I've discussed my affinity for reality TV before. This, however, is why I DON'T like reality TV: I hate what it does to people.

I have been a fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8 for a while now. I started watching it either last summer or the summer before. I thought it was amazing how crazy a household could be with that many kids, all at an age where they are completely dependent on their parents. Yes, Kate was kind of bossy and OCD and Jon gave in to what Kate wanted pretty much all the time, but I figured that was probably the only way they could keep the household from degenerating into complete pandemonium.

As the seasons have passed and the kids have gotten older, the show has changed. Companies started donating things to the family, and there was no longer a struggle to pay for things and keep food on the table. As the money rolled in from successful ratings, the family started taking ridiculously expensive vacations that families that size, and most families regardless of size, could never be able to take. They upgraded the house, the cars, the toys. The show started to showcase many of the brand names that were making all of this possible for Jon and Kate, turning the show into a long commercial rather than showing off the kids and the family's challenges. Through it all, Kate still seemed snarky and Jon still seemed to be a milquetoast, but it no longer seemed to be because of the challenges the family faced, but rather because that was just their personalities.

Then, trouble reared its head. News broke of possible infidelity from Jon. It looked like he may have been dating around on Kate while Kate was out of town. While few people could blame Jon for wanting to get out and get away from his high-pressure family and his bitchy wife, no one could condone his possible cheating on his wonderful kids. Bad news. Then, allegations that perhaps Kate had also been seeing someone else. The shows highlighted a lot of infighting between the two.

Finally, a commercial for the show aired, stating that Jon and Kate had "an announcement". Naturally, many people tuned in to find out what it was, but few were surprised to hear that the couple was separating and divorce proceedings had been initiated. There will be another show to recap some of the highlights of the couple's ten-year marriage, and then the show will go on hiatus for a few months to give the family time to gather itself. The children will apparently remain living in the house, and the parents will come and go based on who has custody at the time. While this is supposed to minimize the strain on the children, it is bound to be awkward and somewhat painful for everyone.

And it remains to be seen: who really wants to keep watching? The joy and amazement over watching the antics of the large family is waning, especially since the younger kids have turned five and are much more self-sufficient than they have been before. With all the donations and all the expensive items the family is able to procure, it's no longer about the day-to-day struggle to make ends meet and not "lose their minds". Instead, viewers will have to see one parent at a time, dealing with the kids. They'll have to witness painful scenes where kids and parent must say goodbye for periods of time. With the divorce rate in the country at about 50%, these are scenes that may be all too familiar to some viewers, and certainly not anything most people want to relive.

It makes me wonder, as my own marriage nears ten years, how things might be different if we already had kids, heaven forbid eight of them. While I certainly don't think our marriage would be in the condition that Jon and Kate's is now, Kate herself said she never thought things would have come to this point.

Sad.

Sometimes, a joke is so bad, even the creator knows it.

You know, nothing else really needs to be said.

You've got to love it. Georgia police officer, across the state line into Tennessee (that's the state line painted in blue in the foreground of the photo), sitting at a drive-thru liquor store window. We scrambled to take a photo before he drove away at a pretty high speed. Wonder if he's going to come after me?

Nuthin' to report. Last day of work tomorrow before summer break, so starting on Thursday I will be following my new workout and diet routine. That means I only have a day to figure out what that new routine is...

Just a quick note; nothing really significant to add, but I wanted to get this on the internet so it's recorded for posterity.

I weighed in at 193.4 this morning.

This pretty much proves the theory I've been developing: for me, it's almost all about the food. I didn't work out yesterday, but I did eat much less than I often do on weekends: bowl of cereal, small sandwich for lunch, grapes as a snack, small bowl of pasta for dinner. No in-between snacking (other than the grapes), no desserts, relatively small portions. Despite not working out yesterday, I end up recording my lightest weigh-in of the year.

This is good to know, as I am approaching the "dangerous" time of the year: summer time, when I am home from school and have no real day-to-day schedule. When sitting around at home, I often find myself snacking because I have nothing else to do (or nothing else that I WANT to do), and that is where I get into trouble. While I might consume a regulation number of calories during my actual mealtimes, I probably double those calories each day by snacking.

Obviously I'm not going to reach any of the weight loss goals I had at various points of the year by the deadline I had given myself (originally it was to be down to 160 lbs by the end of school, which is in 12 days; then I revised it to 175 lbs by the same date), so I need to rethink my goals and my deadlines.

