Ever feel like there are unwritten standards at your gym, and you just don't measure up?

Man, I sure felt like that today. Normally I work out a bit earlier in the day (5-6:30 am) or much much later (5:30-7 pm); this morning I hit the gym a little after 7. There are always well-toned, muscular folk there--I mean, it is a gym--who make me feel a little self-conscious, but never as many as there were this morning. They all seem to have the same idea I did: try to lose some weight before Christmas to lessen the impact of all the food that I'll be eating. But it wasn't just them. Apparently we've gotten the holiday influx of Ole Miss sorority girls in for Christmas Break, because the treadmills were full of blonde ponytails in size 2 spandex. Now, I've recently lost 20 lbs, I've stopped mooing when I look in the mirror, and I've finally gotten up the nerve to wear those "sophie" shorts (you know, the little ultra-short jersey ones that come with cute little sayings on the back like "CHEER" or "DANCE"--I keep looking for ones that say "WIDE LOAD" but they don't seem to sell them at Sports Authority), but my size 2 spandex days are long gone (actually, I never had size 2 spandex days; size 3 was the best I ever did, and I avoided spandex like the plague after the '80s were over). These girls seemed to size me up (and my size is WAY, WAY up) as I stepped onto the machine, as if they were thinking, "Um, excuse me, the water aerobics class is in the pool area." (Sorry, no insult meant to water aerobics people--I just have a long-standing conflict with them from my days as a swim coach having to share a pool with these old ladies who refused to get their hair wet in the pool and asked me things like, "Can your swimmers stop making waves and splashing?" Hello, it's a SWIM team, and you are in a SWIMMING pool....) Anyway, I survived a two-hour workout (man, I had to; I'm having Christmas with both my parents and my in-laws, and the moms have been cooking and baking for at least three weeks in preparation) and slunk out of the gym, hoping none of the sorority girls would notice me. If they did, and said anything, my only defense would be "Hey, at least I don't have to pay for my friends." Pretty weak, I know.

Merry Christmas! And for those of you who prefer the non-religious term "Happy Holidays", you know the word holiday actually comes from holy day, right? HA HA HA!

Seriously disappointed with Pennsylvania...

I see this morning that a federal judge has ruled that Intelligent Design cannot be mentioned as a possible theory in a biology class in Pennsylvania. Isn't this the same state where they drafted the Declaration of Independence, which references "the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God" (National Archives)? Who the %*^& do they think that statement is talking about? As long as it isn't given more face time than any other theory (NONE OF WHICH HAVE BEEN CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN, YOU MORONS) I don't see why it cannot be mentioned. It is not religion being rammed down their throats; it is COMPLETE education where all possibilities are mentioned. The students learn in their health classes about all the different kinds of illegal drugs and what the effects of use are; why isn't anyone freaking out about that? What if I don't want my child (well, if I had one) exposed to such dangerous information? I personally was opposed to learning math when I was in school; I agree with Calvin in "Calvin and Hobbes" that it violates my belief system and I should not have been subjected to it (UComics). I don't hear anyone championing my cause or offering me legal options.

I'm just so thankful that I work in a Catholic school (and I'm not even Catholic) where they mention ALL the different theories (even *gasp* evolution) and where I can have a big sign in my classroom that says "In God We Trust", just like what's on the money that they are awarding these idiots who are protesting Intelligent Design. If they were truly opposed to the concept of God and references to Him in any form, and if they weren't just trying to make said buck, they would stop using US currency because it violates their belief system. But as I suspected, they are just morons!!

http://www.archives.gov/national-archives-experience/
charters/declaration_transcript.html

http://www.ucomics.com/calvinandhobbes/

Well, the Colts can stop worrying about their perfect season...

Woo hoo! My Bolts pulled it off! The Chargers managed to wreak another team's streak. They played giant-killer to the New England Patriots early on in the season, ending the win streak. Then they played three pretty good quarters today and finished off the undefeated season for the Colts. All week everyone speculated on whether Tony Dungy would sit out his starters to keep them safe and healthy, or if they'd fight for their season. Well, they kept the starters in, despite San Diego bruising several of the Colts' players and pummelling Peyton Manning. Lot of good it did them, eh? Ha ha ha!

