A coworker of mine, who has put in far more years of teaching than I have, was muttering under his breath the other day, "The end of the school year is NOT a good time to ask if I want to retire." My next-door neighbor at school was asked by a student last week, "Do you just LOVE your job?" She looked him dead in the eye and responded, "Ask me in September."
Teaching is one of many professions (surely) that experiences tremendous and emotional highs and lows. I know the medical profession experiences something similar (probably much more powerful as life and death are frequently involved). Coming into the end of the school year, the highs are pretty fabulous, but the lows are pretty crappy.
This has been an interesting, and rough, few weeks for me. I received word a little over a week and a half ago that a member of my original class ('06) had passed away. She had lived a lifestyle that unfortunately included many excesses, and that contributed to her death. It was not an ending that I would have chosen for any of my girls, and it saddens me that she essentially chose it for herself, through her addiction.
While I was (and am) heartbroken over the loss of yet another student (bringing the total to six), it made me feel wonderful to think back over the many students I have had. I got to see those girls all come together to comfort each other and remember the good times, and it reminded me of all those things that I value so much about being a teacher: the joy of learning, the fun that happens in my classroom, the crazy and varied perspectives my students bring to the table, and the relationships they have all formed with each other. All these things make me so proud and happy to be a teacher.
But in the middle of this warm fuzziness I am experiencing, I am so over some other things. I've got a group of students this year that I just have not bonded with. I did not have a good experience last semester or this semester with the current sophomore class. Lots of students asking to leave my class early, or going to the bathroom or library and not returning. A couple students actively trying to drop out (their parents obviously won't let them) so they are putting forth no effort to prove a point (what point that is, I just don't know). A group of relatively smart kids who do as little as possible and are actively disruptive to the rest of the class. A couple of kids who struggle severely who would rather be perceived as slackers than have people know that they really, truly can't do the work. Two former students who have ended up in the news for very, very bad things (one got arrested for firing a gun in the air while intoxicated--at age 19--and one who is being hunted by the police for punching a girl in the face and breaking her jaw). I wish I could say that these behaviors surprised me when they ended up in the news, but sadly, they had doomed themselves long before these things occurred. I wish kids could see that they paths they choose pretty early in life, long before they fully recognize their consequences, will dictate where they head as adults. For way too many of them, it's either prison or an early grave.
I am sad and tired of these proceedings. On top of all this, I have all the usual rigamarole to accomplish: testing to administer, assignments to grade, assignments to create, lessons to teach, quizzes to give, and way too many phone calls regarding students failing my class. All this, and I'm dangerously low on f*cks to give at this point. I just want to call it a day, go home, drink about four beers (which is way more than my low carb diet would allow) and start my summer break. But we still have 3 1/2 weeks to go, so I need to keep on keeping on. Each morning, I'll hop back on the rollercoaster for another round. But honestly, I'd rather go on the lazy river ride instead.
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