Now I'm rescheduling my deadline for the end of the summer--our school year is supposed to start up again the 12th of August. That's just over 13 weeks from now. As for the goals, I guess I'll stick with the most realistic I can devise. While I'd really love to drop some major weight over the summer, I find it more likely that I will drop some weight. I'm going to shoot for a pound each week, for a total loss of 13 lbs. That means, if I'm at 193 right now, I'll be at 180 by the end of the summer. While that is still 20 lbs above what I would ultimately like to weigh, it will be a tremendous improvement over what I am now.

So, that's that. Now, since it's Mother's Day, a message to whatever readers might be out there: Appreciate your mom, treat her well, and hug her every opportunity you can. On this, the third Mother's Day without my mom, I can only sit and remember all the times I didn't do those things, and wish for one more chance.

I have a disturbing admission to make...




...I may be addicted to Facebook.

This is funny, because years ago I posted some of my opinions about the popular social networking sites (MySpace, Facebook) and their use by my high school students. Back then, in the spring of 2006, it was mostly about MySpace, since that was the network site of choice. The popularity has since shifted to Facebook. Now, I had gotten accounts with both sites, at the time under a different name than my real name, to facilitate the regulation of the students' use of the sites. After a while, some of my former students figured out my identity, so I went ahead and changed to my real name.

At first, I didn't really use either site. I still don't use MySpace much--there's a grand total of one person I keep in touch with using MySpace. But my Facebook usage has EXPLODED. Once a few of my former students identified me, they all requested to be my "friends" on the site. For quite a while, former students comprised my entire "friend" base. Then a few close high school and college friends joined the site. My husband caved in and joined, as did my brother (and eventually my dad!). People I went to college with, and then high school with, and then elementary school with, finally found me.

I now have over 400 "friends" on Facebook. I wouldn't have thought I had that many friends, really. And technically some of them are more acquaintances than friends. But I didn't really think I even KNEW that many people.

Gradually what happened was this: my "friends" would send me little "gifts" using various applications on Facebook. And that's where I started to get into trouble. There are lots of applications that are essentially games where it greatly benefits you to have MORE friends join in. So you send more invitations to OTHER friends to get them involved as well. Some of the applications involve strategy, some involve repetition, and some involve verbal skills or creativity. But all of them take time, and all of them require you to come back time after time to play again and again to improve your standing.

When I would send invitations to people, I would feel guilty about spamming them with unwanted overtures. So then if someone would repay me with an invitation to ANOTHER application, and I would feel guilty enough that I would add that application as well. That just meant one more game or application to visit with each Facebook session.

It's gotten to the point where it takes me at least 15-20 minutes to go through "maintenance mode" on all the games and applications I use, before I can actually get around to communicating with people through chat and messages.

I started to become concerned that I was spending too much time on Facebook. CNN.com did a story on Facebook addiction, and they included some warning signs of obsession: losing sleep over Facebook because you are staying up too late or getting up early to check the site; spending more than a hour a day on Facebook; obsessing about connecting with people, especially old boyfriends or girlfriends; sneaking away from work to check Facebook; and being stressed about the idea of giving up Facebook.

I am happy to say I do not exhibit all of those warning signs. But I must admit, I do check Facebook nightly and each morning, and I do spend more than an hour each day on the site. So I may not actually be addicted, but I am certainly forming a habit.

Well, I've postponed checking Facebook since I got home over a hour ago. Guess I better get on it and get my maintenance done so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour.

I love this show. If you've never seen it, Mythbusters is all about testing urban legends using science and high explosives. And when I say high explosives, I mean it.


Mythbusters Blow Up A Cement Truck - For more funny movies, click here

That is entertainment. And science. And a really big frickin' explosion. Could it ever get better than that?

Today is the second anniversary of the death of my mother, from cancer. I'm very thankful that I was there. My mother was going in for surgery to remove more cancer (she'd had another surgery three years before), and she and my dad had downplayed the situation and told me I didn't have to come home for the surgery. Well, I didn't listen to them, and immediately got plane tickets to go home for the weekend. I can't imagine if I hadn't gone home. As horrible as it was to sit in the hospital and hear the doctor tell us my mother was gone, it would have been so much worse to have been at work all day, away from a phone (since I'm a teacher), and have gotten the news that afternoon when school got out. My dad probably would have called my husband, and my husband probably would have come to the school to tell me the news. I just can't imagine how that would have felt, knowing I hadn't seen her one last time. Thank God I went home, and got to hug her, and kiss her, and say good-bye to her as they wheeled her off to surgery.

So please, hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. You never know when it will be your last chance to do so.

Oh boy, if that isn't the truth.

