So, here I am. Day 365. One year of weight loss. One year of watching what I eat. One year of forcing myself to go to the gym. One year.

Well, there's good news and bad news.

First, the good news: I've lost 40 lbs.

Then, while I'm still basking in the glow of the accomplishment, I must address the bad news: Even after 40 lbs of weight loss, I still weigh 178 lbs, and since March 15 I've lost 5 lbs.

The lowest weight I've managed to record was 175. My weight has fluctuated between that (hit it twice) and 183 since March.

Although I'm pleased with the 40 lbs, I still have more weight to lose. I'm about 5'7" (if you measure me in the morning, I might be 5'8") and of medium frame, so 178 lbs is not a good weight for me. I should be around 150 lbs. When I graduated high school, I was 155 lbs, and I guess a little chunky (I had lots of muscle, but a fair amount of padding too). The skinniest I've ever managed to be was 123 lbs, but that was on the college student starvation diet. I was a size three then; I've kept one pair of ultra-slim Calvin Klein jeans as proof that I was once that size. My doctor informed me a few years ago that I "will never be a size three again." He could have been a bit more tactful about it, but it was news I needed to hear. I didn't need to come up with an unrealistic and unhealthy weight loss goal.

Instead, I came up with a few small goals, all of which I accomplished. I wanted to lose 15 lbs by last Christmas, and be in the weigh range for my kayak (under 185 lbs) by the end of this past May. I did those. But I stalled out badly, and never really got started again.

I can identify exactly what caused the stall-out: I got lazy. Story of my life, really. I am the woman of 1000 excuses. I can rationalize all kinds of reasons why I can't make it to the gym, but it is all really because I am a lazy person and always have been. My weight loss went well when I really didn't have a good excuse for getting out of work outs. I coach high school swimming during the winter season, and the practices aren't until 7 p.m. Because I live 45 minutes from my school, it isn't feasible to drive all the way home and then back up for practice. So my schedule went as follows: up at 4 to walk the dog and head to the gym (a nightmare in my book--4 a.m. is not morning by any stretch of the imagination), leave at 4:30 and get to the gym by 5, work out until 6:15 or so, shower, dress, and head to school, grade papers for a few hours after school, then head to the pool to swim for an hour and a half before swim practice starts. I was getting two work outs each day, and since I was limited to eating the food I had in my desk at school, I wasn't taking in more than maybe 1200 calories each day.

But then came March. Swim season ended, and lacrosse season began. Lacrosse practice was right after school each day, so I lost my after school grading time. That meant I still had work to do in the evenings. Also, by the time I was finished with lacrosse practice, I didn't really feel like hitting the gym, so I'd just head home to see my hubby and get some grading done. I was still hitting the gym in the mornings, but then came the time change.

I love the fall time change. You go to bed early because it feels later than the clock says, and you get to sleep in an hour later than normal. Awesome. The April time change sucks lint. When you are already getting up at 4, and 4 becomes 3, you start thinking of any reason at all to stay home. Muscle stiffness. Headache. Didn't sleep well. Dog kept me up all night. Got a cold. Whatever. I'd tell myself I would work out in the afternoons to make up for missing the mornings. Didn't happen. I'd tell myself that once I got used to the time change, I'd start getting up again. Didn't happen.

Even in the summer, I was a slacker. I had these fabulous plans for staying organized, keeping the house clean, getting all kinds of work done in preparation for the school year, and working out multiple times each day. Didn't happen. Oh, I'd make it to the gym twice a day maybe once each week, but that really isn't enough to keep it going. And my husband and I feed off each other (pun intended); when we are together we opt for bad food choices, like eating out and stuff like that.

School started in August, and I promised myself that after a week or two of getting used to getting up for work each day, I'd get back to the mornings. Didn't happen. You see a pattern here?

Well, now is my chance to get back into the routine. Swim season starts Wednesday. I'll have my grading time after school (to an extent; this year we're doing preseason lacrosse a few times each week, so I'll have to surrender some of my time), but I'll still have time to hit the pool before practice in the evenings. And now that the time change has swung back in my favor, I'll be able to get up in the mornings a little easier.

