempt to negotiate a cease fire. This means defying orders and actually destroying some of Earth's own defenses, during which the narrator's father must sacrifice his own life for the cause. The narrator successfully destroys the weapon, and is immediately engaged in conversation with an alien emissary who confirms what the narrator and his father had suspected: this was all a test of humanity's ability to be peaceful. Thanks to the actions of the narrator and his father, humanity is spared destruction and is offered entrance into an alliance of alien races called the Sodality. The narrator, speaking on behalf of humanity, agrees, and Earth is ushered into a time of prosperity and health. [And all that took place in one day.] The narrator, slightly suspicious of the aliens' benevolent intentions and realizing that he can't simply go back to his old life as a teenaged gamer, agrees to be an ambassador to the alliance. And they all live happily ever after.
Quick and dirty (and slightly inappropriate) review: an orgy involving Ready Player One, Ender's Game, the scifi spoof Galaxy Quest, and the new Adam Sandler movie Pixels, all while listening to Star-Lord's mixtape from Guardians of the Galaxy.
Review: So, it's hard for me to feel like I'm being fair to this book in my judgment, because I'm holding it up in comparison to two of my very favorite books of all time, Cline's Ready Player One and Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game. Cline even references EG several times, as part of the plot the narrator's father has pieced together about the intent of scifi to prepare humanity for alien invasion. But instead of feeling like an homage, it ends up feeling like a ripoff. The use of games for training, the fact that the narrator has an anger-management problem involving bullies, the fact that it all turns out to be sort of a misunderstanding and that humans are actually the aggressors...instead of feeling like a reimagining of those elements, it just feels like they've been done before.
The aliens have intercepted and interpreted our fictional and nonfictional broadcasts (TV, movies, internet, newscasts, videogames) just like in Galaxy Quest, being unable to tell the difference between reality and fiction, and feel that we are prone to violence but that we must be given a chance to prove ourselves. Fifty years of secret engagements and encounters with alien space craft (all drones piloted by some being or beings elsewhere in the galaxy) have allowed humanity the chance to reverse engineer the alien tech and increase our own technological abilities, also allowing us to eventually "take the fight to them". Still feels an awful lot like EG, but also reminded me quite a bit of Q's trial in Star Trek: The Next Generation. In the final episode of the show, Captain Picard finds out that the trial that Q initiated in the pilot episode, "Encounter at Far Point," had never actually ended, and that the entire seven-season run of the show had been under the Q continuum's scrutiny. Zack Lightman, the narrator of Armada, manages to save and redeem humanity in a similar test.
But, unlike both EG and STTNG, humanity never actually meets the real aliens. All contact, hostile or otherwise, is conducted through the use of drones. This actually makes Zack a bit suspicious, especially when the drones help rebuild Earth's cities after the battle and then provide all kinds of advance tech and medical advancements, which leads him to become an ambassador (as though he can somehow keep an eye on the aliens and make sure their intentions are pure). I was almost waiting for the other shoe to drop at the end of the book, expecting some kind of big plot twist like in the Twilight Zone episode "To Serve Man." But that didn't happen, and everything just kind of got tied up nice and neat at the end, including a final encounter with the now-mature-and-reformed bully from the first chapter. It all felt a little too easy.
Then there's the use of drones to fight on both sides. Although it ends up being explained at the end as sensible for the aliens because the drones are all being controlled by a single sentient? computer, it makes fighting seem so much less important and dangerous because pilots can simply "respawn" in a new drone. This tactic is conveniently used in the climactic fight between Zack and the admiral who wants to deploy the WMD against the alien planet, because the admiral is a better pilot than Zack. Zack respawns several times in drones that he was smart enough to bring with him in case of emergency (while the admiral somehow neglected to do the same). Yet, when the deaths of characters is needed for dramatic effect (such as the death of Zack's father), it suddenly becomes important to have a few actually-manned ships available. The tactics of the humans and aliens just never quite ring true.
