Cool cool cool

 256.6

Wow. I skipped right over 257 and went for a pound and a half loss yesterday. I suspect some of that might be hydration, so I don't want to lean too hard on that big a loss. 

But I didn't really eat much yesterday. I had coffee and toast for breakfast, and then we hit the road at lunch to drive to Bozeman to look at a truck (didn't end up buying anything) and just grabbed a double cheeseburger and diet Coke at McDonald's. No snacking because we were at a car dealership, and then at dinner I ordered fish tacos that turned out to be one big piece of fish in each taco, so I only ate one and about 2/3 if the other. I also only had a couple of bites of rice and beans (it probably also helped that the whole thing seemed underseasoned and a little disappointing). When we got home I had a sugar free pudding cup. 

The biggest thing yesterday, though, is that I exercised*fanfare*. The dog wanted to go for get daily walk when we got home, and since it was getting dark (close to 8 pm), I didn't want to walk far. We only went party of the way through our usual distance, but I jogged some of it. Now, my jogging is certainly not impressive, and I didn't do very many steps at a time, but I did indeed increase my heart rate, su that counts. I just need to keep trying that. I think it will help. I have to be careful if what it does to my knees and feet, though. I have plantar fasciitis, although that hasn't flared up in a while, and in these last twenty pounds or so my knees have started to bother me some. Ask the more reason to get the weight off. 

Hopefully I can show another loss tomorrow and not bounce back up.

Whew

 258.5

Well, I'm back down to the weight I was three days ago, so that's a relief. I was anxious. 

Yesterday, I felt the desire to snack. To graze. To eat because it sounded like a good idea, rather than because I was hungry. I avoided it, but I easily could've started and not stopped. 

I'm really hoping that the next dose, I'll start noticing a difference in the desire to eat. 

I was thinking about the feeling of fullness. I do think I'm noticing that I feel full sooner in the eating process. But one thing that never occurred to me is that I've always associated that feeling of fullness with comfort rather than discomfort. It has always felt good to be full, satisfying, pleasant, even when I've eaten until I'm "stuffed". I need to feel those sensations before I reach the fullness stage, or make that fullness stage happen sooner. 

I start school this Wednesday, so I won't really have the opportunity to snack. But I need to plan my lunches so I don't overeat. I need to make sure I'm getting my protein. Fingers crossed that I continue to lose this week.

Shot #4

 259.4

I would like to say I'm safely below 260, never to see the land alive that again, but I've gained back about a pound the past two days from 258.5 three days ago. 

My husband reminded me that my hydration level can play a part in those weigh-ins so I shouldn't worry too much, but the fact that I can't celebrate a 10-lb loss in my first three weeks is a bit disappointing. 

I'm not sure what to attribute Friday's half pound increase to, but I think I can see what got me yesterday. 

First, I went to lunch with a friend, and while I felt like I ordered reasonably (a lunch special of a half sandwich and small cup of soup), I felt weird about not finishing my meal when I probably could've stopped eating before that, and also, she ordered an appetizer for us to share, and I felt guilty about not eating it. I don't know that I ate half of it, but I ate more than I needed to.

Then, I snacked in the afternoon. I had gotten a small grocery order, and one of the items was a rotisserie chicken that I was going to break down, either for dinner that night or later on the weekend. I absolutely love freshly cooked chicken, so I did sneak several bites while I worked. 

Dinner, I think, was probably my best effort. We went to Olive Garden, which is definitely a place where I can overeat easily. I love pasta and bread, two things you can get in large quantities there. My family can go through several baskets of bread sticks at Olive Garden, and they did, but I ate just one bread stick myself. When the vat of salad came, I selected several pieces of lettuce and a few slices to tomato from the bowl, and that's all I had. I felt a bit guilty about that because that bowl of salad is so big, and most of it went uneaten. When I ordered, I chose the item from their "lighter plates" section with the fewest calories, a plate of six raviolis with marinara, and I even left one on my plate. 