Sorry, I just have to take some glee in this. It isn't that I don't respect the Colts; I think they are a nice team. They don't have any thugs or jerks or T.O.s on their team, which is great. There are so many twits in professional sports who seem to forget that their primary job is entertainment and they play a game for a living. So I appreciate their players and their team effort. Nice coach, nice players. But my team is fighting for a playoff spot, dang it, so to heck with niceties. I'll happily yell at the television to have one of the players on my team rip the gizzard out of another if it means points. I guess I don't have much sportsmanship. Oh well.

Besides, it is fun to see a bad day for a Manning. I don't mind Peyton, but Eli is still on my s*** list from the whole drafting issue last season. I don't care who your daddy is, he doesn't get to pick which team drafts you. So find a river, build a bridge, and get over it!

Anyway, my Bolts are victorious, and now Tony Dungy can sit his starters out the last two games. Everyone is happy, right?

Thank God for Christmas Break!

Woo hoo! My Christmas break officially begins today! I administered my last final yesterday morning, graded it, did swim practice last night, and I'm pretty much free for the next two weeks. That is a benefit of being a teacher; you don't have to request vacation time. Of course, there are downsides (people think teaching is an 8-3 kind of job. HA!) like taking grading home, and coaching sports, and sponsoring clubs, and other things that end up happening outside that 8-3 window. I leave my house at 4:30 every morning, and come home at 9:15 every night. My mother wonders why my husband and I don't have kids. We have to SEE each other to have kids. Maybe in the summer...

Of course, I still have things to do. I left some packages at school yesterday that must be taken to the post office (I couldn't carry them for all the swag the students gave me; it's part "I love my teacher" and part "Can I get an A on my exam?" One year I got a bottle of wine. That kid got an A!). I also need to print off more entry cards for the high school swim team, and I have to deliver their entries for a meet in January. See? Even on Christmas break I have things to do.

Then I get to go shopping. I'm hitting the outlet stores in Batesville, MS (for those of you outside of the South, it is pronounced "Batesvuhl". I don't know why. Most cities with "-ville" on the end are pronounced that way, with a few exceptions (most notably Huntsville, AL--I think because they have a lot of smart people working there at the NASA center).

Here I go...

Dreaming of/Praying about/Begging for a white Christmas...

Is there anything more depressing than a winter without snow?

Now, I'm not talking about a Southern California winter. I grew up with those. It isn't really winter; December and January are really just months to give surfers a way to earn money to support their surfing for the rest of the year (snowboard instructors at Tahoe). While it isn't very Christmas-y, there is a certain glee to doing your holiday shopping in shorts and t-shirts (see my brother's blog, iamhoff.blogspot.com for details).

But I am not experiencing that glee; I'm talking about a Southern winter. A Mid-South winter, to be exact. Here in the Memphis area, it snows maybe once every other year, and then only if it is inconvenient for all involved. It doesn't last long, but it royally screws everything up for a day or two. Or we'll get an ice storm, which prolongs the agony even more. Otherwise, we get rain. Not a happy rain, not a rain where you sit on your porch with your glass of iced tea watching the lightning, not a rain where you snuggle down under your covers and listen to the awesome power of the thunder. No, this is a light rain, not quite light enough to be a drizzle, and 40 degrees. Ick. Even the dog, who normally enjoys both rain and cooler temperatures, makes his morning walk in record time. It is miserable. The weather here, humid to say the least, makes you stay cold and damp for hours. Bleah.

I spend all summer wishing it were cooler, and all winter wishing it weren't so dreary. It makes me long for my So Cal winters, or even my Laramie, WY winters (cold cold cold cold cold). Any extreme is better than this damp and depressing weather.

I think Bill Amend nailed it in his comic strip FoxTrot, when Paige said, "Dante was wrong. Hell is 33 degrees."

Hello. Welcome to my blog. I am a river driver. This is both a reference to my hobby of kayaking and a nod to the song "River Driver" by Great Big Sea, a band from Newfoundland, Canada. I hope I will be occasionally entertaining...



And if this river this river don't drown me, it's down I'll mean to roam, for I'm a river driver and I'm far away from home

In heaven, the clouds are made of endless whitewater...