There isn't much available by way of character development, since the majority of the story takes place in a single day. Zack suffers from the absence of his father, as he shows us through his interaction with a bully who gives him a hard time about how his father supposedly died (in an explosion in a waste treatment plant), his hero-worship of his father's belongings (like Star-Lord's addiction to his mother's mixtape), and his poor lonely but pop-culture-savvy mother. He compares his circumstances several times to the heroes such movies as Iron Eagle, Top Gun, and Star Wars, but again, instead of feeling clever, innovative, or insightful, these comparisons seem designed to remind us that Zack is a hero and a rule-breaker, since we only just met him. We don't get to know any of the other top gamers who were recruited, other than some very minor backstory, so when some of them die in various stages of the battle, it feels more like the loss of the redshirt member of every away mission of Star Trek. We also don't meet Zack's father long enough to see any negative personality qualities. He lives up to Zack's ideals: a super gamer (who has actually been playing against Zack online all these years), a faithful husband to Zack's mom (who also has remained faithful to Zack's dad and doesn't date or anything like that--they even manage to squeeze in a fling before his death, leading to the birth nine months later of Zack's much younger brother), and a heroic figure who breaks rules when necessary and sacrifices himself to save mankind. A few other flings are squeezed into the story as well--several of the other recruits manage to hook up before the battle, and there's a romantic interest for Zack who conveniently pops into the story to do things like jailbreak his reverse-engineered-alien-tech-communicator-thingy so that he can circumvent the government's plans without them overhearing him most of the time and then pops back out until she's needed in her mech drone to save his butt (and then pops back in and out AGAIN).
Everything just seemed way too CONVENIENT, I guess. There weren't any real surprises. And all the pop culture references, which were so important to the story in Ready Player One, just weren't really needed here. It seemed like Cline thought to himself, "RP1 was super-successful and had all those pop culture references in it, so I must do that again in this next book."
Overall, I did really enjoy the book. But it was more of a summer-fluff-type read than the deep, thought-provoking joyride of Ready Player One. If you like scifi references, conspiracy theories, and gaming, I definitely recommend it. But don't expect anything life-changing, you know? May the force be with you.
With all that in mind, I was super excited when my Kindle downloaded the e-book format of Armada (as well as the e-book of Go Set A Watchman, which is next on my list to read) on Tuesday. I finished it today (Saturday)--please forgive me for reading slowly, but I am reading two other books simultaneously.
Quick and dirty plot summary: An 18-yr-old gamer discovers that video games (as well as science fiction movies, tv shows, and novels) have been intended to train humans to fight against an eventual alien invasion, which, it turns out, is imminent. This kid discovers that his father, who had also been a gamer and had died when the narrator was just a baby, had uncovered some of this hidden government "conspiracy" and was actually still alive, having been recruited into the military to train for the invasion, and is stationed on the moon, where the narrator is sent upon his own recruitment. Father and son are reunited and discuss the conspiracy and the alien invasion, agreeing that there are some suspicious elements to the aliens' actions over the years. As the invasion begins, father and son, along with several other recruits, fight the alien drones with drones the human governments have prepared over the years (keeping most of their soldiers and pilots out of immediate harm's way), but as the battle continues, the father and son realize that humanity might be making a mistake and that the aliens' intent might not be as hostile as it has appeared. They uncover the truth: humans actually initiated the original hostilities, and the aliens could have epically destroyed us years before but never have, despite Earth's escalation of hostilities over the years. The narrator and his father decide that the only way to truly know the aliens' intentions is to disable the weapon of mass destruction that Earth was about to deploy against the aliens and attempt to negotiate a cease fire. This means defying orders and actually destroying some of Earth's own defenses, during which the narrator's father must sacrifice his own life for the cause. The narrator successfully destroys the weapon, and is immediately engaged in conversation with an alien emissary who confirms what the narrator and his father had suspected: this was all a test of humanity's ability to be peaceful. Thanks to the actions of the narrator and his father, humanity is spared destruction and is offered entrance into an alliance of alien races called the Sodality. The narrator, speaking on behalf of humanity, agrees, and Earth is ushered into a time of prosperity and health. [And all that took place in one day.] The narrator, slightly suspicious of the aliens' benevolent intentions and realizing that he can't simply go back to his old life as a teenaged gamer, agrees to be an ambassador to the alliance. And they all live happily ever after.