Anyway, the fact that I had a half pound increase when I weighed in this morning was somewhat disheartening. But I can see those places that need work. I'm still a social eater when I feel the pressure to participate in a social situation, and I'm a snacker in the kitchen. I took my final dosage at the lowest strength of my medication last night, so I'll be curious to see if I notice a difference in the "food noise" aspect wheni stay taking a stronger dose. 

I also did not do any official exercise this week, despite what I had initially planned. Teachers officially reported for our week of in-service on Wednesday, so I've been at school the past there days working on my classroom and sitting in meetings. I've been a little more active maybe, but I've gone to school many days the past few weeks in order to clean up and redecorate, so it's probably not a big increase in activity level. I have two more days of in-service this coming week, and then we start school Wednesday. I'm not sure if I'll try to hit the gym this week or not. We'll see. 

Anyway, it's nice to see the 5 in the middle of the scale instead of the 6, but I don't know that the 5 is safe just yet. I probably won't feel safe about it until I'm in the lower half of that range. 

Unexpected

 259.7

I'll be honest: I didn't see this weight coming today. 

My husband and I went out to dinner last night as a late anniversary date night (our 27th anniversary was this past Friday). We went to a nice Mexican restaurant in town. 

Restaurants have always posed a challenge for me. I don't like bringing food home from restaurants. I'm not much of a leftovers person anyway--things rarely taste as good reheated as they did the first time, and I knew I had leftovers in the fridge from our camping trip. I was raised as a "clean your plate" kid, so leaving food behind if I'm not going to finish it also has a psychological effect. There's also something satisfying about leaving a restaurant stuffed. It makes me feel like I've gotten my money's worth. And the free chips and salsa at Mexican restaurants are a problem because they're so mindless: you sit there and shovel them into your mouth, one after the other, as you look through the menu, and if you run out, they'll bring you more. By the time they bring you your actual meal, you've eaten 300+ calories worth of chips and salsa that your brain doesn't even register.

I deliberately stopped myself as I munched through the chips. I think my husband might have noticed, because he stopped too, and we left about half a basket of chips uneaten on the table. But this was a very conscious decision on my part: I easily could've continued eating. I WANTED to, in fact. 

Then there was the meal itself. I tried to choose something that seemed like it wasn't going to be a giant portion: a combo plate of a taco, a burrito, beans, and rice. Again, I made a conscious decision to stop partway through, although I did feel myself filling up a bit. I tried to eat more slowly, pausing between bites to talk to my husband, look around the room, etc. I ended up only eating a couple of bites of the beans and rice, leaving most of that untouched, and I ate maybe 2/3-3/4 of the burrito and left at least one bite of taco behind. That felt especially weird; like, who doesn't eat a whole taco? 

But I easily could've eaten it all. I know I could've; I strongly considered it. When the waiter asked if I wanted a small box, I said no, because there wasn't enough of the burrito and taco for me to really feel like a meal, and while I love beans and rice, it's not the same when you reheat them. 

I did feel full afterward, but I don't know that it was a strong enough feeling right away to have created an "oh my gosh I can't finish this" feeling in me. 

So while I did think that I had done a pretty good job keeping myself from overdoing it, I still really figured that I wouldn't see a loss on the scale this morning. I figured I'd still be in the 260 range. And now that I'm thinking about it, that was a whole .6 down from yesterday, more than half a pound. Definitely unexpected. 

I'm left wondering, of course, the same things I mentioned yesterday. Is my willpower truly my own? I really felt like eating more. I almost did. But I ultimately did not. Did the medication help me make that decision? I don't know.  I have one more dose at this lowest strength and then it'll up itself the next time, so I'll definitely be waiting to compare that with how things have gone this month.

The week after we came back from our vacation, prior to my taking my first shot, I actually gained a couple of pounds. That first morning after I'd taken my shot, I was at 268.9.  Two weeks and a couple of days later, I'm down about 9 lbs from that. I don't know if that's a reasonable weight loss, something to expect for a while, or if it's going to vary significantly. I'm sure it will vary some. But man, if I could keep this up for the duration of the shots I have (through the end of October) I will have lost close to forty pounds by my birthday, and that would be so amazing. And if I could keep it up past that, I could potentially be close to 200 lbs by the time we go skiing in March, and that would be incredible. 