Played nine holes of golf last evening after work, since the days have gotten longer but not long enough to get in a whole eighteen (at least, not for a crappy golfer like me). I probably need to pick up some lessons again here and there--I've gotten inconsistent with my swing. I'll top it, try to compensate on the next hole by really trying to stay down, and slam my club into the ground a good six inches in front of my ball. Sucks.

Wait, I know what I need: new clubs!!! I'm sure a couple of fairway woods and a hybrid or two will solve all my problems, right?

Easter is a time of reflection, of renewal. It's a time for things to start over.

So I'm reflecting on the fact that I haven't lost any weight. I realized, with a great deal of demoralization, that this past Friday was day 100 of my 2009 attempt at weight loss. And yet I haven't lost any weight. At all. My weight has fluctuated in a range of approximately 6 lbs, but it won't stay in one place, and it won't stay down.

I guess it's time for the renewal part. I need to rededicate myself to the weight loss goal. I've got about seven weeks until I'm done with work and free for the summer. During the summer I should be able to work out more and all that stuff, but I need to get a head start. If I can buckle down, I might be able to get rid of about 10 lbs by then. That would be great.

So, here's the "start over" part. I looked back at my previous weight loss attempt, back in 2005-2006. From November 2005 to the middle of the summer in 2006 (maybe 9 months?) I lost about 45 lbs. I did it by working out every day. On weekdays, I worked out twice each day, for about an hour each workout, regardless of what time of day it meant I would get home. I also worked out on weekends. On Saturdays and Sundays my husband and I would go to the gym and play racquetball for about an hour. Sometimes we'd hit the elliptical machines before we'd play.

I need to start over. I need to go back to that habit. I need to work out before and after work, every day, regardless of what time I end up getting home. It sucks. I hate it. But I don't think I can lose weight any other way.

I don't know why I find this funny, but I do. I think it's hilarious.

I have been successful so far in my shunning of one of my formerly favorite beverage genres: those of the carbonated variety. It's been, well, since whenever I said I would stop drinking diet coke. Anyway, it hasn't stopped my occasional need for caffeine.

I am not traditionally one of those teachers who craves loads of caffeine. One of my close friends, an elementary school teacher, hits her local Starbucks so frequently that she no longer waits in line and places her order. The barristas see her pull into the parking lot and make her regular order. It's waiting for her when she walks up to the counter, she pays, and she leaves. Wow. The woman is so caffeinated that you can feel the air around her vibrating.

I don't hit Starbucks much myself, although I will when I have a gift card (a common grade-grubbing gift from students), since it's not really my money then. I'm constantly amazed that a tree-hugging, free-loving, hippie environment such as Seattle could produce such a corporate juggernaut as Starbucks. I don't feel that I am either a tree-hugging hippie or a suburban assault vehicle-driving soccer mom with a coffee addiction, but Starbucks does taste pretty good.

However, Starbucks is expensive, and I don't currently have a gift card burning a hole in my wallet, so I decided to try the new, inexpensive coffee sensation: the McCafe Mocha.





Looks pretty good. And I'm sure everyone has seen the commercial, making fun of the types of people who are, in McDonald's less-than-high class opinion, likely to drink coffee from and spend time at Starbucks.





So, this morning, as I was rushing to work, I felt I was a little tired, and I figured I'd give the ol' golden arches a chance to win me over with its caffeinated glories. I was handed my cup of McMocha. I flipped up the little lid. I tilted the cup. And I took my first sip.

Yeecchh.

It was bitter, and burnt-tasting, and HORRIBLE. I don't think I've ever consumed anything worse. I waited a few moments, and tried another sip, thinking maybe I was being unfair.

Nope.

I tried maybe six or seven sips, each time shuddering with the awfulness of it all.

Now, it's possible that the failure might not have been the coffee at all, but rather the particular McDonald's that provided it. The McDonald's in our small southern town is slow at best and lame at worst. You know it's bad when you only order two items and they can't manage to put all of them in the bag on the first try. So it is quite likely that this batch of coffee HAD been sitting on the heating element since some time last month. I may take an opportunity to try again at a different McDonald's elsewhere in the region.

But for now, I guess I'll spend more money than I really need to to buy an overpriced caffeinated drink after waiting in line behind a bunch of soccer moms and hippies.

Considering the fact that Chinese food is my food-heroin (along with Mexican), this picture made perfect sense.

Sometimes, something good happens when you really, really need it. On a day when I've been fighting a screaming headache and have not felt any motivation to do anything, I got a little piece of happy dropped into my lap.