Quick and dirty (and slightly inappropriate) review: an orgy involving Ready Player One, Ender's Game, the scifi spoof Galaxy Quest, and the new Adam Sandler movie Pixels, all while listening to Star-Lord's mixtape from Guardians of the Galaxy.
Review: So, it's hard for me to feel like I'm being fair to this book in my judgment, because I'm holding it up in comparison to two of my very favorite books of all time, Cline's Ready Player One and Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game. Cline even references EG several times, as part of the plot the narrator's father has pieced together about the intent of scifi to prepare humanity for alien invasion. But instead of feeling like an homage, it ends up feeling like a ripoff. The use of games for training, the fact that the narrator has an anger-management problem involving bullies, the fact that it all turns out to be sort of a misunderstanding and that humans are actually the aggressors...instead of feeling like a reimagining of those elements, it just feels like they've been done before.
The aliens have intercepted and interpreted our fictional and nonfictional broadcasts (TV, movies, internet, newscasts, videogames) just like in Galaxy Quest, being unable to tell the difference between reality and fiction, and feel that we are prone to violence but that we must be given a chance to prove ourselves. Fifty years of secret engagements and encounters with alien space craft (all drones piloted by some being or beings elsewhere in the galaxy) have allowed humanity the chance to reverse engineer the alien tech and increase our own technological abilities, also allowing us to eventually "take the fight to them". Still feels an awful lot like EG, but also reminded me quite a bit of Q's trial in Star Trek: The Next Generation. In the final episode of the show, Captain Picard finds out that the trial that Q initiated in the pilot episode, "Encounter at Far Point," had never actually ended, and that the entire seven-season run of the show had been under the Q continuum's scrutiny. Zack Lightman, the narrator of Armada, manages to save and redeem humanity in a similar test.
But, unlike both EG and STTNG, humanity never actually meets the real aliens. All contact, hostile or otherwise, is conducted through the use of drones. This actually makes Zack a bit suspicious, especially when the drones help rebuild Earth's cities after the battle and then provide all kinds of advance tech and medical advancements, which leads him to become an ambassador (as though he can somehow keep an eye on the aliens and make sure their intentions are pure). I was almost waiting for the other shoe to drop at the end of the book, expecting some kind of big plot twist like in the Twilight Zone episode "To Serve Man." But that didn't happen, and everything just kind of got tied up nice and neat at the end, including a final encounter with the now-mature-and-reformed bully from the first chapter. It all felt a little too easy.
Then there's the use of drones to fight on both sides. Although it ends up being explained at the end as sensible for the aliens because the drones are all being controlled by a single sentient? computer, it makes fighting seem so much less important and dangerous because pilots can simply "respawn" in a new drone. This tactic is conveniently used in the climactic fight between Zack and the admiral who wants to deploy the WMD against the alien planet, because the admiral is a better pilot than Zack. Zack respawns several times in drones that he was smart enough to bring with him in case of emergency (while the admiral somehow neglected to do the same). Yet, when the deaths of characters is needed for dramatic effect (such as the death of Zack's father), it suddenly becomes important to have a few actually-manned ships available. The tactics of the humans and aliens just never quite ring true.
There isn't much available by way of character development, since the majority of the story takes place in a single day. Zack suffers from the absence of his father, as he shows us through his interaction with a bully who gives him a hard time about how his father supposedly died (in an explosion in a waste treatment plant), his hero-worship of his father's belongings (like Star-Lord's addiction to his mother's mixtape), and his poor lonely but pop-culture-savvy mother. He compares his circumstances several times to the heroes such movies as Iron Eagle, Top Gun, and Star Wars, but again, instead of feeling clever, innovative, or insightful, these comparisons seem designed to remind us that Zack is a hero and a rule-breaker, since we only just met him. We don't get to know any of the other top gamers who were recruited, other than some very minor backstory, so when some of them die in various stages of the battle, it feels more like the loss of the redshirt member of every away mission of Star Trek. We also don't meet Zack's father long enough to see any negative personality qualities. He lives up to Zack's ideals: a super gamer (who has actually been playing against Zack online all these years), a faithful husband to Zack's mom (who also has remained faithful to Zack's dad and doesn't date or anything like that--they even manage to squeeze in a fling before his death, leading to the birth nine months later of Zack's much younger brother), and a heroic figure who breaks rules when necessary and sacrifices himself to save mankind. A few other flings are squeezed into the story as well--several of the other recruits manage to hook up before the battle, and there's a romantic interest for Zack who conveniently pops into the story to do things like jailbreak his reverse-engineered-alien-tech-communicator-thingy so that he can circumvent the government's plans without them overhearing him most of the time and then pops back out until she's needed in her mech drone to save his butt (and then pops back in and out AGAIN).