I need to add in physical activity; that's next on my list.

Progress

 260.3

I was camping all weekend, so I had to take my shot with me. I bought a little case to keep my supplies in the regular fridge and then a smaller cooler pouch I could take with me and keep in the fridge in the trailer. 

I was really curious as to how the weekend would go. Some people's camping trips focus on hiking or hunting or kayaking. Our trips these days tend to focus on food. 

What are we eating for breakfast each day? How many lunches do we need to prep for? What do we want for dinner each night? Are we making desserts? Do we have s'mores supplies? 

Also, I find food on camping trips tends to be a comfort thing. It tastes better outside, I swear. I've always gone back for seconds. I've always had desserts. So I really didn't know what to expect. 

I didn't overdo it when I thought I would. One serving, not a big serving, and that was it. I felt overly full after lunch one day, even though I didn't feel like I consumed as much as I previously might have. 

I've wondered several times with my limiting my portion sizes and stopping myself after just one serving: is my will power my own? Is it bolstered by the medication? Or am I making better choices because it's on my mind? 

I don't really know the answer to that. But I'm relieved to see myself closing in on a milestone. I certainly never thought I'd weigh more than 260 lbs at any point in my life. I'm really hoping that if I cross back over that line this week, that will be the last time I see those numbers. I'm two weeks and three shots in, and I am seeing improvement on the scale. I now need to stay adding in movement. My fitness can't just be tied to my weight. So I need to figure out to ways to get my stamina up.

Oopsie

 265.8

I took my second shot today. As I prepared to do so, I realized I made a mistake last week and only gave myself half of the dosage that I should have. 

Oopsie.

Allow me to explain how I managed to be stupid. When I got my shipment of medication, I noted a lack of comprehensive instructions. There were three packets, each containing a 2 mL vial of medication, several syringes, and alcohol wipes. Each packet was labeled with the prescription info, the medication strength, and the weeks it was to be administered: 1-4, 5-8, 9-12. There was also a card with instructions about how to give yourself a shot. 

What it didn't contain was how much medication to put into each syringe. They were all 1 mL syringes; each vial was 2 mL. I saw on each label that the information about the medication was slightly different. The first week's vial said .25 of a particular medication, the second said .5, and the third said 1. I knew o was supposed to be starting with the lighter dosage and then stepping up over the course of twelve weeks.

So, I figured I had to fill the syringe to .25 mL for my first doses. So that's what I did last week. 

But today, since it was about time for my next dose, I went ahead and got out all the materials out. I had bought myself a storage case and a travel case that I can use to keep the stuff in while in the fridge to keep everything cool. 

As I looked everything over, I started thinking. If I truly only needed .25 each dose from the first vial, that would only use up half the vial. But the vial was packaged for weeks 1-4. If the second set of doses was .5, that would use up the second vial. But then if the third set was 1 each, but the vial only had 2 mL, I'd be short some medication.

I then really thought about each vial. If each vial truly had four doses, that meant they had to be .5 mL each. Then I realized it wasn't the amount of liquid that was stepping up but rather the strength of the medication in the liquid. The .25, .5, and 1 referred to the strength of the compounded medications, not the size. 

🤦‍♀️ 

They really should've included that in the instructions. 

Anyway, I gave myself a shot that was .5 mL of the medication in vial #1. I should have plenty left for the next two doses before I step up to the next vial. 

I really am smart; I swear.

Day 2

 268.8

I *might* have experienced my first side effects this morning? I felt...off. Not quite nauseous or anything like that, but just a little...squicky. I had a little bit of a headache, too. That could be because I didn't drink enough water. It could also be that I ate too much and/or too late--my husband made sourdough bread and I had a couple of pieces after 8:30 pm, well after the time I should stop eating for the day. 

Anyway, the feeling went away, so I'll just have to be aware of how I'm feeling the next few days. My friends who have taken weight loss medication have indicated that the side effects they noticed didn't show up until a couple days after the shot.

I haven't given much thought to meal planning yet. I guess that's going to be the next step in the process, and then figuring out how to get more active.