So here's the new plan: I'm giving myself some more easy, attainable goals. First, I'd like to be below 170 lbs by Christmas. It means losing about 1 lb each week, but I should be able to do it if I get back on track with the eating and exercise. I'd like to be under 160 lbs by the time school gets out in May (I told you they were easy goals) and at or under 150 lbs by the time school starts next fall. So I've got about 30 lbs to lose.

I'd say here goes nothing, but it's gonna be something, all right.

Cross your fingers...

Don't you hate it when you get those "mixed message" compliments from people?

I got one this morning from a student. It's my birthday today, and thanks to the magic of our daily school bulletin, everybody knew about it. I received e-mails and notes from the girls all day long. But one student overheard me complaining about being old and said, "You aren't THAT old."

Hmm. How old is THAT old? So, I'm old, but I'm not THAT old? How old am I? I'm not quite twice the age of the oldest girls, but I'm more than twice the age of the younger girls. I guess that's pretty old.

Fun birthday, though. I share it with another teacher in the English department, and a coworker made us both a cake. Then another coworker brought me her famous "gooey double chocolate butter cake" (tastes just as fabulous as it sounds--it's like mainlining chocolate). And then some of my sophomores brought me a cupcake (and proceeded to almost set me on fire with a match while trying to light it for a birthday wish. I guess people don't use matches much anymore because she certainly was a menace trying to get it lit). I've had so much sugar I'm twitching. I did get another wonderful gift, though: some former students (my "marbles" who graduated last year) stopped by to visit while on their fall break. It was great to see them. They are all enjoying college very much.

Which reminds me: the last time my birthday fell on a Friday was my 21st birthday. It snowed so much that Sunday that they canceled classes on Monday. Which was good, because I needed another day to recover.

Happy birthday to me...

Everyone is a Saint.

I'm overjoyed that the New Orleans Saints are playing so well, for several reasons. First of all, several former San Diego Chargers are now members of the Saints football team, and I'm still fond of them. Secondly, they've spent so many years at the bottom of the heap that it's nice to see them on top.

And most importantly, New Orleans deserves this happiness, even if it is trivial.

After the nightmare that was the aftermath of Katrina, it is great to see the city beginning its long journey back to normalcy. If a football team can help them feel a little bit like they used to, then thank God for football.

After the most recent Saints victory, over Philadelphia, Saints QB Drew Brees (former Charger), had this to say:
"I can't tell you how happy I am, we all are, to be helping this city in some small way,'' Brees said. "To be here right now, it's ... it's unimaginable. We even had some Eagles fans come up to us and congratulate us. One of them said to me: 'We hate losing, but we couldn't have been beaten by a better team, in a better city.' That made me proud."

Thank God for football.

There's no T.O. in TEAM.



You know, I really feel a little sorry for the guy. Here is a man who clearly doesn't have many friends, if any. You'll see him, game after game, sitting alone on the bench with no teammates surrounding him. The other members of the team talk with each other, cheer with each other, commiserate with each other, but you rarely see anyone bothering to talk to T.O. When there is a conversation, you can assume he is angry that he isn't getting the ball enough, or that the plays aren't being crafted to take advantage of his abilities, or that the f$^%&*# safety is interferring with him and the f$^%&*# ref isn't calling it.

T.O. is exactly what he claims to be, a really incredible wide receiver. The problem is, he proclaims it WAY TOO OFTEN. Dude, we know you're good. Your teammates know you're good. Your opponents know you're good. The coaches know you're good. The media know you're good. The fans know you're good. You don't have to tell us every d&%^ day. We get sick of hearing it. Really. Shut up already and go play the game.

No one wants to hear about how fabulous someone is from his own mouth. It gets old in a hurry, and you start thinking more about how arrogant and self-absorbed that person is instead of how talented he is. And we don't need Drew Rosenhaus to tell us how great T.O. is, either. We've seen the film. Having Drew Rosenhaus as his agent just reminds me why I was never in a sorority: I didn't need to pay for my friends. Apparently T.O. does.