Everything just seemed way too CONVENIENT, I guess. There weren't any real surprises. And all the pop culture references, which were so important to the story in Ready Player One, just weren't really needed here. It seemed like Cline thought to himself, "RP1 was super-successful and had all those pop culture references in it, so I must do that again in this next book."
Overall, I did really enjoy the book. But it was more of a summer-fluff-type read than the deep, thought-provoking joyride of Ready Player One. If you like scifi references, conspiracy theories, and gaming, I definitely recommend it. But don't expect anything life-changing, you know? May the force be with you.
Monday, November 03, 2014
Here I go again, on my own (well, not really)
Today's weigh-in: 233.4
Time to start over, again. I didn't hit my goal of being under 220 lbs by the time I turned 40 (which was two weeks ago), but I did manage to lose a couple of pounds, even with all the birthday cake and Halloween candy floating around the house. But I need to get back into a workout routine. With the time change yesterday, I may be able to get up at 5:00 am again, since I sort of petered out after a few weeks of it back in September. I made it this morning, although I was stiff, sore, and less than motivated. Instead of an organized workout, I marched in place and did some kicks, stretched a bit, did some arm weights, and hopped on the elliptical for a few minutes. I'm thinking I need to rotate my workouts. I got too bored in September with the alternating workouts on the Leslie Sansone DVD. I used to mix it up when I was working out a lot--I would do elliptical, treadmill, or swimming for cardio, and I would alternate arms and legs when I did weights. I've got a Belly Blaster video of hers that I haven't tried yet, and maybe I can alternate it with elliptical and hand weights. Gotta try, right? After all, we're going skiing for the week after Christmas, and I'd like to be able to ski for more than one day...
Time to start over, again. I didn't hit my goal of being under 220 lbs by the time I turned 40 (which was two weeks ago), but I did manage to lose a couple of pounds, even with all the birthday cake and Halloween candy floating around the house. But I need to get back into a workout routine. With the time change yesterday, I may be able to get up at 5:00 am again, since I sort of petered out after a few weeks of it back in September. I made it this morning, although I was stiff, sore, and less than motivated. Instead of an organized workout, I marched in place and did some kicks, stretched a bit, did some arm weights, and hopped on the elliptical for a few minutes. I'm thinking I need to rotate my workouts. I got too bored in September with the alternating workouts on the Leslie Sansone DVD. I used to mix it up when I was working out a lot--I would do elliptical, treadmill, or swimming for cardio, and I would alternate arms and legs when I did weights. I've got a Belly Blaster video of hers that I haven't tried yet, and maybe I can alternate it with elliptical and hand weights. Gotta try, right? After all, we're going skiing for the week after Christmas, and I'd like to be able to ski for more than one day...
Thursday, August 14, 2014
More on Robin Williams
Along with all the posts, statuses, videos, and tweets about how Robin Williams is being remembered, there are a few negative voices, mostly dogging on Williams for taking "the coward's way out" by killing himself or harassing other people for spending so much time, energy, and attention on the death of someone they themselves had never met.
This sort of thing happens almost every time a celebrity passes away. Some people spend a lot of time thinking about that celebrity's death, reading all the news articles, watching all the tribute videos, even though the celebrity is not personally known by that person. Other people don't understand and wonder why this particular friend might be obsessed. There are a lot of reasons people fixate on celebrity deaths, but here are just a few of the reasons I can think people are spending a lot of time talking about Robin Williams.
1) Many people grew up watching Robin Williams, so he's been a figure in their lives for a long time. I myself am one of these people. As a little kid in the 70's and 80's, I watched Williams on Happy Days and Mork and Mindy. While I haven't seen every movie he's ever done, I've seen many of them, as well as some of his standup comedy and the times he's hosted awards ceremonies. So, for about 35 years, he's been a frequent if not regular presence in my own life. And because so much of his career was based in comedy, he was viewed as a happy and joyful presence.
