Meh. So, four full weeks into my summer, I was curious about my size. Not my weight; I'm horribly aware of the fact that I haven't lost any weight for the entire month. What I was wondering was, what size clothes am I currently wearing? I haven't done any clothes shopping in quite some time (ignoring the outfit I bought for my mother's memorial service, at which point I was not paying any attention whatsoever to what size the clothes were). So I went to a department store and tried a few things on.

I know the largest size pants I have ever purchased were size 16, although at some point I probably should have been wearing larger ones than that. Disappointingly enough, despite a loss of almost 40 lbs in the past year and a half, I am only down to a size 12. I was able to get into a pair of size 10 pants, but they pulled rather tight across my hips and butt, and my lovehandles lopped depressingly over the sides of the waistband. Ick.

As far as tops go, I am still firmly into the XL range. My biggest (haha) problems are my wide shoulders, my big upper arms, and my, uh, bosom. Let's just say that what God graced me with has been seriously augmented by my eating habits over the years. I'm HUGE up top. I know there are girls out there who pray and pray for bigger cup sizes than what they've been given, but I'm here to tell you that there is a point where it becomes seriously unattractive. These do not belong in a magazine; they belong to a fat person. Eew. Anyway, I'm thoroughly disappointed in the styles of tops that are currently popular. With a plunging neckline, fluttery sleeves, and Empire waists with flared bottoms, my arms look flabby (which they are, but why accentuate it), my bosom looks disgustingly huge (which it is, again...), and I look pregnant (which I am not, so why lead anyone on). Yuck.

So, unless I get a move on and actually lose some weight (and tone what I've got so I'm not quite so horribly jiggly and flabby and lumpy), I really won't need to buy much in the way of clothes this fall for school. I've got a couple pairs of pants that fit, and I've got plenty of XL tops (not too stylish, but I'm not, generally, so it's no big deal).

Clearly, however, even if I lose some weight, my days of buying anything in the juniors department are over (and really have been for some time); the stuff just isn't cut to accomodate me, whether I lose or not.

Well, I've been given a pretty good dose of reality; let's see what I do with it.