I teach at a private school, and alumni are always encouraged to come and visit and see all the fabulous things that are happening at the school (and then, of course, they are asked to cough up a donation or two to pay for such wonderful things). As a consequence, former students are forever dropping by and roaming the hallways. It's always fun to see former students and spend a few moments catching up with them, although I've discovered the ones who come back and visit the most are often the ones we were so glad to be rid of in the first place--the ones I really want to see are usually the ones who are leading such fantastically successful and fun lives that they don't have time to come back and check out the new library.

So I was absolutely overjoyed to see the face that appeared at my door today, conveniently NOT during one of my classes. This former student was a member of the first class I ever taught at this school, automatically earning her a place in my heart. But she was one of the really great kids; I would never play favorites with students currently in my classes, but with a graduate I can safely say she's one of the favorites I've ever taught. I'm sure this girl has said something unpleasant to someone in the course of her life, but I'd be hardpressed to tell you where or when or to whom, because it sure wasn't here. Sweet, hard-working, funny, clever, gorgeous...I'm blessed to have taught a whole group of girls like this. If I have kids, I want one like this.

Kids like this bring out the best in everyone. Teachers try harder when they have students who work hard and do their best; it's sad but true. And other students respond to people like this. A classic example of this came at the end of this student's freshman year. The weekend before exams, this student's house caught fire and burned to the ground. It was an errant lightning strike, and thankfully the family was not home, but they lost many of their possessions, including some of their pets (which breaks your heart anyway). The lightning actually struck this girl's room, so the devastation of her belongings was total. Clothing, school books, everything gone. So this sweet little thing shows up to school on the day before exams in street clothes (private school=uniforms) with no books and informs everyone she plans to take her exams anyway. Who wouldn't bend over backwards for this kid? Her classmates xeroxed their notes and lent her their textbooks so she could study. She took all her tests and did very well on them, just as she would have if her house had not burned down. On the last day of exams, all the freshmen were called into the hallway. The girls all sat along the lockers, and this girl was called forward by the class president and some of her friends. The students explained that they wanted her to have a good summer and not worry about all her belongings and clothes, and then they presented her with gifts. Clothes. Books. CDs. Shoes. Makeup. Everything a teenage girl could ask for. And then they handed her the gift cards. Visa gift cards loaded with money so she could go shopping anywhere she wanted for anything she needed. That's how much her classmates loved and respected her. They wanted to take care of her.

It was the first time I cried, as a teacher. This is what learning's all about. Grammar and math and languages are great, but this girl taught her classmates, and they taught her back, that caring about someone and taking care of someone is the most important thing you'll ever do.

The face of this girl at my door today brought it all back to me. She thanked me for preparing her so well for college (she said she aced her composition class). And she was genuinely happy to see me and to reminisce.

These girls, they're why I teach. They are my happy thoughts, my marbles (remember Hook with Robin Williams, where the one Lost Boy had lost his marbles, which were his happy thoughts?). Without them, I'm not a teacher at all.

This morning--194.8.

Huh. Maybe there is something to this whole working out thing after all. I am sore as hell, though. I lifted weights yesterday and today in the hopes of toning up the junk in my trunk. Working out is supposed to make you feel better and have more energy, but I'm really tired and really sore. I hope the "feeling better" thing shows up sooner rather than later.

Anyway, I get regular updates from a weight-loss site (is there irony? perhaps). One of the recent ones had to do with weight-loss sabotage. While the article spent quite a bit of time talking about other people sabotaging your weight loss goals for a variety of reasons, there was a segment about sabotaging your own goals. I found that section very interesting because I am so often guilty of it.

1. Setting unrealistic expectations or having impossible goals. While I would love to think that the jeans that fit me when I was a senior in college might someday fit again, I have to accept the fact that my body has actually changed dimensions, regardless of the fat or lack thereof. I have a pair of size 3 board shorts that I used to love, tucked away in my closet as a reminder of my former glory (so to speak). If I hold those up to my body, I can plainly see that my hip bones, not my fat but my BONES, are now wider than the shorts. I will never wear them again, and there is NOTHING that can be done about it. So trying to get down to the size I was in college is both ridiculous and a tremendous waste of time. So is the goal of losing more than a pound or so each week, every week. I have never sustained such a weight loss week after week at any time in my 34 years of life--there is NO way I could expect to lose that kind of weight on a regular basis now. Yes, I may have a week where I drop 3 pounds, but that should be a surprise for which to be thankful, not an occurrence to be expected.

2. Following an overly restrictive diet. I must face the facts that a) I love to eat and B) I need food. I cannot live on 800 calories a day, or even a 1000. I get cranky and easily distracted, and I cease being a productive or even remotely enjoyable person. What I need to focus on is portion control, since I can easily put down 1500 calories in a sitting if I'm at a restaurant, and avoiding the foods that are most destructive, fat- and calorie-wise.