2) As with many celebrities that have long and successful careers, people hear stories about their lives: their childhood, their family life, struggles that they've gone through. It is interesting to read about the lives of other people, so make comparisons between their lives and your own and see where the similarities and differences lie. You wonder what makes that celebrity tick, what has made them into the famous person they are. With Robin Williams, we all knew that he had troubles with drugs in the 80's but managed to soldier on and recover to a point where he didn't use anymore, at least not that anyone heard. For people who struggle with their own addictions, Williams could have been viewed as a success story, to be used for inspiration when times were hard.
3) When a celebrity dies, it is a reminder of our own mortality. If that celebrity, with every great thing that he or she has in his or her life, can still die, then we can too. It's a chance for us to consider death without it actually affecting our immediate family and/or friends. We've all experienced the death of someone from a car accident, like Paul Walker, or a drug overdose, like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, or a suicide, like Robin Williams, but without actually having to lose someone we know personally. And in the case of Williams, this death, because it was a specific choice he made rather than an accident or a disease, it gives everyone a chance to ask and try to answer all those questions about "How" and "Why" he would do such a thing, and in some cases even gives people insight to fix things that are wrong in their lives and get help.
My thought process has gotten a bit muddled here, so this might not have made as much sense as I was hoping it would. But I think that people have valid reasons for being interested, curious, or concerned with the deaths of celebrities, especially someone like Robin Williams, and people have the right to mourn for them in their own ways. No one should belittle or berate someone for feeling something about the death of someone else. Because we're all thinking a version of the same thing: "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
This sort of thing happens almost every time a celebrity passes away. Some people spend a lot of time thinking about that celebrity's death, reading all the news articles, watching all the tribute videos, even though the celebrity is not personally known by that person. Other people don't understand and wonder why this particular friend might be obsessed. There are a lot of reasons people fixate on celebrity deaths, but here are just a few of the reasons I can think people are spending a lot of time talking about Robin Williams.
1) Many people grew up watching Robin Williams, so he's been a figure in their lives for a long time. I myself am one of these people. As a little kid in the 70's and 80's, I watched Williams on Happy Days and Mork and Mindy. While I haven't seen every movie he's ever done, I've seen many of them, as well as some of his standup comedy and the times he's hosted awards ceremonies. So, for about 35 years, he's been a frequent if not regular presence in my own life. And because so much of his career was based in comedy, he was viewed as a happy and joyful presence.
2) As with many celebrities that have long and successful careers, people hear stories about their lives: their childhood, their family life, struggles that they've gone through. It is interesting to read about the lives of other people, so make comparisons between their lives and your own and see where the similarities and differences lie. You wonder what makes that celebrity tick, what has made them into the famous person they are. With Robin Williams, we all knew that he had troubles with drugs in the 80's but managed to soldier on and recover to a point where he didn't use anymore, at least not that anyone heard. For people who struggle with their own addictions, Williams could have been viewed as a success story, to be used for inspiration when times were hard.
3) When a celebrity dies, it is a reminder of our own mortality. If that celebrity, with every great thing that he or she has in his or her life, can still die, then we can too. It's a chance for us to consider death without it actually affecting our immediate family and/or friends. We've all experienced the death of someone from a car accident, like Paul Walker, or a drug overdose, like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, or a suicide, like Robin Williams, but without actually having to lose someone we know personally. And in the case of Williams, this death, because it was a specific choice he made rather than an accident or a disease, it gives everyone a chance to ask and try to answer all those questions about "How" and "Why" he would do such a thing, and in some cases even gives people insight to fix things that are wrong in their lives and get help.
My thought process has gotten a bit muddled here, so this might not have made as much sense as I was hoping it would. But I think that people have valid reasons for being interested, curious, or concerned with the deaths of celebrities, especially someone like Robin Williams, and people have the right to mourn for them in their own ways. No one should belittle or berate someone for feeling something about the death of someone else. Because we're all thinking a version of the same thing: "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
There, but for the grace of God...