He had a great opportunity when he joined the Eagles team several seasons ago. It was the kind of team he could have been successful with. They have a great quarterback whose throwing style suited T.O. well. They've got loud-mouthed, energetic, somewhat thuggish guys on the team with whom he could have hung around and made friends. Instead, he ticked everybody off, and got suspended and shipped to Dallas.

And yet, as I said, I kind of feel sorry for T.O. It isn't entirely his fault he is a self-absorbed jacka$$. He's been told by myriads of people how great he is, and how no one appreciates him, and how fabulous his mad skillz are, and all that junk. He's essentially been groomed to be the ultimate prima donna, a spoiled brat to end all spoiled brats. Look at his circumstances. He's paid obscene amounts of money to play a game. He's a wide receiver, a position designed for attention-seekers. These guys are big, fast, and incredibly graceful (well, they're supposed to be). They get much of the glory in the game. So when you are really good at it, you can expect to spend plenty of time in the limelight. This is why we have so many spoiled receivers (T.O., Randy Moss, Keyshawn "Throw me the d&$% ball" Johnson). T.O. has also played with some of the best quarterbacks in the game, so he's received plenty of passes and gained oodles of yardage. And when everyone talks to you about how wonderful you are, you can't help but start to believe it. He's been pumped full of this by his family, his coaches, his teammates, and the media. You can't watch Sports Center without hearing something about him. It's no wonder he's full of himself; everyone has filled him with it. I had a spoiled brat student once (well, way more times than just once, but I'm thinking of one specific incident). I always wondered where the attitude problem came from, until the day I had a conference with the parents. The mother told me that this particular girl had always had trouble relating to her peers because they were "so intimidated by her beauty". Well, of course if the kid has been taught the world revolves around her, she'll try to force it to do just that, to the annoyance of the rest of the world. T.O. is like that girl. He's been told that he is everything, he is the driving force, he is the raison d'etre (no idea if that is correctly spelled in any way). Of course he is going to act this way! And now we are getting tired of him and his antics, and he doesn't understand what he has done wrong. All he has done all this time is act exactly how we've expected him to. And now we're trying to punish him for it.

I can't condone his behavior, because ultimately he does make the choice every week to be an a$$. He could change if he really wanted to. But I can't blame him entirely, because we have created this monster ourselves. So I will continue to feel a little sorry for him, sitting alone on the bench with no teammates to hang with.

What the hell is going on? Where did all the crazy people come from? If it isn't the current students, it's the former students. If it isn't students, it's random adults.

I don't remember violence like this when I was growing up. And yet I remember that song that the kids used to sing:
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school...(don't remember this part)...
Glory, glory, halleluia
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Met her at the door
With a loaded .44
And she ain't gonna teach no more.
OK, so the concept of school violence was there when we were children, but the actual violence wasn't there. So what has changed?

When I was a kid, students got angry because of things teachers did or said. But no one brought a gun to school to shoot them. When I was a kid, children got punished (even paddled) by the principal, but not one kid came back to school to kill the administrators. When I was a kid, the playground was rife with teasing and bullying, but none of the picked-on kids snapped and planned a siege on their classmates. So what had changed?

I'm not asking these questions rhetorically. I really don't understand why we have this chain of school-related shootings in the past ten years or so. Is it something the schools are doing (or not doing)? What about the parents? Is it a lack of supervision? Is it all the violence on TV?

I ask these questions partly as a horrified citizen in a world that seems to be going crazy. I also ask these questions as a potential parent (I don't have children currently, but it is possible some day). And I REALLY want to know the answers as a teacher. I work in a private Catholic school that is populated by all girls, and it is unlikely that any of them could snap in that way (all the perpetrators of the school shootings seem to be male). But that doesn't preclude the possibility of something like what happened this past week in Colorado or in Pennsylvania today, with a seemingly random adult shooter taking and killing hostages in a murder-suicide.

I just don't understand. Maybe I should start taking donations to purchase some body armor...