3. Doing too much exercise too soon. Yeah, I know, that's exactly what I'm guilty of yesterday and today. Instead of starting slowly because I haven't really worked out in three weeks, I spent about an hour each morning lifting weights and doing crunches, and now I can barely move. I need to ease into this a little better than I'm doing. Of course, now that I've put in two days, I need to stretch. A lot. Ow.

4. Overbooking. If I would take a little more time to organize myself, and dedicate a little time here and a little time there to the things I need to do, I would have more time here and there to do the other things I need and want, like working out and reading. I also take on more projects and things than I need to. Everyone needs a little "me" time, and that may mean not offering to make a dish for a staff party, but instead picking up something ready-made at the store.

5. Making excuses. A guy I used to work for said, "Excuses are like armpits. Everyone has a couple and they all stink." I am the master excuser. I can justify missing a workout with things like, "Well, I had to do the dishes, so I skipped the workout", or "I'll just go for a run later instead of going to the gym," or "I'll work out twice as hard tomorrow, but I really want to go home and watch that show right now." I need to stop the excuses and make the workouts the only things (well, and work I suppose) that are graven in stone. I MUST WORK OUT. No excuses. I tend to think of my students at times like this. They work so hard to AVOID doing their work. If they'd only put that kind of effort into actually DOING the work, they'd all have really good grades. I should be like that with exercise. Instead of trying to avoid it, I should put the avoidance energy into the gym.

6. Being a slave to the scale. I do this one daily. Every day I weigh myself (in the morning), and then I kick myself all day long if I've gained. But I know as well as anyone that my weight fluctuates quite a bit on a day-to-day basis. So I really should not worry as much about the daily weigh-ins, and start just recording a weekly weigh-in instead. That way I don't depress myself when things don't go as I want them.

So anyway, I'm on track, for now. I'm gonna go stretch now. Ow.

Weigh-in: 196.4

Today was the first day of...well...whatever it's called when you start over again (for like the 50th time). I dragged my sorry butt out of bed this morning and hit the gym. I will either golf this afternoon (perhaps the driving range, or maybe 9 holes) or I will go back to the gym again. I will repeat this process over and over until I manage to lose some weight, or until the apocalypse, whatever comes first.

The biggest problem I have with the gym in the morning is that it makes me HUNGRY. It must kickstart my metabolism, because then I crave food. All day long. No matter what I eat. So when I work out in the morning it becomes a game of portion control and self-restraint. Otherwise, I'll easily take in enough calories to negate whatever good I did at the gym in the first place.

And I crave steak. Meh.

Well, I drank my last soda today. Probably. I hope.

I've been drinking diet sodas for quite a long time now, thinking I was being so clever avoiding all those extra calories. But now so much is coming to light about how bad DIET sodas are for you, that it seems we should cut them out of our diets altogether.

Sodas are bad for you in many ways. When you drink a soda, you inhale the carbon dioxide from the bubbles. Carbon dioxide is heavier than air, so it sinks in your lungs and actually takes up valuable space in your lungs. This makes it impossible for you to get as full a breath as you would otherwise be capable of. Many coaches prefer their athletes not drink carbonated beverages, to maximize their air intake.

Also, sodas not only prevent calcium being absorbed by your system but also actually leach calcium from your bones, possibly contributing to osteoporosis.

The acid in sodas eats at the enamel of your teeth, contributing to cavities, and the caramel coloring can stain your teeth.

Caffeine is a diuretic and known addictive stimulant.

Those are just a few of the issues to which sodas contribute. But recent studies of diet sodas suggest there is another problem. Diet sodas were created for those who were concerned with the number of calories they were consuming. The substitution of artificial sweeteners for the already non-nutritious high-fructose corn syrup was supposed to help people lose weight. Instead, some studies show that people who consume large amounts of diet sodas may actually gain weight rather than lose it.

One of the possible reasons could be that the taste of the sweet drink "tricks" the system into thinking that something with calories has been consumed, and the system then starts "looking" for those calories. When no calories are found, it may actually trigger the system into wanting to consume more calories to make up for those that are missing. So one might end up actually eating more calories rather than fewer.

No idea if that's true or not, but it's getting to the point where the diet sodas aren't helping me anyway, so I should probably just drop them. I need to just replace them with water, or iced tea if I really need the caffeine.

I don't know if it will help, but it obviously can't hurt.

I wish I could be that brave. I also have no idea how to approach that math problem. Good thing I don't teach math.