My social media feeds (Facebook and Twitter) and pretty much the news in general, have been awash the past couple of days with the sad news that Robin Williams, the talented and hilarious comedian and actor, took his own life on Monday at the age of 63.
I consider myself lucky to have never had any friends or family members who have killed themselves. The only suicide I've ever been affected by was that of retired football player Junior Seau, my favorite player from the San Diego Chargers. But Seau's death, although suicide, had a specific and tangible cause: he suffered from traumatic brain injury after years of heavy hitting in the sport. Such brain injuries cause physical pain and also mental imbalance, emotional outbursts, confusion, memory loss, and depression. At age 43, Seau shot himself in the chest. I was devastated that Seau took his own life, but he did it with two intentions, the first to stop his own pain, and the second to allow doctors the study of his brain to see if they could find a solution to the problem in order to help so many other people who suffer from the same injuries. Terrible and heartbreaking, but weirdly noble in the same sense. He at least allowed for a small silver lining to form around the very dark cloud in which he lived his last few years.
Initially, when news of Robin Williams' death hit the airwaves, people thought it was a hoax, as are many of those Internet death reports. Why people think it's funny to claim someone is dead when he actually isn't, I will never know. As people struggled to believe or not believe, they were reminded by the news that Williams' had just had heart surgery a couple of years ago; perhaps it was heart related. But then came the claims of suicide, death by asphyxiation, hanging. And then it was verified by the sheriff's office.
The doubt turned to shock, and the questions turned to "How could he do something like that?" and "Why?" How could someone so talented, so funny, so gifted with the ability to make the world laugh, take his own life? How could someone with a family, with a new wife, feel that life isn't worth living? How could someone with money, fame, an Academy Award, not recognize the blessings he had been given?
The questions continued when it was revealed that Williams had been suffering from depression. It seemed to boggle people's minds that someone who made so many people laugh and who made people so happy could possibly be suffering from depression.
But that's the thing about depression: it's not like a neon sign that everyone can read. People assume that those who are depressed wear a lot of black, never leave the house, stay in bed a lot, and generally waste away. While that is true of some people, most people who suffer from depression get up every day, put on a "public" face to go along with the clothes, go out and live their daily lives. They work, talk to people, even smile, but they don't let people know that they suffer from depression. Depression is something people don't talk about. Depressed people are often ashamed of being depressed. Society has long viewed depression, as well as other mental illnesses, as a form of weakness. Just cheer up. Buck up, little camper. Shake it off. Get over it. You've got a great life, so why be depressed about it?
But you can't just STOP being depressed. That's the whole problem. No matter how many blessings you have, how many great things you have in your life, you can't just stop being depressed. Depression IS. Simple as that. You can take medication, which will help alleviate the pain and the out-of-control emotions of depression. You can talk to a therapist, which will help you cope with that pain and those emotions. But you will never really stop being depressed. It's similar to people with addictions. You are either an addict, or a recovering addict. You are never actually cured of your addiction. It will always be there, and there will always be that possibility that it will creep back. Look at another recent death, the talented Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Another guy who seemingly had everything. But he also had an addiction to drugs, and although he hadn't "slipped" in a really long time, something triggered a relapse, and he died of a drug overdose.
Looking back at Williams' life and career, he does seem to have exhibited signs of a classic "manic depressive". His stand-up comedy was wild, frantic, nearly out-of-control. It was like being inside the mind of a madman. So why are so many people surprised that there was a painful depressive side to go with that mania?
As many people have written in the past couple of days, it's heartbreaking that someone who brought such joy and happiness to so many people couldn't find joy and happiness for himself. Yes, he had everything, and I think he knew it and knew how happy he made people, but that's what makes depression such a bitch: knowing all that doesn't help. It doesn't alleviate the pain, it doesn't make the emotions go away, and it can actually make you feel worse--if you have everything, shouldn't you feel better about it? What the hell is wrong with you?
Sadly, there is nothing now that can be done for Robin Williams, other than to pray for his soul and for his family, that they may be comforted and find peace. But if a good side to this tragedy needs to be found, it can be found in this: now the dialogue on Facebook and other social media, as well as the news, is about depression, how people can cope with it, and how they can help each other. If other people suffering from depression can be saved because of this public focus on depression, then at least we have a silver lining around this dark cloud.
I consider myself lucky to have never had any friends or family members who have killed themselves. The only suicide I've ever been affected by was that of retired football player Junior Seau, my favorite player from the San Diego Chargers. But Seau's death, although suicide, had a specific and tangible cause: he suffered from traumatic brain injury after years of heavy hitting in the sport. Such brain injuries cause physical pain and also mental imbalance, emotional outbursts, confusion, memory loss, and depression. At age 43, Seau shot himself in the chest. I was devastated that Seau took his own life, but he did it with two intentions, the first to stop his own pain, and the second to allow doctors the study of his brain to see if they could find a solution to the problem in order to help so many other people who suffer from the same injuries. Terrible and heartbreaking, but weirdly noble in the same sense. He at least allowed for a small silver lining to form around the very dark cloud in which he lived his last few years.
Initially, when news of Robin Williams' death hit the airwaves, people thought it was a hoax, as are many of those Internet death reports. Why people think it's funny to claim someone is dead when he actually isn't, I will never know. As people struggled to believe or not believe, they were reminded by the news that Williams' had just had heart surgery a couple of years ago; perhaps it was heart related. But then came the claims of suicide, death by asphyxiation, hanging. And then it was verified by the sheriff's office.
The doubt turned to shock, and the questions turned to "How could he do something like that?" and "Why?" How could someone so talented, so funny, so gifted with the ability to make the world laugh, take his own life? How could someone with a family, with a new wife, feel that life isn't worth living? How could someone with money, fame, an Academy Award, not recognize the blessings he had been given?
The questions continued when it was revealed that Williams had been suffering from depression. It seemed to boggle people's minds that someone who made so many people laugh and who made people so happy could possibly be suffering from depression.
But that's the thing about depression: it's not like a neon sign that everyone can read. People assume that those who are depressed wear a lot of black, never leave the house, stay in bed a lot, and generally waste away. While that is true of some people, most people who suffer from depression get up every day, put on a "public" face to go along with the clothes, go out and live their daily lives. They work, talk to people, even smile, but they don't let people know that they suffer from depression. Depression is something people don't talk about. Depressed people are often ashamed of being depressed. Society has long viewed depression, as well as other mental illnesses, as a form of weakness. Just cheer up. Buck up, little camper. Shake it off. Get over it. You've got a great life, so why be depressed about it?
But you can't just STOP being depressed. That's the whole problem. No matter how many blessings you have, how many great things you have in your life, you can't just stop being depressed. Depression IS. Simple as that. You can take medication, which will help alleviate the pain and the out-of-control emotions of depression. You can talk to a therapist, which will help you cope with that pain and those emotions. But you will never really stop being depressed. It's similar to people with addictions. You are either an addict, or a recovering addict. You are never actually cured of your addiction. It will always be there, and there will always be that possibility that it will creep back. Look at another recent death, the talented Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Another guy who seemingly had everything. But he also had an addiction to drugs, and although he hadn't "slipped" in a really long time, something triggered a relapse, and he died of a drug overdose.
Looking back at Williams' life and career, he does seem to have exhibited signs of a classic "manic depressive". His stand-up comedy was wild, frantic, nearly out-of-control. It was like being inside the mind of a madman. So why are so many people surprised that there was a painful depressive side to go with that mania?
As many people have written in the past couple of days, it's heartbreaking that someone who brought such joy and happiness to so many people couldn't find joy and happiness for himself. Yes, he had everything, and I think he knew it and knew how happy he made people, but that's what makes depression such a bitch: knowing all that doesn't help. It doesn't alleviate the pain, it doesn't make the emotions go away, and it can actually make you feel worse--if you have everything, shouldn't you feel better about it? What the hell is wrong with you?
Sadly, there is nothing now that can be done for Robin Williams, other than to pray for his soul and for his family, that they may be comforted and find peace. But if a good side to this tragedy needs to be found, it can be found in this: now the dialogue on Facebook and other social media, as well as the news, is about depression, how people can cope with it, and how they can help each other. If other people suffering from depression can be saved because of this public focus on depression, then at least we have a silver lining around this dark cloud.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)